• Member Since 5th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

RedPegasus


I speak Spanish, I'm from Argentina, sorry if my translations are incorrect at some point

T

Anon-A-Miss, a mysterious internet user who corrupted Canterlot High School. All have accused Sunset Shimmer of this betrayal, even her friends have abandoned her.
Now Sunset is alone, as she once was, and depends only on herself to start again, among shadows ... New faces, and not so new ones, will come to her life.
Will sunset be happy again? Canterlot will ever know the truth? What will happen to the magic of friendship?

- "dark" label due to psychological conflicts and a certain degree of physical aggression -

- All chapters have been editing and correcting by icecreammac-

Chapters (25)
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Comments ( 437 )

Quite interesting to read a Anon-A-Miss story where Sunset fights back a bit before neither leaving or finding out who Anon-A-Miss actually is. Usually Sunset fights back near the end of the story, so to see it happen in the beginning is new. I can't wait for more, this has potential. :twilightsmile:

A nice start indeed. Can't wait to see what happens next, for I see a promissing and well-structured story within.

8611139

Thank you. :twilightsmile:
Yes, I want to try to make a story where Sunset is stronger and resentful, instead of just hurt.
I hope you like the story :pinkiesmile:

8611505
Thank you very much

I hope to fulfill the expectations, I promise to give the best I have :pinkiehappy:

8611591
You're very welcome, Red! :pinkiehappy:

Looks awesome, can't wait to see more of it.

Hope ya have a wonderful day

Sincerely,
Sar Meister

You're having a good idea here (one that I've considered myself a couple times) and you seem to have a good enough plan of how to write and express it... so it's a real shame that your formatting and editing is all over the place.
Aside from understandable typos, you seem to switch between past and present tense every few paragraphs, or neither of both in the parts where it looks written more like the script to a play rather than a story. And while using bold text for the text messages looked good at first, the fact that it's used for every line of dialogue kind of threw me off.

I'd like to follow the story, but as it is right now I end up skimming over parts of it just because it's a chore to try and read it in detail. I hope you take this as constructive criticism and that it helps you, because I'd like to see this story become something great and reach a wider audience.

Is this the same one that's on Fanfiction.net that's in Spanish?

How often are you gonna release chapters?

8611851

Thanks for your criticism, I really appreciated it :twilightsmile:. And yes, I apologize for those mistakes in writing, I speak Spanish and I'm not good at transcribing into English, so, it's a problem I have. I am sorry :twilightsheepish:.

I'm glad you like the idea, and I understand that you can not follow it because of those mistakes, but I appreciate your help :pinkiesmile:.

8611838
Thank you, im glad you like it :pinkiesmile:

8611946

hehe you know the story :derpytongue2:.
Yes, it's my fanfic, but now I decided to do an English translation, I know I have mistakes when it comes to translation but, I do what I can, I hope the story will please in spite of that :twilightsheepish:.

8612017

I'm not sure, maybe a chapter every week.

8612102
It'll be great to read it again,

Now this is the Sunset I want to see more often in these stories :pinkiecrazy:

8612165
I also! :pinkiehappy:
that's why I made this story.
I hope you like it :twilightsmile:

8612084
Follow or not, I'll make sure to check on the story again sometime. And as I said, it's not so much the translation as that it just seems strangely formatted... and the tense confusion, yeah.

And don't worry; I'm German and I manage, too, all you need is a bit more practice in writing in a foreign language and it'll flow. :twilightsmile:

So, is the story in Spanish already complete or how far are you in it? owo

Comment posted by RedPegasus deleted Dec 16th, 2017
Comment posted by River Road deleted Dec 16th, 2017

Intriguing, but you need an editor. the grammar is very Second Language. Also, speech is depicted "like this," and thought is depicted 'like this.' But the fastest way to fix this would be to just find en editor to look this over.

I just have a question.

Will the CMC come clear about being Anon-a-miss or are they gonna live with the guilt and keep the blame on Sunset?

8612932

I would like to have an editor, but I do not want to bother anyone for that work :twilightsheepish:

8613059

if you follow the story you will find out

8613590
Ah, but there is a whole group of people who are willing to be editors. Don't know if they want payment or what, but i'm sure someone in that group can help.

https://www.fimfiction.net/group/801/proof-reading-pre-reading-and-editing

https://www.fimfiction.net/group/200289/editors-r-us

Interesting, indeed. I'm all for not even bothering with those guys anymore. I wonder where this choice will take her...

8613838
We will discover it very soon

So........ how would Twilight keep in contact with Sunset in the future? Also if one book burns would the other disintegrate as well destroying the connection to the human world?

And now, here she was, alone again, without friends, without a figure to guide her, once again, the world had turned its back on her, and once again, it must be her, with her own strength, who stand up.

Twilight and Celestia had been wrong, she could not use the magic of friendship, she could not have friends, her destiny is ... it always was, and always will be, to be alone.

Welp...congratulations, Sunset. You have officially become the new Tempest.

Twilight is very smart. If she built a machine to make the portal open with a book she must have basic knowledge of what the portal is which means over time she could craft one herself from the ground up. Twilight is very stubborn

Her eyes burn and growl with annoyance,

This reads as if her eyes are the ones that are both burning and growling. Are they burning with unshed tears? If you don't want to admit they are tears, I'd say something like 'Her eyesight blurs, and she growls with annoyance,' or something along those lines.

I really do suggest you find an editor. Also, When I had said that speech is symbolized "like this," I had also meant that you don't put the words in bold, unless what's being said requires it. Do you read other famous stories from this site? I've found that the best way to learn that kind of thing, is to read a large selection of stories from this, and similar, story sites on the net.

8615774
Well, Sunset's intention is no longer to have contact with Twilight or Equestria.

also, that is possible, we will have to wait to know it with certainty.

8615836
Maybe she can, maybe not

8615924
Thanks for the correction of that part, I fixed it.
about the bold letters, I really put them like that because I like how they look

"Congratulations girl, you win."

Are you happy now, Applebloom?

8615994
Your welcome.

The bold words make it so that it's (unnecessarily) harder to derive the emotion of the conversation. Writers use bold words, italics, colors, etc, to help further express emotions and undertones.

Ultimately, it's up to you. I'm just tossing out the same advice i'm taught in my editing class. Changed for fanfiction writing, of course.

Goddamn, this was depressing! What a way for Sunset to say goodbye to Celestia, the school & to Twilight. That (final?) conversation with Twilight was a hard to read, it really shows just how much Sunset has past her limit on this whole situation. Excellent job Red, things are about to get interesting from here on out.

P.S. Since Sunset burn the book, does that mean Twilight can't return to Sunset's world?

8616174
Thank you so much
I do the best I can to represent the emotions. I'm glad you're liking it.

So it seems, maybe Twilight has to wait for the portal to open by itself.

8616187
You're very welcome Red & if Twilight has to wait for the portal to open on its own, then she better get her calendar cuz its gonna be well.

Comment posted by TheRedButcher deleted Dec 18th, 2017
Comment posted by TheRedButcher deleted Dec 18th, 2017

So This got Translated huh?

8617386
yeah
I'm sorry for the mistakes, I know they look horrible, but ... it's what I can do :fluttershysad:

This is actually quite good.

8617394
It's no problem. I had to translate it when i first saw it and it was good to me

"It was her! Shimmer threw me a notebook!"

Its shimmer threw a notebook at me and i do t think every spoken word is need in bold. That more used to convey feeling like anger but not normal anger extream anger and you have a few time you call sunset a he. Good idea for a story tho

Other than the grammar its a good story!
I wonder what's going to happen though. Like is twilight going to fix things? Is the portal closed now that the book was destroyed?
If so does that mean of twilight was there already is she trapped?

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