• Member Since 16th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen Mar 30th, 2023

Regis-Th3-Lesser


<---- Falco Judging your cringe

Comments ( 26 )

Nice clop chapter, but there are a few things you may want to edit. The first thing may seem nitpicky, but the mother's name is Cookie Crumbles, not Crumble.

They were sleem for the most part, then they just magically wake up and start going at it.

That should either be "They would sleep for the most part" or "They were asleep for the most part".

Sweetie grabbed Rarity’s arm giding her to her most pleasurable areas.

There should be a comma after "arm" and the correct word after would be "guiding".

She rose up and lowered her sled carefully on his cock.

I think that should either be "herself" or "lowered, she sled carefully on his cock."

The bed shook and quaked as Sweetie rider her dad like a pro.

That should be "rode".

Rarity wasn’t hard to open op to, but her dad.

That should be "u", but this statement seems a bit confusing and contradictory to what happens in the story.
And lastly, there are several times where you should probably put a comma on the word before a character's name.

“Don’t worry Sweetie. I’ll be right there with you.”

“Come on over Rarity. Show her the ropes.”

“Would you care to give it a try Sweetie?”

“That was just the tip Sweetie…”

“Take your time Sweetie.”

8056397
Thank you, I'll fix those when I get some free time

Nice ending, but there's a couple things you may want to edit.

Five months… Five months and both Rarity and sweetie were sporting matching baby bumps.

That should be capitalized.

That’s all they ever preach on school is to ‘stay protected’.

I'd change that to either, "All they'd ever preach at school is to ‘stay protected’. " or "That’s all they'd ever preach at school, to ‘stay protected’."

Sweetie Belles voice squeaked for the first time in years.

That should be "Belle's".
And lastly, a couple more examples of the comma issue from the last chapter.

Yes Rarity?”

“And that’s fine Sweetie. But know that I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

hey the fathers name is magnum if your wondering

8056524
I just went by the name that the one who requested this story wished to call him

Hey. It's the guy who argued with that Russian intellectual.

a little fast paced but its fine

8057003
She was more like a raging 13 year old who brags about having a high IQ

8056524
Magnum was probably the most widespread fan name, and it is used in the mobile game, but what I consider the more reliable source is the Collectible Card Game, where he is called Hondo Flanks. Both the app and the CCG are licensed third party products, but the CCG appears to take more effort in adhering to canon.

8057116 oh true i guess idk mlp lore like i thought it did

Do you need a coat hanger?

Who made the cover?
I've seen that art style before.

Ooohkay... While I have no problems with this type of fiction (I read this for my own enjoyment, after all), I do feel compelled to urge you to add an author's comment about incest being bad is not really because of social standards or culture or even the possibility of pregnancy itself, but more because of biology and genetics.

Seriously, I have seen a discussion in the comments elsewhere on FimFiction where somebody didn't know that.

I am really curious to see how you will handle the social stigma issues that you hint at in this chapter. (And whether or not you will ignore the genetics thing in future chapters.) Sweetie is in for a rough ride! :rainbowderp: (and so is rarity, for that matter)

8066651
Incest isn't bad, but in society they seem to mistake taboo for abhorrent. And I don't know if I will continue with this right away. It all depends on if the author who requested this wants it to be continued.

8066667

Incest isn't bad, but in society they seem to mistake taboo for abhorrent.

It has nothing to do with what society thinks. Incest is bad, because it has a very high chance of producing stillborn or severely handicapped children. Because of genetics. In the order of 50% or more, if I'm not mistaken. What society thinks is probably the logical result of that.

I'll try to explain without getting too technical...

With no incest, you get one set of genes from your dad, and one set from your mom. Both are complete sets of genes, but both of them contain several defects. So in total, you have two complete but imperfect sets of genes. Now suppose your mom has given you a set of genes, with one broken gene (=one defect) that is needed for insulin production. No problem. Because dad's set will probably have defects in completely different genes, so his insulin genes are good. Your dad's insulin genes will be active, your mom's genes will not. So you are healthy, and have good insulin in your body.

But if mom and dad are closely related, (e.g. like Rarity and Hondo) then they will share parts of their genes. If you do the math you find, that it is very likely, that Rarity would give the child a set of genes that she originally got from Hondo, and Hondo will give the same set to the child as well. On average, 25% of the child's genes will get identical defects this way, if I did the math correctly. (The chances of 0% identical genes is equivalent to the chance of 23 rolls of a 4-sided dice, all of them not landing on 4. It is less than 1%)

25% is more than enough to cause a few serious problems. So the child will likely have sets of genes with the exact same defects on them, causing illness, handicap or even stillborn. (in the case of the insulin gene example, the child would have diabetes. But in the case of incest, the child would be very lucky to only get diabetes)

THAT is why incest is bad. It is not just a social norm. It's genetics, it's biology. And it's really really dangerous to the child.

8068885
Apologies,but the way you framed your last comment made me think that you were for it. Really, what goes on behind another families doors is none of my business.

I'm glad you gave me those statistics though. Shows how little I actually know.

Sorry if I offended you in any way. I wrote this story by experimental request. I most likely will not be doing this again.

8068909 No, no, I'm not offended. As long as it remains strictly fiction, i have no problem with it. Like I said, I read it for my enjoyment, fully knowing what it was about. Fiction lets you explore taboos (or bad things) without partaking in them, from crime to murder to sexual depravity or mind control. To name a few. That's one of the nice things about fiction.

But I just think that it is important that you let your readers know in an author's note what incest truly means in reality, because not everybody seems to know. You yourself were not fully aware of it either, it seems. and you're clearly not the only one on FimFiciton.

8068885 Though wouldn't the first generation (despite having a few defects) wouldn't be as bad? Like Charles II family tree.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/6e/36/c9/6e36c9835acac3918f1a662fa3e49334.png
The reason why Charles II got so messed up was because of passed inbreeding. So let's say that a brother and sister had a child (first gen of inbred), but the child grew up to have children outside the family from then on. So what I'm trying say is...

First and only time, not that bad. Many more times and onward, very bad.

8073001 I'm not an expert, but I believe it is the other way around. In the graph you show, the most direct inbreeding happens between uncles and nephews, or between cousins. In that case, the average percentage of identical genes in the child is a lot lower (i didn't do the math, but it's probably by a factor of 2 or 4) than when daddy knocks up his own daughter. Also, there are still 6 sources of DNA shown in that graph. I bet the reason that it all went so well as long as it did in that family, (until Charles II that is,) was because brothers didn't interbreed with sisters, and parents didn't with their own children.

I don't know Charles II or his ailments, but consider this: if a child was stillborn or highly deformed, would they admit to the world that that had happened? Or would they hide it and leave the baby at the doorstep of a monastery? I'm not so sure. In those times people were more cruel, I think. Quite a few babies may not appear in that tree for that reason. But I'm speculating now.

I do know this: It is against our nature for parents to be sexually attracted to their children (and vice versa) , and the same goes for brothers and sisters. In animals too, I believe. This is a direct result of a combination of natural selection and the dangers of inbreeding.

I admit I do not know exactly how high the chances are of there being a serious fault in 25% of a child's DNA. But I'm fairly sure it is high.

And again, I'm not opposed to the nature of this story, since it is merely fiction. I simply believe that an author's note on this subject would be a good idea.

8074046
Also fairly certain that there is a psychological aspect to it as well. More often then not, people who grow up closely are incapable of seeing each other as desirable partners. Some part of the brain that makes you think of them “like a sibling”. It’s why a lot of old royal marriages had trouble with conception. They were betrothed young and kept together so they would get along, actually hurting their future romantic relationship.

That said, I think a fair number of people start out with crushes on their parents, or at least the potential for it, but the age gap stops it from really developing, usually, because they just grow out of the child’s strike zone. The older appearance, again, on a psychological level, stops them from being viewed as acceptable partners. Normally, at least. Clearly, given the wide amount of incest kink in the world, not an absolute thing.

8926626
Peobably true. But our psychology has been influenced by our evolution as well, so your observations and mine mostly go hand in hand.

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