I am running from something I'm becoming, but becoming one means I'm running from all I am.
Sad4,351 stories ·2,622 members
The Writers' Group56,384 stories ·9,291 members
One-Shots18,903 stories ·2,369 members
Luna Is The Best Pony4,627 stories ·7,263 members
I Just Want a Comment15,702 stories ·3,671 members
Follow Luna's journey into the depths of the Nightmare and join her in her final days on the moon.
Pre-read by Sethi
Sequel to 7,305,000 Suns; One For Each of My Sins
Not required reading, but recommended. You might be a bit confused if you don't read it.
Page generated in 0.123 seconds
Total duration
768 users online
705,865 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
can't wait this series is really good i think out of the at the moment this is my favourite
.....?
Good chap, so that is what went wrong with bringing Luna back.
3302415
Thank you
3302472
To what does your question pertain?
3302499
Yup. Poor Luna
3302543 so luna basically inadvertently screwed everypony over.
My questions is................MOAR?!?!?
3302546
Yup, its her fault that all the episodes of mlp didn't happen and that I had to add an alternate universe tag to this trilogy. Thanks a lot Luna.
3302575
Cadance's story in in the process of being written
It appears that "I cannot self-terminate" does not apply...
This is disturbingly well done. The emotions are properly conveyed. Confusion and paranoia leading to a choice that many would have a great deal of difficulty making. I would liken this to a case of a rabid person, slowly losing their mind to the disease and getting one final minute of clarity to push that knife into their heart before they do any more harm.
YAY
Don't forget Twilight. Heck, she's already halfway to crazy town.
So, if I'm understanding this correctly, Luna commits suicide to stop the Nightmare (which fails, oh hai [Tragedy] tag) and that's why she never came back after 1,000 years.
3302871
Thank you
3304204
I find that reaction a disturbing response to this story...
But thank you anyway
3305226
I'm not going to do one for Twilight because she never becomes an alicorn in this canon. Unless much begging and pleading ensue then I might consider a standalone.
3307590
That's exactly it
Rushed...
That's all I can say, unfortunately. Compared to its predecessor, this one feels incredibly rushed, almost like a first draft...
The pacing, the grammar, the writing... all of it...
Let me just mention again that you seriously need an editor...
Other than that, the bleak tone of Luna's losing battle against the Nightmare (and how it is preying upon her kind mercilessly), and the stark contrast between it and the "dream sequence" was a nice touch, although they both do suffer from a few problems:
1) Like I said before: try not to tell a story through a simple monologue. It doesn't feel nearly as powerful as when we are actually taken through the chain of events, subjected to all the horrors that she had to go through. Also, do not turn text into a "transcription of thoughts," or at the very least not the way you did at the end of the first section. You can emphasize how she is losing control, but not through turning the text into a chaotic mess.
2) The first part of the dream sequence could have been an actual memory that she was reliving, just to make it that much more tragic how they were torn apart by the Nightmare. The part after it could then have been the point where it infiltrated her mind. (Maybe it is? If so, never mind what I said...) Sure, it might have been cliche, but still...
3) Again: pacing, grammar, dialogues. As good as the concept for the dream sequence and the ending may be, I can't exactly be taken in when these things aren't all there.
Overall: good concept, but the execution needs a lot of work...
Aside from some punctuation errors, repeated words and misplaced sentences, great job!
A few questions, though:
Luna committed suicide on the moon. That means she was banished there twice, right? Or are you just creating an entirely new timeline/universe? The time in which this takes place should be better illustrated.
"I'm only counting to my age..."
Does that mean she's sixty at that point, seeing as she counted to sixty? If so, why is she still a filly (Cadence grew up just as fast as other alicorns, why not Celestia and Luna)?
Also, I'll second the fact that it feels rushed. Luna committed suicide without a second thought? Nopony does that.
Good God, you're depressing. So...when's the Discord or Chrysalis one gonna come out?
3507220
Holy geeze. You want more depression? More?!
I don't know when (or ever) they will be out. I would have to come up with a plausible reason for their internal agony and impending suicide.
3507227 I'm sure you can come up with something, at least when you're feeling up to it. If not, that's okay too. Dude, I love these stories!!
(Especially the Celestia one.)
3507232
I'm glad you like them so much.
I'll see what I can do about more stories of this nature, but I make no promises.
3507251 Okie dokie loki.
I liked it the same as one before it. That is very much!
P.S.
Nitpick
"even stronger that before."
That should be "than"
I continue to feel a profound lack of emotional response I am disturbed by my heartlesness at a tale of my Princess, can someone explain to me how the hell I can be so heartless?
4364903 although still sad i believe that this fic was a bit less emotional than the other two fics, where ones of cadence and celestia focused on rejection and loneliness this work focused more on lunas conflict with the nightmare. part of me wonders if the author will come up with a story focusing on the results of the princesses disappearances. will equestia survive the aftermath of the only pony able to raise the sun vanishing, and if it does, will it devolve into an ungodly mess of a dystopia that would ever to be able to walk the fave of equis. these thoughts are depressing
4378348 yes they are
Brilliant, just brilliant. Now to read the Cadence one...