• Member Since 13th Feb, 2018
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Carol Heart


Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world...reading about pony girls?

T

After seeking refuge in Equestria during the Anon-A-Miss fiasco, Sunset Shimmer is stranded in Equestria. Convinced that she's just not cut out for friendship, Sunset throws herself back into her studies. Unfortunately for her, all the magic around CHS has attracted the attention of a certain spectacled scientist. When her device accidentally pulls the mysterious energy from the statue in front of the school, she is shocked when an amber unicorn was pulled out with it. With the portal not working, the two must work together to gather the energy needed to send Sunset home from the only magical source left to tap: Sunset's former friends, all while dealing with the overbearing principal of Crystal Prep as the Friendship Games approach.

Chapters (30)
Comments ( 406 )

I'll follow this for now.

Looking forward to seeing where this goes

You know something? This would be actually be good if you dropped the connection to the absolute pile of shit comic that I refuse to name.

Seriously, there are plenty of ways it could work without dragging the comic into it. Unless you're one of those... People, who actually think it's actually a good story.

Then I've got nothing.

For a first attempt this is great, keep up the amazing work

For your first story, this is pretty darned good, and I'm looking forward to more.
Have a Favorite, a Track and a Like.
On another note, though:

“I’ll be fine, Spike,” Sunset insisted. “I have no intention of leaving this lab so what kind of trouble can I get into in while you’re gone?”

Oh, Sunset, Sunset, Sunset.
Filly, you should know that saying stuff like is just a gilt-edged invitation for Mr. Murphy to intervene, and for you to end up in a mess.

On a secondary note, I'm surprised I'm the first one to comment on that bit at the end.

Intriguing premise, fairly solid writing. I'm in, let's see where this goes.

10312984
Seriously, her and Twilight both have quite the fascination with tempting fate in that manner, and are both supposedly smart enough that they should know better.

10313003
Supposedly being the operative word.

J_Q

Not to be a grammar nazi, just trying to help. Great story so far.

“You don’t get it, Scoots,” the redhead started to cry herself, “you weren’t there. You didn’t see what they did. She was so sad. No, she was more than sad. It was like she had nothin’ left, and all the kids in tha hall just ganged up on her, pushing her and shouting at her. The tears were streaming down the girl’s cheeks and she did nothing to stop them.And we did that to her.”

Maybe add an apostrophe to show AB’s country slang. Also I don’t think you need another quotation mark in the middle of her rant I les you meant to break it up somewhere.

You bacon headed skank. When I get my hands on you, I’m going to make sure the next whole you’re put in is one you can’t crawl out of.

Hole.

“Maybe if we delete the account…” started Sweetie, the worry evident in her voice.

Not too sure, but I think a comma is needed here.

“Like you said, on some level people were probably still mad at Sunset for all the stuff she did before the Fall Formal. A lot of them were probably just using this as an excuse to get back at her.” The shoulders of the other girl’s shoulders drooped at the revelation. “Plus, even if the whole school turns on us because of Anon-A-Miss, we’ll still have something that Sunset didn’t.”

The shoulders of the other girl(s) OR the girl’s (girls’) shoulders. Also add us.

10313120
I think I got the major offenders. Thanks. Just PM mistakes and I can fix them.

10313003 Yeah, they do, and indeed.
That always seems to come back to bite them right in the plot sooner or later, too.

And in Sunset's case, Karma/Murphy will be in the form of a certain bespectled Crystal Prep student.

And no, I don't mean Sugarcoat.

okay, I gotta ask, when choosing a bad guy for these, why is the trend always Gilda as the bad guy, she wasn't that evil in the show, mean yes but not as evil as these make her.

Well at least the girls are smart enough to figure out sunset can't be anon a miss. But a little to late

10313268
People can never seem to be original with this genre. I don't think Gilda was even in the comic itself.

10313268

10313317
No, as far as I'm aware there is no EG Gilda in cannon. After watching FIM Gilda's first appearance though, it's clear that she's not a fan of being laughed at. So translating that to a human world, where the object of your anger isn't surrounded by her friends, but alone in a school, I think her temper might have a bit more chance to get away from her. I never said she was bad, just hot-headed and Sunset did stumble into her at probably the worst time. FIM Gilda gets a chance to make amends. No one at CHS has that chance at the moment.

You know, its almost a shame Sunset is going to be isekaied back to Terra by SciTwi. I would simply LOVE to see what would happen to Starlight, if, when she gets to the castle before Twilight and Spike, Sunset was home.

Oh potential Starlight invlovement

10312960
Personally I think it’s because it’s a bad story that people use it as consistently as they do. A remarkably bad story in an avid fandom invites change. As well there are so many ways to improve it. Have people not be idiots, play up the absurdity of the situation for comedy, embrace the more likely tragic result and explore the complex reactions of guilt, have Sunset not be as fragile, and many more besides. I read Anon A Miss stories because it’s a fascinating playground for people to let loose in. I have no illusions to the original being good, but I have seen many truely great works come out of people giving their take on it.

J_Q

“Pfft,” Rainbow snorted, “Why bother? She turned on us, Pinkie!” Angry, frustrated tears formed in the athlete's eyes though she refused to let them fall. “She was supposed to be our friend, and she stabbed us in the back… AGAIN ! Do you remember freshman year? The conniving witch and the ‘interview’ for the yearbook. She lied to get close to us, then she took what she learned and used to It split us up.”

Add an “it.”y


That’s all I could find.

“I know,” said Pinkie, her voice remaining quiet despite the confrontation, “But we were supposed to teach her how to be a friend. If she thought that Anon-A-Miss was funny, maybe it's my fault for not teaching her that there's a difference between the mean, hurtful laughs she used to have when she was evil and plotting, and the kind that come from when everyone is having a good time. I’m supposed to show her how fun it is to spread joy to people,” her voice dropped to a near whisper to conclude, “not leave them crying in the hallway.”

Just add some commas.

J_Q

“What do you care, hick? The demon is gone and now things can go back to the way they should be. Gilda moved to put on the prized leather jacket herself, but it inexplicably vanished from her hands in a blur of pink, as Pinkie rematerialized behind her two friends as the others had finally caught up.

“No, Shy,” Rainbow growled. “We have to fix this.” Her tone would have come off angry to anyone who hadn’t know the rainbow-haired girl as long as her shy friend had. Fluttershy could tell Rainbow was barely holding back her own tears at this point.

Known.

What members of the Rainbooms who weren’t already in tears broke down at that news. The three Crusaders soon joined in, realizing the pain that they had caused nor just Sunset and their sisters, but the whole school, and now there was no way to make up for it.

Not.

Great chapter once again.

J_Q

“I know, but usually when we have to fight something big and scary, there no time to really think about it. Going up on stage in front of all those ponies was bad enough, but knowing I’d have to fight you all too, it would have been too much.”

Shaking her head at her friends’ antics, the purple princess could only smile. “Before, any sort of party gets underway, I’m going to go check on something in the library.”

Delete the comma.

“Twilight, as much as I would love to see you give someone else a Princess of Friendship speech, that’s not going to be happening anytime soon.” Pointing a hoof at the book in front of her that appeared to be charred slightly and still gave off an acrid smell. “I knew they didn’t want to see me anymore, but I didn’t think they’d go to such extremes to ensure it. By my calculations, you won’t be able to give them your friendship speech for another twenty-seven moons.”

Delete the quotation marks.

Anyways can’t wait for this story to take off.

J_Q

“I know what that kind of life is like and I don’t want that for Sunset. I know what happened to her on the other side of the mirror hurt her. Believe me, I can understand.” A sad looked flashed across Twilight’s eyes as she recalled the events of the Royal Wedding; the feeling of being doubted by your friends and ultimately rejected by them. It was a small pair of scaly arms wrapping around her that brought her out of her darker thoughts. “Thanks, Spike,” Twilight smiled, “It can still hurt, but I’m much better now, and I want Sunset to be too.”

Look.

“We don’t know that for sure,” Twilight interjected. “I have some theories as to what else may have cut off the magical connection between the worlds.” Her mind started to run through the possibilities before she snapped herself out of her musings on magical theory. “We both know Sunset wasn’t behind his whole Anon-A-Miss mess, and I’m sure her friends will figure it out eventually and want to make this right, but we won’t know anything for sure unless we can get that mirror working again.”

This.

The scientist lifted her furry friend up, plopped him into her lap, and began stroking him idly. “Trust me. Everton is perfect for me. Sure Crystal Prep has a strong academic record, but I’m already at the top of my class. I don’t think there’s anything left her for me to learn. At Everton, I can focus on my studies and have time to really delve into some projects I haven’t had time for due to my other academic responsibilities.”

Here.

The puppy dog eyes continued, this time accompanied by a little whimper.

With a sigh, the amber unicorn refocused on the world. “No. No, Spike, it did not,” she replied sullenly. “It was another failure. Just like the last experiment, and the one before it, and the one before that, and every other experiment Twilight has had me do since she dragged me back here!” Sunset’s voice had risen with each exclamation until she had pushed herself out of her chair and was shouting at the little dragon. Seeing the concerned look in his eyes snapped her from her angry tirade. Realizing what she had done, she looked away and took another deep breath as she lowered herself back into her chair. “I’m sorry, Spike,” she said in a dull tone, still unable to meet his worried gaze. “You didn’t deserve that. I’m frustrated and you were just trying to help.”

“Normally, this kind of work would be something any researcher would be dying to be a part of, but not for me, and Twilight knows that.” Turning across the room to where the large, ornate mirror was standing, once again adorned with an assortment of wires in an elaborate setup, Sunset could only glare at the device. Feeling the anger once again building within herself, she hadn’t realized she had begun emitting an unpony-like growl until she felt the gentle press of a claw on her shoulder. “Sorry,” she muttered dejectedly, “but even being around that mirror brings back nothing but bad memories, and have to be here in Ponyville where I have to see them every day doesn’t help matters.”

Having to be here.

The question was met with an eye-roll from the mare as she responded with an appropriate level of snark. “Yes, mom , I will be fine for the whole one day you will be away in Canterlot.” The dragon opened his mouth to comment but was cut off. “And before you say it, no you can’t stay here with me. I’m sure Twilight is going to need to practice her speech on cutie marks like a hundred times before she presents it at CSGU. With such a high profile venue, the knowledge that Princess Celestia personally asked her to present on a topic, and it’s one that is one so close to her heart, we both know you’re going to have to be there to talk her down from the inevitable meltdown that she’s going to have.” This comment elicited a small snort from Spike. “Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I kept depriving her of her number one assistant? Just remind her that she’s a princess and the Element of Magic so there is absolutely no chance that she will be sent back to magic kindergarten.”

Delete the second ‘One.‘

Following this story so far. And yeah I’ll PM the mistakes I catch from now on.

:facehoof: See! This is what happens when you taunt the universe. That was quite the derailment that seems to have happened there.

Two chapters in one day? Nice :)

Ah, the perfect storm of trouble. Time spells cast by villainous unicorns out to accidentally destroy society as they know it, tired unicorns who forget the thaumic isolation protocols, and scientists meddling with things they don't understand. You just had to say something, didn't you Sunset?

Well, we have suspicions, but next chapter we get to find out just what body Sunset is in.

I like this two chapters in a day thing, like a lot.

J_Q

Experiment 262 resulted in another failure. After making the modifications discussed in my notes from the previous attempt and in consultation with Princess Twilight Sparkle, we remain unable to activate the dimensional portal or contact the human world via the journal. It has been over a year since the portal closed. Given our lack of any discernible progress and the clear intentions of those in the other world, I once again must recommend that this research be abandoned. The original functionality of the mirror should remain and should allow it to open as it did before in another 24 moons per its previous cycle. Expeditions and inquiries can be made at that time, should the crown deem it necessary.

I see what you did there.

I'm confused on the timeline here. Sometimes it's hinted at three or so months, sometimes it's hinted at a year, and if we go based on the 30 moons basis it's been 4 months. Any definitive answer or is that more explained later?

10326004
No problem, it's mentioned by Spike and clarified a bit later, but if you're curious it has been 3 moons. For Canterlot High, that's about 3 months. Anon-a-miss is right before Christmas so now it's mid-late March. Camp Everfree would be a spring break activity not long after. For Sunset it's been just over a year. I think my math had it at about 15 months.

The story description is overselling of what is actually happened in the prologue. Twilight's device simply blew up. Plus last time I checked Sunset has no right to tell Princess Twilight what to do.

Oh boy, I wonder how Sunset Shimmer is going to react that she's still a unicorn.

I can understand the impulse, but really, taking a small, oddly colored, apparent unicorn to a local animal shelter could cause any number of reactions.


10332292
How about how Sci-Twi will react to Sunset saying something about getting bucked in the head when she wakes up?

Well this story is taking a direction I didn't expect. Was expecting sunset to be human and now stuck on this side of the mirror. She joins crystal prep to stay close to twilight since she is the only one who can help her get home and also to avoid the rainbooms. As they become closer they help each other through their issues, Twilight with opening herself up to friendship and not being a loner and Sunset with getting some resolution with her old friends. Not saying its a bad direction, just unexpected. Making her a pony does present some challenges so interested to see where this goes now.

10332320
How was this a surprise? The description already told us this would be the case.

So how much you guys want to bet that that animal shelter is the very one that Fluttershy is working at?

If so.......

Welp, THIS'LL be interesting, to say the least

10332348
An excellent point that I wish I had thought of sooner.

10332348 Almost certain, but since the Rainbooms seem to be in school, Fluttershy will most likely not be there.

10333084 Hmmm.
Forgot about that l'il detail.
I still have the feeling that she's gonna run into them at some point in during this mess.
And since Princess Twi and Spike are time-gallivanting courtesy of a certain mare that I still absolutely despise, it'll likely be awhile before she's able to come riding to the "rescue".

10333406
To be fair, most creature other than ponies or mythical ones have fairly normal coloring. Cows, pigs, bears, birds and rabid and such look normal in Equestria and I think we’ve seen some horses in Human land that looked normal. So not unreasonable to believe sunsets pony coloring would be odd on an animal.

10332312
She is just oddly colored pony. No one would bet a eye

Okay I need you to continue the story but if you are sick or have writer's block I respect that

10333084
10333101
I thought that at first too, but when you look at it a little more closely, school actually wasn't still in session. The CMC were serving detention dusting the trophies, and AJ was there supervising the CMC, as well as protecting them. That kind of thing is an after school event. RD was just moping in the band room, since they don't play any more. The question is whether today is one of Fluttershy's work/volunteer days or not.

Also, remember that this is the time travel incident, those tend to end mere moments after they start, from the rest of the world's perspective. The problem will be with how long it takes Princess Twilight to rest up afterwards, how long it takes her to realize what happened, and how long it takes her to formulate some kind of repeatable alternative that won't just pull her in too. And whether or not any such fix will even work from just Equestria's side.


10333793
Well, she's also very small, it specifically says dog sized, which is a LOT smaller than a pony should be in the human world. Even miniature ponies (Earth ones) are still adolescent sized, not dog sized. So unless they think she's a baby, that's also a problem. Then there's the fact that the source of the bleeding is at the base of her horn. When I mentioned a couple of possible reactions to taking her to the vet, Sci-Twi being accused of animal cruelty for painting Sunset and gluing a horn to her head was one of them. If they think Sunset is a dog, that's bad enough, but if they think she's a baby pony, then that's worse for Twilight. Hopefully that is Fluttershy's shelter, and she's in that day.

10334013

10333084

10332348
On top of school being out, AJ has this line:

Shy’s workin’, but maybe the other girls’ll want ta meet up.”

This can only end well...

10334474
So she did, I missed that line somehow.

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