• Member Since 23rd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 6th, 2022

Damocles23


I write what makes me happy. Hope it makes you happy as well!

Comments ( 12 )

Well... It was certainly a quick story! Well written, the breaks sorta messed with the flow, but it still felt like it had a purpose

Nice story, but there's a few minor things you may want to edit.

Even if half erect, octavia lunged at it and took it in her mouth.

That should be capitalized.

She moaned in pleasure when she said that name.

That should be "he".

She squirted on VInyl’s face as her father cummed down her throat, right inside her stomach, filling it with creamy seed.

Those should be "Vinyl's" and "came".

Her father grimaced as well, stopping him on the fuck tracks as his hands wobbled while grasping Octavia’s sides.

And you've got a double space between those words.

In the description here, I guess the long desc it's called?

coscience

= conscience

Was a pretty fun read, although it could use a rewrite for more than a few grammatical errors here and there.

Daddy put a bun in both of their oven's? Hot. Not sure where else to take this one, but I'd like to see more.

You have a good start here, but you need a decent prereader. Caught a few tense changes here and there. The actual penetrative sex also felt awfully rushed.

I was hoping for that ending. Great work with this fic! Really fulfills that forbidden fantasy we all think about once in a while.

I now finally understand why there is so much incest and other wrong kinks in the pony fandom! It's because Hasbro made a game called... Taboooooo! :trollestia:
img04.deviantart.net/cc7f/i/2012/092/3/8/soooooky_applejack_cosplay__click_to_see__by_papersquid-d4uq8sh.jpg

Never look into a horse’ mouth.

The expression is "Never look a gift horse in the mouth."

Also, I've noticed you use this expression with an alarming frequency....

...with reckless abandon...

i like the story but the fact vinyl barely talks is a turn off for me, you could get a couple chapters out of it if you did a back story of octavia and her father and how they started fucking then another chapter of the threesome

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