• Member Since 10th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Jan 15th, 2018

Paulicus


Finishing Finished my master's in Biology in Washington State, job hunting now. I enjoy camping/hiking, tapletop RPGS, and being lazy. I also dabble in writing and drawing, among other things.

T
Source

Mysterious portals to a “First World” are appearing all around Equestria. Even worse, there are unknown creatures coming through! When it’s discovered that these creatures are immune to unicorn spells, Twilight comes up with a bold idea to harness earth pony magic to combat the menace. Applejack must take the first steps on a new path she never expected, which just might be the biggest challenge she’s faced yet.

Inspired by JinYaranda/InkyBeaker’s artwork On the Run, used here with his permission.

Featured on Equestria Daily!
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This is pretty much my first work of fiction, so I greatly appreciate any and all feedback. Let me know what you think!

Might contain some incidental Dungeons & Dragons crossover elements, but not enough to warrant the tag, I think.
Rated Teen for mild violence and language.
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This story made FIMFiction's Hot box on 12/24/14 -- I never expected such a response! Thanks everyone!! :pinkiehappy:
04/17/15 -- Wow, hot box again. Thanks guys!!
08/02/15 -- You guys are swell. :)
01/12/16 -- :pinkiehappy:

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 215 )

When my biggest problem with a fic is the complete tag, you know you're on to something.

Seriously, I would love to see more of this setting. In terms of feedback, you only had a few little tics that I noticed. There were a few places where a character showed something through their words or actions, but you went ahead and said it in the narration too. You don't have to do that, you can trust your audience to get it. And you used a few exclamation points in the narration which is kind of weird. But mostly this was well written and I'm gonna go recommend it to everyone I know. You should get to work on more fics. :ajsmug:

I have a few ideas on how to expand this into a full, multi-part story. If there's enough interest (and I can find enough time), I might do just that.

DO IT! YOU MUST DO IT! IT'S TO AMAZING TO NOT BE EXPANDED ON!

This is really good. Definitely would want to read more about this universe.

Please, write more!

First off, a couple minor things:

I had to important these dyes

That should be "I had to import these dyes"

“Alright!” Said Twilight

Said should not be capitalized here.


Secondly, I ended up writing about 5,000 words of feedback on this story. It is mostly about writing theory type stuff, and it felt waaaaay too long to stick in here as a comment.

You can find it over on my blog here. Please know that it was intended to be helpful, not discouraging; I left a ton of feedback, but it was to, you know, be of help, not to tear you down. If anything sounds harsh, it is because I wrote it in the middle of the night, not because I wanted to discourage you as a writer.

Good luck.

Impressive piece, and very technically well written, nice to see earth pony magic getting attention as well.

This was really cool! The runic magic is an amazing idea and just totally awesome. I'm in love with it! I want to read more about it. There was a minor error or two I noticed in the beginning, but I quickly got too caught up in the story to notice any others--I love it when that happens! Well done!! This was so much fun to read and really really interesting. I LOVE the idea. It's a great way to get into the magic the other pony tribes have. Have a thumbs up, a favorite, and a follow!

This was actually pretty interesting. I don't think that I would mind reading more of this. Good job.

Ok, I am going to start by nicknaming this Applejack, Rune Applejack. There, now only Pinkie is left to have a badass alt mode.

And now...to gush.

This fic was awesome! I always love a good fic where Applejack gets to shine in her own way, and you even got to show off how Earth ponies can be as badass as Unicorns and Pegasi (something I really wanted to see after reading a certain troll fic) in a unique way. Most authors use their strength or raw power to bring out their power but giving them runes is an interesting one. I also love watching AJ be awesome throughout, showing what she could do.

And you know what, with a little more evelopment, I could so see this becoming as awesome as Last of the Dragonlords

Really like the concept here. This was a very enjoyable read. I'm gonna follow you just in case you decide to write more.

This is definitely interesting! Would love to see more of these three in the field. :pinkiehappy:

Dude, if you continue this story, I can see this becoming the next big story. :ajsmug: I would not be surprised if this came up on equestria daily some time in the future. Please continue this story, it does not even deserve that complete tag on there yet.

Like no words.....are you sure you have never written before? It seems like you have had experience in writing fiction.

Anywho, you should know that I got a HUGE Upheaval feeling from this. If you have no idea what I'm talking about it's a fic by Visiden Visidane. An excellent read. I really hope you pursue this project further you have a knack for this my friend. Well done! And just for that you will get a Review.

I really like this story, but If you continue, I'd like to see more in depth explanation of the mechanics behind this rune casting

So, when will you be continuing this story? Not, are you going to, but when are you going to. Because this is too awesome an idea to not have more. :ajsmug:

I am liking this. Hope to read more soon!

5416320
As for the name of a badass alt form or special move, I vote for "Candy Crush".

I almost died laughing at Applejack's "plan". Though I kinda wish she said "kill it with fire" instead of "shoot it with fire", because, you know, memes.

Very interesting. And pretty good for just a first-time story. I don't suppose you've come across the other stories on here involving Fey? This would probably fit in well with those that focus around the Hedge.

Twilight brought out a mortar and pestle, and ground up a few reagents before mixing them with the paint. “I had to important these dyes and herbs from the Dragon Isles. They weren't cheap, but they should serve as excellent magical conductors.

The word you're looking for is import.

Really great story though. Very impressive for a first attempt.

This is really good! My only problem is that this is set up like the beginning of a multi part story, but then you end it right here.

I hope there is more to this story, this did keep me on the edge of my seat to see how earth ponies use their strength in magical uses.

I hope you make a sequel or two. Or better yet, turn it into a series. This is an incredible concept, and I would hate to see it end here.

Giant comment incoming!

5415377 That's very nice of you to say! :twilightsmile: I had fun writing it and people seem to be enjoying it. I did tend to err on the side of explanation, just in case my writing wasn't clear. I'll keep it in mind for the future.

5415745 Fixed! I'll be sure to take a look at your extra-long comment too :derpytongue2:. I certainly no professional, and getting some detailed feedback on theory will be useful. I understand the limitations of written text, so I'll try not take any offense :twilightsheepish:


5415926 Glad my story was interesting enough to cover up the flaws! =P The rune magic was really inspired by the art piece I've referenced in the description and the author's notes, and the fact that there's wasn't a fic to go with it.


5416320 Thanks! I've mentioned it before, but the rune idea was really inspired by the cover art (check out the artist, he's great). It was certainly fun to write Applejack combining new magic with her innate badassery. I haven't seen that fic, but I'm adding to my list to read sometime!

5417023 Well, I don't think I'm anywhere near that good, but it's very kind of you to say! I'll have to do more pondering on how to expand the story :pinkiesmile:

5417233 I haven't written any stories in a long time (and this is certainly the most work I've put into one), but I do have a decent amount of experience writing detailed background for my Dungeons & Dragons characters, so that helped. I haven't heard of the fic, but it sounds interesting and I think I can see where the parallels might be. I'm adding to my list to read.

5417242 It would be interesting, wouldn't it? I always enjoy looking into the mechanics of things in stories. If I write more, I'll try to add some detail. :)

5417739 That was a fun part to write :pinkiehappy:. If I were more up-to-date on memes and such, I probably would've done it :P

5417850 Thanks! I'm afraid I haven't seen the fics you reference, though. As a grad student, the little time I have to read is usually spent reading actual books I've bought. Could you recommend a few? I avoided doing too much with the fey themselves since I was I little unsure about how to write them. It'd be great to get a perspective!

5418000 Got it!

Everyone else: Thanks for all the positive feedback! It makes me very happy to know my work has paid off in some form. It was a blast to write this (though editing wasn't so fun :facehoof:). I'll take a serious look at what else I can do with the story and see if I can expand it. I certainly wouldn't be able to promise regular, or frequent, updates, but it would be a fun project if I can find the time. :twilightsmile:

Applejack has to be the funniest character to read and write for, and this is no exception. Cool to see her have her epic moments that usually are reserved for Twilight or Rainbow only.

That was beyond impressive! I'd really love to read a sequel of that story and see Maud Pie and her stone magic in it ^^

like the general concept. Would enjoy seeing it more fleshed out and told in more depth. :)

5419409

"Sometimes, if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself."

-- Unknown

This was really interesting, it would be sad to see it just be a one off. There is a lot that could be explored and expanded on here I hope it gets more eventually.

This is actually pretty cool. I am developing alternate magic for my own setting of FiM, may I yoink this idea?

You.... are onto something really cool here~ This would be a great series~

What about the changelings? Or the rest of the mane 6?

two tips for future stories involving the Fey...be it Magic, electricity or something else, energy is energy. it can be created, directed, focused and even changed, but never destroyed and there is always a finite amount available at ay given time. second, those of the Fey have one major weakness...known to Science as the Element Fe...

5419156 Glad you liked it :) I always enjoy seeing AJ being tough.

5419320 Oooh, that's an awesome idea! If I expend on this it'll be fun exploring how other characters manifest their rune magic.

5419409 Sorry to hear that. Could you elaborate on what you didn't like? I'm always open to constructive criticism. :pinkiesmile:

5420170 I got the idea from the the cover art. I don't mind if you use it, though! Just consider pointing people back to the original artist, he's pretty cool.

5420177 Yarr!

5420302 I'd likely do more with them (not sure about the changelings, but maybe) if I expand the story.

5420464 Sorry, but I'm afraid I don't quite see what you're getting at here. :rainbowhuh:

5420464

Everyone has their own interpretations of stuff like this.

You say energy can't be created or destroyed? Well, yeah... In our world that is true, it's a fundamental law of science. FiM world isn't government solely by the laws of science. What's the point of even having magic if it doesn't break the laws of science?

That whole legend of fey being vulnerable to iron has been drastically confused in modern times. Centuries ago, "cold iron" meant the same thing as "cold steel" today. It meant weapons, it meant force-of-arms. Imagine some burly bearded guy waving a battle axe and saying, "Ye cain't parley wit them weird folk, ye cain't trust 'em. The only thing what works on 'em is cold iron!" That's closer to how it was meant in the beginning.

Comment posted by IncinerateChicken deleted Dec 24th, 2014

5420599 eh, depends whos folklore u talk to...

5420596 If you need any help or want me to toss ideas I'd like that.

This turned out to be a very interesting and somewhat unique story. I would love to see more of this setting and how it develops. I hope you continue it someday.

5415399 I second that.
It's a wonderful idea but I liked it as one-shot just the same.

I enjoyed reading it. Thanks :twilightsmile:

I would think that the Earth ponies would use more nature magic, druidic type. Plant manipulation and talking with animals and such. Also, do you think inscribing the runes into AJ's hooves would work too? Sounds painful and they would wear over time but she wouldn't need to apply all those drawings on her.
Solid work overall, do you plan on working another separate story or will this be it?

5420748 If you're wondering about what I think you are, it's basically Dungeons & Dragons.

5420827 5420862 Thanks for the kind words. :twilightsmile: I didn't expect such a large response! All the positive feedback is definitely making me think more about how I could expand this story.

5420724 I'll keep it in mind!

5421043 If I expand the story, I'll definitely have to work to make earth pony magic more distinct. I imagined them here as having more direct control of the elements, compared to unicorns which might have more 'traditionally arcane' abilities.
edit- I forgot to add, that also gives me an interesting idea on how combining magic runes with a solid kick would work!

5418785 The Leroverse references some of it due to his interaction with the fae as the starting point. Into the Hedge spins off from that and some mention is made in The Blank Plague. Backwards Through the Mirror is an interesting take on the fae, and this is also covered in The Sweetie Chronicles: Fragments. Pretty sure there were some others that took from Changelings: The Lost (RPG)...

AJ, the elementalist. Now dis is sumthin' yu ain't see often. Often enought.

Sequel! Sequel! Sequel! Sequel! (...)

This totally needs a long-form continuation. The writing is pretty good, and the idea is just tantalizing.

So, here's the cover for the next installment! If you make it. Please do...

This was an interesting idea, but the execution on paper was very lacking and rather head scratching. You have a build up saying that other magic is rather useless against fey and only Earth Ponies can really effect them. Your use of magic by Applejack however is her collapsing some rocks and also throwing hot rocks. Neither of these scream holy cow a Unicorn couldn't do that.

5420596 I was going to point to you, but I will also point to the artist. :3 The idea I had was to take the coolest ideas for FiM i can find and make one single universe out of them. It's pretty fun so far.

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