Regidar
Joined 13th May, 2012 ·
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FIRST!!!!!!!!1111!!!ONE!!!1
You should be ashamed.
And horny.
...img.pandawhale.com/39699-What-am-I-doing-with-my-life-S-Y8zF.jpeg
Peeps can't handle these clopfics...It should be fine due to the older Sweetiebelle; don't know if it's moral though...I wonder how the rules allow underage Sweetiebelle; I could've sworn that was against the rules, yet I've read quite a lot.
6421577 I ask myself this question every day
6421578 Rules say anthro/human can't be underage. Feral is okay.
6421603 Hehe they must've gotten pretty leaniant; I kid you not, I read a Cutie Mark Crusasaders X Human non Anthro, hooves, coat, tail, and all..They were fifteen bro!
Not for me, but written well. Good luck, sug.
Instant block~
6421849 Really?
6421849 Why would you block him?
6421938 would you say that
he's a whore?
6421849 Well fuck you too.
>anthro
I'm fucking disappointed in you
6421950 yeah, me too
Awesome as always
6421950
6421953
Guys, it had to happen, otherwise it wouldn't be shown. You know--removed? Sometimes we have to take a bit of castor oil with all the sugar. I'm glad that you at least made it so that at least I can see this, and I'm pretty sure there are plenty of others that will at least take a look too.
6422366 boy, that was cryptic as fuck
Ehehehe
imgur.com/kGxdYtP.gif
media2.giphy.com/media/5Knq1ExJ7kqpq/giphy.gif
9/10 would read again on another cold night alone.
i.imgur.com/NOECI0s.gif?noredirect
This is some glorious stuff. The prose is nice and flowery (though thankfully not as overbearing as some of my stuff can be) and although it does sorta tend to tread on a lot of typical incest story tropes, it uses them to the advantage of the work as opposed to it's detriment. This is a pairing that certainly deserves more love, and I'm happy that both this work and an upcoming fic of my own are both using it.
I do have a few caveats, though, and since we did this fic trade to explore one another's styles and whatnot, I would be a terrible friend and fellow author to not point out a few constructive criticisms.
1. The last scene that is relegated to it's own chapter could have been cut at no cost to the story at hand. Sweetie Belle's inevitable pregnancy is best used as a hook to a possible follow-up or larger-scale continuation of the story as a whole. It also felt a little bit unsatisfying as far as endings go– there's a lot of clear tension between Hondo and Rarity that doesn't get resolved, and I think it's stuff better relegated to a seperate fic where that conflict can be the focus. You attempted to play his poisoning of his relationship with his older daughter off as slightly comedic in order to lighten the tone of the finale overall, and that, to me, is the equivalent of watering down an alcoholic beverage in an attempt to take the edge off of the taste. As I mentioned, it's probably for the best that the finale was scrapped and the fic ended on a more conclusive yet open-ended note.
2. The timeskips were a little bit clunky. I tend to get pulled out of stories with script-style timeskips as they serve as aa reminder that I am reading a work of fiction and not immersing myself in this little universe that the author has created. On a somewhat related note, you switch between number symbols and written-out numbers; you should always write out numbers to keep the prose flowing and to not appear as lazy as someone who would use number shorthands would seem.
3. Rarity's character is a bit odd here. In the beginning I felt as if she was alluding to what may have been a sexual encounter between herself and Hondo, and when she later became concerned and frustrated with him for impregnating Sweetie, it felt a little bit off from the tone set in the beginning. I also sort of expected her to show up at some point during the sex and join in/break it up/watch, but that's what I would have done with her if I had introduced her in the beginning of the fic. I feel thst the intro, too, could be condensed into information presented during Hondo's experience with Sweetie and cut Rarity out of the equation entirely; she doesn't really seem to have much of a place in this narrative.
4. The sex was very detailed, which is a fantastic change of pace from most of what I've been reading lately. However, I sort of wished that there was more fluff to the prose; as it stands, it feels more like a donut without a glaze or icing of some kind. It's good, very good, but it lacks a lot of prescence, just as the donut would be very tasty but lack a certain sugary sweetness that makes it more complete.
5. Sweetie Belle seems awfully naive for a seventeen-odd year-old girl. I think it would have made for a more unique and interesting take on the typical incest fic if she was more knowledgable, confident, and in control of the situation, almost reversing the situation and teaching her father a few new tricks as opposed to being reliant on his experience. It would have given this fic a more delicious and interesting twist, and been a little bit more "Sweetie Belle" esque, seeing as she's usually the peacemaker between Applebloom's practicality and Scootaloo's nigh-deathwish levels of thrill-seeking. Seeing Sweetie Belle taking her role as a moderator intoher relationship with her father would have made this fic stand out a bit more from the rest of the daddy/daughter pack.
Overall, this is a satisfying read, although I do wish you did a little bit more with the materials you had selected. Still, I would love to see you do more work like this, to see you let out that pervy side of you we all know you have into erotic and pleasing works. I'd also appreciate seeing the juxtaposition between your usual post-rock inspired cynicism and search for beauty with the more sex-positive and less soul-enriching world of anthro pony clopfiction.
Your promo blog will come tomorrow afternoon, 12:00 my time. You have done well to earn this promotion.
6422369
everyman version: You had to change something significant in your story otherwise it couldn't be published and others like you, me, and ShagDragon, not to mention countless others who also read this, couldn't read it here. The story is good, but it was bittersweet: obviously you didn't want to have to conform to the 'anthros have to be 18+ if Mature/Sex is used' guideline. Knowing you somewhat (based on your other stories), you wanted Sweetie to be underage, which would got your story removed. I've seen it before.
Obviously you have a IDGAF attitude about it, and you publish what you want, but I just wanted to make it clear. Not trying to piss you off or offend ya.
6422712 oh
yeah, i woulda liked it younger
but i made it work with her age as is
hell 16 would have been my idea age there
[it's not creepy because i'm 17 myself]
[it’s definitely still fucking creepy]
6422366 It wouldn't have been removed if it wasn't anthro
instead of castor oil with sugar, I'll take some zoophilia with my child porn tyvm
can you do one where he knocks up rarity?
6425282 I have one more commission slot open
PM me if you'd like to discuss this further
6425976 ONE MIGHT EVEN SAY THAT HE'S GOT A
PASSING COMPLEXTION
*Sigh*
Faves.
imgfave-herokuapp-com.global.ssl.fastly.net/image_cache/1295195516718850.png
6426253 except Judaism, which doesn't have a hell
This fandom endorses futa, inflation, occasionally rape, torture (sometimes consenting, oftentimes not), and countless other forms of debauchery, but incest? Oh noes! My fragile Christian sensibilities!
6426657 it's all the same to me, man
it's all fiction
unless you're Ronald Reagan, fiction never hurt anyone
can there be one where the Pegasus knocks up their mother?
6422366 6424487 I don't get this site's rules somtimes: "because saying an imaginary character is 18 instead of 16 will surely prevent real life child abuse."
6426253 hold the gate open... I'm going with ya...
Up vote this comment if you found this story to be
FUCKING HOT! (and well written.)
I freaking knew this was in the next part...
6428103 they gotta cover legal grounds
if inkbunny wasn't crawling with actual pedophiles (and furry pedophiles, the only ones worse than regular pedophiles), I'd write younger anthro stuff. But alas.
6427796 again, I have a commission slot open
PM me to discuss details
Very hot!
I thought his canon name was Magnum though. At least that's what it is on the CCG cards and the Gameloft game
6429743 it's all very nebulous; the derpibooru tag is Hondo, so I went with that
6428996 im not the kinda guy to pay fir sexfics
6430936 well, sorry man. I'm not taking requests right now.
Nice chapter, but there's some things you may want to edit.
That should be "Sweetie's"
That should be capitalized.
"Mares"
And "below".
Also, I think chapter two's title should be, "Sugar Solvent", but I could be wrong.
6436500 you are correct, thank you for taking time to point out errors! I'll go and fix them right away.
Whelp, that was hot. Plasma cannon has been fully discharged.
I liked and faved this a while ago, but I just want to say that this was a really fun read. Thank you kind sir.
6570940 thanks man, glad you dig it
>Urethral teasing
YES
6592460 have i pleased you sexually
well this is a thing that I read.