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kudzuhaiku


She's looking at you. Yes you. And she is judging you with her eyes. There is no escape.

T
Source

Warning: Frank depiction of alternative sexuality and lifestyles contained herein.


Holly Heartwood, who once toured the roller derby circuit under the name 'Holly Homewrecker' has come into possession of a older row house in the city of Manehattan. After receiving the house and a small inheritance, she decides to stay in Manehattan, find a real job, and perhaps settle down a bit.

As fate would have it, Holly's home is just a few blocks away from Manehattan's oldest firehouse, a historical landmark. She goes there looking for a job, but first, Holly has to prove that she is tough enough.

As it turns out, the fire department is not ready for a former roller derby star known as Holly Homewrecker...

MFD fanart.

Chapters (28)
Comments ( 528 )

A little more
Slice of Life is always nice!

and was greeted by cobwebs

picked one of them up

Hey, you got it published! So what'd you have to change?

6185321

I merged the first chapter with most of the second chapter in a hurried edit.

Interesting beginning.

More Kudzu!!!!
Three at once not enough? you have to tackle four?

The third floor had a landing and three doors. The only light was a tiny bit of winter sun shining through the narrow window by the stairs. The first door led to a small bedroom. It was empty and some of the wallpaper was peeling off of the walls. The only light was a tiny bit of winter sun shining through the narrow window by the stairs. The second door opened into a bathroom.

Repeated sentence.

There was no way she could pedal that kind of crap to other ponies.

peddle

As you should know by now, pointing out typos is my expression of interest.

Good and promising setup. As I wrote in the respective blogpost, firepony work is going to be very interesting.

Holly Heartwood let out a disappointed groan of disappointment.

All that 'disappointment' on purpose?

know me very well, but but Sumac

One 'but' too much.

6185447

I felt it was whimsical. The disappointed groan of disappoint was kinda funny, at least to me.

Ha. You got it published.

6185452
I found it funny, too, I was just checking. :twilightsheepish:

6185325 Glad you got it worked out. Definitely looking forward to see where this is going! Looks great so far.

Okay, I'm on for the ride.

Steam rose from vents on the sidewalks and the air was filled with a million smells. She scent of laundry. The smell of popcorn.
The scent of laundry.

Loved it! Will be waiting for the next chapter :pinkiehappy:

Nifty start. Looking forward to Holly demonstrating she's tough enough to be part of the fire department. :pinkiehappy:

Four waffles, golden brown and crispy. Four fried eggs, soft. A large blueberry muffin in somewhat greasy looking paper. Four large compressed potato hash brown patties.

Unless we're talking eggo waffles that's a huge breakfast.

6190163 Remember when she was talking to herself and how she viewed herself as "Curvy" But others said "Chubby" or "Fat"

6190170

I did not want to point this out. I did not want Holly boding checking me.

That's it? No physical test, no medical examination or psychology survey, just knock out a guy and you are qualified to the job? I wish this kind of job application would be accepted around here too:pinkiecrazy:. But then you couldnt find out who is not suitable for a certain type of job, and find out someone have a faulty respiratory system too late :pinkiesad2:
So far this story is quite promising, and I'm looking forward for seeing more. Can't say more yet, because I feel like its not fully started, and need a few more chapter to get a real catch of the characters.

6190545

That's the start. Check author's note.

I can just see all of the potential spewing from the two chapters. If this is anywhere near as descriptive as the chase, then this story is going to be amazing. fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/073/0/0/clapping_pony_icon___twiscepter_by_comeha-d6ymjpx.gif

I'm having trouble visualising the "Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma’am" though it sounds pretty awesome, and I love the name.

I wonder if she would ever be roller skating on the job, she could could be the first on the scene, and I can imagine her grinding down the handrails of the stairs of a burning building with an unconscious pony on her back, that would be pushing the very limits of badass-ery

Well, she is Applejack's cousin. Stubborn is in the blood. :ajsmug:

“The next test involves stairs, Toot Toot replied.

Missing a closing quote in the middle.

You missed closing an italics tag at "The grocery budget is not long for this world."

Edit: Also,

And entire lifetime of service

An

I was holding off on reading this for some reason (I'm a procrastinator), bu now I'm glad I read it. Colorful characters, dialogue that is funny and intelligent, and a plot that promises intrigue. (Aka a typical KudzuHaiku story :raritywink: ) Keep up the good work, can't wait to see where this goes.

Alfredo eyed Holly’s full figure, his eyes never once breaking eye contact with Holly’s eyes. The funding would not last very long.

Does she go down to a more... Legitimate fit figure, albeit still husky because of muscles?

Ch4
Stacked in the front room where two large wooden trunks,
were

I don’t know even know what to look for.”
I don't even know

I am happy you kept at this story. I can tell this is going to be a favorite :pinkiehappy:

6203708

Ever seen a person with a layer of soft fat over a core of rock hard muscle?

They're the most dangerous body type there is. They can push themselves farther than anybody else, because the body can tap into the fat reserves and burn that for fuel. Typically, these sorts have impossible levels of endurance.

You poke them with your finger and there is like an inch of soft and then your finger hits a stone wall. But these people look fat. All of the muscle hidden under the fat layer makes them look extra bulky. Pudgy. They tend to jiggle when they move, because the fat connects loosely to the muscle. So they look out of shape.

Holly has a body type like Mrs Cake... maybe a bit pudgier.

I am sensing some minor shipping in the ranks of the kudzufan legion.
we smell some holly alfredo.
and so do the typos.

Holly: hurry Alfredo to the Holly-cave!!!
Alfredo: *sigh*
Bananananana

“I like grilled cheese sandwiches and red wine.”

Tell me I'm not the only one who imagines that wine normally comes from a box.

... She seems like she wouldn't be picky as to what container her wine was from.

6204891

A box is too fancy. The stuff that comes in a plastic bottle with a screw off lid is fine.

6204994
Expired grape juice eh? Mare knows how to frugalize.

Hmm being recognized like this makes me think holly has a little more fame than she realises. Either that or she didn't include endorsement royalties in her contract in the derby...

6213334
The fact that it happened without her knowledge... might mean that she was being screwed by the people who organize the games. Maybe she was very popular, and should be well-paid, but she was constantly told she was barely scraping by and was unpopular and paid basically nothing.

This was something that, before the days of mass media, was actually practiced. There was some famous incident where some... circus performers? maybe? were told they were scraping by with profits, when they were the most famous circus on earth because it was easy to craft their knowledge so they never knew they were popular. The incident's on the tip of my tongue, but casually trying to google it hasn't produced any results.

Of course!
Pony sped skaters would be much more stable than humans, and earth ponies ridiculously fast.
Awesome!

Oooh.
Other possibilities come to mind.
Now I'm imagining earth-pony sculling. Imagine oars when going at the speed of a gallop.
Hydroplane?

Holly reached the final landing and then just stood there. “There are no more stairs,” she croaked, her voice dry and raspy. “That all you got?”

The Apple Clan spirit is strong with this one.

I am loving this, glad it ended up being approved. Your work is amazing as always, I don't read over 600 chapters for nothing. Speaking of which, I need to catch up on the new chapters...

Wow 1 mile in a minute with skates, thats like 95 km/h. Does skates even suppesed to go that fast? Isnt it a bit dangerous going around the city without any protective gear attached to her, not to mention that its most likely illegal and can be fined because of it? I'm not familiar with american speed limits, but around here the maximum allowed speed in cities are 50km/h (around 32 mile/h?), which she break without even trying.
I like how the moment i thought about commenting that Alfredo is like a butler, she actually say/think the same thing. The moment felt special :twilightblush:
Also her being on a cereal box makes me wonder just how popular is skate derpy might be in equestria. Its possible she quit a job where she could have been a legend for the mass and chose one where she can be legend for the few.
So far this story is great, even if i feel you priority character development rather than the action/story progressing, but im certain this will change soon:pinkiehappy:

Weaving in and out traffic,

of traffic

6213683

Nowhere does it say that she was going that fast... just that she could go that fast.

She moved with what appeared to be effortless ease. She did have a roller skate as a cutie mark, even if it could not be seen at the moment because of her heavy woollen coat. Speed was Holly’s friend; even only average roller derby skaters were faster than the fastest race runners. And Holly was considered fast. Holly was one of the few that could move along at a mile a minute on her skates. She was no pegasus, but flying was cheating.

6213360
6213334

I actually did a lot of research on this issue. A lot skaters here in the human world get screwed over in real life.

Unscrupulous promoters charge the skaters for transportation, lodging, and food. Once you count in the cost of the bus, the hotels, and cost of eating out in a restaurant several times a day, a lot of these skaters are lucky to even have money at the end of the week. Some of them go into debt with their promoter. The cost of a hotel room or spending around a hundred bucks a day on food they need just cleans out their wallets. And these folks can't just eat a burger and fries. Some of these guys can knock out five to ten thousand calories in just a single meal and they need every calorie they can muster.

Oh, and then, the real fun happens when they get hurt!

Comment posted by SASsoldat deleted Jul 17th, 2015

6213834
Is this the case of a low-profit niche market where the least powerful people get screwed because money actually is thin... and like many tough positions, those with the least power suffer first, or that there is clearly enough money to go around, but the promoters put the rollers in this position because it's easy to manipulate them and profit more themselves?

6213879

Well, see, I don't know about that. But it strikes me that there is money to be made. A roller derby ticket (between 10 and 50 dollars depending upon the venue) times hundred or several thousand people going out to see the show is making a fair bit of money from ticket sales.

But there might be costs I'm not aware of. The most likely scenario is that somebody is making a metric shit ton of money while somebody else is being screwed.

I mean, a similar example. Monster truck rallies. SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! FIVE DOLLARS GETS YOU IN THE DOOR! GET YOUR MEAT IN THE SEAT! DESTRUCTION, DEATH, AND MAY-HEM! Now, I am guessing that running monster trucks has to be pretty damn expensive. Gas, parts, advertising, etc. Yet if they can charge five bucks to get in the door and keep these shows running, there has to be money to be made.

And human beings strike me as being infinitely cheaper to care for than a monster truck.

So... reasonable assumption and guesswork. Somebody is making a metric shitton of money at the expense of others.

6213879

Oh, and there are roller derby camps, just like there are pro wrestling camps.

Some of these camps cost tens of thousands of dollars, and the skater / wrestler starts off their career after attending SEVERAL camps to prepare them for life on road, going from venue to venue, getting bloody each night and wowing the crowd.

So you might start off fifty or sixty thousand dollars in the hole, in debt to your promoter. Isn't it great?

Really enjoying this - something completely different!

6219637
Tried to resist, but i failed:

I'm not even sorry :derpytongue2:

If Polo has a brother named Marco I will be amused.

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