• Member Since 29th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen 48 minutes ago

Exilo


Sequels1

T

DISCLAIMER: this is not a Scott Pilgrim parody.

Please don’t look for me.

Those words are found scrawled on a stretch of royal parchment. The hoof writing and the magical seal are both Celestia’s. Luna rises to the occasion and handles all royal duties, and Princess Sparkle is there to aid her, but it’s not enough. Panic and disarray sweep through not only Canterlot, but all of Equestria.

Why should Prince Blueblood care about that, though? He doesn’t care… He doesn’t care about the fate of a bunch of peasants… They riot about anything, after all. And Luna and Sparkle can both handle the ins and outs of an empire. The fate of his Aunt Tia is what keeps him up at night. It’s a comment against her that sets him off. And it’s a desperate hope to save her that will cost him…

Rated Teen for language, some violence, and some dark themes to come.

Updates daily.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 73 )

Huh. This is interesting. You might want to change the title, though. People might mistake it for a Scott Pilgrim parody. I did, until I read both summaries.

One minor nitpick:

Aunt Luna has taken the dominant potion in government

I think you mean "position."

2770318 Thank you. The change has been made.

The title was originally just a working title, but I ended up getting so attached to it, I didn't have the heart to change it. With the cover image as it is, I don't think I will change it. Hopefully a Disclaimer will remedy confusion.

2770433

:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

,,, MUST READ!! I KNOW THIS! IT SOUNDS AWESOME *apology hug to Exilo*

2770433

Now that I have properly read this chapter, I have given this a Thumbs Up, and have even more eagerness.

2770617 Thank you, Snow. I hope it's different enough from your idea that both of ours can still live on the site.

2770650

lol. I hope so too. I'm starting with a cliche 'years ago' flashback, though.

Interesting. So far, this Blueblood seems like a condescending jerk, but we've already gotten glimpses at his better qualities. I am curious to see where this will go now.

2771289 It's a fine line to walk. I want to maintain his jerkishness, but also give reason for it, and perhaps, by the end of the story, you actually like him. I hope I can continue to catch your enjoyment.

Well it has been a long time since I have read this kind of story.
This is the first chapter so I will not assume anything.
The only problem I have at the moment is the lack of scenery. Yes you say that he is in the spa and then goes to the karneval, but other than that there is no deeper description (almost as if all of it is just a dream).Other than that I have no problems.
P.S Oh and gore doesn't imply some gruesome torture or a bloody rain, it just implies that there will be better described and detailed violence.

2774597 Thank you for the suggestion. I will go back in and add some description to today's chapter.

Good Story, I really liked the storyline. But damn those Ponies kiss Celestia Butt so goddamn Much. :twilightangry2: Why nobody Kiss Obamas Ass Like this?

... Can one thumbs-up individual chapters?

2775710 I haven't a clue, but I assume. I doubt the fics could reach 2k thumbs if everyone could only vote once.

2774706 Have you seen Celestia's booty? It's pretty amazing.

OK,these are my thoughts on this chapter.
The plots, as far as I can see now, is decent. I haven't noticed any grammatical errors so far and the characters personalities are steady, for now.I am glad you have taken my suggestion to detail the scenery a bit more,now it doesn't seem as if all of it is just a dream.It's brilliant to see writers with an imagination bone, I'm talking of bluebloods backstory.

Comment posted by Pitch Black deleted Jun 26th, 2013

Liquid courage that was good haha
But oh man... The feels. I know what Blueblood feels like, cuz that's how I'm treated around my home, though not as extreme. Poor Blueblood, now I wonder who made him turn out that way, I wonder I wonder I wonder. Very well written, Im really loving how this is all coming out, how it's all fitting together and all the pieces are connecting. Lol Cadance, a prankster? Yeah I can see that XD and gee Shining Armor was a dick last chapter, but I can see him giving BB the "why you suck speech". You're doing a really great job, keepin him a jerk but a bearable jerk. you know he has his intentions in the right place, hes just kinda... spoiled a bit. Yeah, everyone is portrayed very nicely, I can't wait for tomorrow's chapter :D

2780601 When I was writing this, I decided to move Blueblood towards a Broken Ace. Like Armor says, Blueblood had all the potential in the world, but everyone assumes he was just lazy. In reality, his father broke him. I tried to incorporate various forms of abuse. Things like forcing Blueblood to gallop around a track until he puked, and then force him to go again, force him to study long hours, and of course, smacking him whenever Blueblood didn't do something exactly right. Only Celestia knows the truth about the situation, though Cadance suspects something is wrong, and she has long been his only real friend. Shining Armor simply doesn't know what happened, which, makes Blueblood's story kind of more tragic. He is kind of a dick, but also keep in mind, everything is from BB's point of view, so he might perceive Armor as worse than he really is.

2780032 Uhm... did I do something wrong to earn a facepalm? Can you be slightly more specific?

2780007 My view of the dream sequence is, it’s actually pretty common in the MLP-verse. His aunt, Luna, can canonically enter dreams, and I don’t think of Blueblood as a stallion with a shortage of nightmares. He would pretty frequently experience nightmares, and so is pretty used to it by now. He also immediately knew the filly was supposed to be Celestia, he just wasn’t sure if it was Celestia or a prank. He has lots and lots of trust issues that would keep him from immediately believing that it’s his aunt.

Incidentally, something bugs me a little:

“Now you have the nerve to question my loyalty, my judgment?

I don't think Blueblood really said anything that would prompt that kind of response from Shining Armor, though I might have missed something.

And now it suddenly makes sense. Never thought I would feel sorry for Prince Blueblood...

And why do I get the feeling that that wasn't REALLY his dad, just some illusion caused by the cave's magic? Y'know, like that cave from <i>The Empire Strikes Back</i>?

2781190 To your first thing, Armor commenting about BB. BB said, "We should be looking for Celestia," and Shining Armor choses to accept Luna's decision, and not stay. That's what it was stemming from.

And, to your second, I never outright explain what is happening, but hopefully the next chapter, everything will kind of fall into place.

I am happy you sympathize with BB. I'm happy with the angle I pursued. A lot of people seem to portray him as either a fool who means well, or just stuck up and doesn't realize what is happening, and his father is always a hero of the empire. I think I'm the first person to write him as a tragic Broken Ace, and though his father is a hero... he's no where close to a dad.

Uhm... :yay:

So... when my version gets out, I won't be able to do that cave scene without people accusing me of copying you... Oh well. It's still a great read.

Ah, considering all the things he's going through, it's more like "Prince Blueblood vs. Himself" I'd say...

well... that escalated quickly.
but it was very nice :twilightsmile: feels were felt. and whoa, dat bitch is crazy :rainbowderp: but yay Blueblood did something right, good job BB. he's def not the automatic pony to hate anymore, he's still a bit of a jerk but now he's: a jerk with a heart of gold-er lets say bronze, like angel bunny. yes I liked it a lot, so many good elements, I just wish there was a bit more back story, a little more stuff to make us more emotionally attached to him. like the scene with his dad would've been great for some epic flashbacks of his dad doing bad parent shit to him, but the story is still over all very good :D character development is always awesome.
you know I'm curious, you have these intricate stories and origin thoughts on a lot of the dark ensemble ponies, soo what is your take on Derpy? how do you perceive her, I know I have a crazy headcanon for her, do you have one?

Considering how Shining Armor's role is very minor, I don't think he should be on the character list for this story...

Also, great job making Celestia vulnerable to her own power.

2785283 OK, one, I think three people have actually read this in depth enough to notice similarities in another fic. Two, as I pointed out before, there is a confrontation between Blueblood and Celestia, but that’s pretty much the extent of our similarities. In this, Celestia has been chemically imbalanced because of the water, and only perceives that she is a threat to the ponies. In yours, she’s an Eldritch Abomination. For a while, I was going to write her as a grotesque monster, but aside from the fact I would be copying you, it would be illogical that Blueblood could still hug her. The emotions and driving force of the characters is drastically different. It’s like saying Sonic copied Mario. Yes, both have a plucky protagonist, are fighting for the liberation of their home world and are rewarded with a kiss from a female, but it’s simply that they are built from the same frame. If you break anything down far enough, you could accuse anyone of copying. Lastly, as I have said many times: I don’t care. I would be flattered if you were “inspired” by my works, considering I was inspired by your idea.

2785496 Well, Chapter 1: Blueblood vs. the Peasants. Chapter 2: Blueblood vs. the Royalty/Ruling Class. Chapter 3: Blueblood vs. the Salamander, and his “Father.” Chapter 4: Blueblood vs. the Solar Goddess. Yeah, he’s fighting everyone, including himself, but the World is catchy.

2785508 I really never considered him a Jerk with a Heart of Gold. When I was writing this, I really saw him as a Broken Ace. Rarity wanted an Ace. But, when it comes right down to it, he’s not just broken inside, he’s outright shattered. It’s only been Celestia (and to a lesser extent, Cadance) that has spared him blowing away in the wind. But, hopefully now he can start to rebuild, as you’ll see in the epilogue.

Uck, you have no clue how much I wanted to include in this fic. I could write another story solely detailing how much background I came up with for BB. Every time I tried to include a flashback, it broke the flow too severely, and the flashback might have helped Blueblood realize his father wasn’t actually there. Also, there was stuff I wanted to include, but Blueblood couldn’t have known about it, and since this was firmly from his perspective, it couldn’t be included. Things such as: Blueblood never actually realized his father was being abusive, he still doesn’t understand it. As far as he’s concerned, he simply wasn’t good enough. The problem is with him. But what I regret most would be, there was no way to include final confrontation between the Father and Celestia. In the prequel hopefully.

2785541 I humbly disagree about Shining Armor. Although he only appears in the first two chapters, he has a major part in the second chapter. His “The Reason you Suck” Speech is important, to develop BB, and hopefully, if people go back and read it, new dimensions of it will open up.

What I wish is that you could arrange the characters. This is a story about Blueblood, and to a lesser extent Celestia. Despite that, I don’t know of a way to make him first. I would keep Shining Armor last, but I feel Shining Armor has an important role in it, also serving as a foil to BB.

2787236
Heh, that's all true. I probably did concentrate too much on the intense, cringe-worthy ordeal Blueblood suffered at the tender ministrations of the pile of bloodied razors he carries where other people have a healthy sense of self-worth. I wasn't even convinced the Celestia he met was real until quite late into their discussion!

2787350 In the planning phase, he wasn't going to confront his father, he was going to confront "Celestia" who was going to deliver a "The Reason you Suck" Speech that would make Shining Armor's look loving. It somehow felt hollow though, and once I confirmed that the tainted water brings to life your deepest fear, what would BB fear most? Everyone seems to portray Blueblood's father as almost messiahanic, which made me wonder how Blueblood became so broken. Then, snap! And it let me leave some clues throughout. At first read, BB's fear of Celestia might just stem from her being so large and powerful (though a punishment involving running until he pukes was meant to raise some suspicions). Then, it was my hope that when you realize what his father really was, all the horrors would come crashing back.

I had such high hopes for this fic.

This is the first non-clop story of yours at I've read and I must say it is very good. (Actually the clop is also really good, more tasteful and sincere than most.) I only wish it was longer. :twilightsmile:

2789193 Well, my view of my writing is, I may be a porn writer, but it's high class porn.

Epilogue will be up shortly. It will wrap up this story and hopefully provide fertile ground for future Blueblood stories.

2790571
I like your interpretation of Blueblood, he genuinely cares for the ponies around him. But he has a bad way of showing it. I look forward to more of these types of Blueblood stories. :twilightsmile:

I'd give this more thumbs up if I could.

Beautiful, beautiful chapter. It flowed well, and gave some more interesting insights.

Will there be more forthcoming? I ask because it doesn't say 'completed' yet.

Aw, that was sweet. Though I can't help but notice that despite this being an "epilogue," the story's still marked as "incomplete."

2791158

... I did not notice this. :twilightsheepish: But now I do. Heh.

2791158 Uhm... oops.

2791057 Nah, I just forgot to mark it as Complete.

Nice ending. That was a fun story. I approve of this, we could feel Da Magick! :coolphoto:

2792423 Thank you. I really enjoyed writing Blueblood. Must think about more things with him.

2829061 I do have the idea for a prequel, where Celestia confronts Blueblood's father (WIP name is Commander Purple Heart.) Hopefully that might come to fruition

2967732 This is possibly my favorite fic up here. I adore Blueblood, especially after writing this, and I was really proud of some of the aspects of his character I introduced (I believe even originated.) So I would be happy to hear what you think when finished reading.

Hmm, I like this! Is there plans for a sequel?

3343569 Eventually, yeah. I have, written, what will either be a one-shot sequel, or the first chapter in a sequel fic. I just haven't had the desire to post it, but hopefully soon I will.

3348259 (Post it post it post it! And put a new chapter in this fic to say when you've posted it, because there's only one author on this site that I follow, and it took like twenty awesome stories by him, only five of which I actually realized were BY him, and his direct request to get me to follow him. ...Um, not saying that you're bad, but I have extremely high standards for follows, as originally I wasn't even going to do that at all.)
...Wow, that comment got away from me in a hurry. Ah well, putting foot in mouth is a Noble Family Tradition for me.

Basically, I would like to read more. Aloe (or was it Lotus?) + Blueblood has some serious potential, I think. Also, I've discovered that I really have a thing for fics where Blueblood is a good guy; either where he was good all along, and just put on an act for his own reasons (to keep away gold diggers, or there was this one fic where he's a member of a secret organization that's forbidden to interact with the Elements of Harmony), or where he's originally an asshole but gets better (like the time-looping 'Best Night Ever', or this one other fic where he gets together with Trixie).

3350927 It’ll need a few more run through and edits, and then I will post it. When I get my will to post it, I will. I can’t post a chapter on here though. The rules are you can’t post “Updates” of that sort. Maybe I will simply post it as a Chapter X on here, or as a new fic. Who knows. It’s a ways off though. But when I do post it, I will try to note you, if you are still interested.

I’m not actually sure which Spa Pony it was. I’d have to double check, but I think it’s Lotus. I do like the thought of them getting together though, in a romantic way. I think someone very down-to-earth and nurturing would be good for Prince Blueblood.

I think of BB as very, very complicated, and the sequel will go more into his psyche and why he acted the way he did in the canon episode, and what has changed in him. Also, it’ll have Ditzy Doo, but in a completely non-romantic way, if only because… I think of Blueblood as late thirties, and Ditzy early twenties. I mean… Blueblood could be her father. So it would be slightly more of a paternal role with her.

Thumbs up? Hell, I'll fave it too! Great story! Rare is the time I ever see BB ever get to be the good guy.

Login or register to comment