Nightmare Moon is deathly sick, fallen ill by only the hooves of her banished sister. Twilight knows that her mentor is running out of time, however much she tries to convince herself otherwise. But how far is she willing to go?
Idea by Rated Ponystar
Preread by Curious Quill
Edited by Swan Song
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m.popkey.co/87529e/kdk5l.gif
Well done.
7120140
Why, thank you
sad story but it was good
Great story, let me know if you need another idea
7120462
Ok, thank you!
THE FEELS! THERE TOO MUCH! *died*
Hm. This looks like a good story. Maybe I'll read—
Aaand I already know it has the ending I didn't want it to have. Of course.
Seriously, I don't understand bittersweet endings. I mean, I would if you took out the "sweet" part. Because there's no "sweet" in bittersweet. Only "bitter". These type of endings don't feel like "It's not perfect, but there's something to keep going for". It just feels like the story smacked me in the face and said "That's life, bitch. Get over it" and there's no way for me to smack back. It could be anything, good or bad—My Little Dashie, Pacifist Undertale, etc.—it's all or nothing. Happy ending or unhappy ending. There's no grey for me. No in-between.
That said, downvoted.
7120952
Wha? I had a sad ending
7120959 Even worse.
7120966
You're confusing me. So you didn't like the story because it was "in between"... but it wasn't, which is worse? Did you even read it?
7120988 Thanks to the comments, I already know how it ends, and it has an ending I hate. And for me, a good ending is everything, so if the ending is bad, chances are, it makes the rest of the story suck.
7120995
Alright then. If you hadn't noticed, it had a tragedy tag... which implies the fact that, yes, the story does not have a happy ending. *Sigh*
But, fine. If you want to judge a story without actually reading it, go ahead
7121001 Contrary to popular belief, you can in fact judge a book by its cover.
Or in this case, how it ends, which is in a really shitty way.
Edgier, but sweet. I like it.
man that was powerful! what emotions and feels! bravo to you for this very fine story!
7120952
You could try reading a story without looking at the comments first?
7121492 or you know skip to the end and see if twilight killes her self some how to save nightmare Now I may go back and read the story as I now know it won't send my into a spiraling pit of depression because stories were twilight dies permanently have done that to me before
Is that a type of fruit?
Anyway, congratulations on getting your first commenter dipshit. It's the writer's version of getting period cramps. Unwanted, but it somehow comes anyway.
As for an actual, legitimate criticism, it doesn't really hold up. Moony's always been a darling of the fandom, but here she absolutely needs to get pathos more than anything. Thing is, she doesn't get it. There is so little time to develop and distinguish her as a character, what comes up feels too thin. More often than not, whenever Twilight is studying under Nightmare Moon, she's the consciousness of the queen, the Little Sister to Moony's Big Daddy. Holy shit, I would read the fanfic where Nightmare Moon is a Big Daddy.
And yet, the story's given out in a very bare bones manner. If the explanation about Celestia was removed in its entirety, her personality is just about identical. There is so very little distinguishing Moony from Celestia other than she is not Celestia. I just didn't get the hook here. It didn't draw me in. Why should I feel for her? As it is third-person limited, we get to see Twilight's love for her, but we as the audience don't. Twilight loves her, but we don't see why she loves her.
It is a tragedy, but it's not all that tragic. The Celestia angle's too thin to hold interest and feels little more than a passing thought. It at least explains why NM is here at all, but it doesn't make her any more likable. Not that she's unlikable, but there's nothing there to latch onto.
7122067
. I knew I definantly need to work on that. Umm... where was "the fruit?"
Ok, thank you for your comment!
(I'd appreciate if you didn't swear tho
Hi!
I haven't had a chance to read this, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the several harsh comments I saw from people--there's a constructive way to deliver criticism and a way that's just rude and people complaining for the sake of hearing themselves talk. Anyway, I think you've been responding with a lot of patience, and I just wanted to congratulate you on that :)
Take care!
~Azure129
7123038 Oh, thank you! I hope, that if you decide to read it, you enjoy the story
And thanks for the follow! One more closer to 300!
7123389 You are very welcome!
And good luck on getting to 300!
I liked it. I love stories portraying NM and Twilight in those roles so my opinion is obviously biased. It was a good story considering everything.
The feels took care of marking the pace of the story, though I have to agree with some of the comments about the lack of character development.
I really liked your work here. Take my like and my favorite.
7121021 You can't really judge a book by it's cover. I did that with the Witcher books a few years ago.
Needless to say, I missed out. Big time.
So, please, take those needless comments you spouted out and shove them up your arse.
Or! Better yet! Actually read the story.
7125586 Nah. Covers exist for a reason.
7125830 Yera, I suppose.
7125830
STOP BEING A POTATO AND ACCEPT THAT YOURE WRONG!!!!!Ok
7125842 Yup.
I judge books by their covers, and I'm usually proven correct. Besides, I already know how this is going to end, so why bother?
7125846 I can't really accept I'm wrong when I'm not.
7125847
Because your too lazy to come up with any arguments?Yera, why bother?
7125849
I WILL BREAK YOU!!!!!
7125853 There's nothing to really argue about.
I mean, I judged a book by its cover less than twelve hours ago, and I was on-the-dot right.
Of course, the author then proceeded to call me a hypocrite when I stated my reasons for not liking his story without backing anything he said up.
Can we just stop this conversation, please? It's not going anywhere
7125861 But isn't that insensitive to the author? At least give it a read and give your impressions of the first few paragraphs or the first chapter.
Just because something sounds bad doesn't mean it's bad. Your gut instinct isn't going to be right the whole time, y'know?
7125885 It usually is.
And I usually find out the hard way.
7125980 The hard way? How so?
7125983 Not rusting my gut, going through with it, and then as it turns out, my gut was right.
I take a bite out of food that looks gross because people keep telling me to try it, and when I put it in my mouth I'm willing to eat bath salts just to wash it down.
Somebody tells me to take a risk I don't like, so I take it, and all my effort put into whatever I was doing is reversed.
Someone tells me that an online story is actually really good, so I read it, and I want to slap the author for creating such an abomination.
Etc. etc.
7126017 Ah, I see where you're coming from. Yera, I'm sorry going full rage mode on you. I was just angry.
You're sound out. We good?
7126084 We were always good.
You'd have to be a legitimate assfuck for me to not be chill.
7126090 Sound, man.
7126099
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7125849 Jesus Christ, did your mother ever love you as a child, why are you being a fuckwad?
7131747
Holy Celestia, why are you swearing?
7131747 People still care about this?
images.memes.com/meme/485961
Well comments are interesting... right time to actually read the story now.
7137537
I know, right?
7137549 YouTube drama is bad, but arguing in a Fimfiction comment section is just stupid.
7137558
Yep, I agree. Oh, and thx for the follow!
7137564 No problem I always follow the people with great content.
Well fuck... You basyard near brought me to tears.. Good job..