//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 // Story: M.F.D. // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// Shivering inside of her dark green woollen overcoat, Holly took little sips of water. Her legs ached, her back muscles spasmed, and her haunches were sore from using her hind legs to push both her body and the heavy load she had carried up the stairs. It was not the worst pain Holly had endured, however. Toot Toot, Knock Knock, and Holly all sat in a cramped cafe. There were five seats at the counter and two booths. The trio sat in one of the booths, the second booth was empty, and all five seats at the counter were full. Toot Toot, never one to miss a chance to unwind a little, was reading the funny pages in the newspaper while Holly drank water. Knock Knock was enjoying coffee and a danish. He leaned over his plate and looked at Holly. “I don’t know how you did it.” Looking up from her glass of water, one corner of Holly’s mouth turned up in a sneering, lopsided smile. “I was a professional athlete. We did all kinds of crazy strength training regimens, like pulling wagons loaded with rocks up steep hills.” “I think if I did that at my age, I’d give myself a hernia,” Toot Toot said from behind his paper. “Toots, at your age, getting your lazy ass out of bed could give you a hernia.” Knock Knock’s grin was hidden behind his mustache. “Screw you, you pole sliding schlub.” Toot Toot looked over his paper at Holly. “I think you’re done for today. But you should come to the firehouse bright and early tomorrow. There are a few more tests to do, but those are a formality at this point, I think. Eh, Knock Knock?” “Yeah… I’m gonna have to say that you probably have a job. A few more tests to see what you can do, what you’re good at, and then we’re going to train you.” Holding up his coffee cup, the unicorn smiled at Holly. “I gotta know… what’s up with the names?” Holly asked. “Simple repetitive names help in a stressful situation.” Knock Knock glanced over at his pegasus companion. “When Toots was a rookie, he was put in charge of the steam whistle. He was happier than a colt discovering his pecker for the first time.” Laughing, Holly brushed her mane out of her eyes. She was starting to feel warmer. “And why do they call you Knock Knock?” “Cause I’m a public face, being a captain and all. When I do investigations, I go ask questions and pay ponies a visit. I show up at the door and go ‘knock knock.’ Let me tell you, a lot of ponies aren’t happy to see me when I show up on their stoop. There is a lot of arson in this city.” “I guess the big city is a rough place.” Holly lifted up her glass of water and took a sip. “Holly, you have no idea,” Toot Toot said to the earth pony sitting across the table from him. He set down his paper. “Real estate is a big deal in this city. And when ponies don’t sell, sometimes, accidents happen. Or somepony gets a little desperate for cash and an accident happens. They get a little insurance money.” “This is a serious problem?” Holly set down her glass. “I spend more time investigating arson than I do fighting fires.” Knock Knock frowned and it made his mustache bristle. “Plus, right now it is looking like we have some crackpot pyromaniac that is burning stuff down for kicks and giggles.” Holly said three words that would change her life. “Tell me more…” When Holly came home, she found that her house was full of maids. Three mares and one stallion were busy cleaning in the front room. The front room itself was almost unrecognisable; the grey wood had some colour now, and life was being rubbed back into it with copious amounts of wood polish. One of the maids was using magic to revive the wallpaper. Stacked in the front room were two large wooden trunks, it seemed that Holly’s few possessions had been delivered a day early and the maids had brought them in. Best of all, the house was warm. One of the maids had braved the spider infested basement and had turned on the furnace. With the front room looking better and a little heat, the house was starting to feel a lot more like home. “Miss Heartwood?” Holly, standing in the doorway, nodded. “I am she.” “My name is Alfredo Noodle. We will have your home in order in a short time. Is there anything you need? Is there anything I can assist with?” The unicorn stallion, a dignified looking fellow, lifted his head high as he addressed Holly. “I don’t know… I guess just the cleaning. I’ve never had a maid before.” Holly looked at Alfredo and smiled. “We can do so much more. Madam, might I suggest a new bed? One of us could procure you a new set of mattresses, arrange for a time of delivery, and be here for you to accept the delivery.” “Oh… oh hey, that’s a great idea,” Holly said as her eyes opened wide. “I guess I just give you money?” “Madam, your coin is not required. You have an account with a substantial amount of funding in place to help you renovate the house. All you have to do is ask, and we do your bidding. You merely set the budget.” “Oh.” Holly, surprised, went over to the overstuffed chair and sat down. “I’ve never actually bought a mattress before. I don’t even know what to look for.” “Never bought a mattress?” Alfredo’s left eyebrow drifted northwards on his face. “I was always on the road, going from town to town. Roller derby.” Holly squirmed, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. Alfredo smiled a kind smile. “Be at ease. Your circumstance makes it seem very reasonable. I meant no disrespect.” A smile brightened Holly’s face, like the sun shining through the grey winter clouds. Alfredo was quite a charming fellow, quite the perfect pony for this job, he even had a tuxedoed pelt; dark charcoal grey with a white stripe running along his belly and up his throat. Each of his legs had white socks. His mane was a light silvery blue. And then, Holly saw his cutie mark. It took every ounce of will that she had to keep from laughing. There was a feather duster on his backside, crossed with a plunger to form an ‘X’. “So, when sleeping, does madam prefer it to be soft, firm, or hard?” Holly used this as an excuse to chuckle. She covered her mouth with her hoof. One of the other maids giggled as she vanished into the kitchen. Unable to answer, every time Holly opened her mouth, more laughter spilled out and she snorted a few times. Standing rigid, Alfredo Noodle the maid, waited for a reply. “I had a back injury a while back… I had to go to a therapy camp to get better. At the camp, there were these buckwheat hull mattresses.” Holly tried to stifle her giggles so she could speak better. “Best sleep I ever had. The buckwheat was kept in little sections in the mattress so it wouldn’t get pushed off to the sides or one end.” “I know of what you speak. Would you like for me to procure one?” Alfredo stood there, stony faced, awaiting an answer. “Yes, if you don’t mind, that would be great.” Holly nodded her head to show some enthusiasm. “Fantastic, madam. If you do not mind, I shall now take this opportunity to feed myself to the spiders in the basement so I do not have to deal with the embarrassment of my social faux pas.” “Did you get the furnace going?” Holly asked. “Yes, I was the one who got the furnace fired up once more,” Alfredo replied. “Thank you, it feels wonderful in here. I was kinda worried that the house might be drafty.” Holly looked over at the front window, and just as she started to say something, she heard Alfredo begin to speak. “Madam, the window will be replaced later today. I was under the instructions to do so from Mister Roble Orange. Roble left behind a list of things that must get done.” “Okay.” Holly felt and heard her stomach gurgle. Embarrassed, she grinned. All those stairs had burned away her breakfast. She was tired, sore, and now she was hungry. She didn’t feel like walking anywhere, and started to wonder what she would do. “Pretty Posey!” Alfredo called out. He waited, his ears pitched forwards and his posture rigid. A yellow pegasus appeared upon the stairs. She came halfway down and looked down into the front room. Her wings were dusty and she was covered in cobwebs. “Yes, Mister Noodle?” “Miss Heartwood is hungry and the kitchen is empty. Would you please be so kind as to go to the market and return with some simple provisions?” Alfredo looked up at the pegasus with an expectant expression. The cobwebby yellow pegasus smiled. “I would love to take a break from dusting. Is there anything specific that I should get?” “I like grilled cheese sandwiches and red wine.” Holly’s stomach growled at the mention of food and she reached inside of her coat to rub it. “Is there anything to cook with?” “Yes madam, there are things to cook with. Once Miss Pretty Posey returns, I shall prepare for you a plate full of sandwiches,” Alfredo replied. “Um, for future reference, I really like grilled cheese sandwiches with good creamy pepper gravy for dunking. I even learned how to cook everything myself, I like it so much.” As she spoke, she saw Alfredo shiver and was forced to repress a laugh once more. “Miss Pretty Posey, please, make certain you bring home extra butter, I have a feeling that we shall have need of it,” Alfredo instructed. He turned and bowed his head. “I have a great many things to still get done. I do not want the mares I work with calling me a lazybones… I must keep their respect. If you will excuse me.” “Wait, don’t I need to pay for groceries?” Holly asked. Alfredo Noodle lifted his head. “There is a small account with the nearby market to get you started. At some point in the very near future, you might wish to add some funding to this account.” Alfredo eyed Holly’s full figure, his eyes never once breaking eye contact with Holly’s eyes. The funding would not last very long. “Madam looks very fatigued. Would you like for me to draw you a bath so you can soak while you wait? The tub is immaculate, I cleaned it myself.” “Oh that would be wonderful,” Holly replied. “I climbed up thirty two floors worth of stairs today to get a job with the fire department. I was carrying several hundred pounds of stuff. I’m pooped.” Nope, Alfredo thought to himself. The grocery budget is not long for this world. “Very good madam. I shall draw you a bath at once while Miss Pretty Posey goes to the market.” “One last question.” “And that is?” “The maid service that comes with this house… how does that work?” Alfredo straightened his neck. “Madam, a one time payment was made. A substantial sum of money. A contract was signed and we agreed to serve you, until the time of your death or when you choose to end our service.” Holly’s muzzle crinkled as she became contemplative. “But things cost more over time. Wages go up. Things change. How is this fair to you, this one time agreed price?” Clearing his throat, Alfredo responded in a cultured voice. “Madam, the prices are agreed upon in the current market. In the future, when new contracts are secured, prices are raised ever so slightly to take in the funds needed for adjustment. We are the oldest service house in the city. Our customers come to us because of the extraordinary value we offer. An entire lifetime of service locked into the current prices, with only a minor increase to help fund new contracts. We actually have a very long waiting list. Our agency served Cara Cara.” Alfredo blinked a few times. “Cara Cara’s maid grew quite old. Cara Cara took her in and she stayed here for a time, doing light duty work.” “What happened? This place is a mess.” “Miss Duck Pond took ill. Pneumonia. She died in the bedroom just above the master bedroom on the third floor. Many ponies feel it is what contributed to Cara Cara’s decline. She was so grief stricken that she didn’t want to see another maid doing Miss Pond’s duties. Both of them were very close.” “Oh… that’s terrible.” “Indeed, madam.” “That’s so sad… I feel like crying.” “Miss Pretty Posey, please make sure that boxes of tissues are purchased at some point very soon, thank you.” “I think I’d like that bath now… and I am positive that Pretty Posey is raring to go.”