• Member Since 31st Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 16th, 2018

Space Wizard Novablast


A currently 15 year old Danish kid who writes fan fiction and plays video games

T

Twilight has planned this for months. Strategically finding the only day of the month were she has no plans with her friends. She has sent spike off to the crystal empire to hang out with shining for the weekend. Tonight it shall finally happen.

Game on.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 18 )

Your story has been officially graded a...

fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/003/a/9/turquoise_by_shiranuishiningstar-d70oon4.jpg

Turquoise by the Gem Hunters

Let's get down to business, shall we? Title. Use an 's after Twilight's name to show possession. If the title is grammatically incorrect, many might avoid your story entirely. Also, capitalize Nerd and Night.

Several noticeable issues here, mainly with abuse of commas. For example

"Greetings Twilight sparkle, how fares thee?"

How this sentence should play out is more like this.

"Greetings, Twilight Sparkle. How fares thee?"

Use of commas with proper nouns can be tricky until you generally figure it out. This site here does a better job explaining it than I would. Also, something I noticed you do, most likely on accident, is occasionally forget to capitalize names, and in Luna's case, her title as princess. It is a general rule of thumb to do that to job titles when used before someone's name.

A few spelling errors here and there, but as far as the story went, it was fun. Being a D&D nerd myself, it was a nice story to witness different kinds of people (or ponies in this case) from different parts of society coming together like this. There is a general stigma around this that makes us all out to be complete weirdos or losers that hide in our folks basement, but I have played with people who were successful business owners to even a doctor.

Ah hell. I am getting all personal with this one here. Anyways, It just needs a bit of a cleanup here and there. Do that and I would happily take a second look again and possibly up the rating. Have a great day and good luck.

3786620

Thank you, for the grade and the criticism both.

3786670 Of course. :twilightsmile: Best of luck to you and have a great day.

You know what will be a great game for them? Twister!!

I like this very much!

3790725

I just noticed your name and now I feel really bad :fluttershysad:

3790753 :rainbowlaugh: Don't. I know in the end it is all for good fun, so no hard feelings. I am the one who voluntarily put my story on the chopping block after all. :pinkiehappy:

3790766 Good to know. Besides, even with your review, I still consider it my..."crowning" achievement. :trollestia: Thank you I will be here all week.

Sillyness asides, Keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

It's a good story, and I'd certainly like to see more of it, but, if I may make a suggestion?

When talking about the super nintendo, or "Neightendo" you need to capitalize all of the letters. So, instead of "Snes," it's supposed to be "SNES"

:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile::derpytongue2:

3920947

Oh wow, this was a one-shot......

Eughhh, that's awkward.

FINALLY, NERD LANGUAGE A LANGUAGE I AM FLUENT IN!!!!!

It's not ditzy it's DERPY HOOVES, get it right!!!

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