It might be her birthday, but the chance of that is slim.
Twilight Sparkle’s first instinct was to break down the door to Sugarcube corner.
Then she realized that it was dawn, and Sugarcube corner wasn’t open yet, and she might disturb Mr. and Mrs. Cake.
Her second instinct was to teleport inside of Sugarcube corner.
Then she realized that if Mr. and Mrs. Cake were awake and baking cupcakes before Sugarcube Corner opened, her unexpected apparition might cause a dangerous accident.
So, hotwired on anger and fear and adrenaline, Twilight gently knocked on the door and waited.
Two seconds later, Pinkie Pie opened the door.
“G’morning, Twilight!” Pinkie chirped. “Gosh, you look terrible. Did you stay up studying all night again?”
“Yes”, Twilight spat, shaking a sheaf of papers in front of Pinkie’s face. “Pinkie, how-“
“You really shouldn’t stay up all the time, you know”, Pinkie interjected. “It makes Rarity all unhappy and stuff with your mane and your unkemptness and your lack of amazing-fashion-sense, and then when she gets stressed out over that it makes Fluttershy stressed out that she’s stressed out, and then all of Fluttershy’s animal friends-“
“This isn’t about Rarity! Or Fluttershy!”
“Gosh, Twilight, that’s kind of a selfish attitude to have. I know that honesty is supposed to be Applejack’s thing, but if I can have a teeny, tiny bit of that thing in order to be honest, I think-“
“Pinkie!”
“-You’re being really cranky right now. It’s the whole “I’m-tired-because-I-was-up-late-and-I-need-a-nap” cranky, right?”
“Pinkie, how could you do this to Equestria?”
Pinkie Pie blinked. “Do what?”
“Look at these. Transport logs, transcripts of recorded conversations, scheduling sheets-“
“Twilight, did you steal those?”
“I didn’t steal them, I borrowed them. There’s a difference.”
“It kind of looks like stealing to me.”
“This isn’t about me!”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m not the one smuggling changelings into Equestria, Pinkie!”
An awkward silence fell. Nearby, a robin twittered.
“…Just one.” Pinkie Pie replied.
“Just one?” Twilight sputtered unintelligibly. “Pinkie, that…you realize that the ‘just one’ is Queen Chrysalis, right?”
“Uh, yeah! I mean, if I was doing it in the first place, then don’t you think that I would know who it was?”
“It was a rhetorical question, Pinkie.”
“Well – I mean, it could have been a non-rhetorical question! She could have been a regular changeling disguised as Queen Chrysalis. Heyyyyyy, wait a second!” Pinkie pointed an accusatory hoof at Twilight. “What if you’re a changeling? Or maybe you’re Queen Chrysalis, and the Queen Chrysalis I thought I was bringing into Ponyville was actually-“
“Pinkie, I’m not a changeling!”
“Are you Queen Chrysalis?”
“Wh-No! Why would I come over here and ask about Queen Chrysalis if I was actually her?”
“A likely story”, Pinkie replied. “Exactly the sort of thing Queen Chryssy would say in this sort of situation-“
“Queen Chryssy?????”
“Twilight, are you sure you don’t need a nap? You look really sick.”
“I. Am. Perfectly. Fine.”
“So why is your face all blotchy and reddish?”
“Because your frippery is giving me a heart attack!”
“Are you sure it’s not all of the hay fries you keep having for lunch? Because you kind of eat like a pig, Twilight. I mean, Fluttershy would know, and I bet if you asked her-“
Twilight buried her face in one hoof and groaned.
“-she’d totally agree with me. Also, you really shouldn’t be yelling. If the Cake family was here, they’d totally be awake by now, and you would have made Pumpkin and Pound Cake cry. And the last thing everypony needs is more crying newborns on their hooves. And what about the neighbors?”
“Pinkie, this is a matter of national security-“
“But you still could have told it to me quietly! Or if nothing else, not super-loudly. Maybe I’m not Rarity, but I think even Rainbow Dash would think this is kind of rude. And Dashie has, like, no sense of politeness or self-control at all.”
“I’m…I guess you’re right.” Twilight sighed. “I’m sorry, Pinkie. Can I come in and talk about this properly?”
“You can. Also, you may. I was going to have some fun with ‘can’ and ‘may’, but you still look like you’re in a cranky-pants mood, so I don’t want to make you crankier and pantsier than you already are.” Pinkie Pie stepped away from the door and bounded off towards the back of the bakery. Twilight followed Pinkie, letting the door swing shut behind her.
“So, uh…the Cake family isn’t here?”
“Nope! They should be off in Canterlot.”
“What are they doing in Canterlot? Helping out at a different bakery?”
“Only if they want to!”
“Well, why else would they be there?”
“As Princess Celestia’s honored guests!”
“Wait. So Princess Celestia is hosting them because…”
“They said that they wouldn’t feel safe here! I tried telling them that they were being silly fillies, but I guess the idea of having a changeling queen in town really bugged them.” Pinkie pushed open the door at the back of the bakery, snorted and burst out into a fit of giggles. “Get it? Buggy? Because she’s a changeling, and they’re kind of like bugs?”
Twilight peered inside. The room in the back looked like a well-lit kitchen. A large, unfrosted cake sat on a platter in the middle of a countertop, surrounded by half-squeezed tubes of frosting. It smelled delicious, and Twilight was about to tell Pinkie Pie as such-
-and, abruptly, the implication of Pinkie’s statement sunk in.
Twilight blinked.
“Hey, Twilight, does it smell good?” Pinkie piped.
“…Pinkie.”
“I wanted to use extra vanilla, because I wanted it to smell extra-good, but I wasn’t sure how much was too much, and I didn’t want the cake to accidentally taste like a really not-delicious cake, so I only put in a little more than the recipe asked me to, but I hope that it still made it smell better. You like vanilla, right?”
“Pinkie.”
“IIIIIIIIII thought so! But I already know you like vanilla-y things, so I might have to ask, um…well, I don’t think Rainbow Dash likes vanilla things as much as she likes chocolate-y things, so maybe I should fly up to wherever she’s snoozing and ask!”
“Pinkie.”
“That’s my name! Don’t wear it out!” Pinkie Pie grabbed a bowl full of pink frosting, turned back towards Twilight and grinned.
“Pinkie, are you…are you actually telling me that Queen Chrysalis is somewhere in Ponyville?”
“Did tell you! Past tense!” Pinkie Pie turned back and began slopping copious amounts of pink frosting on the cake with a spatula. “And I didn’t really tell you. I just implied it! I guess if I told you properly, it’d be present tense and you’ld be right. Buuuuuut you’re kind of being a cranky-pants this morning! So I don’t think I want to tell you unless you ask me nicely.”
“Pinkie, where is she?”
“Aaaaaand that’s the yelling voice again! R-u-d-e. Ruuuuuuude.”
“Pinkie Pie, is anypony watching her right now?”
“Um – it’s early in the morning, Twilight! I don’t think anypony’s awake, except maybe the Apple family. But they aren’t exactly in Ponyville, are they? More like just outside of Ponyville.” Apparently satisfied that the cake was completely coated with pink frosting, Pinkie set the bowl aside and grabbed at a tube marked “pastel blue”.
“Why is Queen Chrysalis running around Ponyville without anypony watching her?”
“She asked! She asked nicely, I should point out.”
“She tried to destroy Equestria!”
“She tried to take over Equestria! There’s a difference.”
“How is that supposed to make a difference?”
“Well, it’s kind of hard to be friends when you’re dead, right? So it’d be more like ‘Oh, we’re going to be slaves, sort of, but maybe eventually we could live together in harmony.’ And that’s what we’re supposed to do, right? Spread friendship and harmony across Equestria?”
“It’s kind of hard to spread friendship when you’re dead, Pinkie.”
“But we wouldn’t be dead!”
“What makes you think we wouldn’t be?”
“What makes you think we would be?” Pinkie Pie giggled as she touched up the cake, before setting her tube aside and reaching for another. “Gotcha there, Twilight!”
“Wh-no, you didn’t!”
“I totally diiiiiiiid!”
“Pinkie.” Twilight ground her teeth and rubbed one temple with her hoof. “I…Okay, look. I’ll try to be calm. See? Calm Twilight Sparkle. But I really, really find it hard to be calm when you keep yanking my chain like this. Do you think that you could be straight with me for thirty seconds? That’s all I’m asking. Thirty seconds.”
Pinkie blinked.
“Um…Twilight?” Pinkie replied. “Wouldn’t, y’know – wouldn’t you have to be a stallion for that?”
“What.”
“Because I’m a mare, and you’re a mare. Right? Ooooh – unless you became a stallion and didn’t tell anypony about it! That would be super duper mega deluxely cool! I’d have to make another birthday cake, and then I’d have to see if Roseluck has any flowers to spare, and I’d need to buy more streamers and pick out some presents and-“
“Pinkie!”
“-I’d have to tell everypony about it, and I mean, could you believe how much of a party everybody would throw when they heard that? You’d be Ponyville’s most eligible bachelor for sure! It’s not like everypony didn’t already want to date you, including Queen Chrysalis-“
“What in Equestria are you - Pinkie, I’m not a stallion!”
“You’re not?”
“No!”
“Aww.” Pinkie’s ears drooped. “But throwing a ‘Twilight’s-still-a-mare’ party won’t nearly be as fun!”
“This isn’t the time for parties! One of Equestria’s most dangerous villains is running around Ponyville and nopony’s keeping tabs on her! Isn’t any of this getting through to you at all?”
“That’s not true.”
“What, that this isn’t getting through? If you’re actually paying attention to what I’m saying-“
“No! I mean that nopony’s keeping tabs on her. I mean, he-llo, do you really think I’m that dumb?”
Twilight blinked. “Um…”
Pinkie huffed. “It was a rhetorical question. But fine, Miss Meany-Pants: Yes, I’ve been watching her. And Princess Celestia’s been watching her, too. And Princess Luna, in her dreams.”
“But, uh…buh…whuh…”
“I mean, did you just, like, forget that Discord existed?” With a faint frown, Pinkie grabbed a third tube, looked directly into Twilight’s eyes and began to blindly squirt frosting on the cake behind her.
“I…try to? I’d like to? I’d pay a small fortune in bits to make sure that I could?”
“You know, if I were your mother, I’d send you to bed for being a cranky-pants. Or maybe I’d ground you. Or both!”
“Just…just get to the point, please.”
“Well, miss ‘I-don’t-think-villains-can-become-friends’, the princesses and I are trying to teach Queen Chryssy about what having friends and being happy and learning about the magic of friendship is like! ‘Cause it totally worked with Discord, and then it didn’t, and then it did, and then it didn’t again, and then it did again! So.”
“So. So you decided to let her run around in Ponyville, because you think that she might maybe become friends with us.”
“Yep!”
“She’s a monster, Pinkie!”
“That kind of sounds like your opinion, Twilight.”
“What? The fact that she physically isn’t a pony doesn’t make her a monster? The fact that she drains us of love doesn’t make her a monster? The fact that she tried to completely overthrow Equestria doesn’t make her a monster?”
“Don’t forget that she got your brother fell in love with her!”
“The fact that she-wait.” A vein in Twilight’s temple throbbed. “No, he didn’t!”
“Yu-huh.”
“My brother was brainwashed into…into trying to marry her so that she could rule Equestria!”
“Mm-hmm. And brainwashed into going all of those walks with her?”
“Yes!”
“And brainwashed into spending hours going over floral arrangements with her?”
“Yes!”
“And brainwashed into doing all of those things in the bedroom?”
“Ye-what?”
“You know! That thing with the whipped cream, and the thing with the ping-pong paddles, and the things with all of those scented candles and the sponges-“
“I don’t want to hear about any of it!”
“I guess it’s a good thing that you don’t talk with your brother all that much! ‘Cause, like, he totally would have spilled the beans to you if you had asked.”
“Are you telling me that he actually told you about…about…”
“Yup!” Pinkie turned back to the cake, looking it over discerningly before grabbing the spatula and carving a small set of curved lines into the frosting.
Twilight gave off a garbled shriek of incoherent rage, and a vein on her temple bulged.
“Twilight? You’re being kind of loud again,” Pinkie chided as she leaned over the table, grabbed a fourth tube and continued to touch up the cake.
“I’m…I’m not going to…whatever. We can have that conversation some other time. All I need to know is where you think Queen Chrysalis is going to be right now. I’ll go over there, and I’ll deal with this myself.”
“What, eating this birthday cake?”
“No, sticking her back in-wait.” Twilight paused. “Are you…you’re seriously making a cake for her?”
“Mmhmm!” Pinkie beamed, tilting the cake in Twilight’s direction. On it was an inelegant drawing of yellow and blue balloons, next to a crude picture of Queen Chrysalis’s face. The words “Happy birthday to us” were crammed above the picture in green frosting.
“Is it…You’re celebrating her birthday. You’re celebrating Queen-"
“Duh! Of course we’re not, Twilight.”
“But it says-“
“It’s somepony’s birthday somewhere. Or some changeling’s birthday. There’s a lot of ponies in the world, Twilight! And a lot of changelings!”
“So you’re making a birthday cake.”
“Yep!”
"Despite neither of you actually having a birthday today."
"Mmhmm! Probably, anyway."
“Even though you’ve got no good reason to make a cake.”
“I just told you why I’m doing it-“
“Can changelings even eat cake?”
“Can ponies eat love?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Sheesh, Twilight, I thought you were supposed to be smart! I mean, of course changelings can’t eat cake. But I can eat cake, and that’s what counts!”
“How does you being able to eat cake-wait. Wait. Hold up.” Twilight’s shoulders trembled. “Did you just…did you just imply I’m not smart?”
“I mean, yeah! Honestly, you’re being pretty dumb right now. Or, like, in general – if you act like this all the time, then that whole 'If the horseshoe fits, wear it' phrase totally fits. And it totally fits! It's like you've got the fittingest horseshoes ever!" Pinkie stuck her tongue out at Twilight.
“I…you didn’t just…”
“Okay, let me explain this to you. Sloooooowly.” Pinkie smiled condescendingly at Twilight, pointing a hoof at the cake. “IIIIIIIIII eat thiiiiiiiiiis. IIIIIIIIIII feel haaaaaappy. Sheeeeeeee eats my caaaaaaaaake haaaaaaaappinessssss. Sheeeeeeee feels haaaaaaaappy. Do you get it now?”
“Don’t…” Twilight ground her teeth, face turning beet red. “Don’t insinuate that I’m dumb. Take it back.”
“Gee, Twilight, I’m just trying to make it easy for you! You seemed like you were having trouble understanding everything, and I hoped that you wouldn’t be too, um…too proud? Stubborn? Thick? Um…anyway. Too something-y to really get it. Oooh! Should I explain it to you again? I could get some pictures, maybe a few hoof puppets-“
“Stop.” As her face turned a blotchy shade of red, Twilight’s flanks heaved with shaking breaths. “I’m…I’m going to go talk to Princess Celestia about this. Maybe she’ll be able to help me. And then I’m going to go search for Queen Chrysalis myself, and after I’ve found her, we’re going to have a talk. A really, really long talk.”
Spinning around, Twilight bolted out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind her.
“Twilight, wait!”
From behind the door came the faint zworping sound of a teleportation spell, then silence. Pinkie blinked, hoof still pointing towards the cake.
Then a green glow washed over Pinkie Pie, and her coat sloughed off.
Queen Chrysalis dropped her disguise, stopped pointing her hoof at the cake and smirked.
“Sucker”, Chrysalis chortled.
Apparently, the so-called “smartest pony in Equestria” wasn’t any harder to fool than a particularly dense school-aged filly. It’d take days, if not weeks, for Twilight to finish interrogating everypony else that she knew – if she didn’t give herself a heart attack while trying.
Victory was hers. She could do anything she wanted. Anything!
********************
Pinkie Pie – the real Pinkie Pie – was half-awake when she heard a knock on the door.
For a second, she considered not getting out of bed. Granted, it was the job of Ponyville’s Premiere Party Planner to try and make everypony smile. And there probably wasn’t going to be any bad news. And it was probably going to be a beautiful day outside.
But Pinkie Pie was tired. Yesterday had been an exhausting day. And given how rambunctious her guest could be, today wasn’t likely to be any better.
There was another knock at the door. Groaning, Pinkie sat up. “C’min. g’morning”, she mumbled, rubbing sleep-gunk from her eyes.
The door opened. The flickering flame of a candle cast a shadow on the wall, dark and jagged and twisted like a desiccated tree. Chrysalis stood in the doorway, mouth pulled into a fanged smile.
Hovering in the air in front of her was a cake. A cake covered in pink frosting, and decorated with pastel blue and cream and black and jade, lit in the center by a single candle.
Looking Pinkie Pie dead in the eyes, Chrysalis bent her head, stuck out her tongue and licked a straight line onto the cake.
Then Chrysalis chuckled.
“Sweet enough for you?” The changeling queen smirked, then stuck out her frosting-coated tongue at Pinkie Pie and trotted over to her bed.
Pinkie Pie giggled as Chrysalis lowered the cake in front of her.
“Blow it out!” the changeling chirped, grinning like Hearth’s Warming Day had come early. Pinkie reached over to her bed stand, clicked on a desk lamp and blew out the candle.
On the cake was a crude frosting mock-up of Pinkie’s Cutie mark and Chrysalis’s head. Pinkie took the cake from Chrysalis and set it down in her lap, and Chrysalis gagged and wiped her tongue off with one hoof.
“Ugh”, Chrysalis muttered. “This doesn’t taste like love at all. You know that, right? This stuff is disgusting.”
Pinkie shook her head. “Mmm-mmm! It tastes pretty good to me, and it’s not like I’m going to know what love tastes like, right? Unless you made me into a Changeling, or something-“
“Not gonna happen” Chrysalis replied, shaking her head. “I don’t feel like starving. And you’ld probably be way more boring than you are now, so what’d be the point?”
“On my fangs! And your fangs, and your horn. That’s how the joke is supposed to go, right?” Pinkie picked up the cake and took a humongous bite. Pupils dilating in delight, Pinkie beamed at Queen Chrysalis, who was doing her best to look nonplussed by Pinkie’s reaction.
“This is amazing!” Pinkie gushed. “Like, super-duper-triple-plus-mega-infinity-forever amazing!”
Chrysalis smirked and sniffed the air. Instantly, the Changeling Queen’s eyes crossed as her face morphed into an expression of pure bliss.
“Mmmmm”, Chrysalis mumbled. “That’s more like it. Have I ever told you that you’re delicious, Pinkie Pie?”
“Only, like, fifty million gajillion times, silly!” Pinkie bit down on a second mouthful of cake, swallowed and licked the frosting off of her mouth. “How’d you do it? Make a super-completely-five-hundred-percent-wonderful cake, I mean.”
"It wasn’t that bad, really. I just followed a recipe in one of your cookbooks. And I had all the time and ingredients I wanted, so it’s not like it was hard.”
Chrysalis paused.
“Well, almost totally easy. Your Jerk McPurple friend showed up while I was working.”
“Twilight?”
“Yeah. And she just kept yammering on and on about conspiracies and me being dangerous and acting like a dummy and blah, blah, blah.” Chrysalis rolled her eyes and made little circular motions in the air with her hoof. “And I guess she’s going to go interrogate everypony in the country while trying to figure out which one is me?”
“Aww. I’m sure she means well!”
“That doesn’t mean she’s not going to be a complete nuisance. I mean, come on - how could she do that to Equestria?”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Silent Ghost · 1.7k words · 313 8 · 4.5k views
- VashTheStampede · 4.6k words · 153 5 · 4.8k views
- Starhunter · 2.2k words · 51 0 · 1.5k views
- GoldenOak KestrelFlight · 1k words · 162 8 · 3.7k views
- Hardline Potato · 1.3k words · 44 4 · 1k views
- XYZDreadnought · 1.9k words · 65 3 · 1.5k views
- Charon the Chronicler · 2k words · 69 5 · 2k views
- CrutioAstarothChaos · 6k words · 99 1 · 4k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.137 seconds
Total duration
882 users online
1,050,190 hits today, 2,439,861 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Aww. This was both fun to read and cute (notably the end).
Well done!
Yes.
This was pretty good.
I can totally see her throwing that party xD
I loved the dialogue. "Pinkie" and Twilight were both very well written and believable. Well done!
Nice one shot. But 0/10 not enough derpy.
Now this is clever have a mustache
All I have to say is this
>today is my birthday
>mom puts cake on table
>ladybug lands on cake
>logs on to fimfic and checks feed
>sees this story
>is spooked
This was great. Though near the end I started to wonder if that was actually Pinkie. Those little jabs were too good to be innocent. Still was a pleasant twist when Chryssy revealed her form.
Of course the hypocrisy, was wonderful too.
As far as I can tell this appears to be the original source for the cover image.
http://ecmajor.tumblr.com/post/22440484669/
Edit: Great story, I love Pinkie/Twi interactions, and the spoiler near the end makes it even better.
you'd.
God this was fucking awesome.
“I didn’t steal them, I borrowed them. There’s a difference.”
Ah, the Princess of Moral Relativism. So very much in character.
need the triek saying amusing pic
good stuff
6868345 i.ytimg.com/vi/6bvCXNmn55k/maxresdefault.jpg
ARE YOU TRYING TO BE HUMOROUS?!
6869094
thank you
Oh wow, this is great.
This is my kind of humor, from start to end.
Seriously, you completely nailed Pinkie Pie's character and it isn't even Pinkie Pie. If you start writing more comedy bits like this, I'll have to start following you.
That story was awesome, I still can not stop laughing xD
That made me laugh so much. And the ending was just all d'awwww.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6869094 Maybe. I'm not sure, tibia honest.
img07.deviantart.net/9a1e/i/2015/327/0/8/undertale__sans_4k_hd_sprite_by_c4dguy995-d9hrp8y.png
6874838 There's bad puns and then there's funny puns. Mine was at least humerus.
Yours?
38.media.tumblr.com/8acd83b1c14ec194ac155af757ae5a2c/tumblr_nwb2ytRJ8f1rxq45ko1_250.gif
Guess it's the boneafied truth.
6874918 Ow. Ow. Ow. OW.
OK, I'll admit it, I had it coming.
There is only one way to be sure about this!
(Check the birth certificate. What did you think?)
Good story!
Twilight and Pinkie Pie (sort of) are believable in character.
Twilight OS was broken by the Chrysalis virus disguised as Pinkie.Exe... Please re-start or run Celestia.exe
I lost my shit right there.
Lost it again.
Where the heck does it keep going?
I can picture Pinkie Pie being a living dynamo of energy for Changelings.
That was funny, but if it was bashing Twilight any harder there'd be an alicorn-shaped hole in the metaphorical floor.
6884850 I don't have anything against Twilight Sparkle. I rather like her as a character, actually. I'm almost certain Queen Chrysalis would, though.
6885014 Well, sure, obviously Chryssy would be more than happy to take the opportunity to pull this stunt. That's reasonable. But the narration is enabling her, every step of the way, portraying the same exact "overwrought, unthinking, imperceptive, careless, hypocritical, unfriendly Twilight Sparkle" that Chryssy is arguing for. There's no hint of an unreliable narrator, so it sure looks like that's what the fic is trying to argue for — that Twilight really is pretty dense in about six different ways. That's where the fic starts (focusing on her extreme emotional state), that's how it continues (barely letting her get a word in edgewise, having no effective comebacks at all), and that's how it ends (with a reveal and a perfectly contented real actual Pinkie not having any problems with this situation... or having apparently noticed anything at all). All that together makes it difficult not to read this as an author tract for the "Twilight Drools, Chryssy Rules" club.
And quite frankly, it really does seem the outside of enough to go forward with a plan to reform a villain notable for cunning, subversion, and deception without bothering to first thoroughly inform everyone who should be involved and, ideally, getting their wholehearted buy-in… or at least their grudging acceptance, a la Discord's. Is there a better recipe for needless worry and drama… or for genuine nefarious plotting? I submit there is not.
Awwwhaww, that was cute, nice work on this! :D
Hehehe, faved!
6885235 cus twi woud not triy a reforming spell on chrissy if she was told...
6945716 So what you're saying is, the Princess of Friendship cannot be trusted to extend a forgiving hoof, even if her close friends and mentor recommend it?
That's a great sign of one of two things. The first possibility is that something is seriously wrong with the plan. (Tell me, just who, exactly, was suspicious and unwilling to let things go last time? That's right, Twilight Sparkle. You're welcome, Canterlot.) The second is that something is seriously wrong with the princess. Either way, going blindly on with this cockamamie idea is just folly on a grand scale. And when the story signs off on holding the idiot ball like this, it suggests someone was too eager to get to whatever moral they had in mind (nobody is really an enemy?), and wasn't thinking about making it actually make sense. fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/357/3/d/hoof_down_by_comeha-d6z0jqf.png
Oh by the by... allowing Chrys to disguise herself however she likes to Twilight? Arguably a violation of Honesty. Preemptively dismissing Twilight's concerns? Pretty sure we got some Loyalty messed up too. And I don't know about you, but making my friend worry and fret for no good reason doesn't seem much like Laughter to me. Revenge of Canterlot Wedding, here we come!
6946376 no she cant be trusted to not try to fix the problem with a clere head and not look fot a chance to take vengens on the queen for her bors weding yes she is THE PRINCES OF FRINDSHIP BUT SHE IS STILL A PONY.
6946908 So, you're saying that it's Twilight that has the problem. Fair enough, I can respect that, although I'm not convinced that's likely to be in character. (Celestia and Pinkie suffered from Chrysalis too, after all, and Celly in particular almost had all her subjects taken from her along with all the other problems; it's not like Twilight is in some special category of uniquely targeted by Chrysalis. And unless they've managed to work through their guilt at not believing Twilight much faster than Twilight worked through her resentment toward Chrysalis, that would tend to weigh against them dismissing her concerns again.)
Again, though, the fact that her friends are apparently more concerned with rehabilitating a villain under her nose than with even so much as beginning to attempt to broach the subject with Twilight to try to fix her attitude suggests that they see Twilight as either less redeemable than Chrysalis, or a substantially lower priority. That's insulting, and it's also a troubling insight into their own characters or outlook that they have such a low view of the ability of one of their friends to change, but such high views of others'.
If you see your friend has a problem, and you make no effort to help them work through it, you're being a bad friend.
TL/DR: Story characterization is weak, and the presented Aesop is thoroughly muddled.
6947549 i see your pont...you did will to prizent it.(on my XBOX1 cant spell right :( )
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now #74.
My review can be found here.
6947549 IMO Twilight is justified in being suspicious of chrysalis...but she is also overreacting. Kinda like how I feel she was justified in being suspicious of Discord-suddenly, everypony except her is best buds with the trickster with a fondness for mind control that rivals Twilight's own? (
) Yeah. Though she also overreacted then as well.
AND....here we go round the Chryssi-go-round, the Chryssi-go-round, the Chryssi-go-round, so earl'i in the morning!
It's only 3500 words but I could only make it halfway through. Pinkie giving Twilight the run-around lasts waaaaaaay too long. I started skipping paragraphs and more than halfway it was still going! Also I can't stand Pinkie being a total plot-hole about the whole thing, calling Twilight the mean one when it's perfectly reasonable that she's flipping out because the creature that supplanted her brother's will, trapped her in a cave, sic'd an army of changelings (and a small posse of mind controlled brides maids...) on her, and TKO'd her mentor is running around Ponyville and she wasn't informed.
Maybe there's a great punchline at the end, but it's not worth the slog that is the dialogue of an annoying Pinkie turned up to 11.
7054289
The entire punchline is that it's not Pinkie.
7054547
Ah. Here I thought Pinkie was just stalling Twilight so she and Chryssalis could prank her. Like I said, the dialogue was just too much. Equal parts tedious and infuriating. This fic could have been much better if the characters had been more active. Rather than a stagnant back and forth of dialogue, have them "looking" for Chryssalis, and then have the big gag reveal. Something like that.
i kept expecting Twilight to lose her temper and scream, like this classic scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzHfc4npDeY
6861414 THIS IS WHAT'S IT'S BASED ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well that was a ride. :D
Good stuff.
That happened
This was a cute little one-shot and I enjoyed it. Plus that cover pic is way too damn cute! It should be illegal.
-BFBL
Chrysalis played an amazing Pinkie Pie.
For a story that was 80% a back and forth scene, I was never bored and was laughing non stop.
Cute ending, too. Nice to see Chrissy and Pinkie as friends.
The vast majority of this fic was Pinkie being a dick to twilight despite twilight having very good reasons to be upset and concerned. The reveal of Pinkie actually having been Chrysalis made the story far more believable, but it still wasn't enjoyable - especially with it almost seeming like the story was trying to imply that Twilight was in the wrong.
Ignoring the subject matter, this story was very well-written. There were few, if any, grammar and spelling mistakes; the dialogue was believable; and the pacing and structure make sense and work well for the kind of story you wrote.
This story clearly has a lot going for it for anyone who likes this kind of humor, but I'm not one of those people, so this story mostly just frustrated me.
Yeah, I kept wondering when Queen of the Bugponies was going to show...
This is hilarious, good show! 👏 👏 👏 I hope you found it as fun to write as I did to read.