• Member Since 13th Jun, 2019
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Comments ( 157 )

Interesting. I quite like how this story has begun. Looking forward to reading more. Though, I did see a few spelling mistakes, but thankfully they weren't that plentiful.

Agreed on all fronts. Squoze, while not really a mistake, is a very unusual way of saying squeezed, and it actually pulled me out of the story a bit.

Maybe slow down, other than that an interesting premise and a decent start.

This is my first ever story.

Bullshit. Maybe, maybe, first publicly presented story. But I’ll eat my left foot before believe something this good is anyone’s first go.

She quickly turned around to face me. “Damn you, Artemis!” She screamed. Lyra flinched back from the sudden noise. “She was my sister! I had no choice but to do that to her! I sent her away. Me. How do you think that made me feel?! Then you just… ran away!” She looked me dead in the eyes and at a disturbingly dead volume said, “You’re a coward.” Lyra covered her mouth in shock once more. God only knows what she was thinking.

Fuck both of you. People mourn in different ways, he didn't owe Celestia a side to cry on. Lyra, you only just learned the situation.

And even if she had to, why should someone close to the person you put out for 1k years comfort you? I know you felt horrible but how did Artemis feel, with the pony that failed her sister and banished her?

Really, fuck you Celestia.

Did you make the cover art?

No. Unfortunately, I cant draw worth a damn :twilightsheepish:
I did link to the source where I found the drawing, but I dont know who created it. Sorry I couldn't help you. Thank you for taking an interest in my story!

This looked like an intriguing beginning. Let's see where this would lead us to.

“That’s what Married couples do.”

Cadance: AUNTIE!! All these years you are already married and you haven't told me?! I already prepared the lists for your potential suitors for nothing!

Other than the gender shifts from he to She it was well done

Ponies are like that, they stick together despite only knowing each other for 2 minutes.

Inbuilt Xenophobia.

Dem long walls of text tho

I mean, its probably more princess bias

As it turns out, a ‘ thud’, is the sound a Twilight Sparkle makes when it hits the ground.


“Perhaps I could have been a little more specific. That girl, honestly. She’s so bright and brilliant, but at the same time, so dense.”

I would blame her babysitter for not taught her common-sense in social interaction.

The IT was intentional, that’s why she’s referred to as A twilight sparkle, it’s a joke.

Nice you have my attention cant wait to read more

Definently a great start I'm looking forward to more have a like and a follow dear author:twilightsmile:

My eyes lit up in realisation and I patted the cloak pocket, feeling the liquid slosh inside the flask. Then, smirked right back at her. “That’s because you’re just that intoxicating.” Yep, still got it.


Oof, that tag salad though.

Congratz, you got featured. 8/10/2020

Used every day for over five hundred years, maintained to a painstaking degree, my distillery.

Artemis need to meet Berry Punch.

After being alone for so long, you need the company or you might start talking to a rubber ball.


What’s going on? Why the last two chapters are so short?

This isn't going to be normal, I promise! :raritycry:
I've just been super busy lately and didn't want tot leave you guys with nothing.
Chapters will be back to their usual length soon!

That's good to know you had me scared ._.

I sighed. “That thing was not a mare.” I said in a hushed tone. “It isn’t even from this dimension. I mean, it may have been born here, but its true origins are not.”

WTF... How could Celestia miss something like this?

So.... Pinkie is an eldritch monstrosity confirmed?

Pinkie being from another dimension is one of the least weird explanations for her powers. :)

Perception. Artemis seems to be able to see things others can't, which includes Pinkie's 'true' form. Other ponies simply see Pinkie, and literally can't see the Pinkie that Artemis sees. Like being able to see a colour outside the human spectrum. Sure, we know there are colours beyond the spectrum that we can see, but since we can't actually see them someone could write an elaborate insult on a sign in various tones of that range and we'd go "that's a nice blue sign."

I m very glad to see someone writing Twilight right. Many write her oblivious and unperceptive to the subject. But that's not how scholars are. Yes, she might be overbearing, cannot get a clue, can be too focused to pay attention to world around if it is not part of her study... but you can't learn from books if you can't pay attention to details.

She spots little details and builds proper conclusions on them but also may miss a simple idea, being focused on a more abstract one, where child-like Lyra beats her.

“Sorry. I just hate teleportation. It’s a complete waste of energy. I understand the usefulness of blinking, but teleportation is just stupid.”

But you normally don't use said energy in your everyday life, do you? Then why waste time?

so Artemis doesn't see Pinkie Pie, but Pinkamena Diane Pie

And thus Artemis explained 'Fast travel' to Lyra

I’m not crying at sunbutt and arty it’s from lack of sleep I swear

I would like the whole talk about it being painful be a ruse to scare Lyra. Would be funny, and a lot less scary.

While yes, that would make sense, I feel that messing around with the fabric of reality would cost an exponentially higher amount of energy to accomplish. So it's either more energy and less time or less energy and more time.

Ah how refreshing a spot tea and liquer with dear old wifey....

Oh is that you luna?

Where you....


The moon....

So sad

So well, I ran away. I know who I am..

I drink...

Lol great chappie! Mate

A maid walked past; she was staring at me. She looked terrified.

I bet that maid was a changeling in disguise.

Tasteful and creepy.

Im totally using that technique for my own writing.

Unfortunately, the creature had a head start and rounded a corner ahead. “Artemis!” I heard from behind me. Celestia probably, but I didn’t stop. I rounded the corner and ran into… Miss Raven Inkwell, knocking us both down. I quickly leapt to my feet and looked around, the creature was gone. What the…

Looks like Artemis didn't know much about changeling. However, any human who has watched many anime would suspect something not quite right here.

“Ugh fine.” I called for the butler to come back. “I’ll have what Celestia is having.” He bowed and left. I pulled out my flask and set it on the table.

Plot twist: it's a flask of Frank's Red Hot hot sauce

Is Artemis male or female? I tend to get confused at certain word usage

I'm sorry to hear that.
Artemis is female. I maybe typo'd a 'she' with a 'he' or something like that. I keep trying to go back to find and edit parts that might be confusing, as someone before you has also pointed out that they got confused, but I can't for the life of me find it. If you or someone reading this comment could point it out I'll fix it. Thanks for reading!

Ok thank you for clarifying this story has actually inspired me to write a similar one myself I’ll be uploading the first chapter in a second but please feel free to give it a read and let me know what you think

Thanks for letting me know, I'll check it out!

I wonder if Raven is that changeling

In many AUs she is, because people noticed that she changed tribe between episodes. And in merchandise. And in comics , where it was clear that two ponies have same name.
But usually it is assumed that Celestia knows. Or there are two Ravens look-alike, or it's a friendly changeling (or even several) who use the identity as collective disguise.

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