• Member Since 12th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Jul 16th, 2017

dinkyseviltwin


Writing the childhoods I wish I had.

Comments ( 1140 )

Square brackets might serve you better.

Tags for style formatting go between square brackets like [this]. The difference between <i>this</i> and that.

Uh huh... Sure, I will give this a chance. But only because Sweetie Belle is best crusader!

Like 5674401 and 5674592 said, you want to use BBC, and not HTML.

5674592
5674401

Y-you're kidding. I don't believe it. I did! I forgot to parse the story summary entirely. It's only supposed to be in HTML...ish when I write it to my file. Thanks for catching that!

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This is a wonderful, great story! I loved it! The concept was bright, and the execution in my opinion was flawless! I'd love to see more of this story.

Good job! A like, a favorite and a follower for you!

You might wanna change "sentience" to "sapience".

You went into some really impressive detail about the mechanics of quadrupedal locomotion. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had experience being a horse...

Hmmmmm...:unsuresweetie:

Definitely something I'll be keeping an eye on this, but I'm going to point out some things quickly.

"Wow Sweetie, you really are having trouble!" Scootaloo says gaping at me in alarm. I wave my free hand-front hoof at her saying, "No no, I just got caught by surprise."

Firstly, when a character is being addressed, there should always be a comma. "Wow, Sweetie, you really are having trouble!" Is more proper in terms of syntax. Consider "Wow; Sweetie, you really are having trouble!" or "Wow, Sweetie; you really are having trouble!"

The next thing that needs saying is the obvious pointing out of the two speakers in that one paragraph. Remember now, new speaker, new paragraph. :raritywink:

Since front hoof is interjected as a self-correction, consider enclosing it inside parenthetical em dashes [— Alt+0151], as it just seems clunky like that. For example, "I wave my free hand—er, front hoof—at her saying..." looks much better, and shows that to er is human. :rainbowlaugh:

If it helps simplify your writing experience, I cannot recommend Google Docs/Drive any more than I already do, as FIMFiction supports importing from Google Docs. It works wonders when it comes to working with editors/pre-readers, and you don't have to worry about whether you're using PHPBB code or HTML; you just need to remember to close your tags, especially before inserting a line break or two.

love it, totally gonna fave, lots of promise. Lol I'm seing a whole chapter of belle having a shit life in our shit world lol!!

You got this rated Mature/Sex. How cloppy is this gonna get? It makes a difference as to which bookshelf I put it on, either 'Tracking' or 'Clop favourites'.

I am glad I read this while high. It was fun.

Paused my reading to say... OMARGASH THIS IS GOOD!!!!
*ahem* Back to reading. :rainbowkiss:

This story will obviously dance in the feature box for a nice long time. :pinkiehappy:
Wonderiffic story!!! Ah'm so excited ah get to join ya on this adventure!

....Wait. Why is there a sex tag? *nervous* :fluttershbad:

Oh boy. This is going to be one heck of a story. Looking forward to more.

5679415
then you shall get more.

5680027
Either there's gonna be sex, or Sweetie's guest arrived just in time for her first heat and some of the comedy will be in the suffering.
I think a combination of the two is most likely.

this should be a fun one to follow :twilightsmile:

Hmm... This story is good... Sex tag? :trixieshiftright: I wonder between who? One of the CMC? Or with Rarity? Hmmm.... That last one would be "fun" to right. Especially with Rarity being... Well Rarity...

Well Jolly good show mate! I can't wait for the next chapter... Now what was I doing before this? ... Oh shite! 0_0 I have to get back to my own story!!!!

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Well yeah...
But Sweetie's still prepubescent?

I hope the author does not 1) time jump or 2) make pre-puberty fillies have sex with others.

My only wonder is when the truth will come out, no one can hold a lie that big and maintain it for long and when id does come out will it be from him or some external force?

5680812
Or plot twist,
Sweetie Belle never was lying!? Her "amnesia" was accompanied by mysterious memories of somehuman.

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It is technically a lie, because he said it was 'amnesia', but then again he could lie and say that he regained some 'memories'. I kindove think Luna will be the one to find out because of dreamwalking.

Great attention to detail! I enjoy reading stories that are this descriptive. I'm looking forward to (eventually) learn what that meteorite is all about!

He 'becomes' Sweetie Belle by starting to believe that his past human life was a delusion, and hence seeks help from Twilight to regain her innocence.

This is very good indeed :)

In addition to the detail, you surprise me with your level of perspective. Truly impressive.

This is a nice story, im actually getting really into the character. I can feel the emotion in my chest at the characters struggles.

An author who bothered to look up equine anatomy? That alone merits an upvote!

You know, ive had the idea to attempt writing a fanfic with the exact same base as this one for the last year or so but since I can't write worth a crap I guess ill just follow yours now due to you beating me to it... please don't dissappoint me good sir :unsuresweetie:

(Only difference was I was going to make it that humanity was the 'forerunners' to ponies and the reason the human woke up in Sweeties body was due to Sweetie being the reincarnation of the human and having a accident after a crusade gone wrong leads to her finding a ruined and overgrown version of her past selfs human home and thus unlocking the past memories and having the mind realign by pushing the 'human mindset' to the front until the Sweetie self could come to terms with everything so they can finish the big merge.)

I'm going to put this in my Read Later list for when it gets another chapter.

Epiphany!!!
OHHHH!! Ah think ah've figured out the "sex" tag!!!

"Sweetie Belle" will accidentally walk into her parent's bedroom as they're procreating.
Everypony then freezes. And Sweetie's parents look shocked that Sweetie Belle doesn't comment on it.

Also, maybe the "sex" tag is there for the Author to calmly explain her new female pony anatomy while she bathes. Hopefully, there's no "Sweetie Belle" sex any time soon.

So no need to worry? *....yay*


ps - only reason ah'm nervous.... this same Author wrote a story about a certain crusader that had a d*ck.
*hurries to toilet and vomits*

Because, against every scientific truth I have ever known, I have somehow changed overnight into Gilbert Gottfried!

+
Mature/Sex Tag

[youtube=http://youtu.be/XkLqAlIETkA?t=10s]

5680400 I'm hoping first heat that be soo funny the other one is fine to.

Oh look, lots of comments! I think I'll just go about responding to all of them instead of posting the next chapter as I had intended. It shouldn't delay things more than a few extra hours and/or days! :trollestia:

5677063

What do I look like, a sap? :derpytongue2:

5677446

nopony must know...

5677750

I cannot beg you to stop recommending Google Docs any more than I already do. :applecry: Not only is it closed source, anti-privacy, and copy protected, it's online only. Every time an author says they wish they could work on their story on their camping trip but can't because they can't reach Google, I die a little inside. That said, you're still free to recommend it. I do prefer the "hard" way though, where I actually get to keep a copy of my own writing. And (this may shock you but) I have been known to write passages on paper using a pen, when a computer is not available!

Um, thanks for the grammar though.

when a character is being addressed, there should always be a comma

except when they are a hyperactive child speaking as quickly as their words hit their brain. I was trying to indicate she didn't pause between "wow" and "Sweetie" as one would normally when saying "Wow, Sweetie"

two speakers in that one paragraph

augh, thank you. :facehoof:

parenthetical em dashes

I've always found the em-dash/en-dash conventions confusing, so sorry if I get them confused. I think you use en-dashes when the speaker abruptly stops speaking, and em-dashes when they're interrupted, but parenthetical em-dashes when they're um... using parentheses but not... using them? Anyway, your way sounds better.

5677813

attn commenters: have been trapped in author's body, plz call rarity

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I felt like playing the long game in this story, so to speak. So, nothing especially gratuitous or er, satisfying on a short term basis. However, my other story is sufficient evidence hopefully to indicate that I am a horrible person with terrible perverted desires that I am not unwilling to write about. I don't have this story planned all that far ahead, but I do expect there might be scenes in it some would find very unsettling, or arousing, or both.

5680471

one of the CDC

Oh no her cuteness is infectious! QUARANTINE THE CITY ITS TOO LATE FOR USHNNNNNGH

5680800

time jump

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pre-puberty fillies have sex with others

I promise on my word that I have very relatable expectations about structural integrity and capacity limits.
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5680832

dreamwalking

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5681463

Aww, c'mon dicks aren't that bad are they? I'm so sorry.

"S-S-SWEETIE BELLE?!"
"Oh hey ma, got any cigs? I'm out."

5681474

:rainbowlaugh:

5681307

So... you're not going to write the story? :fluttercry:

At any rate, I hope I can help relieve you of the burden of writing such a thing. More will never hurt though!

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Thank you so much for your encouragement. :pinkiehappy: I really appreciate it!


"Writing the childhoods I wish I had." < Boy stuff. Ok, then.

Your story is ok, by da' way. Just don't do any weird shite; we'll be fine then.

5681755

Sure, if you want to.

I havent started reading this but im gonna like it

For a HiE I like it so far. But seriously, what is it with the sex tag? This looks like a child friendly story.

EDIT: Title from "Reincarnation" to "Straight To Belle". Huh. I guess the title gives us an idea of the theme of future chapters. That or I just have a dirty mind.

EDITEDIT: From your only other fic, I think the former is the most probable route you'll take.

5677063 Smartass looking avatar goes perfectly with your comment. I hope literally every post you make is of the same nature.

5681755 Not going to get into the debate about it being 'anti-privacy', as I am not sure exactly what you mean by it, but whoever told you that you cannot use Google Drive/Docs offline either misled you, or was unaware themselves that it was an incorrect assertion. It's as simple as logging into your Google account in Chrome on whichever platform you plan on taking with you while traveling, going to Drive, clicking more, and then offline. You go through a few simple steps beginning with installing the first-party app to Chrome, and syncing your 'Drive' to that computer. From that point, if you enter the URL for Google drive in your chrome browser when your wireless is either turned off or not connected, it loads in offline mode. Any changes you make are saved locally, and then synced the next time you go online. Granted, that's only helpful assuming you actually use chrome [or willing to for that particular utility], but it works. Not that I'm trying to push you to use it; I just felt that I had to point that little bit out. In the end it boils down to personal preference, at any rate. Personally, I write in docs and then simply save a local copy once I'm finished.:raritywink:

I know exactly what you mean about the pen and paper hardcopy work, though. I've done writing by candle light in a notebook because the power was out on multiple occasions. It's not quill and parchment, and I'm not best Mane 6, but it gets the job done. :twilightblush:

I'm eager to see what comes next, at any rate.

Writing a human insert who hates his old life and is happy with his current situation is incredibly hard because:
1) Having the plot support a hero instead of forcing a hero to grow generally turns people off.
2) So many people have done and failed this that there is just a negitive bias towards this character type.

But what's really working for you is:
1) Twilight being knowledgable on proper amniesia not also makes her look in character, but makes you look intelligent rather than doing a wish fulfillment fic.
2) concern of properly staying hidden, along with the mystery of what led up to this is enough of a conflict and attention grabber to keep people around.

I recommend having a situation that forces your character to grow, OR, focus intently on humor. Either one would give this story a much stronger direction.

Of course, if you already have a strong idea for how the plot should play out, then go with what feels best. Just be careful not to have the story focus too heavily on how much he hates other humans or his old life.

*Le me, just browsing FimFiction homepage for a new story or two*
"Oh, this sounds like it has an interesting plotline- Wait, what was that?
"And what is that funny feeling in between my legs? Dafuq?! Haha, maybe the authors implying that the protagonist needs a piss or something XD"
*Check tags*
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(Just not into this stuff, no offence)

5682217

I don't have a hard set plot in mind just yet, beyond the obvious. Lots of ideas though. I certainly agree that a ...hero has to grow, though I would hesitate to call this protagonist a hero. There is a third way in which a story can appeal, besides progression and humor, which is beauty. My goal here is some happy medium of Sweetie Belle being cute and Anon being cute, and really I'm not asking for much more. But yes I'm fairly sure there is no way this smarmy self absorbed protagonist is going to get through this without changing utterly.

5682398

anon

dam I hate that world why not give him a name like austin or call him Leroy and have a last name like powers or Jenkins u know something like that

sorry I just hate anon anon is the one thing I hate in all human fics and I don't know why

Please continue more

5682597
Thats understandable, a character is more relatable with a name rather than a mask with nothing underneath.

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