Edit: Good HiE list approved
A/N Hi guys, this is just a short story I wrote in about an hour, HOPE YOU ENJOY! (I'd like to thank everyone who likes this, thanks for getting it featured)
A/N audio reading can be found here. Read by our very own The Mysterious Fluttershy Fan. Be sure to show your support to his channel if you like it!
You have lived in Equestria for some time now, around five or so years. You never meant to come here it just kinda happened. The first few months were a living hell for you, you were attacked because most thought you were a monster. This continued until you were captured by the Royal Guard and brought to meet Celestia and Luna. You explained your situation and over time you became friends, but that didn't stop the fact that you were ridiculed and attacked whenever you left the castle, and so in time you became content with staying within the confines of the castle. But one day guards showed up to your room and put you in chains...
Wow, 12 likes, I didn't excpect to get 4 likes. Thanks for reading!
Holy shit!!!
it was good,short but good
Kinda sad though
Holy crap man. Great story! I didn't think anybody could fit so much emotion into such a short story. This was one of the best one shots I have read in a while.
It was OK. Kinda lacked background and had good potential to be far better.
I felt like I was reading something like a Conversion Bureau story. The thing is I feel even if everyone outside the castle hated him and I'm pretty sure (also I'm pretty sure the mane six and the princesses would protect the human) would never force him to become a pony. The canon ones anyway, despite everyone else being a xenophobic bigot.
Short, but good. Honestly not much else I can say other than maybe add more to this story.
Liked the story.
6518798 I do agree with you about it reminding me about the Conversion Bureau.
No name? I hate Anon stories! If I would have known it. I would have not read it. But I did. So besides an no name main. I liked it.
Impressive story, except I cannot quite believe that RD failed to catch him, or magical grab from princesses, and the matter of the fact, th e decision they made and the way how they tried to do was the worst way they can do for their friend. Seriously, how come turning him to pony could possibly save him in such situation and why you chained him to do it? This is not saving, this is more like a punishment for not being a pony. They choose easy way to solve the problem, eliminating him. They are not trying to protect him, they are just another kind of racist.
Sorry. i liked your story but I thought that was really stupid.
6519035
They were out of character. They seemed more in line with the evil TCB Ponies from the Conversion Bureau.
great story
Short, sweet, and told a lot in a short amount of time. I would like to see a prequel, or even a sequel where the princesses and the elements try to understand the human, whether he lived or not.
very well done, I am hoping for an epilogue to see how the ponies react to Anon's choice
6518675 You're welcome.
But I'm sorry. I can't really relate to this.
I'm very lazy about confrontation.
Something diffirent from the other HiE stories where everything is light and fluffy. Very good!
I'll put this in my favorites.
I agree with him they wanted to remove what made him human only to avoid further problems thats escaping not facing it.
Damn.... This is pretty good, and those fucking idiots got him killed! I mean, for god sakes, just let him be!
Really? Because between the Darwin Awars and Cracked.com I don't think we're all that good.
Edit: Is everyone's sense of humor dead?
quotesforthemind.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Human-Rights-Quotes-–-Human-Beings-–-Equality-Personal-Freedom-–Justice-–-Quote-Every-huma-has-rights.jpg
If the "spell" was successful, I'm pretty sure I'd either go crazy or still die.
Definitely want a sequel to see how Celestia and gang react and see if they can understand why. Good job though.
I wouldn't say it's really sequel worthy, but it would be interesting to see it from Celly's POV.
Damn I need to get something checked cause I LOVE bad endings :D
sadly none here. just a death xP Anyways good read.
That should be "been in" and "proposes". Seeing that kind of glaring error in just the short description has kinda turned me away from this. I'll put this in my Tracking folder.
An epilogue would be glorious. Just to show the aftermath.
6521912 thanks for telling me, I try to trust Google Docs to fix my mistakes and it does rather well, but when I butcher a word it puts in that stupid random vocabulary.
Great story, I really, really want to see how the elements and the princesses react to it so... a sequel please? :P
Sequel story. Anon the pony living anonymously (hee!) in Ponyville, periodic check up with Twilight for therapy, they say for childhood trauma thus he can't remember his foalhood.
He notices the mane 6 are kind to him but there is always that look on their faces. Regret, pity.
Flashbacks begin, he doesn't understand, dreams of being pursued, fear, then falling.
He learns the truth. Luna helps him get free change back.
They run away to the Equestria girls universe?
An Epilogue or sequel must happen!
6523634 Just seeing how interested you are for the story brought a smile to my face. I will definetly look into a sequel, thanks for reading.
This was absolutely fascinating. There were places where you needed to correct your grammar and others where you needed to fix your phrasing, but other than that, I loved the story. I would love it if you gave more of a backstory to his time in Equestria, and elaborated more on his friendship with Luna. (By the way, that was a dead giveaway to your being a fanboy of Luna.) I already have an idea for your sequel (I bet you can guess what I'm thinking) in which you could do that. I am as well working on a story where a human (me, actually) enters into Equestria and is basically telling the story from his time there. It's called The Wanderer and its time of chapter one completion may come soon, depending on how lazy I am.
6524012 I can't truly say I'm a 'fanboy' considering that I just started to watch the show, but I'd like to see your ideas on a sequel and to help you with your story, I love HiE fics.
6524154 Sure, I'll send you a message, and boy you are a latecomer. I am too, sort of, but I started watching the show in January of this year, I think. I'm almost done with the first chapter. I need to revise the introduction though. I may be able to get it submitted today.
In all honesty, I was really pleased with this. It was well written, with the exception of a few grammar errors here and there, but enjoyable all the same. Great job.
6523917 I did like the story!
However It's a little out of character for the main crew to be so cruel, for instance How was each member of the 6 reacting to this? Did they really need to be there?
I'd imagine they would just have Celestia, Luna, and Twilight for it.
Not bashing! Just want some insight on their perspectives and views on the situation.
I also had an urge to write my own variation with an attempted escape, Anon's skill with Alchemy, him knowing of the plot to change him but ultimately ending the same.
But again, I did enjoy the story!
6524449 Well, I guess the main six would most likely be there because Anon considers them friends.
6524449 and if you feel like doing a spin off be my guest, I'm sure I'd love to read it.
yeah, I can imagine the ponies going "it's for your own good" and then forcing objectively horrible stuff on other species which they don't understand is horrible
6524473 I may I may.
I didn't expect this to be somehow, immersive . . .
The feels where there, that much I can tell. Keep it up with the "tragedy" related fictions.
It's a nice story I will say, short but enjoyable
Holy shit, this was a hell of a choice for a 2am read...
A really thought provoking story, I absolutely loved it :)
6524809 Thanks for reading!
6518751 That is a spooky rainbow dash thing.
*make a fast jump on 6525051 and cover his mouth before whispering*
shhh,nobody is suppose to know this thing is me,Rainbow Dash...
*look to the right*
*look to the left*
*sigh*
ooff.my identity is still a secret.
i'm safe
6518798 I for one expected Luna to speak up for the Human. I'd also would have liked to see a least some more debate about the ramifications of the transformation. This might have worked better as the ending of a longer story where it was a little more clear that there was some alien gap in thinking between the Human and ponies.
6518798 I am writing more to this story actually, I am writing a prequel then I am going to revise this chapter and write an epilogue. I've been reading (stalking) every comment that has any form of feed back and taking that into account. I thank you for reading and caring enough to comment
Invictus by William Ernest Henley
It is an okay read for what it is.
I expect it will probably get a good amount of likes thanks to the "YEAH HUMANS!" group.
Personally there needs to be more talk about what the transformation entails...is it purely physical...or does it mess with the mind at all...if so how much...
Right now I read this and it just brings to mind a quote from a racist post I read that basically went like this:
He did not say black man at the end there, but you get the idea.
I read this story and all I can think of is that posting.
Would he really rather die a human because he was proud to be a human?...or was he simply too proud to change into something that he viewed as inferior to himself?...after all better to die a human than to live as a filthy animal right?...The white supremacist in the above quote thought the same thing right?
It is less about what we look like and more about how we act. He could have changed and showed ponies that not only was he still different from them, but that he could be better than ever before.
Humanity is about trying even when it is tough. It is about constantly beating the odds. It is about showing that no matter your shape, whether or not you are missing limbs, and even if your days are numbered that you do not give up!
Humanity is not about taking a swan dive because...EWW I don't want to look like a pony!
6526120
There was a sci-fi novel that there was a village seperated from world, and no villagers can see through their eyes. I think they were infected some virus or something. Then some guy from outside of the world accidently came to the village with serious inJured. While he has been rescued and healed by villagers, he realized they cannot see and he tried to take advantage of it first. However, villagers have their own way of living and the guy was just humiliated and decided to follow their rules.
But then when the guy decided to marry with some girl in village, villagers decide that they have to get rid of the eyes of the guy to make him truly be one of their society. The guy tried to state that seeing thing through eyes is much more amazing thing they can possibly imagine but they don't listen. He struggle between the life of this village-it was very decent life for a while, even having a lover to marry- and his eyes that can so many beautiful things that others can't. In the end, without words he decided to leave the village, which was very hard since the way back to the world was very dangerous - almost sure dead going through there-but he escaped from the village in the end.
As human, giving up sth youve already had is really difficult whether it is good or not. It doesnt have to be racism or human superior mindset. More bizarre idea is that the thought that makes someone give up something is not biggy. It really doesn't matter that it is better for him but the idea of forcing some individual to be one of their society is dugusting for me. Ponies here are saying this is safer for him but the solution they have is not really solving the basic problem. They are just thinking,"It will be fine if he is just like us and who cares about being human anyway? it just makes him in danger." They are not even giving him any choice. They didn't discuss about this with him at all and chained him to bring to them. THIS is racism. This is saying like,"you are dirty because you are black and let me wash you to death for making you white." If the villagers I said previously forced the guy to remove his eyeballs, he would protect himself even if harming the villagers. It could be the same in this story but I assume that he can't because he cared about their friends so much....or just he knows he can't beat them by force. But in the end, the death was an option. He can maybe just accept their offer-if you can say it like that-but the death with his own belief and dignity is an option and it is not necessarily racism.