Twilight finds herself face-to-face with someone she’s lost over fifty years ago. Only she doesn’t look the same.
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Harmony Pie
Joined 26th Dec, 2015 ·
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This is the kind of story I've come to appreciate more after reading some of Admiral Biscuit's stuff. It begins and ends in the middle of the story's internal narrative, offering a small peek at the larger story that your world has to offer.
In doing so, it feels like it never overstays its welcome, by which I mean it never drags on with nothing more to say.
What's more, despite your protestation that your story's a mess, it really isn't that bad. I'm sure, if I sat down and pored over it, I'd find things to edit, but nothing here made my teeth itch.
I'd certainly read more in this universe, if you had it.
Definitely interesting, would be cool to see more or similar stories. It's definitely a fascinating concept, and I'm interested in how she may be different this time around. And how they both deal with her friend being back, but also not.
Let the Rarilight guide you.
A nice little piece with lots of clear emotion and thought.. You've still got it, Harmony!
my theory? with the element of magic now being an effective immortal, the other bearers are going to be reincarnated every so often to ensure the elements always have a bearer the 'magic' can call friends
9373662
Oh yeah, that’s a really cool idea!
This feels like a good start to a story. A teaser, if you will. (Like you'd see something in the middle of a movie in its trailer.)
Personally, I'd love to see this fleshed out into a full 'verse.
9373527
Oh it is
So...how are we sure Sapphire's a true reincarnation instead of a desperate and lonely Twilight projecting?
9374264
🤷♀️
Magic of friendship
9373694
glad you think so. you can always run with it. do a running-one-shots series.
This is a wonderful story! Thank you for writing this.
i need more please please please consider writing a sequel i need more plz
Nice. Having her friends reincarnate at intervals is one way to square the circle of Alicorn immortality and their mortality (and lo, for did not the Faust in ancient times tweet that Twilight would not outlive all her friends?)
I'd imagine Starlight hasn't gone anywhere: if she hasn't found a way to ascend to Alicorn level, I'm sure the queen of unnatural magic is still around, if perhaps only as a sentient swarm of Parasprites.
9374591
?
I had an idea a while back about a reincarnation fic, but it would be more about the issues of it. Ponies like Filthy Rich wanting to will their assets to themself; Grandma Smith deciding that if reincarnation is true, why shouldn't she pass; Dying ponies wanting to be near Cloudsdale in the hopes they come back as a pegasus.
You want a one shot that spirals off into an novel length masterpiece? This is how you do that. Would love to see this continued.
So all of her friends are dead and have been reincarnated, is that it? If so, it's going to take a while to find the other four.
9374614
Definitely interested in that. The logistics of tracking down reincarnations are difficult in this world. Seriously, I've looked at the trouble they go to find Tibetan Lamas and between the divination and the testing it's a real pain. Between the cultural revolution and the continuing unpleasantness they've lost track of a lot of them. And last I heard the Dalai Lama wasn't going to reincarnate because he believes the political situation would wind up with a false successor being corronated. That was the real reason, by the way, for the seemingly silly law awhile back about needing a license from the Chinese Government to reincarnate. It gives them control over that part of the religion.
But in Equestria on the other hand? Much more practical to at least try, once it's discovered to be a Thing.
9374603
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/intermediary/f/cd826305-3305-4e54-8de5-bceed4381c6a/dc91aym-9771c055-9f95-4f83-97d9-ec84b8a0008b.jpg
Where's Spike?
Sapphire = Spikes foal? (kidding)
Wow. This was a short but really good story. It left me a bit teary eyed thinking about Twilight searching for her friends now! Any chance for a few follow up chapters?
9375454
It’s possible ;)
9374614
I think the best response to Filthy Rich in that case would be something like "no, you may not will your possessions to your "future self." However, why not set up a trust fund for a charity to help out disadvantaged foals? That'll be an excellent insurance policy just in case you happen to reincarnate as one." Turn their selfish impulse into something altruistic. :)
9375458
I think you've re-sparked my passion for writing a bit! Between college, my children and everything else, I lost time and eventually interest in finishing my own stories so thank you for that! I am going to keep an eye on for a continuation though :p
9375803
Woah, really? That’s great! (Thanks for the follow <3) And you have children? That’s so cool! I still have to finish stupid high school (sophomore year). But... you’re also in college? That must be rough
This has potential. You should continue it, at least enough to get a similar chapter to find the other reincarnations and have a short scene of everyone having a lunch together or something.
9375998
I should continue it. But who knows what’s gonna happen? Not me, that’s for sure
9375820
I was at the time lol I was half way through a story and I was in college, working with a single daughter. Now I have two children, graduated college and am working in my chosen career lol I have alot more time on my hands, so I sat down and got half of a chapter down on the story I hadn't finished!
And this is why the other elements should be alicorns too. No friendship laser without all of them after all.
Oh my. I usually don't like one shots. Or if I do, I desperately wish that they could be full stories.
I suppose that this premise could make a pretty engaging story, too.
But the way this was presented and executed - it requires this format. It requires that you do not continue it, because that is the reader's responsibility with this style. Like when older short stories would end right before the resolution, and ask you to complete it with your mind. (Perhaps not as profound as some of those, but the same concept regardless.)
9376011 XD Tell me about it! Go check my stories page out. See all of those novel length stories? That's how I ended almost every chapter. "What happens next? Heck if I know!" 9/10 times you just don't know, but that's okay. Not every author makes full outlines (Especially when that's how you did the ones you wrote for college classes and just want to have fun writing for a change). Making a story up as you go along is a valid way to do it, and even some professional authors use that style. You can do it, everyone can :3 You've got some talent, so don't be afraid to put it to use and build some skill to go with it.
Sometimes the barest glimpses of a moment in a world at an instant in time is all one needs to tell a story without writing a word of it.
Smiles all around! I quite enjoyed the feelings.
...
This reminds me of Monochromatic, and now I might cry. Oh well.
P.S. Hoping for a continuation. Who knows? It might develop into a full length story.
Nicely done
9377624
I know, but it’s been a fan theory for a while that I always liked
You're only in tenth grade...and you write like this...
I am in awe.
9380338
Thank you 🥳
ok, i enjoyed this, a lot
9414317
👌
This was nice I certainly loved it and even felt the emotion between saphire and twilight. Hopfully this turns into a long sequel at one point.
Yooo, this story is amazing! I'd never even considered reincarnated mane 6 before! and I'd love to see them find the others.
9447865
Glad you liked it 😗
So short, but so sweet
. There’s a whole slew of “immortality sucks” stories out there, but this one felt different from the others I’ve seen. The ending brings with it such a profound sense of hope, it’s very impressive to see that in less than 2500 words.
You did good on this, so good in fact that I think i’ll be checking more of your work out soon.
This was nice
Reminds me of a comic To Love A Goddess.
Great job!
Gods? Reincarnation? Against logic? What kind of nonsense
The tree simply made another carriers of the elements (it’s no coincidence that all 6 ponies with an ideally suitable character ended up in 1 place at 1 time)
11285194
Lol are you mad about this? It’s a magic pony show, logic doesn’t exist
11287042
Yes.
Only if you do not know what logic is and you yourself are not very logical
11287213
LMFAO I don’t know why I even log back on this account sometimes