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Wanderer D


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Octavia has received an invitation to attend the Magna Anima Nocte, a celebration of the Night through music—a tradition lost for a thousand years, now born again after the defeat of Nightmare Moon and the return of Princess Luna.

But there, under the light of the stars, darkness churns and awaits, and while the rewards seem promising, maybe there is something to the words a certain gypsy told her. Octavia will have to match wits with other competitors, fight for her right to win and unravel the enigma of Winter Charm, the mysterious patron behind the event.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 83 )

Interesting, but unfortunately, I can't read it now.

Man, I still remember you pitching this one like a year ago. Glad to see it's finally up!

Great job as usual. I thought that the diary entries did a great job at enhancing Octavia's character while at the same time fit in with the story's flow. With this and some of your previous Octavia stories, you're probably one of the best Octavia writers on this site in my honest opinion. Keep up the good work, and I'm interested in finding out what happens next. :twilightsmile:

your gonna have to work hard to convince me winter charm is not luna.

reports say that shes really ill and doesn't remember anyone but twi and celestia.

could be true could be a cover. my theory is winter charm might of been a name she went by while disguised among the ponies of the land 1000's of years ago or maybe it's simply the name she used as patron of the event for various reasons or whatever

Might be spoilers

What I know:
the lack of this festival is the cause of this "sickness" weather it's the gathering it'sself or something to do with it is unclear
WinterCharm is a fabrication played by luna or celestia probably a disguise they used 1000 years ago only twi would actually research the event enough to tell the difference so all 3 of them are in on it.
OctiXScratch is going to be a thing FEEL MY PEER PRESSURE! no but seriously they are both probably invited and team up for various reasons to figure out what is going on. weather they hate eachother or not
Luna may or may not actually be sick. it could be a cover while she hosts the event or she could truely be sick and winter charm is a result of this sickness prehaps luna even lost her alicornism and reverted to wintercharm which is why no one is allowed to see her.

Oh wow.

This is pretty damn good so far. I am eager for the rest.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Seems like a very exciting tale is about to unfold. Will there be prince blueblood/Octavia?

Comment posted by Charzoid deleted Nov 3rd, 2014

This looks like it'll be really interesting.

Powerful first chapter alright.. captured my attention for sure :twilightsmile:

An instant classic, I'd say.
I eagerly await the next chapter!

This is off to a great start. Just a few technical things I found:

"Pour" should be changed to "pore" when talking about poring over books.

There are at least two random slashes, which are probably typos. One of those is before a hyphen and the other is "its/the," which didn't make sense in context.

When introducing the chapter name in the body of the story, it reads "Nocte Magnus Anima," rather than "Nocte" being at the end.

Really looking forward to see where this goes, though.

Wanderer D
Moderator

5223871 Thank you kindly for the corrections! I went back and fixed them. Glad you're liking it!
5222338 That's very kind!
5221927 Glad you think so! It's a slight shift from my usual, lighter style, but I think a more rewarding reading experience!
5221863 That's what I'm hoping!
5221330 Spoilers if I tell you!
5221260 Exit Through Canterlot has a very edited version of the cover. It's similar, but not the same. Hope you don't mind. Until I get art exclusive to this story I'll use that one.
5221034 Thank you!
5220839 Hmm... interesting theories! Let's find out later what is and isn't right!
5220833 Thanks! I'm glad you like my Tavi writing!:raritystarry:
5220783 I know, right? Still, it's thanks to you, Ferret, lammy and others that I found the motivation to get back to it!
5220770 Don't forget to drop a comment when you do!

5224403 You are really an awesome person. I need to stop being an uberfan, but I won't.

The prose really caught my attention. Initially, I was going to skim over this, but I got lost. This was a very enjoyable first chapter.

Well I'm hooked. Gosh darn, this is promising!

Poor Luna, let's see what ails you in the later chapters.
Also Octavia's mind being blown was a fun thing to imagine :rainbowlaugh:
Definitely following this! Can't wait for more :twilightsmile:

Magnus Anima Nocte? "The great man with the night spirit?" Sounds like some kinda weird porno.

Wanderer D
Moderator

5244362 "Anima" means soul or spirit. "Magnus" means grand or great. "Nocte" means night. Where did you get "man" from?

5244621

Where did you get "man" from?

Magnus, masculine nominative singular. Anima is feminine, so magnus doesn't match it; and nocte is both feminine and in a different noun case, so it also can't be matched with magnus.

When there's an adjective that stands by itself, you take it to mean "man/woman/thing that is [adjective]," depending on the gender. And so, magnus anima nocte means (being very liberal with my translation): "the great man with/from the night spirit/soul."

Wanderer D
Moderator

5244801 Ah, I see what you mean! I should have used "Magna" now that I think about it, and that would have been a more accurate word to use with the other two. Admittedly most people would stick to "Great" without thinking of the relation, but I should know better, given that my first language is latin-based. Alright! Time to fix!

5244835

Ah! "Great spirit from/with the night." I guess that makes more sense. :derpytongue2:

I sense great potential in this fanfic...will Vinyl play a larger role in this tory, or is she just a side character?

Seems like a great story so far and it flows quite well too. The Internet demands more!

Was curious what kind of piece Octavia might play at the Magna Anima Noctis.

I imagine it would sound a bit like this :P

Warning: Mild Spoilers

I like it so far. I think the mystery and intrigue is really good, and I particularly love your imagery. I think Octavia's characterization is nice, although I'd like physical descriptions about her restlessness. I can't comment much about the setting, but I think the plot is nice so far. I think going forward, the biggest thing you might want to take into account is that sometimes you give out information you either don't need to or is not accessible in some manner. Here is the place where it stuck out most to me:

The house was a mess. She couldn't remember how it had happened, but she had gone into a rage (How did she figure that out? What's to say something else hadn't caused it?). She had smashed the windows and thrown her pots and pans across from the kitchen into her studio. Her beloved cello rested on the floor, dented and with all but one of the strings snapped.

A whisper made her turn, as if somepony was talking to her, but she was alone (Wouldn't it be more menacing to not know this? Or perhaps you might want to consider rewording it). The light from outside barely chased away the shadows, which withered and crawled around her the moment she looked away.

I don't want to say too much into this first chapter for fear of detracting you from progressing. If you want to read a more in-depth review by me, here's a link to it. Whether you read it or not, I wish you the best with the next chapter and with this story! :twilightsmile:

Damn I'm liking where this is going.

Should I be worried about cryptography in the line breaks? Because that is totally something I'm worrying about.

Trixie how do you know all of this?

Trixie: I read the script

...

Trixie: Trixie wouldn't be caught in a lesser fanfict so she simply read the script and permitted the author to pay me for my appearance!

Fairly sure your not getting paid

Trixie: I DEMAND TO SEE MY AGENT

Spoilers there be within the confines of this comment.

After reading this chapter, I am left with a (few) lingering question(s) (I'll put it in spoilers, since it does spoil quite a bit about the chapter): Why didn't Trixie also warn Vinyl about the MAN? Is it just Octavia having the nightmares? Does Trixie, or Winter Charm, not care about Vinyl as much as Octavia? My thoughts about it are that maybe Octavia's a "chosen one" figure in all of this, or is a descendant of someone special, or maybe practices something with her music that makes her more susceptible to what's to come. Those are my immediate questions after this.

Anywho, I thought the intense detail to setting was really nice; it was honestly almost like I was reading A Christmas Carol, where everything is idyllic and cheerful before the darkness really sets in. I don't know if that story qualifies as gothic or not, but it did feel that way to me. The reminders that the ponies were worried about Luna, both with the scrolls and with Pinkie's speech, help keep the strained mood up. The descriptions popped out a lot, and I liked that.

I also think the character interaction between Octavia and Vinyl was good. It wouldn't have struck me to think of Vinyl as lacking-in-confidence as she was here, but it makes sense, especially given who she's with and what opportunity she's being given. And Octavia didn't come off as a prude, but rather gave a sincere look at Vinyl's music. I think it would've been a benefit to have heard Vinyl's thoughts about the MAN (although that might come in later chapters), but overall, I think the interaction was good.

I am left asking why Trixie was the one that gave the warning, but I suppose she's the "gypsy" in the synopsis, although that's probably already been inferred. When I first read that part, I honestly thought it was very weak. I didn't like how she entered this party unnoticed by anypony other than the central characters (I assume), given her reputation. I suppose that adds to the mystery of it, though. I think my biggest problem is actually her entrance:

It was her music that made the piece.

She took a sip of her cider, barely registering the movement of another pony shuffling close to her, until the pony sat across from her at her table. Blinking, Octavia slowly lowered her cup, and took note of the unicorn across from her.

She wore a purple cape and a hat, both decorated with stars. The interloper was completely ignoring the rest of the crowd, staring instead, intently at Octavia, who looked at her quizzically.

It might just be me, but even though she's meant to be calmer than usual. her entrance seemed to be more thrown in there than set up. It's not a sudden interruption of Octavia's admiring of her music, or a drawn-out observation where Trixie hangs about in a creepy way before making a move to talk to Octavia. Maybe I'm looking too hard for theatrics in a moment like this, but it just seems like she's thrown in there to deliver information, and not for any sort of dramatic or scene-aiding effect. What she says is nice, but her entrance seems to weaken this particular part.

Or maybe it's just me seeing something that's not there. Or it could just be me being an idiot.

I actually had to re-read a part of the story to notice a great profundity within it:

It felt as if some titanic awareness was suddenly completely focused on her, and the trees at the edge of the Forest were its maws, looming over her.

At first, I thought the Everfree Forest part was lame, but thinking about the entirety of this dark forest peering at her, and the center of it holding her destiny (I assume, unless you have her just not go :raritywink:) makes for a very creepy setup. I'm guessing in some sense, Octavia is "the chosen one" simply because all of this is happening, but only time will tell.

As is such, I'm still invested.

Well, this will certainly be interesting.

Only tiny nitpick:

for the worst

It should be "for the worse".

Apart from that, great as usual :twilightsmile:

Interesting....

Oops, need to jump to another strand for a while, they just updated.

See you in the next Chapter!

I like where this is going. It seems a bit slow, at the moment, but I guess that's just because we haven't gotten to the MAN event yet!

...

Get it? MAN event? Hahahaha...

Anyway, keep it up, D!

Am looking forward to what happens next...

Seems interesting so far. Something tells me that Celestia is behind all this (golden magic? rebuilding the castle of the two sisters?). I can only assume that this whole thing is meant to help Luna. I get the impression that there might be some kind of magical ritual involved that just might involve taking darkness away from somepony and spreading it out or fighting it somehow. Such things are rarely safe to participate in.

Neat detail having Vinyl be a fan of Octavia and using her music in the mixes for the party, and in having her be a little nervous about Octavia's reaction.

I'm current going to guess that Trixie has a long family history surrounding the Magna Anima Nocte, and that whatever it is it's significant enough to have been remembered for the full thousand years of Luna's banishment.

I also really like the detail of Vinyl being familiar with Ponyville, it matches what we've seen of her in-show (well, we've seen her there once, which is more than we can say for Octavia, heh).

Liking it so far. But before going on to chapter two, a quick note:

“I heard good things about your designs at one of Mr. Fancy Pant's events,

I believe that should be either "Pants's" or "Pants' ", depending on your style preference.

I'm liking the atmosphere, and the buildup of foreboding around the event with Trixie and the Everfree. Vinyl seems to play well off of Octavia, too, and her enthusiasm and perceptiveness contrast nicely with Octavia's reserve, formality, and distraction.

A few editing thoughts:
“I thought you had noticed, that with the tapping and nodding to it stopping as well.”

Should that be "what with"?


With all her “The Grrrreeeeaaat! And! Powerrful! Trrrrrrrixie!” gimmick.

As a nested quotation, those should be single-quotes.


Let me walk you to the Inn, I know this town pretty well!”

"Inn" shouldn't be capitalized.


Sporadic, specks of snow floated

I believe that the comma is extraneous (since "Sporadic" is the sole leading adjective) or it should be "Sporadically", the sentence adverb modifying the whole following clause.

Wow...Blueblood. Just...wow...:facehoof:

It was a black, single-piece form-fit dress with a low back tied with black lace and a cut on the left flank to show a bit of her legs. The material shimmered, as if it was made of tiny black diamonds, and yet it felt smooth as silk and weightless as it rested against Octavia’s coat as if it had been part of her for the longest time.

Octavia looked at the gray mare in the tasteful dress for a full twenty seconds before it dawned on her it was herself in the mirror. Never had she witnessed, much less worn, something like this.

It was beyond her expectations. It was beyond her wildest dreams. The contrast against her fur… the shimmering mirroring of her mane, how it accentuated her eyes… this was the most amazing dress she had ever seen.

Octavia plus dresses is always a good thing. Always.
img1.derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/11/1/138761__safe_twilight+sparkle_rainbow+dash_pinkie+pie_applejack_sweetie+belle_apple+bloom_trixie_lyra_big+macintosh.png

the other carriages—which were clearly carrying as well several musical instrument

You missed an "s" there.

In the heavy mood of Auschwitz's 70th liberation-anniversary this read perhaps felt a bit darker than it actually is. Well, until Slash showed up anyway. I'll gladly follow this one.

Interesting. I liked the prose used here and the use of the descriptions, as it allowed me to clearly imagine the story in my mind as it played out. The dream at the beginning was also intriguing, as it does have an ominous feel to it. Also, the character interaction was well-done, and Blueblood being his usual self allowed for some well-written, natural conflict to arise. Excellent work as usual. :twilightsmile:

Good chapter
Even though he was being rude back a lot of ponies seem to be counting him out before blueblood even shows he's got skills.
Did you know the voice for prince blueblood is also the voice for flash sentry? Random fact this made me think of.
For some reason I've often imagined him playing a Queen's song with his voice but I can see guns and roses parody to. Not sure if you'll actually have made up songs presented or just describe the events of the performances in narrative but in case you are going to do the later could you do these:

You wouldn't have to do the whole song since its pretty long. Even if you've got your own idea planed I just wanted to throw out this idea.
The events of this party might change blueblood's attitude if there as odd as things might get at this mysterious party. Also the dress sounds beautiful for Octavia.

would it be a fic by Wanderer D without referances Glad to see more of the competition :D

I am now eexpecting Iron will to pop up as the 4th member of trots and roses :P "axl the rose" being his musical alter ego. heh


I enjoyed Shappire i think you nail her pretty well. octi dress is only good dress good job i want moar.

Oh Blueblood, I hope you burn badly in your attempts.

So recurring bad nightmares. This will really be fun.

Not too fond the music note Treble Clef that you've used to split up the sections. It's too shiny and well... everything. It contrasts too much with the text.

A flatter coloured note that matches the text colour would work better I think.

I realise this is monumentally pedantic. The fic itself is excellent.

Very interesting. I'm curious to read what dangers Octavia and company will encounter in the Everfree Forest. Great job as usual. :twilightsmile:

Hm. Looks like Blue is hitting on Octavia.

And perhaps I'm wrong, but—could Vinyl be hitting on Blueblood? She does seem the type to annoy the guy she wants to pay attention to her. It could also have been merely deflecting his attention away from Octavia, of course...

Also, I really hope the prince will have a chance to try his best. He's been a jerk so far, true, but the actual competition goes further for him than the others. It's in Luna's honour, so it's a matter of family for her nephew.

These short chapters are killing me, D. Nonetheless, this is wonderful.

Ri2

Would it really kill Trixie to maybe, I don't know, EXPLAIN why they shouldn't go in there? I mean, a vague warning is NEVER enough to dissuade anyone. Ever.

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