1030283 why is it that people read so fast? once again, i dont think i posted this not five minutes ago. dont get me wrong, i love the fact that people love my story so much but crist man!
1030306 You could only imagine if I had some big chapters to sink my teeth into (hint hint!).
I am literally addicted to my favourites list and refresh it once every 15 minutes or so hoping for an update to a story. I would have to say your story easily clears into my top ten despite being relatively short, I don't know what it is about this story but something just makes it really awesome.
(I read really fast, especially something I enjoy. Although I will admit following 20 active stories it gets a little hard to remember where you were up to in new stories while reading new chapters.)
1030277 well, i can't say that i'm not interested in this more. you just seen to have one of the perfect combinations of story and whatnot... Great job!!!
1030351 you should see how big my smile is right now.
1030353 in every scenario of any fic, you should have a story regardless if its action, adventure, clop... it just makes the whole story all around better for the reader!
1030351 dude, i'm in the same category as you, just not with 20 stories... that would be a bit to much for me... but good job on keeping tabs on all of them!
1030616 Yes, I know, but if you look at my user page, you will notice I have a LOT of work in progress fics that I'm working on right now. Little by little, I will complete them all. I write with pace and intentions of putting the most in all my stories.
When twilight is speaking for light, she shouldn't say exactly what light says. So lets say light says "I like blueberry pie" twilight should say "She likes blueberry pie". So instead of being a direct speaker, she should talk as if she is just relaying information. just my two bits.
1031409 Yea... I tried that, but as the author, it became really hard to make Twilight say she said stuff. So I decided to make it clear that Twilight is the literal voice of Dawning Light in some segments. Plus when I read it, it just kept confusing me when I wrote it like you suggest. Believe me, how I'm doing it makes things easier for me and the viewer.
After reading the companion piece linked in the first comment, now I know there's something really fishy about the wet floor and I'm not talking about the smell! But even fishier would be the way this chapter ended. Would Luna try to foul things up so she could make Twilight hers?
This story shouldn't have a Mature tag to it, and there really is no point to have the characters engage in... naughtier activities. After all, it is a LOVE curse, not a LUST curse. Maybe make a non-mature version alongside this one.
1062169all my work is mature now. this will remain in the mature category due to the mythological story of the glowing mare, and the description of pleasure twilight recieves from the power gifts and sexual time she spends with Dawning Light. i have little intentions of making an alternate teen rated version. sorry if this upsets you.
1062318 thank you... oh! your the one that PM'd me... lolz, i only just now noticed! sorry, but i cant go back, rewrite this fic and make it into a teen rated fic. too much work and i have so much more to do... sorry once again.
1062329 Lol. There's actually not that much to change or censor, because there isn't that much sexual stuff in the fic at all. Like I said, if you want me to help you with anything, just ask.
very good, i think though it would be harder for people to read if it was longer. also, i think that this could get very interesting, if you know what i mean
read it from top to bottom in one go, and i thought i would note down my thoughts: first off i just wanna say: great story, love it! secondly: do you have an editor, if you do, tell him/her that he/she has missed a "few" places in the story. if not; get one, while it's entirely possible to find and destroy those pesky grammar mistakes on your own; humans have a tendency to overlook some of their own errors
note everything is critique as you can see further down. chapter 1: "“Uh… Hello… My name is Twilight Sparkle.” Her voice indicated nervousness and showed herself to be under pressure." sounds a little mechanical
"Twilight felt the glowing mare’s tongue enter her mouth. The taste was phenomenal to Twilight" you don't really need to say "to twilight", it's a bit redundant and feels strange when you read it
chapter 2: "The mare began to suck on Twilight’s neck in a very sexual way but this was unwelcomed to Twilight." a little mechanical again
4: wow, her friends' thoughts, they're pretty..."aggressive", a "little" over the top if i may say so, unless it's because of some special reason (hinting towards the same thing i say on chapter 8 with luna)
"Twilight thought it would be fun and agreed to go with Dawning Light to this spot." a little mechanical again
personal thought: i can understand how light might want to fuck twilight, but ain't twilight going along with it a little easily? i mean, if they just started with some a little more innocent one night and then progressively got more and more "daring" each night, then that would make a lot more sense
7: i have to say, luna's sudden hatered there is very very strange. why would she assume that someone is defying the night because they're shining, would she kill someone if they turned on a nightlight every night?
8: "The three returned to Canterlot and all went to bed…" that was....sudden, like seriously; 180 turn in the flow of the story
(luna having feelings from her as well) what's with everyone being in love with twilight? love spell leaking out and affecting others as well?
"Twilight rolled her eyes as she was able to predict this" a little mechanical
"She knew Twilight would never be hers, but she also had the satisfaction of knowing she stole a kiss from her as well." i get his awesome picture of luna smirking, and you should totally have luna being "dominant" with twilight more often (they don't have to do anything really serious, just luna teasing twilight)
those chapters where i don't have anything to note is because nothing caught my eye, either because i got into reading or because there wasn't anything to note
"to twilight" was present in number of places throughout the story, and in some cases; had a negative impact on the flow. you're also repeating twilight name quite often, you might want to check into some alternatives, like calling her "the purple mare" or similar instead of going with her name all of the time.
Table of thought texts.
Dawning Light = White
Luna = Blue
Wanna know why the floor was all wet?
go here!
Nice although it seems EVERYONE loves Twilight. It would be good if Celestia & Luna found a way to allow Light to walk free of the Everfree Forest.
1030283 why is it that people read so fast? once again, i dont think i posted this not five minutes ago. dont get me wrong, i love the fact that people love my story so much but crist man!
1030306 You could only imagine if I had some big chapters to sink my teeth into (hint hint!).
I am literally addicted to my favourites list and refresh it once every 15 minutes or so hoping for an update to a story. I would have to say your story easily clears into my top ten despite being relatively short, I don't know what it is about this story but something just makes it really awesome.
(I read really fast, especially something I enjoy. Although I will admit following 20 active stories it gets a little hard to remember where you were up to in new stories while reading new chapters.)
Once again, another great chapter!
1030277
well, i can't say that i'm not interested in this more. you just seen to have one of the perfect combinations of story and whatnot... Great job!!!
1030351 you should see how big my smile is right now.
1030353 in every scenario of any fic, you should have a story regardless if its action, adventure, clop... it just makes the whole story all around better for the reader!
1030408
very true... wise words to write by
1030351
dude, i'm in the same category as you, just not with 20 stories... that would be a bit to much for me...
but good job on keeping tabs on all of them!
At this rate I'm starting to think Celestia just shielded her mind before......
That is the only thing i will comment on.
As always good chapter.
1030585 I'll just say this now... Celestia has no feelings for Twilight (sexually) Luna on the other hand... And I'm glad you enjoyed the read.
Again a good Chapter!
I only find it sad, that it is always short...
1030616 Yes, I know, but if you look at my user page, you will notice I have a LOT of work in progress fics that I'm working on right now. Little by little, I will complete them all. I write with pace and intentions of putting the most in all my stories.
When twilight is speaking for light, she shouldn't say exactly what light says. So lets say light says "I like blueberry pie" twilight should say "She likes blueberry pie". So instead of being a direct speaker, she should talk as if she is just relaying information. just my two bits.
1031409 Yea... I tried that, but as the author, it became really hard to make Twilight say she said stuff. So I decided to make it clear that Twilight is the literal voice of Dawning Light in some segments. Plus when I read it, it just kept confusing me when I wrote it like you suggest. Believe me, how I'm doing it makes things easier for me and the viewer.
As always fabulous chapter and can't wait for the next to be released
FINALLY GOT THE CHANCE TO READ IT!!!! IT WAS SO AMAZING!!! CANT WAIT FOR MORE!!! when?
1032247 unconfirmed... but soon.
1032378 again, cant rush perfection
About the title of the chapter just have to say...sorry....... and damn twi gets all the bitches..
Bitches love smilie faces.. Chaos out
>floor all wet, Celly and Lulu going to the library, a secret door.
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/oh-you-show.jpg
1034048 Everypony starts life somewhere... Not to argue your age though, your highness.
1034072
static.fjcdn.com/comments/gt+Watching+my+little+pony+in+dorm+room.+gt+Think+_3d470741567c6ce8e526b24412d336ff.png
1036334 i dont.
After reading the companion piece linked in the first comment, now I know there's something really fishy about the wet floor and I'm not talking about the smell! But even fishier would be the way this chapter ended. Would Luna try to foul things up so she could make Twilight hers?
I think this was going through Luna's mind in regards to starting a relationship with Twily (if only Twily understood...): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rN2GYUzui8Q
Needless to say, love definitely keeps singing in Luna's mind!
1038109 wow, perfect song for that chapter!
Damn, twilight gets all the mares wet in equestria
1046751<its just my charm.
1046857 so much swag in one egghead, twilightlicious
1046929
1047067
This story shouldn't have a Mature tag to it, and there really is no point to have the characters engage in... naughtier activities. After all, it is a LOVE curse, not a LUST curse. Maybe make a non-mature version alongside this one.
1062169all my work is mature now. this will remain in the mature category due to the mythological story of the glowing mare, and the description of pleasure twilight recieves from the power gifts and sexual time she spends with Dawning Light. i have little intentions of making an alternate teen rated version. sorry if this upsets you.
1062202 Oh. Alright then, I just didn't see much that was mature in the fic, but if it will be mature or you think it's mature, then go ahead!
1062318 thank you... oh! your the one that PM'd me... lolz, i only just now noticed! sorry, but i cant go back, rewrite this fic and make it into a teen rated fic. too much work and i have so much more to do... sorry once again.
1062329 Lol. There's actually not that much to change or censor, because there isn't that much sexual stuff in the fic at all. Like I said, if you want me to help you with anything, just ask.
very good, i think though it would be harder for people to read if it was longer. also, i think that this could get very interesting, if you know what i mean
read it from top to bottom in one go, and i thought i would note down my thoughts:
first off i just wanna say: great story, love it!
secondly: do you have an editor, if you do, tell him/her that he/she has missed a "few" places in the story. if not; get one, while it's entirely possible to find and destroy those pesky grammar mistakes on your own; humans have a tendency to overlook some of their own errors
note everything is critique as you can see further down.
chapter 1:
"“Uh… Hello… My name is Twilight Sparkle.” Her voice indicated nervousness and showed herself to be under pressure."
sounds a little mechanical
"Twilight felt the glowing mare’s tongue enter her mouth. The taste was phenomenal to Twilight"
you don't really need to say "to twilight", it's a bit redundant and feels strange when you read it
chapter 2:
"The mare began to suck on Twilight’s neck in a very sexual way but this was unwelcomed to Twilight."
a little mechanical again
4:
wow, her friends' thoughts, they're pretty..."aggressive", a "little" over the top if i may say so, unless it's because of some special reason (hinting towards the same thing i say on chapter 8 with luna)
5:
"call me Light"
cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users15/chibivampyre/default/light-yagami--large-prf-1174179630.jpg
you sure she was the god of the new day (or something like that)?
"Twilight thought it would be fun and agreed to go with Dawning Light to this spot."
a little mechanical again
personal thought: i can understand how light might want to fuck twilight, but ain't twilight going along with it a little easily? i mean, if they just started with some a little more innocent one night and then progressively got more and more "daring" each night, then that would make a lot more sense
7:
i have to say, luna's sudden hatered there is very very strange. why would she assume that someone is defying the night because they're shining, would she kill someone if they turned on a nightlight every night?
8:
"The three returned to Canterlot and all went to bed…"
that was....sudden, like seriously; 180 turn in the flow of the story
(luna having feelings from her as well) what's with everyone being in love with twilight? love spell leaking out and affecting others as well?
"Twilight rolled her eyes as she was able to predict this"
a little mechanical
"She knew Twilight would never be hers, but she also had the satisfaction of knowing she stole a kiss from her as well."
i get his awesome picture of luna smirking, and you should totally have luna being "dominant" with twilight more often (they don't have to do anything really serious, just luna teasing twilight)
those chapters where i don't have anything to note is because nothing caught my eye, either because i got into reading or because there wasn't anything to note
"to twilight" was present in number of places throughout the story, and in some cases; had a negative impact on the flow.
you're also repeating twilight name quite often, you might want to check into some alternatives, like calling her "the purple mare" or similar instead of going with her name all of the time.
This Story really needs a Update.....pretty please?
1162675 I'm on vacation to clear this writers block. be patient, please.
>> Art Inspired
ok. Sorry, i don´t wonted to nerve.