"Writers are vain, selfish and lazy." ~George Orwell
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The Old World has fallen prey to foul creatures. The only survivors, a makeshift crew led by a salty sea captain, escape aboard the SS Boone to find new land to settle in. Nothing is mapped out, the supplies aren't plentiful and they know full well that not all of them will survive the journey, if any at all, for the sea is a harsh mistress.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Let's get this show on the rooooooooad!
Let's see this thing sail it's way into the feature box!
There's certainly a story in here, but it's a bit too vague as it currently stands. Not quite a pony story yet, you know?
That being said, I think I'm going to keep an eye on this one.
I'm going to watch this one with interest. I'm still confused, but I hope that everything gets made clearer on down the road. It's an intriguing setup, though.
I like this. I want to see more of these characters, I want to learn more about the plague, and I want them all to hit dry land eventually.
Some suggestions.
First off: when someone is talking, you use double quotation marks, not single quotes. It should be "something", not 'something'.
This description is incorporated terribly into the text. It doesn't flow. You just kind of crammed it in there very awkwardly, without trying to make it flow into things.
This sort of thing (a synonym for said, followed by an adjective) work alright, but the trouble is that they can also really pull the reader's attention when you don't want them to, or be repetitive with the text. In this case, the "bitterly" is kind of pointless; we already have him complaining, so there's little need to add in the bitterly here. There are other ways of saying this as well - possibly using body language. Possibly have him spit.
There is also a bit of awkwardness from the positional notation here; there's really little reason to note it, because the fact that he's on the right doesn't really matter.
I also don't really get the need for the nicknames. The character highlights it but they don't really seem to add anything to the story.
Awww yeah.
Here we go, you finally released it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
4674843 I'm gonna rebut these in a sec.
There is no reason as to why single quotes should be an issue. In the British lands and the Commonwealth, it is common practice to use single quotes and has never been an issue for me or writers such as Aldous Huxley, J.R.R. Tolkien and George Orwell who use them in their stories.
The name of the chapter is The Captain, which I would hope would offer a hint that it's largely focused on how the captain is seeing things--even without this, it follows him throughout the chapter. He only catches a quick description of the filly before he has the chance to speak. It WOULD be awkward if he were to have a long description of the filly or holding some sort of focus on her in the short time between her speaking and him speaking. It was a highlight of the general traits she owns, being her eyes and her coat.
As for the bitterly comment, that's fine. Solid advice.
Positional notation? I'm a tad lost here, not going to lie.
Nicknames are a problem? Honestly? It's clearly a thing that has a reason to be there, otherwise... well, there would be no nicknames. I don't see how you believing that there isn't a point to them would make it so, or why it would be an objective issue.
No upvote from me. No downvote, either, but I was completely lost for most of the story. The bit at the end was nice, but I'm still not sure exactly what happened. It feels like this picked up in the middle of a story -- that this is chapter 3 or 4, maybe, but not the first.
I'll favorite because I want to see where it goes, but if it doesn't improve fairly soon I won't be making myself read more.
I'm not sure whether I should report those lyrics for plagiarism or not. =__=
I like the story, but... stealing from Barrett's Privateers like that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. You didn't even give credit where it's due....
EDIT: Reported for plagiarism and downvoted until such time as Stan Rogers is credited or the lyrics are removed. I sincerely hope you only have to remove the lyrics, or get off with a warning. I enjoy your work, yipyapper, but plagiarism should be above you.
EDIT the second: Downvote changed to upvote due to proper credit being given.
4684949 Plagiarism? Excuse me?
I respect Stan Rogers (RIP) more than a lot of other legends in Canada. The lyrics were based off of the song, but a lot of the problem I think is more because the same format is used and it seemed a whole lot worse than it actually was. Only one or two lines actually had most of the words derived from the song, and the vast, vast majority were substituted.
I will put in a note for Rogers, which I should have done in the first place, but please don't accuse me of that crap.
4685101
Yes, plagiarism. No doubt you've heard of it.
From Wikipedia:
"Plagiarism is the "wrongful appropriation" and "stealing and publication" of another author's "language, thoughts, ideas, or expressions" and the representation of them as one's own original work."
You just admitted to basing the song off of his work, yet you neglected to give him credit. In the eyes of many, this could be seen as disrespectful, though I understand that basing the song in the story off of his work could also be treated as a sign of respect. However, not giving him credit detracts from this.
I accuse you and rightfully so. You might not have understood what you did was plagiarism, but the fact that it was plagiarism remains true. Please don't try to argue against it; accept what it was, that you were at fault, and move on. I've changed my downvote to an upvote since you credited the late Mr. Rogers in your AN.
In any case, I look forward to seeing where this story goes from here.
4685138 You accuse me? I already mentioned that I should've given a note that he inspired the lyrics, and rightfully I did. The thing is, though, is that I used the format of the song to make the lyrics, not the words from the song itself.
Picture this: a great deal of blues songs paints the same structure for their songs. Is it considered plagiarism to use the "bum buuuhhhh bum buh" line in all of these songs? Was it illegal for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" to use a piece of "More Than a Feeling"'s riff to make angsty teenagers everywhere rejoice? No. If I had blatantly put in "I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier", that'd be plagiarism. If I had even put in "I'm a broken pony on a Ponyville pier", that'd be crappy. But not "Now we're all bro-ken from our toils and times". Some moments, it obviously shows inspiration from the song, but more as a homage with lines like "The last of Barrett's privateers" to "The last of Old World's privateers". But it's enough that I needed to come up with new content that is now rightfully attributed to Stan Rogers.
4685183
Please stop trying to justify it. What's done is done. It was plagiarism, whether intentional or not.
You've credited Mr. Rogers, and I'm satisfied with that.
4685218 I'll end it if you like, but you're being rather obtuse. Saying "it is what it is" without replying to my retort isn't really proving your point any harder.
4685224
You proved my point yourself in your first reply. You intentionally based the song in the story on Barrett's Privateers, by Stan Rogers, and did not credit him for the lyrics, format, etc. This is a clear case of publishing something significantly based upon his song as your own, original work, which by your admission, it is not.
It is what it is. I don't have to prove my point further, as it has already been proven. You've rectified the lack of credit being given, which was the main reason I was objecting to your appropriation of Mr. Rogers' song.
Please stop arguing about it. You were in the wrong, you have since rectified that wrong, and life goes on. Lesson learned: Give credit where it's due.
4685218
4685224
Ah man, good stuff.
4685224
4685218
Lol'd
4685295
See? The Fimfiction community can be self-policing, sometimes!
That said, please don't eat me.
4685307
*please see reply to Meeester*
4685312
Thing is is that parodies don't need to actually credit the artists. Look at Weird Al. He only does it to respect the original artists, and only had one falling out with Coolio, I believe it was. Anyways, keep policing.
4685349
I guess that makes sense. Uh... derp. I probably was a little harsh on him because I enjoy the song and it's of personal significance (My dad played it endlessly when I was younger).
That aside, I'd just rather this sort of thing be credited, especially since original lyrics are still included.
I'll try. Keep being an awesome staff member. o7
Much potential this has. Keep an eye on it, I will. (Couldn't resist.
) The only thing this was missing was a hook (definition: a dynamic entrance 
)