One thousand years ago, Celestia failed to reach out to her sister and save her from the darkness that consumed her. In her sorrow, she was forced to seal her within the Moon.
Five years ago, Sunset Shimmer, Celestia's personal student, also turned twords a darker path. Celestia once again sought to save somepony she cared about from falling onto a dark path. This time, she succeeded...
The first story of the Sunsetverse, join Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle, Celestia's personal students, as they are sent to Ponyville to oversee the Summer Sun Celebration. Oh, and make some friends. Sunset's not so sure how that counts as a job, but it would probably be a good thing for Twilight. Poor girl's obsessed with some Mare in the Moon legend she read. A few days out of the library and interacting with other ponies would only be a good thing for her, right? After all, there is no way Nightmare Moon is real.
*Edit*-10-6-2014 : *spittake* I'm a featured story? What? What? What? I don't even, how? ...I need to lay down for a bit. Um, thank you all my viewers who made this possible, and thanks to the staff for enjoying my work enough to feature it. I will strive to do even better in the future, and once again thank you for all of your support.
Oh I am all kinds of reading this.
4046996 You're the one who inspired me with the idea of an AU like this with the Lunaverse. So thank you, and I'm really glad to have you here!
Bonus points, incidentally, if Twilight and Sunset do the checklist out of order from the way it was down in the show. Or even have new ponies. Or a mix of both.
hmmm I hope you see this to the end...
have not read yet but you can count on me to do so!
4047023 Um, mix actually....are you reading my mind?!
I declare this to be a great find within the fan fiction database. :D
A mix of old and new? You going to include Stallions too?
s6.postimg.org/5ul2jmext/continue_Monkey.jpg
The one thing I'd like to say is that having Sunset's dueling internal voices written the way they are (no paragraph breaks or other indication of a change of voice outside of quotes) makes them a little rough on the eyes. Beyond that and a couple of minor typos here and there, great stuff!
4047432 Thnak you! Yeah, the internal voices are a bit hard to tell apart. I don't want to seperate them into paragraphs cause that would just drag the conversation out, and I don't want to color them because I can't decide on a color pair that suits Sunset for good and evil AND isn't an eye-sore to look at. If you can think of something else I could do I'd be very greatfull.
Spike's learned telekinetic magic now?
How does that work when she's not actually makin' any sounds ta drown out? Or was that the joke...? Also, ya might wanna replace that first "if" with "whether", jus' a suggestion.
but Susnet has become self-aware and is attempting to exterminate all ponies. I think you need different friends.
Yes, Ponyville won the lottery... Shirley Jackson's The Lottery!
4047537 I hate that story.
4047537 Susnet: Self-updating System of Never Ending Twilight.
4047493
Actually, spacing it out into separate paragraphs was going to be my suggestion,
Colors definitely aren't the answer... making one voice or the other bold or un-italicizing it just makes it seem MORE busy...
...yeah, I got nothing; sorry,
4047493
I would suggest orange for good Sunset and red for evil Sunset. Both colors are dark enough to not be an eyesore, both are fitting to Sunset's color scheme, and if you put different colored or non-colored ' ' around the colored text as a separator, there won't be any danger of them blending.
'It would look' 'something like this.'
I like this story concept. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
4047537 Yes, that was part of the joke.
4047844 That...would work. Thanks!
4048137
Let me know when you've done that edit, and I'll give this a read.
4048173 Okay I did the first chapter as proof of concept, and it looks good so far. I'll be sticking with this format, thanks!
4048507
You're quite welcome. Glad I was able to help. Now I'll give the chapter a look see.
Well, so far pretty good.
Personal suggestion. That big paragraph after Twilight announces about Nightmare Moon, I'd recommend breaking the paragraph and start a new one with Sunset's first evil voice line. It would feel more natural that way.
Also, if you don't want to double space the internal interchanges as new paragraphs, you might try just single spacing, so each is a new line but not a new paragraph, much like how song lyrics are often inserted.
'It would then'
'look like this.'
Not as stretched out as a full new paragraph, but still enough separation to easily see the interchange at a glance.
Well, I've read through and I have to say, this looks like it will be a very interesting story. My recommendation about dividing the internal dialogue still stands, and the "Once upon a time" segments were quite enjoyable.
There are some spelling errors you need to work on. Also, I'm not convinced this will be anything better than "retelling of the series except Sunset Shimmer is there too".
Hmm, looks interesting.
Who in the hell is this Susnet?
..IS SHE GOING TO STEAL MY WAIFU?!
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/092/5/c/princess_luna_by_racoonkun-d4uq6gv.jpg
SUSNET CAN'T HAVE HER!
4054070 Why did nobunny tell me this?
Awesome chapter and fanfic so far. It's awesome to think what if Sunset had remained in Equestria and have Twilight as a room-mate/ school-mate.
By the way, what are 'Tomes'?
So going to enjoy this fanfic. The 'Once Upon a Time-' sequences were fantastic [and unexpected].
I love Sunset's internal conversations, there. Poor filly... I like her struggle, too.
Okay, caught up and looking forward to more.
There it is again! Who or what is this mysterious Susnet, who quietly disappears from one part of the story only to return elsewhere, unnoticed?
4070949 Seriously autocorrect? You insist on trying to capitalize every time I type Pegasus or Pegasi, but you can't catch that I'm spelling Sunset wrong?
4058495 A tome is a book, usually one scholarly in nature and pertaining to an advanced or specialized subject.
This chapter was quite enjoyable to read. However, it could use a major editing run. I noticed several errors in Pinkie's speech at the end alone.
So neither Fluttershy or Rarity are Element Bearers? Since you said sixth, I'm assuming that's Sunset, Twilight, AJ, RD, Pinkie Pie, and Masquerade? Assuming you're keeping canon characters with canon elements, I'm guessing Masquerade as Generosity and Sunset as Kindness, especially given season 4's theme of contrasting the good and bad sides of the Elements fits Sunset's internal war between being kind and cruel.
4080779 Ummm, did you check the character tags?
OH GOD NO!
Huh, this is a surprising little twist...
Honestly, if this is the first thing that RD jumped to, I can only assume that it's legitimately happened in the past.
Probably with Scootaloo.
An OC?
Ohh...she's one of those ponies...from G1...
...those ponies kinda' creep me out...
Please be a changeling in disguise...
4081382 I can neither confirm nor deny that Scootaloo lost consciousness after watching the sheer awesome of Rainbow Dash multiple times.
Also, sorry if it creeps you out. They were one of the ideas from G1 I really liked, and I felt the updated origin would make it less creepy.
4081473 Yep, it's a magical medical procedure for correcting serious eye problems. You don't go modifying your eyeballs with high powered magic for minor things like not wanting to wear glasses after all.
"But the pony tones pay better."
Rarity, what happened to your Genorosity towards Ponyville?
4081575 I, wait, what? You kind of lost me there.
4081629 New Backstory happened my friend. AU Backstory happened.
4081381
Wait...you're not using Pinkie Pie?
4081864 Yeah, I'm not using second-best pony. But I'm not using best pony either, because both of them are way too obvious on what to give them.
4081905
Oh. Pity.
They will have roles, though, right?
Needs proofreading and editing
4081932 Sure if somepony wants. This is one of those shared writer universes, and once the first story is done I'm going to be posting a Series Bible in the forums and opening it up for more writers to participate. Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity are secondary characters in ths AU, s that's that.
Who cloned Flash Sentry and why are said clones singing for Fluttershy?
Yeah, the color thing for Sunset's dueling internal monologues is definitely weird...
img441.imageshack.us/img441/863/aledv.gif
... BUT not enough to make me stop reading,
Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
It seems old Mister Paint Thinner isn't the only one who has problems with plurals vs. possessives.
However, a few errors won't enough to run me away from the AU.
In regards to Element Bingo, I don't think AJ, Dash, or Twilight are going to get the same ones as in the show. I'll reserve my guess on most of them, but from Dash's few lines, it sounds much more like generosity. Twilight... is a bit tougher to peg right now, but I could just be wrong and it's the novel thought of Twilight being in a group of Elements not as magic that's throwing me off. Sweetie strikes me as kindness, I'm not sure how to say it other than that was just my impression from her scene.
For now, I think that's enough embarrassing myself by voicing my wild theories. Maybe next chapter I'll say more, I do love a good guessing game.
A few errors here and there in regards to spelling and punctuation. But still a totally awesome chapter. Loved the "I'm sorry" banter going on between Flutters and Sunset [all it needed was for them to kiss and make up
].
Given that it's been established that this Twilight suffers from a self-imposed 'World of Cardboard' syndrome - she's super powerful so she needs to artificially limit herself to keep from hurting someone - is it weird of me to want to see her have a 'World of Cardboard' speech when going up against Discord.
Discord: Really? You think you can hurt me?
Yes, he's just a baby dragon. But still he fights, because he cares about me. He risks death or worse for the ones he cares for, knowing he'll likely fail. That's called courage, not that you'll understand that.
No. I have a different problem. Like Sunset, Luna, and Celestia, I live in a world made of cardboard. There's so much magic inside me, I have to keep myself in check all the time to keep from breaking something...or someone. But you can take it, can't you?
What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose.
Let's get one thing straight, Discord.
YOU! DO! NOT! HURT! MY! FREINDS!
*flicks Spike away, smacking him into a building*
Discord: Come back when you've gained a few centuries.
*Discord is hit under the chin by a purple energy fist, flipping him backwards*
Discord: What?
Discord: I suppose you'll tell me you have courage, too?
*Blast of purple magic impacts his antler, bouncing between the prongs and making him wince*
*Twilight develops the purple aura from her entrance exam*
Discord: You really think you can take me? Discord?
*Magic strikes Discord's arm hard, snapping it*
Discord: OW! That hurt! ...that...hurt?
*Twilight goes Rapidash*
*Twilight begins laying on the beatdown*
Discord: ...Mommy...
Elsewhere...
Popcorn, Lulu?
No, I was actually going to ask her for lessons. Impressive, isn't she?
Luna: Please. Did you teach her to fight like that?
Luna: Verily.
4088801 okay that is just plain hilarious
. whiteeyes please tell me you are considering this!:
