"You" are Anon, and you can't understand a bloody thing these little horses are saying. It doesn't help that you're only ten. Oh well, at least they're nice. Especially the queen horse, Celestia. At least that's what you think her name is. Anyway, she's awfully cuddly, always hugging you or some such. Honestly it's nice and all, but you are starting to wonder just why she is so affectionate...
Was bumbling around /mlp/ and made a thing. You might enjoy it, you might not, it's here either way.
*EDIT* Now with sequel: Bridging Words.
Featured May 10 2016, thank you so much!
Chapters (1)
A few grammar mistakes. Still real good.
Other than the typos and grammatical errors, I enjoyed this one shot.
this has good potential to be turned into a chapter story starting with him appearing in equestria, eventually meeting his mother to be celestia and then to daily shenanigans as he try's to learn and so on
This reminds me of another story. While this story is sweet... THIS story is sweet, adventure-filled, epic... and weirdly shippy.
I'd rather read your story again than read what happens to the other human after the changeling kidnap him... or the other guy's drama with Roseluck.
I like your story.
a little bit of bad grammar but in all its a great story
they're
Fun stuff. Much Mátter.
Tag your second person please.
Apparently awful writing and premise. HOW FEATURED.
7203720
I made this in like ten seconds over on 4chan, your guess is as good as mine.
7203720
You've been here for like four years and this surprises you? I'm only surprised because the lack of a mature tag means it didn't sneak in by being porn. The feature box loves that second-person horse fucking.
this was cute, alot awkward during breakfast for all involved, still cute
7203803 The featured box has been the bane of my existence during my tenure.
HA haaaaaaaaa~
Get the fuck into the van, Anon.
Meh. I really don't want to give a dislike this story, but I really don't believe it deserves a like either. Reasons being that the child is only ten years old, yet he knows so much. Boobs? Romance? The hell? It's just so uncomfortable and illogical to think a child that young knows that stuff. It just feels out of character and immediately drove me out of the story.
7204620 Ten-year-olds know a lot more than you give them credit for. Especially if this kid was raised in an orphanage then there would have been plenty of older kids talking about mature topics and not caring if the younger kids were listening. Besides, it's clear that he picked up his ideas of romantic behavior from what he had seen in movies, so he didn't really know all that much.
7203720
I would assume because most of the people liking it are children of a comparable age to the "protagonist" who want to be in this position and haven't yet developed good taste.
7204620
go ask a ten year old what boobs are, they will probably know.
If that doesn't work, ask a group of ten year olds from an orphanage, they will definitely know.
The part I found strange is that he actually tried courting her, and was semi-competent at it. That part still isn't totally out the the question for a ten year old, as long as the kitchen staff didn't get in his way.
Something does seem off about him, though. I don't know if he is just to focused, to observant, too objective, or what, but something is off.
Sequel bro?
I nearly cried up reading this. It was so touching. And cute. Totes adorbs.
a story inspired from the pits of /mlp and it isn't blatant clop? and has an e rating at that?
nothing good can come of this
I like the premise, but holy fuck; This screams 'I don't have an editor, nor know how story structure is supposed to be'.
The story constantly shifts between POV, which isn't a bad thing when handled properly, but this story does not handle it properly. You need to stick between showing the reader the perspective has changed (subtle line breaks is the most common method, and the one I would recommend the most for a new writer.), or as you do in the story, tell the reader the POV has changed. That being said, if you tell the audience (IE: "Celestia's POV"), it reads a lot less like a story, and a lot more like a play, which I do believe is not allowed on this site.
I personally have some gripes with the character being named 'Anon', but that's entirely personal, because I think it's lazy writing when you could put in literally any other name. That being said, the name is fine, plenty of people use it, but a lot of people dislike it.
Get an editor. Doesn't matter who it is, just someone who speaks English and is not you, to just proof read your stuff. There are groups on the site for this. This step is mostly for little shit, like grammar, spelling, flow, etc, but can also be used to point out the large stuff like I said before.
Anyway, I ran out of steam for this rant. Cheers, and never stop learning.
Very interesting and warmly touching. Nothing moves your mom like 'I love you' and letting her know how much she means to you.
7205266
I made this on the fly over at 4chan for mothers day, over all time spent writing it probably took around two to three hours. I honestly never dreamed that of all my stories this would be the one to catch fire, so I didn't put that much effort into it. I'm thinking of going back and cleaning it up since it seems to be so popular though.
ATTENTION TO ALL THAT DARE BRAVE THE COMMENTS, PLEASE READ THIS IF YOU WOULD EVER BE SO KIND!
Due to unexpected popularity this story has been heavily edited from it's original version for easier reading. Normally I don't bother with stories I had written on 4chan, but this was a special exception because of just how much attention it has received. I hope you enjoy it more now, but before it is said let it be known that this is in fact the last version I will be editing
Beauty.
The feelings
Don't suppose you plan on making a sequel to this do you?
I really enjoyed this. Well done, author.
7206251 Beauty?
Perfection.
man i would liked to have read that in the standard green text format ... that is much easier to read when you know what you get into.
do you have a pastabin with the "original" ?
The story is cute, but like 7205266 said, this is written really poorly (now waiting for downvotes on comment). I don't go on 4Chan, so I don't know how the whole "greentext" format works, but you really do need someone to help you edit. So many aspects of this story could be better. You claim that the story has now been heavily edited, but there are still errors everywhere.
Love it.
Alright, let's rewrite the entire thing, only this time replace Anon with Eric Cartman.
The first part of the story is just so awkward to read. As in it made me feel awkward. (Which made me start laughing.)
And then the ending was just so heartwarming.
Thumbs up.
I thought I'd seen everything, but ... second-person focus-shifting narration? I can't even.
Cute as fuck. Also, that's actually an interesting way to write a ten year old. Kudos for you, dude!
This proofreading courtesy of Swan Song's "First Impresto Is The Besto!" Description Decrudifier! Remember, your long description is the first thing anyone sees of your work and reflects the quality of the story itself, so make sure it's in tip-top shape!
7207409 It's like a bad drawing of a super cute puppy. If it's poorly-drawn, it's hard to appreciate how cute the puppy is.
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This was adorable.
7209502
Dude, this is nothing. You should see Homestuck.
7209768
See? This shit, right here. This is why the "anon is a bad name" crowd is so stupid. People are passing up on reading a cute and well-written story just because one of the characters is named Anonymous, and the perspective is second person.
They've been told that these things make a story bad, and even though it self-evidently doesn't, they still absolutely refuse to partake in something that could be good.
Sorta makes me want to write something like this, though in first person and with actual translation problem between the MC and the ponies (A use for webdings!) for the reader.
As to the story, I thought that anon was an adult or late teens until it became obvious he was meant to be a kid. Though I may have misread something possibly...
I taught it was pretty sweet and enjoyable.
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7210550
If you haven't seen it, there's Onto The Pony Planet which has a heavy focus on the communication issues, and it switches perspective between the human MC and a pony. (Read the prequel first, though.)
Bro, Sequel Bro!
Imagine if a book became a bestseller... and the author was 4chan
i.makeagif.com/media/11-19-2015/re81Us.gif
Misunderstandings. Amusing stuff, indeed.
But that ending... those feels. Wonderful job