*Edit: Chapters 1-4 have been updated with the rewrites 
Also I changed the rating to teen due to the use of harsh langue* Derpy struggles with insecurity as she tries to figure out the best way to let Twilight know about her feelings. But things are not what they seem as She has to battle with another Pony for her crushes affection. Will Derpy succeed? Or will she be left heart broken. Only time will tell.
Thank you to The Derpy Divison for being the first person to help me out with proofreading and editing. 
Also if it wasn't for them the story wouldn't be in the shape its in now so a BIG thank's for help on the overhaul of it and livinthelife for helping me out with Proof reading and editing when I was in a bind editor wise. Thank you guys, both of you, sorry I haven't given you guys credit earlier 
Nice start, we definitely don't see enough TwiDerp! I'd like to see the story told from both Derpy's and Twilight's point of view, if you're taking suggestions. :) Following.
BTW, we British don't use "lassie", that's for Scots.
6448024 It will be told from both point of views, I know British don't use Lassie I made Doctor Whooves Scottish. I thought it would be an interesting take on the character. I may change it later on but right now I want to explore this path. And thanks for the feedback
"I'm not quite sure if you wanted to capitalizes all the letters or you should have knocked lower-case."
-Johnny Bravo
6448797 I didnt notice that, thanks for pointing that out
Interesting choice putting in present tense. I'm not skilled enough to do that, hehe.
It's strange how Twilight ships so well with everyone, omg, I can't think of a character she doesn't ship with. I'm personally a Twixie person, but Twidash, Twiderp, Twinkie, even Twilestia are great ships XD
The one thing I can think of is maybe you should put a bit more punctuation in, it's a bit hard to follow. I'm going to give you your first like anyway
6449704 took me a couple of read through's to figure out what you meant. But thank you for pointing it out to me.
lol, when i read that "Apple Bloom grabbed Twilight's tail and started dragging her", i had in my head a happy Twilight lying down as Apple Bloom drags her to Derpy's home
6453265 Lol thats an interesting way to look at it.
6456362 it's because you used pall tail like humans pall on hands when there showing the way, but with ponies there tails are behind them so that can not work unless they walk backwards which would also be silly so my mind went sillier X3
6456768 Or Apple Bloom ran up behind Twilight and grabbed her tail with her mouth as she ran by. I guess I could of been more clear when I wrote that. Opps.
6457849 ow, that makes me think she was pulling on it to hard
6458035 Well I how I view it is She's an Earth Pony related to Applejack so she must have some amount of strength.
6458070 if you go by the show, pulling her tail made no sense, as in the show they pointed or they pushed with there dead like real ponies do
6458112 Im kinda going by the show, but not fully.
6458397 ok X3
6460109 ok what? I iz a little confused
6463361 what?
6464436 idk
6464610 oh ok?
I like this story. Few grammatical errors, but overall fine. Following!
6468447 I can only do so much, as I proof read and edit it all on my own, i really should get somebody to look at it but noones said yes
TwiDerp? Yes please i will have some of that and for you a follow.
Wait, are you doing him as the Twelfth Doctor? Should he be Scottish in my head?
Ooh, I'm sensing an amorous polygon of some sort. Mmm, sexy, sexy geometry.
6532205 yes he is Scottish, and honestly Im not big Doctor Who fan so I really don't know what your talking about, this is my own canon and no real connection other than characters (and even than im making them my own in a sense) and setting to the actual show if you want to see him as the 12th doctor then go right ahead. More power to you :)
Nuuu! Luna, stay good! Don't let the Nightmare take you! We know Twilight's sexy as hell, but dat flank ain't worth YOUR SOUUULLLL!!
6532379 this comment made me laugh.
6532447
6532473 Funny you mentioned Luna's soul, just remember that later on in the story
Um...ok....no offense, but seriously, SLOW DOWN. The story is way too fast paced. Seriously, take the time to expand and go into detail, make the chapters a little longer, and pace yourself.
6544994 this is meant to be a short story, the only reason it has chapters is because I didn't feel like having one long ass 'chapter' so its meant to be fast paced
6572468 but you can expand it...i know its meant to be a short story, but you can make it into a good story. It has the potential to be a great story rather than a short story. Im just saying
6572468 ahhhh i see you've taken my advice to expand by making the chapters longer....very good work on the new chapter 2. Keep up the good work
6468497 If you still need a hand, I work cheap.
6697618 thanks for the offer but im not in the position to be able to pay anyone right now
6698306 Really? I find my standard rate of "Hey, thanks dude!" to be quite reasonable. Though I have occasionally accepted a "Sweet, this turned out really nice!" as a gratuity.
6698394 lol ill shoot you a link of chapter five when im finished with it
You're starting to rush again...slow down. This could have easily been stretched into a 2-3k word chapter. Other than that, nice chapter
OK Twilight seems a little out of character here, try and watch a couple episodes of the show and ask yourself if Twilight would actually threaten to murder somebody. Its your story and all but its a little jarring to see an established character act like this.(I'm not saying its not satisfying to see her kicking ass here, I just think that all this moved a little quickly for Twilight to threaten to murder somebody)
6809278 i never had twilight said she kill her. Only that she would wish she wasn't alive.
6809278 and the threat your talking about "If I have to come back, I won't guarantee that you'll want to live when I'm through with you." Translation I'm going to beat the shit out of you. Not kill you
This is looking good so far, and that means probably that it is probably already nearly over right now, I mean the last chapter that is written till now is probably far more than the half I get to see from a good story like this, at least it seems to be a short one till now.
6813433 Thanks, that means alot, this story was actually in shatters when I first wrote it, but I did a complete rewrite of Chapters 1-4. And yeah your right, only a few more chapters left and its over. Though I am debating just how many more. Even I don't know yet
It maybe goes a bit fast for me, but right now I don´t really care.
6813597 try my damnest to not have that, but sometimes it happens.
to fast I think, and I don´t even know if it is needed, but I guess the way you have written it, it is a big part of the story.
uuuuhhhh nice treat Twilight, your giving her probably exactly what she wants.
Okay now I really believe it is over soon, and that something like that happened to fast. I´m not good enough to give you much advice, but I saw some good storys that had one really big chapter to solve a problem like that one, which Twilight solved rather fast this chapter, but it doesn´t always have to need much time.
I can´t really decide if it happens to fast for me or not (or really that bad), but I think overall it is still better than some other stuff I read.
I mean some storys are maybe written really good, but then they have a special attitude to morality that I don´t really share, if you know what I mean.
Like I don´t like it if they forgive characters if they have done something really bad, and they don´t even needed to apologize much. Now that probably sounds rather harmless, but if it is written in a certain way, it can be pretty annoying.
Long story short I like it, I just think it could be to short in the end, compared to what happened already.
6814477 Well what I can tell you is that as of right now,(And I could change my mind and do fewer or more), I gunna do five more chapters the climax is going to happen of a period of a few of them, plus we still need to find Derpy. Anything else and I'll be giving away spoilers. But Like I said at the end of chapter nine, bare with me
6814520 i has prediction!!!!! Derpy and Luna nearly win twilights hand, then a wild trixie appears and seduces all three!
6822206
you'll just have to wait and see
Wow...I was not expecting that