• Member Since 8th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Scorch215


Greetings all and welcome to my page. I tend to write stories of a darker nature though I enjoy reading a wide range of stories. I hope you find something of interest here, have a good day.

T
Source

Twilight Sparkle was using radio signals to view the stars of the night sky when she picked up a signal of some sort.

After a few days of working she managed to get a clear signal.

What she heard on that first day caused her to invite her friends to listen to the strange signal the next day.

Over the next few days Twilight and her friends listen to the final words of a group of aliens as they try to survive on a planet that has died by their own hands.

Now with a READING

Note: I was inspired to write this after reading several other stories about the Mane 6 listening to radio signals from space. This will be a short story.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 105 )

Wow. I really like this story idea! :pinkiehappy:

6937892 I'm glad. :twilightsmile:

this idea was bugging me to be written for a couple of day so I thought I'd give in and here we are.

Well. This is... something.

P.S.: First!

6938056 odd, I ran it through a spellcheck. i'll get some one to take a look at it.

6938056
6938851

All right, y'all. Back the hell up offa my client. Editor on set.

6938861
Hey, I wasn't criticizing.
I saw no errors.

6938898

I wasn't actually spittin' fire at you, Queenie. Be chill.

Here's why spellcheck is not your friend and more of a drunk cousin you tolerate because you owe him money: Twilight Sparkle slowly turned the diel on her latest invention

That's your first sentence. On the upside I have a new word to work into conversation.

huh. so they're basically listening to the world go from normal, to fallout universe. interesting

6939627
It was listed as a response to mine.

6938861
Short description:

Twilight and her friends listen to the final transmissions of a dieing planet

Dying.
Missing period.

This is turning out to be very good so far, but I feel you can do a lot more than just a boring old nuclear attack from an unspecified source. First of all, try including some sort of invader that doesn't just nuke everything, but deploys ground forces and the like as well. Do it right, and you can have some dialogue similar to that near the end of the mission Exodus in Halo: Reach, but with a less happy ending. If you're unfamiliar with what that dialogue is, it's the nervous young pilot of an evac dropship conversing with command. The pilot is eager to take off, seeing as his ship is full of families and wounded, but the skies aren't yet clear enough of the invaders for him to take off.

6940074

Yes, that is on my hit list.

6940298 I am familiar with it but how I've worked out the story in my head is its going to be short and have the mane 6 just listening to the radio from this one group. And what happens they won't see much action though there will be action it's mostly going to be Captain Graceland talking into the airwaves.

also it sucks trying to post a comment while on a cell phone.

She didn’t know what fallout was but she knew it must have been bad if there was a shelter built just for it

I hope they'll never find out.


The story seems good so far.
I'll see where it's going.

But I should mention you are often repeating the same grammatical error in both chapters:

"Text." X said.

In that context you should use an comma, not a dot.
For an complete explanation have a look here at the Fimfiction Writing Guide.

This is a really interesting concept for a story, but the lack of punctuation made me wince a little. :unsuresweetie: Still, really cool!:coolphoto:

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6942349

I'll be handing chapter off to my editor so any errors I make should be fixed if I don't catch them myself.

6939783
Don't forget "Marshal Law", which is what happens when four-star General Law gets a field promotion.

"Martial law", on the other hand, is when the military imposes control as a governing body in replacement of the normal branches of government, sometimes to maintain order and security when civilian authority fails or is disrupted (as in the event of a nuclear war, for example).

6944036 thank you, I have never actually seen the phrase written out only heard it so had no idea who it was supposed to be spelled. :twilightsheepish:

6946459 Thanks. :twilightsmile:

hope it continues to stay interesting as the Mane 6 listen to the survivors radio transmissions.

Hm. This is very interesting. Though I feel like Twi not wanting to continue listening, regardless of the violent and crude nature is kinda odd.

6979722 its not the violent nature its the fact he is trying to get help and no one is responding.

6981138 whenever I can write the next chapter it will be explained but you can see why some one desperately trying to get help for injured and failing would make them all upset.

6981176 Yeah. But I just don't see Twilight blocking it out because while—Yeah it's horrible. Especially to the land of friendly ponies—It's aliens. Alien Knowledge. This is like the history nopony–nothing will ever kept track of, she's the only one with the opportunity to write this historical event, and she's passing that up? Not even informing Celestia if her stomach can't handle it? I dunno. I'm interested in this, but it has some character quirks. ...To me at least.

6985453 as I said the next chapter will explain that the past two days her curiosity has been warring with her half that was disturbed, it ultimately wins.

6985961 I eagerly await this next chapter then!

6985963 yeah I have this whole thing planed out it's just depressing so i'll be slow to right it.

6985969 :raritydespair: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

6985975 because I know how this ends.

6985977 Then hurry along to the end! Were this me, I'd be rushing to get it out before I lost interest. XD

6985982 I won't lose interest, it's just this story depresses me to a very high degree.

6985984 Alrighty. I'm definitely interested. :rainbowkiss:

This is both depressing and amazing. I don't know which one I should be feeling.

And..the light from the explosions were as if a thousand suns were born in the sky and laid to rest on our capital city.

I Have to wear a heat suit just to stand within one hundred miles of the blast zone. *static* the beginning of n-*static crackling* was rusted and breaking apart from the corpses that corroded the *static*-dges with their blood which has now been boiled away to dust....all that is left are *crackles*-ned bones and I dare not go further.

The radiation *static pops*-ear survivable levels and I've been standing on the deck for far too long.
I feared that this day would come....forgive us.

A taste of sheer power.

~Almighty

Pretty good chapter, but now has me wondering if maybe things wont turn out quite as bad for them as I first thought. If if everything is gona fall apart on them. Eather way I look forward to more.

Nice chapter!

I'm curious what's happening on earth.


Just one small note:
I recommend to take an proofreader.

It's not like I haven't seen stories more in need of an editor, but you still need an editor. I could take up that task, if you like. Also, I must say that I had assumed that Graceland's group was a lot smaller than that, maybe a dozen or so, and hiding in a cave, not a bunker. Furthermore, I am curious to see where the story goes. I'm hoping that the Equestrians find a way to teleport to or at least speak back to Graceland and his group. Keep up the good work!

7068433 I tend to upload the chapters unedited and get them edited after the fact that way I'm able to more focus on my writing and I may take up your offer if my edit has moved on do to the fact it takes me a while to be able to write this story.

also in the chapter "Voice" Graceland says they have 150 civilians in need of medical attention and that they have evaced them to a bunker south of Seattle

Not that this isn't good, but remeber that SOME people REALLY want to see some of your other stories with a new chapter to read....but this is good all the same.

7069340 There's only one story though.

Hm. Still no Sunflanks.

Well, I hope they don't find any 'Geiger'.

Never forget:

A nuclear war doesn't have any winners.

hate

Should be ate.

Maybe some else out there is doing

Someone*

---

Overall, I found this an interesting read. There were a few things they kinda bit at me, but—if anything—it did give me a few ideas I might play with in the future. It's a fic that makes you think I suppose.

Well done.

This was truly great. Have a full house. (Fav and the like.)

That gave me chills... the end of the world tends to do that to you.

Not sure what else I can say, it was a good fanfic, sad, but a good fanfic. I think there's only one phrase I can end this comment on, and even that doesn't seem enough:

"War, war never changes."

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