Strange is the night where black stars rise,
And strange moons circle through the skies,
Yet stranger still is,
Lost Carcosa.
Song of my soul, my voice is dead,
Die thou unsung as tears unshed,
Must dry and die in,
Lost Carcosa.
Chapters (12)
- Member Since 14th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen 8 hours ago
Corah Il Cappo
A gibbering mound of horseflesh who has learned to hate.
Corah Il Cappo
Joined 14th Jun, 2012 ·
Offline
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Snarky Twilight? Jerkish yet not completely unreasonable Blueblood? Worldbuilding?
Great start onchapter one.
Good start.
I would like to see how this goes.
I like this. Blueblood has a bit of depth to him--intellectual and with a sense of responsibility, but still an unmitigated ass. He seems to actively try not to give the impression that he's well-learned, though (although as ambassador, being underestimated would be useful...).
There are a few points I'd be interested to see addressed. We don't really see it in the show, but does Twilight have non-friendship duties she carries out as Princess of Equestria? If she's limited to friendship and Ponyville, I foresee Blueblood lecturing her about it. Seeing the take you'll do on Rarity's attempt to woo Blueblood will be... interesting. It's likely he played up his jerkishness because he thought she was a gold digger, but the question is, "what was Rarity actually wanting?". Did Rarity want a prince solely for the fame and prestige, or was it because of her idealization of "princely" qualities? One is gold digging, the other is judging and making presumptions of ponies by status. Very different things.
You know, if you stop to think about it, Twilight is actually MORE royal than Celestia and Luna. Think about it--Celestia and Luna were just two ordinary ponies-turned-alicorn who were chosen to help rule a nation. They didn't inherit anything. However, there have been dozens upon dozens upon dozens of generations sense then. Apart from the royal lines of who knows how many other nations being incorporated into Equestria's (like the Crystal Empire), there is also a rather large nobility; you're going to get a lot of bastards, and once you have the heir and the spare, no one really cares what the other noble kids do. You get noble and royal blood leaking down into the lower class--absolutely without importance, but still present. Then you get Twilight, an ordinary pony-turned-alicorn chosen to help rule a nation. She out-royals them by a millimeter.
So, to end this oN A liGhT N0tE
Stranger: I wear no mask.
Camilla: (Terrified, aside to Cassilda.) No mask? No mask!
Along the shore the cloud waves break,
The twin suns sink behind the lake,
The shadows lengthen
In Carcosa.
Songs that the Hyades shall sing,
Where flap the tatters of the King,
Must die unheard in
Dim Carcosa.
th07.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2014/138/5/4/the_king_in_yellow_by_grivetart-d7iuaog.jpg
fc01.deviantart.net/fs29/f/2008/067/1/8/King_in_Yellow_CM_II_by_verreaux.jpg
6011374
"Not upon Us, oh king! Not upon us!"
Here is some fun stuff on the King in Yellow
http://www.goominet.com/unspeakable-vault/vault/1/The%20unspeakable/
I am enjoying this story so far. I feel the characterizations are done right and the plot is compelling and leaves me wanting more.
Hear that? More! MORE!
I mean... When you think you can get around to it.
Also cannot wait for when this story winds up in some Lovecraftian horror realm. Oh Carcosa, how we miss thee.
"I have to see. I have to know." - Dr Channard
The mating call of the (soon to be deceased in this horror film.)
Calling on the outer gods is always loads of fun. I like how you knew which ones would need to be called upon for this ritual.
Hmm - I dunno. I think TS would intervene before the Gryphon cut the guys throat. She's not the sort of person you'd expect to just sit there while someone is about to be killed. Perhaps you could rewrite it a bit to make it clear that she failed to act because she couldn't believe that the guy's throat was actually going to be cut before it happened - it's not really something in her ordinary experience.
Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth. He knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again. He knows where They have trod earth's fields, and where They still tread them, and why no one can behold Them as They tread.
Twilight Sparkle, meet the Deep ones.
Whoo yeah, Dimensional Road trip!
Will Twilight and Blueblood get a mimosa in Carcosa while their doom
moves closea and closea?
Well, I don't knowsa!
I await the next chapter without the smell
of seafood on my breath.
6024089
Yeah, looking back over it, you do have a point. I guess I was trying to imply that it was simply unexpected, but it didn't really come across as such.
I did a bit of editing to the scene. Is this any better?
6024871 Yeah, that works.
Anyone ever see DYE's Fantasy music video?
I'm imagining the head-through-shadow thing as the girl's little revelation at the end of it.
Which is completely wrong and doesn't fit what the author's described at all, but I can't get the image of that being what Blueblod out of my head.
"Careful, Blueblood! Dark magics still permeate the air after such a fell blood ritual...
I'M GOING TO STICK MY FACE IN IT!!!"
Twilight
Wat r u doin
TWILIGHT
STAHP
6043787
Book horse will be book horse.
And inside they see a statue of indomitable horror... Pinkie Pie.
Book horse is being
horse. Not out of character though, she is the poster foal for curiosity.
Her quest for knowledge will get everypony killed... Or worse
Kudos to you, this is fun stuff.
I have doubts that they will survive because of the
whole not being cats thing.
Well done.
At least they did not ask the King for its name.
NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMask NoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMaskNoMask
And they called it the "M.C. Escher Diaries"
Did it... did it follow?
And now the true terror begins
Sun shines brightly 'cross the sky
Secrets form where shadows lie
Those who know of
Lost Carcosa
The Moon looks down upon her world and finds
A thousand years of open dreams and minds
Unguarded against
Dim Carcosa
A Moon garbed in great darkness
Learned the truths none should possess
In Nightmares birthed of
Grim Carcosa
6128616
Where are those verses from? I don't think I've ever seen them before.
Along the shore the cloud waves break,
The twin suns sink behind the lake,
The shadows lengthen
In Carcosa.
Strange is the night where black stars rise,
And strange moons circle through the skies,
But stranger still is
Lost Carcosa.
Songs that the Hyades shall sing,
Where flap the tatters of the King,
Must die unheard in
Dim Carcosa.
Song of my soul, my voice is dead,
Die thou, unsung, as tears unshed
Shall dry and die in
Lost Carcosa.
6128630 They exist solely in that post.
I just improvised off an idea; that Twilight might have been better off (or worse?) if she had gone to Luna with her story. There are a lot of very good, very unpleasant reasons to patrol the realm of dreams aside from playing therapist to foals.
I didn't match the 8-8-5-4 syllable pattern of the rest of the poem, though. Getting them to rhyme was hard enough. I'm not really a poet...
(I edited the "ten thousand years" part. I had been trying to work "ten by ten by ten" into one of the stanzas, and I suppose I left something behind).
6130695
I think that with a little tweaking, they could actually be really good. Perhaps something along the lines of...
How's that sound? I actually might use these someday. Thanks for that!
6131259 Glad to be of help!
Grim Carcosa, grim Carcosa.
I feel faint and weak as it's threats loom closer.
---
Visions of black bone towers piercing a shifting multicolored sky fastened with legions of dark stars.
fastened or festooned?
---
Two hooves up for this fine tale so far.
6133939
Argh, Actually it wasn't meant to be either of those words. Faceted is what I was going for.
6134042
Visions of black bone towers piercing a shifting multicolored sky Farrah Fawcetted with legions of dark stars.
Sanity shredding and Sexay!
Then again this might be a better fit for a King in Leopard Prints story.
No one looks under the thong. Ever!
You know what they say, if you see something, say something!
---
re-manicured or re-pedicured?
Hooves are more like feet than hands.
---
Hooves or other appendages up for you!
I hope that Luna, at least, has an idea about what that means, because Celestia sure doesn't. I'm pretty sure Celestia now thinks the both of them have gone mad.
Know what would be even creepier than Yellow Signs carved into your flesh? The Yellow Sign as a cutie mark. What the hell would your talent even be to get something like that?
A quick correction:
The "k" should be removed, unless Sir Carcosa is supposed to don armor and lance and go charging off into the horizon.
6166882
Eh, I would say manicured. I guess technically they're both feet, but ponies tend to use their forehooves more like hands so... I guess Manicure?
6184676
You might be right, but in "Dog and pony show", A diamond dog wants Rarity to dig and Rarity refuses.
She does not want to mess up her pony pedicure.
14: 32 I have had a pony pedi
This could be nitpicking though.
"I wear the pancake; it does not wear me.
"
Well, there goes my hopes that Luna might know something about this, if the play didn't tip her off (and she hasn't burned Dunwich to the ground, for completely different (well, moderately different) reasons). At least, she doesn't know now. If Celestia worries and tries to get Luna to search for Twilight's dreams, or if Blueblood manages to convince her that there was some method to his madness... but that's a long shot at this point. Still, I would have thought the alicorn governing the night sky and dreams would have known something about the horrors that stir between the stars and the cancerous tumors that germinate amongst dreams
At this point, the only characters I can think of that might have any idea about this are Discord and Pinkie Pie. Either of them would be able to help her get into the Saddle Arabian treasury... but I don't think I'll put much weight behind the idea of them coming along (they don't exactly fit the mood). At least Twilight's own magic should be enough to get her to the manuscript. I guess we'll be dealing with primarily OC's from this point on? Will any of them be constant enough to warrant an OC tag?
Wow. That was a great ending to the chapter. Totally unexpected, and totally fits the story!
I must say I am pretty impressed with what you have written so far - I find the mystery of Carcosa to be intriguing, the general atmosphere and mental imagery is suitably dark and foreboding and I find the air to be heavily thick with anticipation. Combine that with excellent quality of writing, and I find myself eagerly looking towards more and what Twilight's trip will reveal about this Carcosa and all that lurks within, and what this unfortunate stallion managed to discover before the place made him mad.
Twilight's adventures in Saddle Arabia should also be interesting to behold - if Blueblood was right in recounting the difficulties of navigating it, it doesn't sound like the friendliest of places, nor the easiest to navigate for someone who isn't in the know. Granted, if push comes to shove Twilight likely has enough power to force the issue and gain direct access to the ancient tome, but this could have interesting political ramifications if she is spotted.
And Twilight is easily willful and driven enough to not back down and buck all the political considerations to the wind, if she believes Equestria to be threatened - which she clearly does.
You have also done a great job with characterization, both Blueblood's and especially Twilight's, which I feel is very close to her canon self. You've caught her inquisitive nature and innate curiosity, along with a hefty dose of hooves-on nature - if she is confronted with a mystery or a discovery, she isn't about to back down and a little danger isn't about to dissuade her. She's a problem solver first and foremost, regardless of how dirty she has to get her won hooves to do so, and you have captured that well. Along with her somewhat snappish personality and the short-ish fuse that comes with it, as seen when she interacts with blueblood - authors often have a tendency to forget that she has quite the snark to her she isn't shy about bringing to the surface.
About the only flaw I see so far is Celestia's thickness - because that play really should have made her sit up and take notice after Twilight's and Blueblood's story, instead of simply waving it away. And alternate dimensions should hardly sound implausible to her, considering the mirror stashed away under the Crystal Palace that connects to a whole other world. But then again, I guess canon Celestia isn't always the sharpest tool in the shed either - and she is going to owe both Twilight and Blueblood one hell of an apology after all this is over.
And she really ought to know better than to assume she has seen everything there is to see, despite being thirteen thousand years old. Though I guess it's not only wisdom that comes with age, but also complacency. One would have thought that her failures with Tirek and the Changeling invasion especially would have clued her in that she isn't all-knowing and all-seeing, but apparently not. I wonder if the lesson will stick this time.
After all, the last time she ignored Twilight's seemingly-nonsensical warnings she found herself wrapped up in a changeling cocoon, her country almost stolen right from under her nose. And one has to wonder ... what will it cost her, and the ponies of Equestria, this time? And will she finally learn from it?
I look towards finding out.
6222556
Thanks so much for all the feedback man. I really do appreciate it.
The Mad Horse?
This is never good.
uh oh
Ooh. Carcosa and ponies? The chronically under-utilized Blueblood? Very promising opening!
Just like the good old du which horror to stir things up.
You double posted twilight took a breath and swallowed.
Can't wait to see the next chapter! Keep up the lovecraftian horror work!
Wouldn't Celestia have made the connection between Twilight mentioning Carcosa, and the mention of it in the play? Or would she think it a coincidence?
We all remember the last time Celestia didn't believe what her student was trying to tell her, and look how that turned out. Twilight wouldn't lie to her mentor and monarch.
Well, that was unexpected - I didn't think Twilight would go as far as breaking Blueblood out, that's an interesting decision. Though I guess it makes sense in retrospect - with him at her side, navigating Saddle Arabia and gaining access to what she needs should be much easier. And considering she is expecting to be proven right about this whole Carcosa thing, by the end it would be Celestia who would be apologizing to her, not the other way around.
Though I wonder, seeing as Luna agrees with Twilight's course of action, doesn't that mean they can effectively overrule whatever Celestia has to say on the matter, as it's 2 princesses against one? And speaking of Luna, that's an interesting bit about Twilight's (and Blueblood's) dreams being inaccessible. I guess their sojourn in to the other dimension did leave its mark - I look towards finding out what this means, long term.
On another note, I'm a bit confused about the timeline here - since Twilight has her castle, this should be sometime well past Tirek. But that doesn't quite jive with Twilight's flying being shaky, considering she is flying perfectly fine by the end of season 4, and flying to Canterlot while carrying Spike on her back seems like a pretty effortless task to her in present timeline of the show.
6363172
I think the shaky flying is more a personal preference of mine. I tend to make Twilight's flight not quite perfect when she does it, though it's certainly enough to get the job done. In truth, I haven't watched the show in quite a while, so that could be a part of it I suppose.
If nothing else, let's just say the Great Old Ones made her flying worse.
6364064
Aye, if you haven't watched the show in a while, I guess that would do it :)
Personally I like how her flight progressed in the show (I generally like things that show passage of time) - at the start of the season a stronger/unexpected gust of wind sends her faceplanting in to the ground, by mid season she no longer seems to have control issues, and by end season she seems to have taken a liking to flying and almost does so instinctively (Much like rainbow, when agitated/annoyed she takes to fluttering around like an oversized bumblebee) and has flopped through the clouds with a loop for the fun of it - also confirmed to have greater endurance when flying than Cadence.
By the time the season 4 finish rolls around, her flight is adequate to serve her well in combat against Tirek. In season 5, she decides she wants to go to Canterlot and simply does so by flying - Spike on her back and all, no problem.
So ... yeah, I guess that's that for the little exposition - though I certainly have nothing against your preference in this matter, now that I have cleared it up where that decision came from, as I was slightly confused about the timeline otherwise :)
6360834
I have to agree, the good Prince is rather underused. I've always enjoyed using him, both in fiction and in roleplay, to fulfill the role of the diplomat, the bureaucrat, and the overworked, angry son of a bitch.