• Member Since 20th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen March 6th

Whiteeyes


Discordian, dyslexic, and creative. You have been warned. Personal Element: Orange

Sequels1

E

One thousand years ago, Celestia failed to reach out to her sister and save her from the darkness that consumed her. In her sorrow, she was forced to seal her within the Moon.

Five years ago, Sunset Shimmer, Celestia's personal student, also turned twords a darker path. Celestia once again sought to save somepony she cared about from falling onto a dark path. This time, she succeeded...

The first story of the Sunsetverse, join Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle, Celestia's personal students, as they are sent to Ponyville to oversee the Summer Sun Celebration. Oh, and make some friends. Sunset's not so sure how that counts as a job, but it would probably be a good thing for Twilight. Poor girl's obsessed with some Mare in the Moon legend she read. A few days out of the library and interacting with other ponies would only be a good thing for her, right? After all, there is no way Nightmare Moon is real.

*Edit*-10-6-2014 : *spittake* I'm a featured story? What? What? What? I don't even, how? ...I need to lay down for a bit. Um, thank you all my viewers who made this possible, and thanks to the staff for enjoying my work enough to feature it. I will strive to do even better in the future, and once again thank you for all of your support.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 478 )

4046996 You're the one who inspired me with the idea of an AU like this with the Lunaverse. So thank you, and I'm really glad to have you here!

Bonus points, incidentally, if Twilight and Sunset do the checklist out of order from the way it was down in the show. Or even have new ponies. Or a mix of both.

hmmm I hope you see this to the end... :pinkiehappy:
have not read yet but you can count on me to do so! :twilightsmile:

4047023 Um, mix actually....are you reading my mind?!:pinkiecrazy:

I declare this to be a great find within the fan fiction database. :D

A mix of old and new? You going to include Stallions too?

s6.postimg.org/5ul2jmext/continue_Monkey.jpg

The one thing I'd like to say is that having Sunset's dueling internal voices written the way they are (no paragraph breaks or other indication of a change of voice outside of quotes) makes them a little rough on the eyes. Beyond that and a couple of minor typos here and there, great stuff! :pinkiehappy:

4047432 Thnak you! Yeah, the internal voices are a bit hard to tell apart. I don't want to seperate them into paragraphs cause that would just drag the conversation out, and I don't want to color them because I can't decide on a color pair that suits Sunset for good and evil AND isn't an eye-sore to look at. If you can think of something else I could do I'd be very greatfull.

Quickly closing the door with a burst of telekinetic magic, Spike quickly flopped onto the floor, a ruined present in hand.

Spike's learned telekinetic magic now? :applejackconfused:

She sometimes wondered if Twilight wasn't just picked because of whatever had happened during her entrance exam, an event both the Princess and Twilight had refused to comment on, but because she would also be a great test of how much Sunset had reformed. 'Or a punishment for how I used to be.' "No, bad, lalala I'm not thinking that!" 'Or maybe my replacement if I ever do go bad like I almost did' "LALALA I'M NOT LISTENING!"

How does that work when she's not actually makin' any sounds ta drown out? Or was that the joke...? Also, ya might wanna replace that first "if" with "whether", jus' a suggestion.

I know you spend time with your brother, Susnet, Spike and myself, but

but Susnet has become self-aware and is attempting to exterminate all ponies. I think you need different friends.

This year the lottery has selected the nearby town of Ponyville to host the Summer Sun Celebration.

Yes, Ponyville won the lottery... Shirley Jackson's The Lottery!

4047537 Susnet: Self-updating System of Never Ending Twilight.

4047493
Actually, spacing it out into separate paragraphs was going to be my suggestion, :twilightoops:

Colors definitely aren't the answer... making one voice or the other bold or un-italicizing it just makes it seem MORE busy...

...yeah, I got nothing; sorry, :applejackunsure:

4047493
I would suggest orange for good Sunset and red for evil Sunset. Both colors are dark enough to not be an eyesore, both are fitting to Sunset's color scheme, and if you put different colored or non-colored ' ' around the colored text as a separator, there won't be any danger of them blending.

'It would look' 'something like this.'

I like this story concept. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

4047537 Yes, that was part of the joke.


4047844 That...would work. Thanks!

4048137
Let me know when you've done that edit, and I'll give this a read.

4048173 Okay I did the first chapter as proof of concept, and it looks good so far. I'll be sticking with this format, thanks!

4048507
You're quite welcome. Glad I was able to help. Now I'll give the chapter a look see.

Well, so far pretty good.

Personal suggestion. That big paragraph after Twilight announces about Nightmare Moon, I'd recommend breaking the paragraph and start a new one with Sunset's first evil voice line. It would feel more natural that way.

Also, if you don't want to double space the internal interchanges as new paragraphs, you might try just single spacing, so each is a new line but not a new paragraph, much like how song lyrics are often inserted.

'It would then'
'look like this.'

Not as stretched out as a full new paragraph, but still enough separation to easily see the interchange at a glance.

Well, I've read through and I have to say, this looks like it will be a very interesting story. My recommendation about dividing the internal dialogue still stands, and the "Once upon a time" segments were quite enjoyable.

There are some spelling errors you need to work on. Also, I'm not convinced this will be anything better than "retelling of the series except Sunset Shimmer is there too".

Hmm, looks interesting.

I know you spend time with your brother, Susnet, Spike and myself,

Who in the hell is this Susnet?

..IS SHE GOING TO STEAL MY WAIFU?!

th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/092/5/c/princess_luna_by_racoonkun-d4uq6gv.jpg

SUSNET CAN'T HAVE HER!

Note to self - Share this fic with notMurphy.

Awesome chapter and fanfic so far. It's awesome to think what if Sunset had remained in Equestria and have Twilight as a room-mate/ school-mate.
By the way, what are 'Tomes'?:rainbowhuh:

So going to enjoy this fanfic. The 'Once Upon a Time-' sequences were fantastic [and unexpected]. :twilightsmile::rainbowkiss::yay::pinkiehappy:

I love Sunset's internal conversations, there. Poor filly... I like her struggle, too.

Okay, caught up and looking forward to more.

To that, Susnet had no real answer for...herself.

There it is again! Who or what is this mysterious Susnet, who quietly disappears from one part of the story only to return elsewhere, unnoticed?

4070949 Seriously autocorrect? You insist on trying to capitalize every time I type Pegasus or Pegasi, but you can't catch that I'm spelling Sunset wrong?

4058495 A tome is a book, usually one scholarly in nature and pertaining to an advanced or specialized subject.

This chapter was quite enjoyable to read. However, it could use a major editing run. I noticed several errors in Pinkie's speech at the end alone.

So neither Fluttershy or Rarity are Element Bearers? Since you said sixth, I'm assuming that's Sunset, Twilight, AJ, RD, Pinkie Pie, and Masquerade? Assuming you're keeping canon characters with canon elements, I'm guessing Masquerade as Generosity and Sunset as Kindness, especially given season 4's theme of contrasting the good and bad sides of the Elements fits Sunset's internal war between being kind and cruel.

4080779 Ummm, did you check the character tags?

I made it myself!

OH GOD NO!

I would have loved to try my hooves at it, but the Pony Tones pays better,

Huh, this is a surprising little twist...

My awesomeness was too much for her to take!

Honestly, if this is the first thing that RD jumped to, I can only assume that it's legitimately happened in the past.

Probably with Scootaloo.

Masquerade

An OC?

And two, her eyes, instead of iris and pupils, had round cut green gems in their place.

Ohh...she's one of those ponies...from G1...

...those ponies kinda' creep me out...

Please be a changeling in disguise...

4081382

Nope, nor is it the G1 thing. It's explained in the chapter that the gems are a sort of prosthetic eyes. Ditzy had her usual condition, so they were replaced with gem eyes, and Masquerade was born blind, so he had them replaced when he was old enough.

It's like the blind Luminoth in Metroid Prime 2, who had an echo-locator for "seeing" the world around him.

4081382 I can neither confirm nor deny that Scootaloo lost consciousness after watching the sheer awesome of Rainbow Dash multiple times.

Also, sorry if it creeps you out. They were one of the ideas from G1 I really liked, and I felt the updated origin would make it less creepy.


4081473 Yep, it's a magical medical procedure for correcting serious eye problems. You don't go modifying your eyeballs with high powered magic for minor things like not wanting to wear glasses after all.

4081503

Eh, passive magic fixed my OC's eyesight. He just wears glasses 'cuz he's used to 'em.

"But the pony tones pay better."

Rarity, what happened to your Genorosity towards Ponyville?

4081575 I, wait, what? You kind of lost me there.

4081629 New Backstory happened my friend. AU Backstory happened.

4081629

You don't go modifying your eyeballs with high powered magic for minor things like not wanting to wear glasses after all.

Brain jumped from this to why my OC still wears glasses despite having 360º perfect vision.

4081381
Wait...you're not using Pinkie Pie?

4081864 Yeah, I'm not using second-best pony. But I'm not using best pony either, because both of them are way too obvious on what to give them.

4081905
Oh. Pity.

They will have roles, though, right?

Needs proofreading and editing

4081932 Sure if somepony wants. This is one of those shared writer universes, and once the first story is done I'm going to be posting a Series Bible in the forums and opening it up for more writers to participate. Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity are secondary characters in ths AU, s that's that.

your brads flew off

Who cloned Flash Sentry and why are said clones singing for Fluttershy? :rainbowlaugh:

Yeah, the color thing for Sunset's dueling internal monologues is definitely weird...
img441.imageshack.us/img441/863/aledv.gif

... BUT not enough to make me stop reading, :raritywink:

Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

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