• Member Since 20th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Game-BeatX14


Pony wallpaper artist, music producer and fanfiction author | Offline Archive

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Fluttershy finds Soarin alone at the donut shop and decides to converse with him a bit. She soon discovers that he’s been bottling up his feelings of loneliness and mistreatment for a long time.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 21 )

Heh, cute.

Felt more like a good start of a romance story than a finished one, but quite decent.

5666130 That's usually one of the main criticisms of my stories, is that they're too short or need continuation. But I have a hard time committing to longer more developed stories since I'm such a slow writer. :twilightblush:

Glad you enjoyed it though, I appreciate the comment. :pinkiehappy:

Incredibly well written.
Incredibly well description of Fluttershy and Soarin.
Incredible romance working, you're a natural.
Greatest SoarinShy story so far, only complaint:
More detail about the shop and the pastry at the beginning would have done wonders for this story, probably featured if such was done. Also, slightly rushed, but not bad at all.
Great job all the way though.

5666213 Wow, thanks! ^__^

I appreciate the honest input, and agree with your point. Guess I kinda skimmed over the setting too much, heh.

This just feels rather lacking. There's not enough time spent really establishing the conflict that leads to the romance.

5666277 I'm gonna ask this out of the sincerity of my heart:
Can you like re-write it and resubmit or something? I'd really like to see what you can do and to see how it would change.

5666745 There's always opportunities to improve, but I would rather just focus on writing new stories than re-writing something that's already finished. Otherwise it turns into a chore rather than being fun. Atleast that's how I personally feel about it.

the dialogue and the natureness of the story were well done, though i don't think fluttershy would just up and ask soarin' what she does. granted, i don't think i could completely understand the inner workings of a technicolor sentient timid pony with wings.

5667456

I was going to comment about a few things I think could be improved, but it sounds like you prefer writing at your own speed and getting ideas on the page. To each their own!:eeyup:

The picture alone gets to me. He just looks so heartbroken. I bet Fluttershy is exactly what he needs.

Fluttershy picked up the pastry and trotted over to find a table. There were only two other ponies in the shop; a younger colt and his marefriend sharing a cream filled donut together and chatting. They looked cute together.

Button Mash and Scootaloo. Duh.

Little fillies and even full grown mares want my autograph afterwards.

:rainbowwild:

"Everypony likes the Wonderbolt me, but nopony even bats an eye at the real me. You know, the normal, off duty stallion who likes to do things like play videogames during his time off."

There's a lot of ponies who need to have this side explored. Poor guy.

And the few mares who did seem to care about me just wanted to have a famous coltfriend.

Some mares in town are not that shallow.:rainbowdetermined2::ajsmug::twilightsmile::yay::pinkiesmile::derpytongue2::trollestia:<--<whisper>This one knows exactly what you are talking about.

And honestly, even if I could date her, I wouldn't because she gets on my nerves. It's like she takes pride in being an alpha-mare and ordering me around.

That sounds like Spitfire.

“I’ve been feeling kind of lonely lately too… maybe you could stay with me for the night?”

Go on. This can only end well.
5666191 Weeell BUGGERY! Now I'm going to have to ship this

best soarinshy fanfic ever

After getting sick of seeing one SoarinDash shipfic after another, I'm glad to finally find a ship that's fresh and original, plus giving something new to learn about Soarin. Have a mustache, my friend. :moustache:

5670274 Thank you for the mustache of approval, fellow reader. :twilightsmile:

I agree with Coconut Swirl there's too much SoarinDash out there already, nice to see something different. I would also like to see this story continued if possible. :twilightsmile:

I really, really want to see more! Mustache of supreme approval: :moustache:

jxj

I really liked this story, I don't see this pairing much and you did a really good job. My only complaint is that it was two short; it felt like chapter 1, or maybe only part of the first chapter. I'd love to see this continued if you have plans for it.

He seems almost too quick to accept her love back towards the end despite all he's been through. Even though her love is genuine, it's hard to believe that's he's not instantly suspicious or something.

Donut Joe`s shop is in Canterlot...

While it`s likely that Fluttershy knows Soarin`s name, she`s very unlikely to start off by addressing virtual stranger by his name.

It`s equally unlikely for Soarin to spill his voes like that... or even phrase them like that. Celebrities usually seek their relief in excess or spirituality. Not in faux-depression.

You know, this could be a longer story if need be it's really good.

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