Discord has returned, stronger and madder than ever before. Imprisonment has made him savvy, and he shall set in motion a plan not to kill Celestia, but to ruin her in the eyes of those she loves most. He shall tear out the very soul of Equestria and leave it a hollowed shell, unless Celestia can rise to stop him.
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And here I thought you were going to wait until Monday to post this! I'll read this as soon as I finish today's work on my own story. I'm looking forward to this; the description seems promising.
2064343 I'm kinda saddened that EQD refused Poisonous Joke. I'm really trying to make a name for myself as a writer. So... just gotta keep trying, right?
2064353 EqD is a big deal. Don't take it too harshly. They probably get a few hundred stories a day, and I'd imagine it gets too easy for them to throw one out. If you enjoy writing, then write for that reason. Don't do it just for the approval of the people reading your stories.
My story might be a flop when it comes out, but I'll keep it up even if it gets 100% downvotes. I'm proud of my writing even if others don't like it. You should be proud of yours too. Even if its subject matter isn't always my personal cup 'o tea, you're a skilled writer. Don't give up.
With so many fics depicting tyrant or evil Celestia I am always pleased to see one that show her her in a good light, and By Epona you did that. Discord underestimated the love they had for her, 50 million souls that love her, and calling out of justice. He also relearned something, you do mess with her little ponies. She is Celestia Invictus, the Unconquered Sun, She Who Enlightens The Heavens, and she will give her life to defend and save her home and her ponies.
Because of this I deem this an acceptable addition to the Protect Celestia group.
-Celestia's Paladin: Ex Solis et Lunae, Providentia et Prospera
2064386 I do enjoy writing and my own works, and I know I shouldn't be concerned with what others think. But you know, posting stuff for eight years now on line, trying to get published in real life, and you start to long for a sense of recognition. You long for the popularity.
But anyway, you get to your work. Work on your fic, and when it comes out I will read. And if it deserves it, i'll give a Thumbs Up.
2064420 Thank you very much for this comment. It warms my heart like the sun on my mane. I adore Celestia, and did want to do a fic where she's both the underdog, her people support her, and she prevails. Thank you again. This comment is really a touching thing to read.
2064425 The one thing about me is that I work at a pretty fast pace. I can spare a few minutes to cheer on a friend.
I look forward to giving this a read, and thanks in advance for reading mine.
2064463
You're welcome, and I look forward to reading more from you. I would also like to invite you to join the "Protect Celestia" group, where we have fics ranging from simple slice-of-life to Celestia kicking ass and taking names.
2064484 Hoping your work went well last night. I am thinking I should have waited till Monday to post this. More time on the front page.
Time began: 7:32 PM EST
Let us see what I can find grammar wise to make this acceptable for EQD's ridiculously high standards...I can already see a lot of modifier usage (very is a VERY common word in here), you should use stronger adjectives instead of "Very" w/e.
Your sentence structure at the beginning is bland and boring, try combining a few of the first sentences together so it doesn't feel like the flow is constantly stopped. Imagine if you were reading it out loud and how often you'd have to stop because of sentence of x length then period.
This is in the first 4 or 5 minutes of reading it, I'm going to have to download and go serious edit mode to get it all, but I can probably have that done by tonight or early tomorrow, assuming my roomie stays at his current volume level.
And just as a HUGE side note: I'm fairly certain EQD suffers from favoritism to a vast degree, and my editing skills probably do not even come close to the level of Grammar Nazism theirs demand, so I may miss things that are technically correct grammatically but could be done totally differently for better effect (which is what got a story of a friend's rejected for the 3rd time, in addition to a misused semicolon)
2137303 You know, I like long sentences, sometimes dancing on the cusp of run on sentences. EQD complained, so I tried shortening them.
And yeah. The stories just... I wish I could draw. They accept much lower standards. If you can download it, and make the changes into the text with red ink, that would be appreciated.
2137316 I have completed my preliminary round of edits. I have to say, you DO use a TON of runons, even now, so you need to be careful. I also noted a few incorrect punctuation uses as well as a metric fuckton of fragments, and a general observation that you write in a passive voice as opposed to an active one. All that combined does not bode well if you don't make some serious fixes. I made a ton of comments in the margins for you to evaluate as well, and I did actually make some changes as opposed to just noting what was wrong, though the vast majority of what I did was observation because the flow of the story was so broken I couldn't actually get into it enough to do more than quickly skim the plot and note errors.
Well written, I thought, and your descriptions and characterization is very good as well. Definitely felt like Celestia, which is not easy to so.
I wasn't nuts about the entire first half of the story being setup and exposition, though. It's fine to set up your villains , and set the stakes, but that text is rarely enjoyable to read. It ends up being you beating down the princess for a long, long time. That in itself is tedious, at a point. I suppose I would say that, going forward, try to show rather than tell. Have her witness the Discord police state, rather than hear about it.
Still, that said, very well constructed, and quite well-written.