umm... may your friend rest in peace.
just well... good chapter again.

1406651 He's in a better place... and thanks.

my condolences, its a hard thing when a loved one or a friend passes, but we can keep them alive in our hearts for the rest of our lives. I believe you captured that sentiment perfectly with this chapter.

...I have nothing more to add.

1406662 i would of said more but i'm not good with death... sorry

Is this really the ending? I know you dont like happy endings so this seems like the type of ending you would do. As for your friend, he's in a better place now.

good twi knows what she's doing. Da? DA!

may the tides of eternity sooth her woes.

cheers

The greatest gift you can give a person is friendship. The greatest gift you can give a friend is loyalty.

Yet above all, the greatest gift you can give a loyal friend are the memories you create together

Thank you for this excellent story, and the heart-string-yanking ending.

why did it have to be rd for the sad part? i loved it art. like always, yo are amazing.

I understand how you feel I lost my sister in 2009 I hadint seen her for almost two years before that I always felt like there whould be more time it was just so sudden so you have my heartfelt thanks for all that you do with these story's and even though you don't know me if you ever need someone to talk to ill be around stay strong you have a gift for the written word my friend keep up the amazing work and sorry for your loss

My condolences for your loss.

A good ending for a good story.

Well, shit. I want to type something other than 'My condolences' and that, but i can't really bring the words to my hands... Fuck it's gonna be another sad-story binge tonight. I can feel it already, considering half my updates are for said stories.

1407745 I agree, an epilogue would be most fitting. What happened to Dawning Light, was the curse broken eventually? Any other loose ends i forgot get tied up? Anyone? *Insert Bueller, Bueller, reference here*

To put things into perspective for that 'Well shit' earlier. This story, and it's sequel, deal with nearly the same thing about immortality/alicornification (if that even is a word for the process) and how that would affect a mortal mind becoming... not so mortal. I just read them between last night (and through today, to prevent some... consequences, for lack of a better term). These two are very good stories, and do deserve a read. They've got a different premise, and definintely put this last chapter into perspective. Fuck, i know what's happening now...

Optional Headcannon Update Available. View Update Notes? Y/N
*Y*
Headcannon Update Notes:
Races Affected: Alicorn
Description Update: While nearly physically indestructable, mental degeneration may occur after significant time has passed, to the point of contemplating taking their lives when seemingly 'left unloved' for prolonged periods of time, relative to them. Transformed Alicorns may have this happen sooner than 'natural-born' Alicorns. Possibilities for this include watching loved ones die and leave them 'alone in the world' seemingly. This happens to both types, but 'transformed' Alicorns seem more susceptible.
Psychological Update: Prolonged life, but possible degeneration after several hundred (thousand?) years. May be suicidal if aged enough.
Physical Update: Nearly indestructable by conventional weapons and magic, including Dragonfire.

Update Headcannon? Y/N
And here's where I'm at right now. Not sure if want. Probably gonna have to take it, otherwise i'll probably miss out on future ones. And before you ask, yes i do think this way when updating some of my thoughts and beliefs in my head. I work with computers, and why not visualize my 'updates' as such? Also, before anyone asks, no i don't keep a version number, that would be silly.

I do recommend those two stories though, they're WORTH the read, and the sequel isn't finished yet, so there's that. They're just sad. Very, very sad.

I don't know what to feel at the end. On one end, I should feel good for Twily's decision to become an alicorn. On the other, I feel really bad for having to witness Rainbow Dash's final moments along with Twily and knowing the fact that she'll never forget the pain of losing all her friends.

This song came to mind when I was reading this last chapter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nIKQzfURic&feature=plcp

Twily's definitely going to be feeling her anthem as a risk of loving Dawn.

By the way, what happened to Dawning Light? Did something happen to her between "Eternity" and this chapter?

This has been an amazing story. And I know what it's like to lose a friend, but just know that a friend will always live on in your memories. (yes cheesy, I know but this is how I feel)

The feels

1406662

My condolences for your loss, knowing first hand, it can be a tough thing to go through, but as long as you keep going and don't forget them, you will do just fine.

And on another note, I want a sequel, because this story was too short and too awesome to end just now.

I'm sorry for your loss.
For the story, I have to agree that the ending somehow doesn't really feel endingy enough, but I think it's fine.
Just a little thing left:
“I’m that hard to read?”-> She should have said easy, since Twi said that she'd known it all along.
Also, thank you for the story. It really was a nice read whenever it updated and I greatly enjoyed it.

May the force be with you and your friends family, and do not allow this event to be a sour note but remember the times you did spend together.

Dude........I swear.....this.......this heart breaking to hear and read this story, but I like this story 100%
It reminds me about 2 years ago that my grandpa passed away
Though this story is so good that I wish I could read some more of this really badly.

It’s a good story
I know it's marked as Completed, but I hope you will continue it some more and add in more details about Celestia, Luna and the Mane6’s adjustment’s to Twilights ascension. And well as her life with Dawning Light.

Everyone mark the life of an alicorn always this painful and horrible. I don't think it is that bad, sure you have to go through tough times more often then mortals, but the good times will prevail in the end. Smile when someone passes away in your presence, it helps you and the one who's passing away alot.
Very good story, I'd love to see a prequel, and a small rewrite, coz there were many things you could deepen and expand

1444799 I've had a total of six close friends pass away in my life. Each one makes he feel worse, not better, so saying that living through constant friend after friend die while you stay alive isn't that bad is stupid.Iif you've never lost a loved one, you can't possibly imagine how it feels.

1444823 I know that something like this would come, and I'm aware that it is quite painful, I went through such times alot, especially in my youth, but it showed me that putting yourself in so much grief and woe is stupid as well. I know it sounds odd and might hurt your feelings, and I'm deeply sorry for that, but nevertheless, I can say from my own experiences, that it is better to stand up and move on smiling, remembering the good times and don't let the bad ones ruin your memories of the certain person. It's okay if you don't think this way, but that's the way I pushed myself through such hard times :(

1444918 Hmph, yeah... Hard times... You know what bothers me the most? ... When you've known someone for all your life, and they've always been there for you, to help you and care about you. They'd be willing to do anything to see you smile and be happy. Then... One day... That stupid friend has some drinks at a bar. You tried to tell them to take it easy, that they still need to go home, but they just don't listen... Then, they drive off. You would've been the designated driver if you got your license the previous day but was too lazy to go up there and get it... Then, the next morning, you get a call... It's the hospital, and they're saying this friend died in a car wreck... Do you know how painful it is to hear this, and try to smile years later? I still laugh at the good old days, try and enjoy myself as best I can, but soon after the grin dissipates, the tears come... It was my fault a friend died, and let me tell you something right now... Every time you fuck up, someone's world ends... ENDS in the worst way imaginable... And once that happens, there's no way of recovery from that experience... I've had this happen six times now, a friend, close and caring, dies an untimely death... You never stop feeling the pain. It just eats away at your heart, and eventually, smiling doesn't help... It never has, and never will.

I'm generally one to give psychological analyses to characters but this story and chapter really hit home. I cant tell you how wonderful this story really was. Even though it had a sad ending it was very realistic. Whether Twilight was immortal or not they would have died under the same circumstances that they did. The pain would have been immense, I remember when i lost my uncle in a car accident; i am still affected by it.

Very real and very home hitting to a lot of people i will guess.

There is not much to give an analysis about, it's just too honest with just the truth to go on. I am sorry about your friend I do give condolences.

Blueprint

1445376 Thank you, and it's* not its.

1445386

Fixed.

Also, Ill be doing analyses of your other stories. Those will most likely come in a PM so i don't fill up the comment boxes with lots of words.

1445494 NO! Read my bio. Just place them in the comments box, PLEASE!

1445499

I understand. The font choice was, interesting.

I didn't mean to upset you by any means!, I just don't like to start arguments between readers when the analysis is for the writer.
The analyses aren't to tell you how to write or what you should write.

Again, No foul intentions; Hope you forgive me. I am trying to make friends not enemies.

Blueprint

1445754 No prob.

I don't know what happens when we die. I'm by no means a Christian or a member of any other faith and this fiction raises beautiful questions that I brutalize myself with every day. Were I given the choice I would certainly choose immortality. Not for fear of death, but for fear that someone I love needs me and I'm not there. This a beautiful story and given that it is inspired by true events, that is no surprise. I'm truly sorry for your loss and though I'm sure this in no way eases the pain, you have touched me.

1445843
I... Don't know what to say... I'm not good with sympathy or empathy.......

so much tears

might have taken me a while but finaly read it.... I have to say your ending was simply beautiful and heartfelt... and i wish you a better day.

I loved this story to no end and i am sorry about your friend. However could we get an epilogue? Felt a little cut short in my opinion.

1522348 It will be made into a sequel, but that's still awhile away.

1522352 That's awesome to hear. And thank you for the amazing, but sad read

That was beautiful... brought tears to my eyes

this story moved me
my feels are crushing me

Well that was...
Interesting. Let's use interesting.
You had a great idea in the beginning, with the mysterious white mare kissing Twilight for some reason. That mare held power and grace in those few moments. The problem with mystery, however, is that it ceases to be interesting the moment you explain it. The grammar and punctuation was sub par to atrocious in some places, and anything not involving just Twilight and Light felt horribly rushed and poorly thought out. Almost like it was just slapped on at the last minuet.

So, to recap;
Idea was awesome, execution was poor.
Suggestions;
Rework the grammar entirely in most of the paragraphs and use "quotes and italics" to convey thought, the color thing would have worked in a graphic novel or comic book, but was just downright confusing and hard to read in this sense. Also be sure to remember that you don't need to include evey one of Twilights friends in a story involving her, this isn't a checklist, it's a romance betweent a mysterious mute goddess and a nervous unicorn librarian. Finally, be sure to observe a character's speech patterns because everyone seemed to be horribly out of character and oddly plain.
For example, Princess Celestia would not speak in the same fashion as Spike or random guard, but she did in your story.

Final arbitrary numerical verdic:
4/10
Could have been something great, but the potential was squandered. A rewrite just detailing Light and Twilight with no actual speech or telepathy between them is suggested.

PS: WALL OF TEXT FOR THE WALL OF TEXT GODS

950018 Only because you asked:
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4941-tumblr_lud0txl1IT1r3k1m8o1_500.png

My condolances on your loss. I too know what's like to lose someone close to you.

As for an honest critique of your work; I'm going to have to ask you to brace yourself. Let's start with grammar. I'm going to assume that English isn't your native language here. It seems like every other sentence had a misused word, misspelled word, or some similar mistake. Both the narrative and the dialogue was very stilted, making it seem like an unconvincing actor was mechanically reading from a script. If you don't have an editor (or at least a proofreader), then get one, poste haste; If you did have one, then either get a new one, or tell them to get on the ball. This quickly became a chore to get through, despite the interesting premise behind the story.

Next is characterization. In short, just about the only one who was in character was Dawning Light. Every character in this story displayed incredible bouts of OOC'ness that distracted from the story. Twilight yelling at Spike like that? Spike cursing (even if it was only in his own mind)? Luna trying to KILL a pony for turning on a light? Rainbow Dash abandoning a friend to danger and not bothering to come back... at all? These were just the worst offences; there were plenty of other, minor examples as well, sprinkled throughout the story.

Let's move on to the pacing. In a word, rushed. The whole story feels rushed, because your chapters are so short. With chapters this short, it's difficult to fit much of anything into it, so it feels like you were just rushing to churn out as many chapters as you can, as fast as you can. Remember that quality over quantity is always appreciated. especially in a story. If you have to take an extra two or three weeks to get everything into a chapter that you want, then do it. Your readers will understand, believe me. Don't be afraid of posting 2-3000 word chapters. I often find that 4-5000 words work for me, because that's what I can comfortably write in a week, but even if it took me three times as long to write that much, I'd do it, becaue I just write until I feel I've come to a natural stopping point. I can tell, you do that as well, but you leave out a lot of description if it doesn't directly relate to the main characters.

Now we come to the worst offense of this story. You break the cardinal rule of narrative storytelling: "Show, Don't Tell". I can't even count the number of times I thought to myself while reading this, "Why isn't this in the dialogue instead of the narrative?" Telling us Twilight said something isn't nearly as good as her actually saying it. The same goes for feelings. Telling us how a character feels isn't as good as letting us peek into their thoughts, and hearing them describe their feelings themselves.

All in all, a good premise, but your execution leaves much to be desired. I would like to see what you would do with this story after a few more years of writing under your belt. Also, that cover pic, combined with the story's title, had me reading Dawning Light's dialogue with Amalthea's voice.

I don't actually physically know the pain of losing a friend and/or loved one. But I know the pain mentally, by reading stories such as this one I come to understand life itself. Stories like this bring me understanding and wisdom. I shall endeavor to pass this knowledge onto the next generation. Please continue to write these excellent stories.

that was the best fanfic I have read and I am sorry for your loss but very good story I don't care if it had grammar issues it was a moving story and I will have to read more by you and Dawning Light is a very interesting characters I love her back story

3551697

Firstly, I wrote this over a bloody year ago, mate. You're trying to telling me things that's already been said forty weeks of comments before yours, I hope you know. I mean, seriously, I don't even understand the reasoning of you going into this story at all. Why? So you can annoy the author about crap he knows about already? Pretty petty, that's all I can say about that, and don't go telling me you started reading this because it looked interesting. If it was THAT appealing, you'd have kept reading until the very end. Instead, you're only on chapter 5, according to the data.

You know, I know that you know that I have much better stories than this, so why read this? Is it because it was on my user page? I'll have you know, those recommendation slots on my user page are categorized by how much they mean to ME, and how much fun I had writing them, not by quality. That should go without saying.

And finally, why go out of your way to tell me your downvoting this? Spit in my face for crying out loud! If you haven't anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. Does, "I'm downvoting your story," sound nice to you? It's not to me. I couldn't care less if you downvoted, but to blatantly tell me is simply disgraceful on your part. What I'm trying to tell you is... well, fuck you too, ass hat. Next time you want to comment on one of my stories, try and be a little more knowledgeable of yourself before you embarrass yourself.

Art Inspired, I actully found this fanfic good FANTASTIC, I can't really see why someone would hate this!
1.This actully made me feel sad,and i'm also sorry for your loss,even though its quite some time ago...
2.Dawning Light is one of the best characters i've ever seen in a LOT of fanfics that i've read! :D
3.The Chapters have lots of words in them, you got good grammar(That sorta doesn't effect me though), the story is long,exciting, and sad and a bit funny at times too!
Last but not least: I voted thumbs up & this is one of the best fanfics- oh wait I said that already, but I think you get it.

Good fic, but it is a tad rushed. And we never learn the ultimate fate of Light, does she ever get freed?

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

this story needs a sequel. its too good to stop here
there is questions there needs to be answered and a lot more
anyway good story tho

All I think about is the book/movie the last unicorn

Has twilight essentially become a "night" pony ? Will she always, have to return to Light's side at night ? I think she should take up residence in "The Castle of the Twin Sisters", in order to be close to her Special Somepony. I'm sure Celestia, and Luna will be spending more time visiting The Everfree now that they have family living there. I'm sure Light may now feel less lonely, knowing she can now see her daughters much more frequently. She now also has LOVE in her life, so she can attain a great deal of HAPPINESS, knowing she is no longer alone.