One and done
"Anon, I know you have a hard time understanding me but you need to finish your homework before bed young colt."
Anon tried his hardest but all he really heard was a bunch of garble that sounded vaguely of a structured sentence and shrugged.
"I'm sorry Celestia, but for the love of god I've done my best to make it clear that I can't understand a thing you're saying."
The only reason you know her name is because these magic horses written language seemed to be some weird mix of English, random lines, and some third language you've never heard of. You at least understood some what it said, but you were still left without a clear form of communication because of how strange it is. The most you could pick up is that they didn't seem to know what you were or how you got here, so you are stuck here for the foreseeable future. You didn't really care, rainbow horse land wouldn't be your first choice, but it's better than the orphanage you would have had to stay in for the next eight years.
On top of not being in the orphanage anymore was that Celestia, the Queen of horse land from what you could speculate, wanted to be the one to watch over you. Again, you didn't care. You were gonna have a hard time no matter who you lived with because of the language barrier. Celestia at least seemed nice enough, being patient as you both tried to figure out what the other was trying to say, bringing you different foods until you settled on good ol' PB and J's as something you could actually consume, and all around just being a pleasant horse person to be around. So it honestly made you feel a bit bad whenever she would get upset about something like she was now.
"Oh, this child...Anon honey, do you see this paper ?"
Celestia waved a paper in the air as she spoke, catching your attention.
"This is your homework for tonight."
She floated the paper and a pencil over to you. Grabbing them from her magic you look over the sheet closely. It looked to be a language learning sheet.
Oh.
"Okay okay, I get it, I forgot about my language work for the day. I'll get started on it as soon as I get back to my room."
You gave Celestia a thumbs up, the only thing that seemed to be understood as a positive gesture around here. Celestia seemed to just look stunned by your gesture, so you went on your way. You still didn't really understand her. Ever since you got here Celestia has been acting weird around you. She seemed to always be a bit more attentive towards you and going a bit more out her way to help you with stuff. She was also very...cuddly. Always nuzzling or hugging you. She even kissed you on the forehead once. Horse people are strange, but it was kinda nice.
You make to your room, which you would like to note is only a brisk walk from Celestia's room. Sitting at the desk in the corner you get to work. You hated doing paperwork, but seeing as this was being giving to you from the queen of the land herself and it was to help you understand what they were saying you sucked it up and dug in. A few hours later and you're done, you guessed. Until Celestia looked it over you honestly had no idea rather or not you made any progress. While you were working on that something had begun to nag at the back of your mind. Something about the way Celestia acts around you. Looking out a window you see that it was getting late. Deciding it was probably a good idea to put those thoughts aside for now and get ready for bed you go lay down when you hear a knock at the door.
"Get a banana for the foot!"
You laughed at your own joke. Seeing as how you couldn't be understood in the least you've taken to saying whatever you wanted to some things. Not realizing what you really said Celestia walks in. This wasn't that strange as she always came by to pick up your language paper at night. Tonight however she came straight over to you and sat on the bed next to you. She didn't say anything so you just waited.
~Celestia POV~
("This silly little boy, what will I ever do with you?")
You had been really thrown off from him putting a finger in the air in that way he always does and then just walking off. It honestly was very confusing, to say the least, not that it normally wasn't when your son is an alien being that spoke a completely different language, but that was just all part of the charm. You had walked around the castle trying your darndest to think about how to handle him. Without a proper way to talk to him it was all a bunch of guesswork which meant that he got away with a lot more than you were comfortable with. A diet of just nothing but PB and J sandwiches could not be healthy. But he was a good boy, always trying his best to work with you or any other pony for that matter despite the language gap. Smiling down at his perplexed look you use your magic to tuck him in for the night and lean down to give him a goodnight kiss on the cheek.
"I know you can't really understand me now Anon dear, but I hope you can still feel all my love when I speak to you. You're my little ray of sunshine and I do really hope I get to show you how excited I am to be your mother after being alone for so long."
One more quick nuzzle.
"Good night dear, I love you."
Remembering his homework you quickly grab it before blowing out his night stand candle and leaving, but not before giving him one last heartfelt smile. After closing the door you get to your room, eager to finish up some last-minute work of your own and getting to bed before it got too much later.
~Anon POV~
That happened.
Not really sure what was going on you let Celestia come in, tuck you in, kiss you on the cheek, nuzzle you, talk some about something, blow out the candle and grab your paper before leaving. Again, the nagging thoughts came back. The way she keeps acting, it reminds you of something. Something you remember seeing a lot from the inside of the orphanage back home. Something you never had before...
"OH MY GOD!"
You suddenly sit up in bed as it hits you what Celestia is doing!
"Celestia's falling in love with me!"
It all made sense, the closeness, the lovey-dovey attitude, the kissing, and nuzzling, she was getting feelings for you!
"Oh man...Could I even love a horse?!"
You begin to freak out, not really sure how to react to all this, as in a room just a few feet away another discovery was made.
"Oh dear, he completely failed this one too."
Celestia looked over the now graded homework with a frown, the F- declaring it's fate.
"This is going to take longer than I thought."
~The next day~
"Oh man, am I really doing this?!"
You were pacing around your room thinking about what you had been planning to do all through out last night.
"She's a HORSE!"
You paused in your walking.
"A very good-looking horse...AAAAAGH!"
You flop on your bed in frustration as you try to make head or tails of your feelings.
"I guess I really don't have a choice, I'm stuck here for as long as I can see and even if I find a way back home I'd have to go back to the orphanage."
Sliding your hands over your face you resign yourself to your fate.
"It's either a horse or be a loner for the rest of my life."
You lay there for a moment as a smile creeps along your face, a new thought helping to alleviate your reluctant feelings.
"But since it's the queen horse that means I would be king!"
You pump your fist in the air at the thought.
"Now that's out of the way I just need to ready for breakfast."
~MEANWHILE - Celestia's POV~
You were walking down to the dining hall, working out a new plan to help teach Anon how to speak Ponelish.
"None of the traditional teaching regimens are working, so I'm going to have to think outside the box."
Reaching the doors you open one to find quite the surprise. Anon was already up and awake, you had gotten used to sending a maid to get him before breakfast was done being served. What's more is that he has already picked out your favorite morning meal of hash browns, lightly buttered waffles with a decent amount of maple syrup and a tall glass of orange juice.
"Oh my, Anon just whatever is it you could be up to?"
Smiling at him to show your approval you go to take a seat and find that he's also pulling the seat out for you and sliding you in when you sat.
"You're looking to get something young colt, and your method is very effective."
You "MMMMM" as you take a bite of waffle. Letting Anon take his seat next to you and eat his meal you let his obvious brown-nosing go for the moment as you contemplate different teaching methods. As your mind comes up empty for new ideas it starts to drift to your memories of when Anon first got here and you were trying to explain the most basic of things to him. You had to show him how to find the bathrooms so you didn't have to keep guiding him every time he had to go. Showing him how to get there was one thing, but then came the problem of how he could tell you when he had to go so you wouldn't freak out that he had just disappeared. Eventually, you took him to the bathroom and just kept saying the word for "bathroom" while pointing at it until he got it. Looking back now it was very humorous, one of the princesses of Equestria pointing at a bathroom while chanting it at her adopted alien son.
That's when it hit you, hard enough for you to nearly drop your fork full of hash brown.
("Word association!")
You could hardly believe you hadn't thought of it until now. Immediately your brain was on fire with ideas on how to schedule Anon's new teaching regimen. Figuring now would be as good a time as any to test it out you magic up some flashcards with pictures on one side and its associated word on the other and turn to get Anon's attention. INSTEAD you end up nearly kissing him right on the lips as he was so close to your face with his lips puckered out in a way that would be cute in any other situation, eyes screwed shut in concentration. With a yelp you fell off your seat trying to back up from him, landing on your back with flash cards floating down around you, dazed and confused. Looking up at Anon you see him looking back down at you confused.
"...What have I gotten myself into with taking in this child?"
Getting up swiftly you gather up all the flashcards in your magic and give Anon a stern look. Knowing words would be useless you point towards the dining hall door and begin walking that way. Looking back when you didn't hear him follow you see he is decidedly more confused looking than before. Not having much patience left you fix him with a hard look again and gesture for him to come on. Finally, he seems to get it and starts over to you. When he is standing next to your side you open the door and begin making your way down to your room, Anon close behind.
After a moment of silent walking you glance back at him to see that his confusion has morphed into...sadness? Letting it go for now you just focus on getting to your room and seeing about, at last, getting some ground on what this boy has running through his head. When you get there you quickly herd him in and over towards your bed. Sitting him down one side you take the other. You sit quietly as you take a moment to gather your thoughts. As you do you give the sullen Anon a good look over. You obviously don't know much about his species, just the passing descriptions that Twilight had from her time in the mirror world. It was hard to know because of his size, but he couldn't be older than a young colt if what Twilight had said was true. His behavior was certainly like that of one, energetic and curious about everything. But this little indecent showed what the bulk of the problem was, with him being so young and you having no way of telling him otherwise whatever wild ideas his young mind could come up with will continue to go on without hindrance.
Taking a calming breath you think you know the problem. He doesn't see you as his mother. He is respectful and seems to understand you as an authority figure, but it seems he has misunderstood your maternal affections. A plan of attack worked out you begin shuffling through the cards looking for the right one.
~Anon's POV~
("I really screwed up.")
You thought it all was going great. She loved the breakfast you made her, you pulled out her chair for her like those "Gentlemen" on T.V. always did, and you even eat your food nice and polite. But when you had gone in for the kiss like all those movies they had in the romance section of the video store the orphanage would let the kids visit she made this kind of funny noise and fell over. What did you do wrong? She looked really upset now, like that time you accidentally broke that vase. You don't get romance any more than you get adults.
Maybe...maybe she really didn't like you like that? You don't know, you just know that you were in trouble now. She was messing around with some flash cards, but really you didn't care, you just wanted her to hurry up and punish you so you could back to your room. After a moment of her looking through cards she smiles and pulls one out. Setting the rest on the bed she floats the card over to you. Wearily you take the card and look it over. On one side is a Ponelish word, "Mátter". On the other is a picture of two horses, one big and one small. An arrow was over the big one, which looked like a girl. Not really sure what it is supposed to mean you try saying it out loud.
"Mátter?"
Celestia smiles a little wider, before handing you another card. This one was like the first one, but instead of one big horse, there was two, with a smaller one between them. One was a girl and the other a guy, both with arrows over their heads. The word for this one was "Eltoirí". You think you got this one, "parents".
"Eltoirí."
Celestia nodded before taking the "mátter" card and pointed between it and herself. You didn't get it, you were still unsure if "eltoirí" even means parents. You shrug to show you lack of understanding. Sighing Celestia takes both cards and puts them on the bed pictures face up. She puts the "mátter" card places it over the mom on the "eltoirí" card. Okay, so you don't know why this has turned into some strange impromptu language lesson, but it's better than being in trouble so you just go with it. It seemed kind of obvious now, either way, "eltoirí" did indeed mean parents and now you got that "mátter" means mom. Looking up at Celestia you nod. Celestia's smile got bigger as she floated the mátter card to her chest and looked at you expectantly.
Oooookay, let's try to figure this out. "Mátter" means mom, and she put that card on her chest. Is her mom really important to her? Nah. She thinks moms are really important? Nope. Maybe she thinks moms have really big boobies? Would she even know what a boob is? Celestia looked to be getting impatient as you racked your ten-year-old brain for an answer. Huffing she shuffles through the deck and pulls out a new card. Giving it to you see this word is "Mohn", and on the back is the same picture as the "mátter" card but with the arrow over the little pony now. So you guess "mohn" means "child"? Might be "son" or "daughter", the picture on the card isn't all that good. Before you can think about it any more the card is taken from you in Celestia's magic. She holds the two cards up for a second before again putting "mátter" on her chest and "mohn" on yours. Mother on her and child on you...
Mother, child...
Oh...
She wants to be your mom. And you tried to kiss her, on the lips. You tried to kiss your adoptive horse queen mom on the lips. The last thing you remember before your young mind gave up and you passed out was Celestia yelling something at you as your head hit the bed.
You wake some time later in your room rather than Celestia's.
Celestia...
You don't know why you were so stupid, you've obsessed over having a mom for your entire life and when life drops you right into the lap of one you don't even notice. To be fair you were just ten when you got dropped off at magic horse land. BUT THEN you just HAD to have the bright idea that all her attention was her being in love with you.
...
Maybe you haven't ruined everything. She seemed more annoyed by the attempt than genuinely angry. Deciding that the best thing you could do is to go see her and see if you can...well, actually start treating her like a mom. Getting out of bed and walking out the door your mind starts to mull over the fact that you had a mom now. It was weird, everything she had done made sense now, but it was still foreign to you. Having someone who does stuff for you just because they love you... It was all nice before, but with the new context remembering it put an unfamiliar warmth in your chest. Her making sure you had everything you needed, no matter how much time it took to understand what you were trying to say. Her taking care of all those really snobby horses that didn't like you for some reason. Her tucking you in at night.
You stopped in the hall at Celestia's bedroom doors, tears nearly spilling from your eyes.
...
You're scared. Being an orphan for ten years meant a lot of things were different about you, like being a bit smarter and maturer than most kids your age. You were reasonably sure Celestia wasn't mad, but you had that feeling in the pit of your stomach. You didn't want to have ruined this before you even knew you had it. You didn't want to lose another mom. With a sniffle and a wipe of your eyes you ready yourself for whatever was waiting for you on the other side of that door. You knock and wait for a response. After a moment you hear Celestia say something and the door opens. Hesitantly you walk inside.
After you're firmly in the room the door closes gently behind you . Instantly your eyes get drawn to the desk in the corner where Celestia is seated, wearing a pair of reading glasses and doing some paperwork. Almost as if sensing your eyes on her she looks up right at that moment and sees you staring back. Surprised, she quickly levitates her glasses off and runs over to you. Rapidly she starts saying things, checking you over for injuries if you had to venture a guess about why she was circling around you. A bit nervously you lift a hand up to stop her. Stopping in front of you she looks at you curiously. Taking as deep a breath as you could you point at her.
"Mátter?"
At first it seemed to catch her off guard. Then slowly she smiled, and tears began to well up in her eyes as she nodded yes. As for you, you were already crying. Immediately you ran over and wrapped her in a hug, her returning it and then some, using her wings to wrap the two of them in a feathery cocoon. She was saying something, but honestly, it didn't matter what she was saying. You knew all you needed to know, you had a home and a mom.
"I love you, mom."
Maybe it was too early to say that, you know she can't understand you, but you just wanted to be able to say. Regardless, she hugged you a little tighter and you returned in kind.
A mother's love has no boundaries after all.
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A few grammar mistakes. Still real good.
Other than the typos and grammatical errors, I enjoyed this one shot.
this has good potential to be turned into a chapter story starting with him appearing in equestria, eventually meeting his mother to be celestia and then to daily shenanigans as he try's to learn and so on
This reminds me of another story. While this story is sweet... THIS story is sweet, adventure-filled, epic... and weirdly shippy.
I'd rather read your story again than read what happens to the other human after the changeling kidnap him... or the other guy's drama with Roseluck.
I like your story.
a little bit of bad grammar but in all its a great story
they're
Fun stuff. Much Mátter.
Tag your second person please.
Apparently awful writing and premise. HOW FEATURED.
7203720
I made this in like ten seconds over on 4chan, your guess is as good as mine.
7203720
You've been here for like four years and this surprises you? I'm only surprised because the lack of a mature tag means it didn't sneak in by being porn. The feature box loves that second-person horse fucking.
this was cute, alot awkward during breakfast for all involved, still cute
7203803 The featured box has been the bane of my existence during my tenure.
HA haaaaaaaaa~
Get the fuck into the van, Anon.
Meh. I really don't want to give a dislike this story, but I really don't believe it deserves a like either. Reasons being that the child is only ten years old, yet he knows so much. Boobs? Romance? The hell? It's just so uncomfortable and illogical to think a child that young knows that stuff. It just feels out of character and immediately drove me out of the story.
7204620 Ten-year-olds know a lot more than you give them credit for. Especially if this kid was raised in an orphanage then there would have been plenty of older kids talking about mature topics and not caring if the younger kids were listening. Besides, it's clear that he picked up his ideas of romantic behavior from what he had seen in movies, so he didn't really know all that much.
7203720
I would assume because most of the people liking it are children of a comparable age to the "protagonist" who want to be in this position and haven't yet developed good taste.
7204620
go ask a ten year old what boobs are, they will probably know.
If that doesn't work, ask a group of ten year olds from an orphanage, they will definitely know.
The part I found strange is that he actually tried courting her, and was semi-competent at it. That part still isn't totally out the the question for a ten year old, as long as the kitchen staff didn't get in his way.
Something does seem off about him, though. I don't know if he is just to focused, to observant, too objective, or what, but something is off.
Sequel bro?
I nearly cried up reading this. It was so touching. And cute. Totes adorbs.
a story inspired from the pits of /mlp and it isn't blatant clop? and has an e rating at that?
nothing good can come of this
I like the premise, but holy fuck; This screams 'I don't have an editor, nor know how story structure is supposed to be'.
The story constantly shifts between POV, which isn't a bad thing when handled properly, but this story does not handle it properly. You need to stick between showing the reader the perspective has changed (subtle line breaks is the most common method, and the one I would recommend the most for a new writer.), or as you do in the story, tell the reader the POV has changed. That being said, if you tell the audience (IE: "Celestia's POV"), it reads a lot less like a story, and a lot more like a play, which I do believe is not allowed on this site.
I personally have some gripes with the character being named 'Anon', but that's entirely personal, because I think it's lazy writing when you could put in literally any other name. That being said, the name is fine, plenty of people use it, but a lot of people dislike it.
Get an editor. Doesn't matter who it is, just someone who speaks English and is not you, to just proof read your stuff. There are groups on the site for this. This step is mostly for little shit, like grammar, spelling, flow, etc, but can also be used to point out the large stuff like I said before.
Anyway, I ran out of steam for this rant. Cheers, and never stop learning.
Very interesting and warmly touching. Nothing moves your mom like 'I love you' and letting her know how much she means to you.
7205266
I made this on the fly over at 4chan for mothers day, over all time spent writing it probably took around two to three hours. I honestly never dreamed that of all my stories this would be the one to catch fire, so I didn't put that much effort into it. I'm thinking of going back and cleaning it up since it seems to be so popular though.
ATTENTION TO ALL THAT DARE BRAVE THE COMMENTS, PLEASE READ THIS IF YOU WOULD EVER BE SO KIND!
Due to unexpected popularity this story has been heavily edited from it's original version for easier reading. Normally I don't bother with stories I had written on 4chan, but this was a special exception because of just how much attention it has received. I hope you enjoy it more now, but before it is said let it be known that this is in fact the last version I will be editing
Beauty.
The feelings
Don't suppose you plan on making a sequel to this do you?
I really enjoyed this. Well done, author.
7206251 Beauty?
Perfection.
man i would liked to have read that in the standard green text format ... that is much easier to read when you know what you get into.
do you have a pastabin with the "original" ?
The story is cute, but like 7205266 said, this is written really poorly (now waiting for downvotes on comment). I don't go on 4Chan, so I don't know how the whole "greentext" format works, but you really do need someone to help you edit. So many aspects of this story could be better. You claim that the story has now been heavily edited, but there are still errors everywhere.
Love it.
Alright, let's rewrite the entire thing, only this time replace Anon with Eric Cartman.
The first part of the story is just so awkward to read. As in it made me feel awkward. (Which made me start laughing.)
And then the ending was just so heartwarming.
Thumbs up.
I thought I'd seen everything, but ... second-person focus-shifting narration? I can't even.
Cute as fuck. Also, that's actually an interesting way to write a ten year old. Kudos for you, dude!
This proofreading courtesy of Swan Song's "First Impresto Is The Besto!" Description Decrudifier! Remember, your long description is the first thing anyone sees of your work and reflects the quality of the story itself, so make sure it's in tip-top shape!
7207409 It's like a bad drawing of a super cute puppy. If it's poorly-drawn, it's hard to appreciate how cute the puppy is.
- removed -
This was adorable.
7209502
Dude, this is nothing. You should see Homestuck.
7209768
See? This shit, right here. This is why the "anon is a bad name" crowd is so stupid. People are passing up on reading a cute and well-written story just because one of the characters is named Anonymous, and the perspective is second person.
They've been told that these things make a story bad, and even though it self-evidently doesn't, they still absolutely refuse to partake in something that could be good.
Sorta makes me want to write something like this, though in first person and with actual translation problem between the MC and the ponies (A use for webdings!) for the reader.
As to the story, I thought that anon was an adult or late teens until it became obvious he was meant to be a kid. Though I may have misread something possibly...
I taught it was pretty sweet and enjoyable.
- removed -
7210550
If you haven't seen it, there's Onto The Pony Planet which has a heavy focus on the communication issues, and it switches perspective between the human MC and a pony. (Read the prequel first, though.)
Bro, Sequel Bro!
Imagine if a book became a bestseller... and the author was 4chan
i.makeagif.com/media/11-19-2015/re81Us.gif
Misunderstandings. Amusing stuff, indeed.
But that ending... those feels. Wonderful job