• Member Since 9th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen August 9th

LightningSword


Me. Take it or leave it.

E

Sent to the corner three times in one week . . .

Despite getting his cutie mark, Stormy Knight isn't happy. He thought it would change things at school, but he's still made fun of, just for a different reason. Convinced that he's no good, cutie mark or no, he starts believing his own sad thoughts, and it makes him lash out, which only makes everypony at school believe what he believes.

That he's nothing but a bad colt who deserves it.

A sad little one-shot for the naughty kid in school, or the screw-up who never felt loved.

The dialogue without modifiers is more akin to memories than actual dialogue. Sort of like reflections. I hope that helps to clear up any confusion.

Special thanks to Sipioc for the amazing hand-drawn cover art!

Now with a beautiful reading by Midnight 23 and AJ the Autistic Pony!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 113 )

Saaaaaaaay nice cover art! :moustache:

Gonna check this later, looks great though!

Right in the feels, bro. Well done.

Awesome little fic! The feels were strong with this one. :raritycry: I loved it so much!

As far as writing goes, it was done pretty well. I thought the blank dialogue bits were a touch confusing, perhaps adding a few descriptors would be helpful there. The sentence structure needed to be varied more than it was, but it wasn't too distracting.

I though this was really well done. Such a sweet little story. :rainbowkiss: Definitely favortiting this bad boy and putting it in my Fanfics for Family Group! Keep up the great work! :pinkiehappy:

Excellent story, it really resonated with me, since I had something of a similar experience. Sometimes, you just can't bring yourself to try again, you start to see everything other kids say as a cruel joke or insult, even if its friendly. So, you isolate yourself, and inadvertently spurn any chance of making friends. Before long you become 'that weird kid with no friends'. And so the cycle perpetuates itself; your defence against being laughed at becomes the reason you're laughed at.

Anyway, very well written, though some areas could do with a bit more description, particularly some of the dialogue. The last exchange between the two main characters for example, is very touching, but you could do a lot more. Perhaps give a bit more insight into each character's emotions.

It certainly earns my upvote though.

6196401 6196403 Thanks, guys. Glad you liked it. And thanks for the fave, Hudson! :pinkiesmile:


6196408 The blank dialogue parts are more akin to thoughts than actual dialogue. Sort of like reflections of past experiences. I'll be sure to say so in the description, though, to avoid confusion. Thanks for the fave, and thanks for the add to your group! :pinkiehappy:

6196576 as I said, the dialogue without modifiers is more like reflections than dialogue, but I'll point that out. I'm glad it was able to reach you this way; it proves I did well. Sincerely, thank you, and thank you for the favorite. :twilightsmile:

Right in the feels man. :raritycry: This story hits home for me personally because this actually is similar to how my elementary years went.

Have an upvote and a fave, my friend.

6196739 Don't worry. Remember, she and Silver Spoon got their comeuppance at the end. :raritywink:

Thanks for the favorite. :scootangel:


6196754 Thanks for that. I really appreciate it, and I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. :twilightsmile:

6196383 Jeez, I almost forgot to credit you! :twilightoops::facehoof: I'll fix that . . .

EDIT: okay, all fixed. Thanks again for the cover! :pinkiehappy:

6196715
You deserved it, bro.

Also, my nephew is a high-functioning autistic as am I. I had my sister read Pride of the Apples, and she had this to say:

"That story is very well written and accurate! Can you let me know when it's updated so I can read it? I've seen a lot of those things with CJ and even you to a certain extent."

6196910 Its ok. I wasn't trying to say anything just happy to collab.

6196937 Tell your sister that I deeply appreciate her words, and I'm glad the story could relate to her and her boy so well. I'll update it as soon as possible, so once you know, you can let her know whenever you get the chance. :scootangel:

6196962
Passed it on, bro.

Awww:fluttercry:

That was a nice story, and a good lesson, I may just read it to my class.

A wonderful lesson to be learned here. When dealing with children it is crucial to make feel that they can do something right. Often when they are told they are bad, or dumb they will often do just that.

:ajsmug:great work here dude.

Downside is that these two can't have a future together. If they get married she will become "Sunny Knight" and where that does sound cool it also is a bit of a paradox.

(I may just do a closing pic of the hug, no promises but I think it would be fun.)

Sunny a blonde pink Pegasus?

6197182 Thank you so much for the review, and for the favorite. I'm so glad you liked the story that you have graced with your spectacular artwork. If you do decide you want to give a reading, you have my express permission.

And yes, Sunny is a pink Pegasus with a blond mane. Just think of Fluttershy's color palette swapped. :yay: I would love to see a pic of them together! :raritystarry:

(Jet Set and Upper Crust are married. I guess name changes aren't a requirement. :ajsmug:)

6197205 Thanks for the opportunity:derpytongue2:

I suppose not after all names are sorta open I mean, Applejack is AppleJack Apple:applejackunsure:

...Pinkamina Diane Pie, Rarity Belle, and so on.

Still me just being a dork.:rainbowwild:

I'll will see what I can come up with.

Also, the story said he had "brown eyes", I gave him purple...,meh whatever.:twilightsheepish:

6197229 Meh, I don't think anyone will know the difference. And if so, they might not care.

You don't have to do another pic if you don't want to. I'm just glad you read, and even gladder to have your artwork on display on my story. You've done quite a bit for me already. Thank you. :twilightsmile:

6197238 I don't think they will care either,

Drawing for you? Phhhhfft, it's for me! If your lucky I let you see it.:raritywink:

6197252 That's cool. Great minds think alike, I suppose. :twilightsmile: Thanks for reading.

I thought this was a very good story! The canon characters sounded like how they do in the show, the OCs were actually very well-developed, and you presented a good moral.

However, the dialogue was confusing the read during bits where there were more than two characters; it'd be nice knowing who said what, even though the dialogue bits are memories (also, you should probably make it clearer in the story itself that they are memories). And I'd feel that Sunny would probably be more hesitant approaching somepony who snapped at and pushed her before, so maybe show some implications of her mustering up the courage to approach him. Also, I'd like to know: what is Stormy's special talent? However, these are all just nitpicks. The story overall was very cute and nice to read.

6197270 I understand what you're saying. I figured Stormy, being a Pegasus, would be a weather pony with a specialty in storm clouds. Sunny, however, is still a blank-flank, but she has yet to discover her special talent--approaching ponies and helping them through their emotional problems (hence her lack of hesitation). I understand that those details could have been helpful, but they didn't really contribute to the story a lot, and I didn't want it to get too long. As for the dialogue, I'd hoped the note I put in the description would help clear up confusion; those bits are more like memories than actual dialogue. It's meant to leave a lot to the imagination, in a way.

Thank you for providing this information. And thank you for reading and enjoying this fic, and for the follow. I appreciate it. :scootangel:

By the way, I totally ship Sunny and Stormy.

6196962

“Heh, yeah! A rainy cloud? What are you supposed to do, make it rain on everypony?”

“You just wanna make the weather as dark and ugly as you!”

:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

I like it

I really enjoyed this story. It's got the right tension of bad situation vs. good feels that strikes the perfect pitch at the climax.

One point of constructive criticism that I can leave behind though is that I don't think it's really necessary to write in all caps. This is really a pet-peeve of mine, which is the only reason I bring it up. Of course, in this instance, it works because you have little kids arguing, but in general, I love it when the all caps is avoided in favor of some narration.

Away from those two cents... again, I loved this. :)

6198727 I appreciate the review. I honestly didn't expect all-caps to be much of an issue. :twilightsheepish: But I will keep that in mind in the future. Thanks for reading, and thanks for the follow. :scootangel:

6198805 You're doubly welcome. :)

i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/296/849/4b5.jpg
But seriously good story, and it is now in my fav list. This is the kind of fic I like, slice of life. And that ending. Ohh it felt so good!

And when he grows up, he seeks his revenge on those who wronged him in the past...

He is...THE DARK KNIGHT.

In all serious though, this was a nice little fic. I don't see how Cheerilee could've ignored Diamond and Silver's insults. Horrible luck it seems :applejackunsure:

6200210 It felt good to write it, too. :scootangel: Thanks for reading!


6200439 It happens a lot in school. Wrong place, wrong time sort of thing. :applejackunsure: Anyway, thanks a lot for reading.

And thank you both for the fave! :pinkiehappy:

That ending. I got a good chuckle at the reaction. Teacher's pet just got dunced. :rainbowlaugh:

Not my cup of tea, but the story itself was pretty good. The execution at the end was well delivered though. I mean, it got me to chuckle despite myself. So grats on a job well done.

6203651 Thanks. And thanks for reading. :twilightsmile:

Very nice story. You should make a sequel or something. I think Stormy and Sunny could make a good couple when they are grown.

6205708 Thanks for reading. I'm not sure whether I'll make a sequel or not, but I will think about it. But, yes, I do ship Stormy and Sunny. :raritywink:

And thanks for the fave, too! :scootangel:

cool story bro.

6205718 I really hope you decide to make a sequal to this.:twilightsmile:

6206196 I like it because I can relate to this. I use to be put in timeout a lot because people lied about me.

Karma is a bitch

Heh diamond tiara. Really nice story tho. Me gusta.

6211406 That it is. :ajsmug: Thanks for the fave.

6211906 Gracias, mi amigo. :raritywink:

I'm surprised the stormy didn't punch Diamond Tiara in the throat. Anyway it was a cool story bro. Oh and the prissy, pompous, bitches had it coming. Though I wish stormy would punch them in the throat... What I just saying it would be funny to see. Oh don't look at me like that you know you want to see it to. You know what I just notices that Diamond Tiara is the cliche "My dady is to busy with work and only cares about money to give me the time of day so I take it out on other people (and or ponies) to make myself feel better" ditch bully and Silver spoon is basically Diamond's ho/bitch/friend (odd mix is it not) any way this commit is gone on longer that I wanted but the point is this is a dam good story and Diamond Tiara is a capital (Sing It With Me Now!) B.I.T.C.H!!!!

6232674 Ehehe . . . :twilightsheepish: Thanks. I guess there is a certain amount of wish fulfillment here. But I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for the fave. :twilightsmile:

And thanks for the favorite on "GOAL!", too. :rainbowkiss:

This Story has brought back memories...

DT and SS deserve much more than sitting in the time out corner. :pinkiecrazy:

6380816 I figured it was perfectly fine poetic justice. :ajsmug: Thanks for favoriting!

Childhood can be painful, especially when you believe nothing but negative things about yourself. Speaking as someone who has a mooshy spud for a heart, I can relate to the sad colt. It gets an upvote from me.

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