- Member Since 17th Jul, 2016
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Akataja
Just one of many MLP Fans out there :) also german writer, taking small commissions for stories and art
Akataja
Joined 17th Jul, 2016 ·
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How can Incest be accidental?
9576446
read the story and you will see ^^
That picture nearly made me fudge my pants.
this is honestly a hot mess. To give a few of the most jarring parts:
Applejack, not Apple Jack.
Macci is just weird to see.
You change tense with basically every sentence, and sometimes multiple times within the sentence.
Should mark this story as complete if this is the only chapter
9576497
ah! right, totally forget that ^^ thanks for the tip
9576492
I will try to work on that ^^
And Apple Jack? I know the name is not supposed to be written that way, but I think it looks better and any fan should be able to know who it is.
But about the names: I will keep on with "Apple Jack" and "Macci" because I saw "Macci" a lot of times and like it, this is how we make names in german cute is totally okay from grammar and spelling sight
Usually non-native English speakers actually have better grammar and spelling than native ones.
I would think Applejack would be furious. After all Suger Belle just admitted she just likes Big Mac as a fuck partner and doesn't really love him.
9577804
This is like the most nonsense thing I've ever read :D I mean about the "usual" part ^^ I guess you are right when you speak about professionals, interpreter and so on, which have to make an intense training to learn the rules about the second language because of the job... but I guess the "usual" guy with a second language, have other stuff to do than learn more and more about the second language :D
I think the same about it, at least about the Canon-Applejack, but this AJ here is horny for her brother
9577848
With "usually" I mean to say the majority of the time. I think it's because they learned English at school where they are demanded to have good grammar and spelling. They are less natural at it so tend to be more meticulous. Usually when you see someone who writes with a huge number of spelling and grammar errors it's usually a native speaker who just doesn't care enough.
Native speakers usually do know more about it, they just are less likely to put in the effort to do it properly.
They aren't mutually exclusive. AJ could react like that but with a little prodding from Suger Belle could change her mind. You should always try to twist their character, you shouldn't throw it out completely.
9577878
thanks for the tip, I will try it with the next fic ^^
also yes, we learn English in school, but we learn a lot in school and don't remember anything forever :D But to be honest the main part of my English knowledge comes from Comics, Mangas and Video games :D
9577893
Indeed but a part does come from school. Also games, manga and anime has better grammar than personal letters. Not perfect of course but definitely better.
Contest judge leaving some thoughts.
So let's get the obvious out of way: you say English isn't your native language. I did bear this in mind as I went. I know writing in another language is hard so I appreciate the effort you spent. That said, I do have to be critical and compare this to every other fic in the contest equally...
Overall, spelling was okay. I assume you had a spell checker to help you out in that regard. Where things went awry is in the grammar. It's all over the place. You obviously know how to write a valid English sentence(there are many in the fic), so it's less a question of your ability than your willingness to edit. I think if you had gone through and edited your draft a few more times you could have fixed a lot of the sentences in this fic.
But let's ignore that for now. What else? Tense usage...
You really need to work on tense usage. I know as a non-native speaker this is challenging, but tense is one of those things that really must be correct. It's very difficult to read a fic which switches tense constantly. I'd personally make this your number one priority as you write more. When doing your first edit(yes first, I'm suggesting you do several), you should specifically focus on correcting slips in tense. Go line by line and look for the fixes. The readability of your fic will increase dramatically if you do this.
The nicknames. I read and understand your opinion about the names. I'd still recommend you use the canon names in the narrative. In dialogue you can go a bit more wild. But if you really want to use the nicknames, you need to show us, through the story, why they have the nickname. That name may make sense to you, but that doesn't mean it makes sense to the reader, and these are established, canon characters; you have an uphill battle to convince the reader that your pet name for a main character is the correct one to be using.
Anyway, I think your English and Grammar skills while needing some work are overall good and I'm always impressed by those who are not only multi-lingual but able to read/write in multiple languages. I think you should keep writing fics and trying your best to improve your skills.
GL to you.
9607467
Hey man, thanks for the feedback, I can really use that :)
And indeed, the checking is about multible times, but sometimes it seems like the Programm I use for the final check, is switching tense right in the middle of the story ^^
I will try my best to keep on improving my skills. :)
Great story. Sequel please i really want to see how AJ has to tell both her brother and her son who the father is. Also i want to see sugar belle caught in her lie when her zebra sutor comes callin to see his foals and how Mac reacts to both realising he got his sister pregnant and realize sugar belle cheated on him
9618345
Thanks man ^^
About the sequel, maybe I will do that. I have some ideas, but not enough for a whole story yet ^^