• Member Since 19th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Penalt


Keeping a promise I made to myself 30 years ago.

E

The village of Brightly, British Columbia, Canada, has a deep and storied history as a coal mining town which slowly faded as ships stopped using coal for their boilers. Nowadays it is a quiet, isolated community near the coast nestled within the forests of the Pacific coast. It's the kind of town where everyone knows everyone, and folks look out for each other. Those bonds of friendship and community are tested when some of the inhabitants begin to turn into colourful ponies with strange powers and abilities...

Created with the assistance of my editors: Sandstorm94, Coyotethetrickster, Rejara and other foolishbrave souls.


Welcome to my very first commissioned story. Thanks to the kind support of my patron through Patreon I am able to try my hand at a kind of story I've never written before. This story will be updated monthly for as long as my patron wishes to pursue it.

A story from The Canary Files

Chapters (28)
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Comments ( 378 )

8176919 Thank you. I hope you enjoy the ride.

Definitely looks like fun. I can't wait to see where you go with this premise. I had an idea similar to this, but other stories are taking precedence at the moment, so good luck, have fun and may your muse never grab you and scream in your ear "ENOUGH OF THIS CRAZINESS!!" :pinkiehappy: :pinkiecrazy: :pinkiehappy:

you have my attention please do go on

i wnder what the kids parents will think when they find out there kids have been turned into ponies

stentorian

This story has officially caught my attention.

even as her impediment butchered the “s” sound.

The evidence is clear! This fiendish ponification could only be accomplished by the diabolical Peppermint Twist!

:twistnerd:

I'm sure it's fine, kids. Happens all the time. I'm sure your folks have seen weirder... :rainbowlaugh:

8222511
Ya, when the kids were little and they had their diapers changed.

oh hold on i have a song for the moment when they tell there parents what happened

“Whaddya say, Power Ponies?”
Just then a crackling portal opened up in front of them, and out stepped a brown pony with a briefcase in his mouth.
"Are you here to take us to magic ponyland?" one of the kids said excitedly as he opened his briefcase.
He hoofed them all papers saying, "No, I represent Power Ponies LTD and you are all under arrest for having copyrighted thoughts."

But no seriously this story is adorable. I wonder what their parents are gonna think, and what Granny Smith has to do with all this.

This was a good chapter to set things up, but it did have problems. For starters, you repeat the description of character way too often. Take the example below.

“Coming,” called the woman, to the knock on her door. She smiled as walked the few steps needed to cross her kitchen. It was a Saturday and just after breakfast time in the neighborhood, so she had a pretty good idea who was knocking on her door. Opening the door, she saw, as she expected, a young boy of about eleven with dirty blond hair. Billy Kye was eleven, perpetually dirty and something of an apprentice of hers when it came to finding anything edible that could be had from nature.

You described to us that Billy was eleven twice in the same paragraph, in sentences right after one another. Also, another issue was that not a lot about the characters was established. I guess this makes sense since they are children, and hopefully they will get more distinguishing traits in the coming chapters.

Still, I am interested in seeing the story progress and how the families are going to deal with these changes.

“Billy,” began Pedersen, with very gentle reproof in her tone and a smile to lessen even that, “I’ve told you before. Not everything pagans do involve spells, herbs, or prayers to the Goddess.”

“Aww,” said the boy, eyes downcast.

“Besides, this is only going to seem like magic,” she said, still smiling. She turned, deeply inhaled, and bellowed out, “ROWEY! ROMY! Billy’s here!” As the echoes of that stentorian shout faded, the thunder of feet came from the stairs leading to the upper floor, and within seconds her two daughters appeared before her.

Presto! :ajsmug:

To begin with the good, I liked seeing the kids explore their new bodies. This is always a fun thing to see in a transformation story, and it was handled pretty well... for the most part. I liked how the kids had trouble standing with their new bodies, but Zak, Kyla, and Rowey gravitated way too fast to their new powers. Especially Rowey's ability to make magical force fields with no practice.

I also really liked that at least some of the kids got some development, like Zak and Kyla's parents owning a horse farm, and being more mature and thoughtful than the other kids because of it. It was especially neat seeing Zak using his horse skills to help the others through their chances. Hopefully the others will get similar developments in the future.

Aside from the before mentioned quick-pickup of new abilities, I would say that my one other issue with the chapter was that no description was given to the kid's eyes. We know that Romy has multi-coloured eyes, but it's unclear if the others have new eye colours or the same as their old bodies. Rowey's horn-aura is orange, so does she have orange eyes?

Overall, not a bad chapter, with good buildup to the eventual reveal with the parents.

Another quiet day in the archives, Frozen Quill thought to himself, as he began dusting the line of glass cubes. The sign at the entrance to the passageway he was in said “Student Made Artifacts - Do Not Touch,” and the cases in the hall were filled with strange and weirdly functional artifacts. Each item had been made by a student of “Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns” over the years. Celestia insisted that every student make, or attempt to make, at least one magical item during their time with her, and for the most part those items either worked as advertised or failed to work at all.

But a select few worked in strange ways. Items that turned books into random pieces of fruit, ones that made orange juice taste blue or did even odder things. Princess Celestia was a big believer in being prepared, and her long life had shown her sometimes you needed the insane to solve the impossible. So, instead of these strange items being destroyed as failures, they were instead cataloged, stored and watched to make sure they didn’t cause problems until such time as a use was found for them.

A bit like the SCP containment unit. Though, i doubt many of those are Keter class.

This was a cute chapter. I like the kids coming up with super-hero names, and even a bit of character-establishment for Billy, since he's the one who suggested the super-hero idea to everyone. Also, I guess the stuff in Equestria is interesting, but not enough information has been given yet for me to properly comment on. Sorry that this one is short but that's about all I have: it was cute and got a bit of establishing for another character.

Although, I will say that I am confused why this is in the TF/TG group when none of the kids have swapped sexes so far.

8226826
Dang, good point about the eye colours. I have them fully described in my notes. I'm going to make a point of them being mentioned as the way the parents recognize their children. As well as the sound of their voices.

8226875
Re-reading the first chapter again, in human form Rowney and Zak had brown eyes, so I'm not sure if they still do in pony form. Billy and Kylara never had their eyes mentioned.

8226859
I put it in the wrong group. I've pulled it. Good spot.

As for the Equestria stuff, it's necessary to provide the logical framework of how/why things are happening.

Got a bit of the vibe from the Goonies here...

At least thats what my brain is telling me.
Does this make sense? :twilightblush:

Hoof Portal Mirror and Statuette

Probably not Harmful

Report any changes to Princess Celestia

IMMEDIATELY

:rainbowlaugh: First it was reading a book (no harm ever came from reading a book, afterall!) and now this? Ah, this is awesome. 'Probably not harmful'. At least she has the wise policy of keeping those things secure.

This story is fun so far. I do like the transformation trigger being the book from episode one. Have to agree that they've adapted to magic and flight fast, but having a farm kid their gives your post-tf adjustment a nice little prop.

Interesting premise you have going here. It does make me wonder how the universes will meet and what ponies come over.

This story is so adorable. I eagerly await the next chapter of the power pony saga.

holy moly this is awesome

This was another good chapter, though there were some problems. Beginning with the good, I liked how Jean handled the situation at the end with the kids. It was a short scene, but I always like seeing adult characters taking charge of the situation and not just freaking out and acting like assholes, like in so many pony transformation stories. I also liked the scene at the beginning where the kids tried to use magic to change back. Again, it was short, but it's nice to see the characters acting smart about their situation.

However, the problem with the chapter was that nothing really happened. It was just the kids getting back to one of their houses, and was focused on only getting them from point A to B. As such, the kids are still under-developed. The stuff with Jean's rod was also a bit confusing.

So in the end, I like how the characters acted in this chapter, but I wish they'd gotten more development.

I guess "Lady President of Gallifrey" will just have to be her pony name, now. :rainbowlaugh:

Well I wonder how the rest of their parents will react to this development.

“Crap, crap, crappity crap,”
(nothing)
“Our parents are going to shit themselves!”
“Zak! That’s a swear!”

:rainbowlaugh:

she tried saying the words again, only this time backwards. Again, nothing happened.

Whaaaaaaaaat? But that always works! :twilightoops:
Did you try reversing the polarities?

Kya gave a huge downbeat with her wings and shot straight up. Directly into a thick cedar branch that was nearly twenty feet overhead.

It wasn’t static electricity, but something deeper and more powerful.

And it's heading straight for your dimension in a collision course!

The sign at the entrance to the passageway he was in said “Student Made Artifacts - Do Not Touch,”

"Student-Made

Frozen Quill shook himself and shouted for a pair of guards. When they arrived he told them, “Guard this corridor and make sure nopony enters or leaves, I’ve got to go see the Princess right now because something very strange is happening. Do you understand my order?”

(skip to 1:51)

:twilightsheepish:

“Hi mom, I love you,” Romy’s voice came into her ear.

Mom,

“Romanadvoratrelundar,”

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/9f/46/75/9f467543e2b2b030b4520559c09e576a.jpg

:twilightsheepish:

8288058
Fixed, and yes, yes I am.

I’ll have Missus Harding see if you can be fitted for a bridle.

It was inevitable... :rainbowlaugh:

i so wanna see there reaction to the unicorn magic

8314970
Next chapter the kids will show off a bit for their parents.

I liked this chapter for a lot of the reasons I've listed already: the character interactions were fun and I liked how the parents are taking the situation. However, something about the way the kids acted felt a bit off to me. I liked how they handled the situation before, but here they seemed a bit too in-control of the situation. I don't know, maybe it's just because they were being compared to how the parents were handling it. This was still a good chapter though.

Ooh neat, and the ambient magic continues to rise. I still think they accepted that these even are their children a little too readily, but I've never seen that magic before by which a parent always recognizes their child. It's certainly a lot more sensible than the magic which lets unicorns move things with their mind!

Also damn, Billy... a cracked hoof already? I was gonna say that horses only really need horseshoes when they're walking on concrete, or other rocky terrain, but he was kicking trees in half, so I guess nailing a pair of metal shoes into his feet might be advisable.

I just want to thank the patrons for helping you. You're certainly doing a good job!

8332295
Well, as a Dad of three myself I can say that yes, I can pick my kids out of a crowd pretty easily. It's a combination of voice, body posture, gestures...all the little things that add up to, "Yes, one trying to give the other a mohawk is mine."

8332699
I suppose you'd have far, far more experience than me then. :ajsleepy:

8332736
My kids are both the hardest and best thing I have done with my life

Isn't leaving a spell unfinished dangerous after a certain point? I get the feeling that they only delayed the inevitable and all the people present will be switching over to being a pony.

8343166
You may be right, I may be crazy.

so when do we meet celestia because now im am really curious about when thats gonna happen

"We're not adorable!" complained the kids, pouting adorably. :rainbowlaugh:

cute chapter, can't wait to see what the mother will come up with for the little foals.

8343242
But it just might be a Luna-tic you're looking for~ :pinkiehappy:

Pinkie... :facehoof:

 “Student Made Artifacts - Do Not Touch,” 

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

“Getting home and telling our parents what’s happened,” Romy said, as she too noticed how low the sun was.

“Uh-oh”

:trollestia:

He was the Friesian to her Arabian,

Maybe quite literally here shortly. :rainbowlaugh:

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