Serious comments, please. No bull crap. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Thanks for the feedback!

im so confused
and it escalated so quickly

Pretty good so far. Will give a detailed review once the story continues a bit more.

So Greek Letters=Goddesses

Also:

i.qkme.me/3omnqu.jpg

Interesting story so far, first unicorn is probably lonely all alone in the Everfree so yeah go kiss a unicorn, but why doesnt she just go visit ponyville, maybe she cant leave the forest and disappears during the day?

Then the question is, is it connected to Celestia and Luna, maybe Twilight smells like them so she liked her.

Is that Amalthea? animenation.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/6a00d8341c5d9653ef0120a8b6fcf7970b.jpg

950787 There's more to this than you would ever think. Also, keep in mind, I've had this idea with me for a while. In this story, everything you think isn't what it ends up being!

950803 this story is made with a 100% original character that i came up with about 2-3 months ago.

950821 Oh sorry it's just the one on the cover looked like her. So that's why I asked. Good beginning despite is a little fast, but good never the less.

950826 i have been known to jump to the good part...

(note to self... make beginning longer)

to bad a stallion didn't find her

950912

her cutie mark is Omega, which is the last letter in the greek alphabet, and yet shes the first unicorn? So er, end of the beginning or something philisophical like that? Shouldnt her cutie mark be an Alpha? But ponies know about greeks...im confuse. Anyways Lol escalation

950996 you'll find out why EXACTLY she has that cutie mark later. and thanks for stealing twilights question! now i have to remix it to sound like i didnt get in off a comment!

I agree with the others in that it felt rushed. However, It also brings many questions as to why the glowing unicorn acted like that. I look forward to the answers as to why.

Also, I took it upon myself to look over your fanfic and point out anything I could find that I believed to be incorrect grammar-wise. I also added sentence suggestions to may or may not help the flow of your story.

For the sake of not making this post long as f*yay*k, I'll put it in this -->link<--

951022 Imagine, if you will, the number of thank you's you have ever received in your life and times it by ten! This is how many thank you's I want to give you. I will update this later and include you in the description as a special thanks personnel! If of course, that's alright with you.

A little rushed, as everyone else has stated, but an interesting concept.

951084 well... i think im going to revamp the start and make it longer. plus fix some tecknical stuff, but you guys r gonna need to wait as i am going to bed now.

951098 That was a quick response! Can't wait to see what the future holds for this fic!!!

need.....moar....... NOW!!!!!!!!!!! when will the next one be out?

951057 Uhm, sure if you want. I'm not exactly an A+ reviewer, but if I really did as good as you say (That's a lot of thank you's by the way.) I'll gladly consider giving input on your other chapters.

Hmmmm...
Interesting....
The "her cutie mark was an omega meaning she's a goddess" line made me siiiiiiiiiigh .
Not because she's a goddess I'm cool with that.
It's cause you narrated it...
I get the feeling Twilight and Rainbow don't know she's a goddess and if that's so don't tell the audience... It takes away any and all mystery and makes the character boring.
Always try to show things like that, through dialogue, instead of telling it through narration.
I'll with hold upthumb untill later...

I agree with a few others It did go fast but this was a fabulous story none the less can't wait for the next installment of this story as always have a fabulous day everypony

cant wait for more owo

951104

951105next chapter will either be out today or tomorrow. depends if i have enough free time.

951111 cool. and thanks again. i think with those corrections, this chapter will be much better!

951181good point. ill clarify that!

951700>>951700 thanks for the positive feedback! it wont be long until the other chapters are added.

Interesting story so far. Besides the feeling of it being rushed, I felt there was no distinction between time breaks, such as when Rainbow and Twilight were in the tree house (assuming middle of night), then it was morning and they were preparing to go to the Everfree Forest, then they were there.

Good read and will be tracking.

Well, that was certainly... unexpected.

953145 CELESTIA??? Didn't expect you to read my story! EVERPONY BOW BEFORE HER MAJESTY!

t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRGiQSrQXxrTjoDuEmpofD44BzKWUQaH_ZZ-KD18sSBFrdyyu98cDEPx5oN

953219
Oh, no need to bow before me, really. I'm just here to read some of my subjects' wonderful stories.

953285 oh- of course. enjoy!

I enjoyed the premise. I will have to keep reading to see. As everyone said felt a bit rushed and escalated quickly. But like you said more will be explained!

The glowing mare got up from her spot and walked passed Twilight. Before the purple unicorn could figure out what was happening, she felt a light pressure on her back. the glowing unicorn had laid down with Twilight nestled in between her shoulders.

Legs, possibly just the forelegs depending upon the size difference.

For more error checking, try looking into groups on this site that help with finding editors.

They spent the day preparing for the trip, making sure they had food, water, supplies and a tent packed away in case it began to rain.

The transition could have been done better by having Twilight agree, and plan to prep during the day. Then start a new scene that is clearly separate (such as using a line break) that starts off with Twilight going through a checklist of materials for the last time before they start off.

As I mentioned in a comment on the next chapter,

such a unique concept and wonder what happened to rainbow dash

Love the first chapter and the intro to the very mysterious "Omega Flank" unicorn.

That part where Twilight receives the pure energy orb, I bet you this song was going through Omega Flank's mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=370K8Owdpys

That Omega Flank will definitely be doing some dirty things with Twilight tonight (Whenever she can)!

Is it just me, or are some of the words at the end purple?

953285 Celestia, why do you read porn?

3982306
>Molestia