The Sunbutt Also Rises
"Hail Celestia, Bringer of Dawn!"
"Mmmph," Celestia replied, head lowered. The guard blinked, his salute faltering. "As you were," Celestia grumbled. The guard relaxed into at rest, watching in bafflement as the normally perky princess stomped sulkily out of her chambers.
"What was that about?" he whispered to his companion. The older stallion continued to eye Celestia's retreating form solemnly.
"One does not speak to the Princess before she breaks her fast on a Monday," he replied.
Alicorn hooves echoed solidly on stone as Celestia made her way to the balcony. Luna beamed at her in passing.
"Blessed Sunrise, mine sister!" she greeted pleasantly. "I had a most wondrous night! The winds were calm and everypony was graced with dreams sweet and soothing. Moonset was gentle and the sky awaits your beams."
Celestia grunted. Luna arched an eyebrow.
"Ah... It must be Monday," she offered. Celestia brushed past without a word. Luna shook her head and smiled to herself. "I shall see you upon the sunset."
Celestia grunted again, not turning around.
Luna chuckled.
Equestria looked forward to the raising of the sun. Every morning, they felt the warm bright rays of their loving leader caress their faces, waking them naturally in their beds, telling them it was time to awaken, time to rise, time to begin their days and work toward the betterment of ponykind. It was a magical, special experience, enabling each and everypony to feel connected to the Sun Sister on an individual level.
The sun shot up so quickly every rooster in Equestria was caught off guard. There was no gentle warming of the sky, no faint pinks and tender blues, just the harsh, clinical "Wake up, fuckers!" of sudden daylight.
Her task complete, Celestia assessed the sunrise with a glare, and whirled on her hooves.
"Er, marvelous display, Princess. Gorgeous-" the Royal Guard posted at the balcony entrance began, still blinking at the onslaught of brightness.
"Mmmpph!" Celestia interrupted crankily. He shrank into his armor, falling silent. "I shall be in the kitchens," the acrimonious alicorn continued. "I am not to be disturbed."
"Yes, Princess!"
***
Daybreak Dazzler hummed to herself as she bustled about the kitchen. It had been six months since her fateful meeting with Rarity in Seaddle, six months since their blossoming friendship had convinced her to quit her dead end job at Starbits and seek employment in Canterlot. Blessed with a sunny disposition and a talent for crafting the perfect morning beverage, Daybreak had thrown herself into her duty of ensuring Canterlot Castle's denizens were properly caffeinated with just the right drink. Her cutie mark, a coffee bean surrounded by silver stars, sparkled in the sunlight - it had risen so suddenly this morning.
Something crashed to the ground on the other side of the kitchen island. Daybreak arched an eyebrow, her rag hovering mid-air, enshrouded with her silvery magic. She took a step and peeked around the pots and pans, and blinked.
"Princess?" she asked, raising the other eyebrow, watching in surprise as Celestia fumbled with a coffee mug. The now shattered carafe was leaking coffee all over Daybreak's sparkling clean kitchen floor. The cream colored unicorn took a deep breath to calm herself. "Can... Can I help you with something?"
"Mmmph," Celestia grumbled. The mug clattered to the floor as the alicorn lacked the dexterity or the appendages to acquire the piece of crockery with her hoof. Daybreak darted forward and caught it with her aura.
"Coffee, Princess?" Daybreak said with a smile. Celestia eyed her with what could only be described as grateful animosity. "It's my specialty. My talent, you see," Daybreak offered warmly. Celestia lifted her head. Daybreak took this as encouragement to continue. "I, ah, used to be the head barista at Starbitss in Seaddle."
"Starbuckers?" Celestia asked, looking more awake.
Daybreak beamed. A whole word from the Princess!
"Yes. Your sister hired me on to manage the kitchen's caffeine needs overnight, and I've been doing so well, she asked me to work a little over in the morning-"
"Luna hired you," Celestia interrupted. Daybreak blinked.
"Princess Luna of the Royal House, Sister of the Moon," she said quickly, dropping into a bow. She had forgotten herself and become too casual. Her heart hammered with her transgression. Celestia waved a hoof.
"Yes, yes, all her titles. What do you make her?" She asked. Daybreak rose from her bow and looked at the Sun Sister from beneath a lock of caramel curls.
"It's a special drink tailored specifically to the Moon Princess' caffeine needs, meant to fuel her alertness and functionality throughout the night," Daybreak explained. "You see, my talent involves first assessing a pony's individual tolerance for-"
"I want what you make Luna," Celestia interrupted. Daybreak's emerald eyes widened.
"I don't think that's wise or safe, Princess! I mean, it's specifically for Princess Luna-"
"What's good enough for my sister is good enough for me. I cannot face Canterlot's needs as I am right now. What is your name, kitchen mare?" Celestia asked, her brow knit. Daybreak sighed.
"I am Daybreak Dazzler, my Princess."
"Daybreak, I implore you... I do not wish to order you, for it is not my way."
Daybreak nodded. She was, after all, the Princess.
***
The roosters woke Luna.
Which was odd, because the sky was dark.
She sat up in her chambers, mane askance, and rubbed her eyes with her hooves. Had she imagined it? Certainly she had heard their crowing not a moment before...
The room flared to life with brightness, assaulting her corneas with sunlight. The royal roosters crowed mightily and loud. They were silenced just as suddenly as Luna's chambers were plunged into darkness.
What in my Sister's name...?
Her brain foggy with sleep, Luna's thoughts churned furiously, unable to concentrate as her eyes and ears were once again attacked with sun and sound.
Something was rotten in the state of Equestria.
Tossing off her blanket, the Moon Princess shielded her eyes from the constantly shifting states of light and dark. Aides and castle staff members cowered in the halls as she stormed past, making her way to the throne room.
"What day is it now?" she heard Celestia's voice demand.
"Ah.."
"Cancel all appointments due to no show!"
The premature day/night cycle repeated.
"And what day now?"
"Princess, this is hardly-"
"What day now?" Celestia's voice demanded.
"Sister!" Luna shouted. Celestia looked up from her perch on the throne, the sun mid-rise in the sky. A quivering adviser pony sat at her side, notebook in hoof, quill in the other, looking confused and scared. "What in the name of Tartarus are you doing?"
"Oh Luna!" Celestia gushed. "Why, I'm going through my appointments! I don't know why I never thought of this before! Day night day night day night and they aren't here and I can cancel them and free up my schedule for more important things!"
Her sister's voice was rushed. Manic. Luna arched an eyebrow.
"Mine sister, that is not how time works. There must be a full sun and moon cycle for a day and night to pass," she replied. Celestia made a scoffing sound.
"I am a Princess, it goes how I say," she countered, hopping off the throne and fluttering her wings. "Archinald, how many weeks did I get through in just this hour?"
"Six, my Princess," the adviser replied meekly. Luna pressed her hoof to her forehead. Celestia beamed.
"See?! Effective!"
"The kingdom must be in chaos, Celestia. This is hardly royal behavior," Luna admonished. Celestia skipped to the window and began to bounce the sun in the sky. Luna squawked. "Sister! That is not a toy!"
Celestia giggled. Luna frowned and trotted over to her sister's side, wresting the sun from her grasp with her own magic and raising it to its proper place. Celestia pouted.
"You steal all my fun!"
"What has gotten into you?" Luna demanded. Celestia twitched a wing absently.
"Nothing." She blinked. "Oh! The kitchen mare... Daybreak Dazzler! She made me one of your venti quad shot mocha red eye espresso frappa drinkies. With whipped cream."
Luna's jaw dropped. Celestia grinned.
"With sprinkles!"
"Yes... one cannot forget the sprinkles," the Lunar Sister replied, deadpan. "We must address the kingdom to explain why the day has been so chaotic, my sister... Sister?" Luna looked left and right. Celestia was gone. "Celestia?"
"Reverse eclipse!" Celestia bellowed, plummeting from above onto Luna. Luna ooomph-ed and flattened out onto the throne room floor, wings splayed, legs going every which way as Celestia crashed on top of her. Her ear twitched. Her nostrils flared. Celestia giggled incessantly.
"Your face...! You should have seen your face!" she gasped, rearing back on her hind legs, holding her stomach with her forehooves. Luna scowled from beneath her ruffled mane.
"This is enough!" she shouted. "You have responsibilities! You cannot treat the sun as a plaything!"
Celestia blew a raspberry at her younger sister, flapping her wings and rising into the air.
"I am a Princess. I am Equestria! I can do whatever I please, for I am-"
Luna watched as her elder sister's eyes closed and her wings folded. A grand snore announced her slip into unconsciousness, and Celestia crashed to the floor.
"Done," Luna finished, a smirk crossing her muzzle.
And that's how the Sun Sister was switched to decaf.
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Uhhh no just no.
OH MY GOSH! That is just great! I knew that Luna had a need for caffeine, but that is just BRUTAL! OH man, the gossip will fly at this one! Good humorous fic indeed. And I can also relate.
10/10, would read again.
And that cover art, it's perfect!
Well that was fun.
There was no gentle warming of the sky, no faint pinks and tender blues, just the harsh, clinical "Wake up, fuckers!" of sudden daylight.
This line absolutely made the story for me. Beautiful.
i.gyazo.com/76f606bef1d908d11629387a12bf595f.jpg
I laughed so hard at this. Wow I enjoyed every second. haha Reversed eclipse haha! good work!
Quite a sugar crash. Those things have a ton of calories
5837829 Indeed. But that wasn't nearly enough caffeine to provoke that response.
That ABSOLUTELY MUST be started by besieging the coffee machine with a can of Mountain Dew Livewire and Bold Dark Roast. The drip spigot must run back into the reservoir. Run the can through until the return comes out as black as the back corner of your closet at 2AM. Use to brew aforequoted beverage. Stir carefully before adding whipped cream and sprinkles (use a wooden stir rod). Repeat brewing process until it eats the stir rod. Top with whipped cream, sprinkles, and Cayenne pepper (or pain inducing spice of your choice).
Place atop desk. Do not drink until the whipped cream has fully melted.
Warning: Your eyes may bleed. This is not normal. If bleeding eyes occur, stop drinking Dew-Brew Latte immediately and see a doctor about starting your new, lower caffeine diet. Nosebleeds are ok. That just means your sinuses are working perfectly to filter out the pain.
I,, I just died laughing at this one line.
Also giggled throughout the whole thing. This was gold.
This made my night! Koodos on the story because I thought it was hilarious!
Hmm, this gives me an idea for one of my stories that are currently in production. Noir! You have inspired me!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/6/27/662369__safe_monochrome_princess+celestia_animated_human_smile_cute_upvotes+galore_sketch_open+mouth.gif
It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good, either. There were a few high points, but nothing that really made this story stand out.
The coverart is, like, my favorite part of the story.
5839015 Thank you...?
5837783 I'm so sorry you didn't enjoy the story. Would you care to send me a PM and let me know specifically why?
5837792 Thank you so kindly!
5837829 I will admit to giggling hysterically while writing that AND every time I had to read it whilst editing.
5837826 I know, right?!
5837882 OMIGOSHOMIGOSHOMIGOSH no one's ever made me a MEME before!!
5837894 I think that's my favorite scene.
5837944 Good thing alicorns seem to have advanced metabolisms.
5837998 You always say the nicest things.
5838119 I needed it, too. Sometimes a little silliness makes all the difference.
5838148 Oh, I'm so glad!
5838632 Yep. Exactly!
You sir, have made my day and given me a reason not to drink coffee in the morning (Especially when I'm writing)
5839184 **curtsies** I'm a mare.
And you're welcome.
Nice hints from the comic with her "I Hate Mondays" coffee cup, m'dear.
5839204 Why thank you!
Thank you kind author, for this greatest of tales in comedy.
T'was quite enjoyable.
5839189 Oh... I apologize. I mean Miss
5839252 Thank YOU for reading!!
5839293 Quite alright my dear!
5839308 heh... Mistakes happen!
5839307
You are quite welcome, Lady Plume.
Read this after I just woke up. Very relatable indeed
. Of course it would be quite the coincidence if it was Monday today
.
5839216 According to Reflections; Starswirl brought coffee from a dimension where Sombra was a good guy. The cup, if I'm not mistaken, was first seen in the comic The Day Shift.
Okay, this one honestly made me laugh. It is a amazing what the
terrorswonders caffeine can do. Just imagine how Discord would react to a caffeine high? THAT would be truly terrifying.I greatly enjoyed this little story, the cover art was an excellent choice.
5839359 My dear sir, are you trying to inspire me to another fic?
5839362 If one does happen to be inspired, I am grateful to know that I helped in such a way.
Especially if it brings chaos, that is just the cream with the brew.
i.gyazo.com/ba2773ed3172b4f28c0f5d447766aeab.jpg
First there's one Celestia-story featured. Then another comes along. Now you kick yours into the feature-box and the first one isn't even gone yet. Of all the stories possible, with all the protagonists possible, we get a 1/3 Celestia-ruled feature-box this week, counting the fourth side-character Celestia as 0.33.
Praise the sun!
I admit myself defeated and will read these now. [Still no Luna emote]
Awesome, my god this is perfect! it's almost like 'The Reason Luna isn't Allowed Coffee' and that makes it even more sweet!
5839411
5839100
Ok so that was not a dislike, i'm sorry if it was taken that way it's just the thought of seeing a hyperactive god kinda scares me I liked the story didn't feel comfortable with reading about a Celestia that can't deal with super coffee.
Now just for laughs and giggles. Lets give Pinkie about a tablespoon full of that stuff and tell her that Chrysalis is feeling a little down. End of problems with Changelings. Loved this. It shall be placed in a folder with “ A Mug of Hard Cider” and “Drop of Moonshine” ( both by Pen Stroke)
[rimshot]
And for some strange reason, caffeine makes me sleepy.
5839503 Yeah, same for my sister. One full cup and the harlot's out for at least 8 hrs
Also, So much for the fun having been doubled! We're talking at least triple if not moreespresso
This..... There are just no words to describe how glorious this fic is... So I leave you with this pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw11118_small.jpg
Celestia must have low iron levels in her blood. I recommend red meat. Preferably the imported, unintelligent kind the griffons eat. A good breakfast of steak and eggs and a reasonable amount of caffeine and she'll be able to blitz through the day without having to blitz through a quarter.
Funny little short, quite amusing. Celestia needs her own blend so she won't attempt to violate the calender again but can stay awake.
Well, that was a fun romp. Of course, Celestia's going to need to apologize to Discord. I can only imagine how Ponyville was reacting to this particular incident.
Discord rolls on the sky in laughter at this
Starbuck(ers) coffeeis nasty. Totally unfit for the royal palates.
Unfit for a diamond dog's palate, as a matter of fact.
Celestia in hyper mode?
Very amusing.
Have a follow, mate.
To say I enjoyed this story would be .... inaccurate...
I freaking loved it.
As a coffee addict seeing someone who is not used to caffeine (esp at my dosage) go on a bender is very funny. and then the crash... oh the sweet crash... and the use of permanent marker....
I appreciate the thought, everypony, but people are entitled to their opinions, and as this is a feel good comedy, let us not taint the vibe with vehement comments.
Oh, yes. Military grade coffee, that's the ticket.
But Luna needs to have a care with her sister -- even the best decaf has some small amount of caffeine. It's the nature of things.
Time to imagine the first line in Morgan Freeman's or Fred Rogers' voice,then the next line in the voice of a rockstar.