"Okay since there are two of us" Sunset began, before being interrupted by Spike who did an attention getting cough into his paw. "I'm sorry, were you actually planning on walking around all over town yourself today?" At the young dragon's sudden feigning of interest at the sky around him, she smirked a bit. "Like I was saying, since there are two of us I say we should split up the work. I'll handle the caterers, you handle the patisserie. You get musician A, I'll get B, you get the decorator, and I'll get the weather team. Then we can just meet back at the place we're staying for lunch." she concluded, feeling clever for having though of a simple solution to what would have otherwise taken them all day.
Twilight nodded and looked over her own copy of the lit floating right next to her. "Right then. Where are we staying? I didn't read that far ahead." Realizing what was about to happen, Sunset quickly folded down her ears and covered them as Twilight's eyes grew giant and she squeed at a pitch that should constitute torture in any civilized land. "A library! We get to stay in a library!"
"Yeah, because that is so different from what we normally do." Spike noted sarcastically, digging a claw in his ear to try and get rid of the ringing sound.
Sunset rolled her eyes and gave a small smile. Twilight's over reactions could be annoying at times, but on occasion they were just cute. Besides, it's not her fault that she's crazy. "Right anyway, we better get going." Sunset said turning...and smacking face first into a pink earth pony with a poofy, pinker mane. Remembering her manners, Sunset apologized. "Oh I'm sorry I didn't see you. I'm Sunset Shimmer, and these are my frends Twilight Sparkle and Spike the dragon. We're new in town and I was wondering..." Anything else she was going to say however was lost as the pink pony gasped, leapt in the air, turned around, and ran off so fast she kicked up a dust cloud.
Coughing and trying to clear the air, Sunset called after the fleeing mare "That was rude you know!" Sudenly realizing what this meant, she turned to her colleague with a huge grin. "Twilight did you see that? I was the polite one there! Me! I was more polite than somepony else!"
"Alright Shimmer, good job." Twilight congratulated her, trying not to roll her eyes. Sunset didn't even seem to notice Twilight's dry tone as she bounced around happy about her latest minor accomplishment. Really, she treats learning a new and difficult spell after days of study like a non-event, but gets excited over doing the most minor good deed. Still Twilight found it cute in a way, and it wasn't Shimmer's fault she was crazy.
****************
By the time Sunset Shimmer had arrived at the farm, Sweet Apple Acres, her good mood had died. It just had to be so freaking out of the way from the town proper didn't it? She didn't really have a lot of endurance, being both a unicorn and a scholar. In fact, Sunset had to admit that Twilight was in a lot better shape than her, carrying Spike around all the time had actually helped keep her in better shape. 'Maybe I should have checked the addresses first before dividing them out, that way I could have given Twilight all the hard ones. ' "...I'm just going to blame that on being tired, which is why I can't think up a good argument against that. Because I am tired." At least she was at the farm and could sit down and take a rest...
"Well howdy there sugarcube! Woah, you don't look so good." a strong voice called out.
Looking to her left, Sunset found herself almost face to face with a blond maned, orange coated earth pony wearing a rancher type hat. "Oh, hi. I'm Sunset Shimmer from Canterlot. I'm supposed to check up on the catering for the Celebration." she paused to catch her breath and wipe a bit of sweat from her brow. "I'm fine, just a little out of shape. Thank you for your concern!" she added that last part quickly and with a large smile.
Blinking a bit in confusion at how enthusiastic her guest had been at the end, the earth pony chuckled a bit nervously. "Right, the names Applejack. And if'n you want to check up on our cookin' you came at the right time. Now why don't we just sit down over here in the shade and cool off for a while?" she suggested, motioning over to a picnic table that was set up already.
Sunset nodded and followed Applejack, whose cutie mark was a trio of red apples she noted, over to the table and sat down, feeling some relief. "Yeah, it feels so much better in the shade than out in the sun....thank you very much!" She couldn't afford to be rude to somepony hoof-picked by Celestia for such an important job after all.
"Um...right....anyway while you're here why don't I introduce you to the rest of the family!" AJ suggested with great enthusiasm.
Sunset looked rather nervous at the idea "Oh, um, I'd love to really, but I'm on a tight schedule so if maybe we could just go over the menu instead..."
"Shoot that ain't no problem. Nice thing about being part of the Apple Clan is we can do both at the same time! This here is Caramel Apple!" she said, introducing a mare who dropped a candy like her namesake onto the table.
"Oh nice to meet"
"Apple Fritter." AJ continued, as another mare dropped off a matching treat.
"Yes hello I'm"
"Apple Strudle."
"Nice to"
"Apple Tart."
"Hello I"
"Apple Crisp"
"Yes I"
"Red Galla."
"But"
"Sour Apple."
"What?"
"Applesauce."
"Um..."
"Golden Delicious."
"Grrrrr."
"Apple Cider."
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
"Apple Turnover."
Sunset's eye was twitching at this point.
"Big Macentosh, Grany Smith, Applebloom, Babs Seed, Fuji, Red Wine, Apple Seed, Green Apple..."
"Does nopony in your family take cold showers!?" Sunset shouted in frustration. Then seeming to just realize what she said, she clapped her hooves over her mouth and quickly sunk down underneath the table to hide.
Applejack meanwhile was just shocked at how rude that outburst was. Glaring she quickly dove under the table to give that mare what for, but stopped on seeing her curled up and rocking back and forth while crying. She obviously felt bad and was miserable. Clearly, yelling would not help anything. With a sigh, Applejack sat down next to her and put a hoof on Sunset's shoulder. Instantly her guest was up and hugging AJ, crying her eyes out.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that! I am a bad pony! I'm sorry!" Sunset blurted out quickly while clinging to Applejack like she was a life preserver in a storm tossed sea.
Patting Sunset on the back and speaking in the same tone of voice she used to calm Applebloom after a nightmare, AJ worked to calm the hysterical mare. "There there. You all ain't a bad pony. If you were, you wouldn't be down here crying about it would ya? You're just hot and tired, and my goin' so fast probably wasn't helpin' at all. Now then, if you're feelin' better, why don't we head on up and you can apologize and then we'll sit own to lunch? Sound good?"
With a wordless nod, Sunset followed Applejack back up and looked out to the assembled Apples. "I'm so sorry I snapped like that. I just had a long day and was a bit hot and tired but that's no excuse, so since everything looks good and I don't want to cause any more trouble I'll just leave." she announced and got up to do just that, doing her best to ignore the family's pleas for her to stay. Even if they did forgive her, Sunset felt that it was better if she just left. At least, that was her intent.
What stopped her was a little yellow filly, so small she didn't have her cutie mak yet, wearing a big red bow in her mane staring up at Sunset with giant watery puppy dog eyes. "Ain't ya gonna stay for lunch?"
"Quick, evil jerk me, do something!" '...wow, I guess even at my worst I'm not evil enought to say no to that face.' With a sigh of defeat, Sunset smiled at the little kid. "Okay, you win, I'll stay." She was a little surprised at how enthusiastic the Apples were to have her stay, and tried her best to pay attention to what they were saying to her. "Well it could be worse. I just hope Twilight's having an easier time of it than me."
****************
"Sooo, Twilight, what's a patisserie anyway?" Spike asked as he rode through town.
"A pony that specializes in making pastry deserts, like cakes, pies, doughnuts, and so on; they're also often skilled in the art of candy making. Usually the candy is used to accent their pastries, but some sell it separate. It can also refer to a shop specializing in the same type of products." Twilight exposited as she trotted along, checklist in Spike's capable hands. "I'm just surprised Sunset took the two that were furthest out of town, in oposite directions even! She must have felt she could use the exercise."
"That, or she didn't bother checking where everything was before dividing it up." Spike said, rolling his eyes. "You know how lazy she can be sometimes."
It was now Twilight's turn to roll her eyes. "I don't believe any student of Princess Celestia could possibly be that lazy. The princess wouldn't allow it."
"What about when she finally got teleporting down and declared she was never walking again?"
"That was only for a week, and it was mostly her being excited about learning the spell. Heck, I'll probably be just as excited when I get it down." Twilight came to a stop and looked up. "Hey, this is the place isn't it?"
Spike, who was about to retort that the only reason he felt Sunset stopped was because she figured out that teleporting was actually more work than walking short distances, blinked at the non-sequitur and looked up. It was a rather nice, pale canary yellow store with a large blue piece of wrapped candy serving as a the logo on the sign hanging above the door, the word Bonbon's writen on it. "Um, yeah, this is the place Twilight." Spike said, checking the list quickly to make sure. "So, um, I guess we go in then?"
Taking a deep breath and gathering her nerves, steeling her will for the task, Twilight walked into the shop to the tingling of cheery little door chime. Well she hadn't messed anything up so far, so all in all it was going better than she expected. "Hello, is anypony here? I'm here to check up on the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration."
"Coming, I just have to pop these tarts in the oven. I'll be there in just a sec, there we go." a voice called from the room just beyond the counter, where Twilight assumed the kitchen was. The owner of the voice, an earth pony mare with a cream colored coat and a blue and pink mane and tail done in a bobbed style, came walking into the room with a gentle, warm smile on her face. "Hello dear. Don't worry, tarts take a bit to cook. So you're here to check up on everything then? It's lovely to meet you, my name is Sweetie Drops."
"A pleasure to meet you Ms. Drops. I'm Twilight Sparkle, and this is my assistant Spike." - her passenger waved at this - "So is Bonbon not available then?" she asked, looking around and frowning as Ms. Drops got a bemused look on her face.
"Oh you must be from out of town, or else this is just your first time coming here. There is nopony named Bonbon dear." Seeing the confused look on the unicorn's face, she continued "When I commissioned the sign when I first opened the shop, the sign was supposed to be bonbons, as in the candy in plural. But apparently poor old Mr. Paint Thinner misunderstood, he's getting on in years you know, he thought it was the owner's name and he did such a nice job I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. I've thought one or twice about changing it ever since, but it seems a lot of hassle for something so harmless, and it makes a great conversant starter don't you think?" She then realized that Twilight didn't seem to really be paying attention. She had a look of distracted distress on her face, and was even twitching slightly. "Dear what's wrong?"
"It's a mistake! Mistakes are bad, why are you not upset at the mistake? If you're okay with this mistake what about with the cooking? If Princess Celestia eats cooking with mistakes she'll get upset! And then she'll blame me for it because I was supposed to check up on everything! And then I'll be banished! And locked in a prison where she banished me to!" Twilight started hyperventilating at this point, prompting Spike to pull a paper bag out of her saddle bags and slap it on her muzzle.
"Sorry about that. Twilight has some anxiety issues when it comes to getting things done perfectly. The little details set her off sometimes." Spike explained, rubbing Twilight's back to help calm her down.
"Oh dear. Well there's no need to worry. Cooking sweets to eat is my special talent; I'd never put anything subpar out. Especially not at an event like this." Sweetie said, turning to show off her cutie mark which was a trio of blue wrapped candies like the sign out front, though each of these sported a yellow stripe as an accent. "You know, it's really interesting, how I got this. You see, there I was as a filly trying to think of something to do, bored out of my mind, when this big rainbow-" her story was cut off by the ringing of a timer from in the kitchen. "Oh that's the biscuits. I'll be right back dear." Popping into the kitchen, she quickly went to work sorting out the ovens, humming a tune around her oven bit as she worked.
Having a lovely idea, she grabed some tea she had made earlier for her lunch break, some biscuits from a previous batch, grabbed a tray set for two, and headed back into the main entry to find a thankfully much calmer Twilight. "Feeling better dear?" At the unicorns nodding she smiled even warmer, if that's possible, as she set the tray down at the small table she kept or those that wished to eat their purchases right there in her store. "I just had the most wonderful idea. Why don't we sit down for a minute and have some tea whith some of my biscuits. That way you can give a sample a try before tomorrow, and we can both relax for a few minutes. It can be very stressful prepping for a big event you know; I have been cooking stuff all day yesterday and today to get ready and fill in my usual stock. Taking tea every now and then dose wonders."
Twilight sat down and poured herself some tea, it smelled strongly of lemon grass and bluebells, and picked up a biscuit. It was one of those desert biscuits, chocolate by the looks of things. She took a small nibble, stopped, and smiled. Dipping the other end into the tea, she took a larger bite, and then finished it off. "These are good." she noted, taking a sip of the tea. While not up to the standards of what Princess Celestia had brewed at the palace it was nonetheless a rather enjoyable blend. Still few could ever hope to match the palace brewmasters, even with a proper special talent, so Twilight knew she was a bit spoiled when it came to tea. For somepony without the proper matching cutie mark to make tea this good they had to be rather skilled. Twilight's opinion of Ms. Drops went up a few notches. "I'm sorry I implied you'd put out bad food, I was panicking and it was just rude of me Ms. Drops."
"Oh you can just call me Sweetie dear, or if you really want to be formal Miss Drops. I do have a special somepony, but we haven't tied the knot yet." Sweetie explained with a smile, taking a sip from her own cup as Twilight remembered that tying newlyweds' tails together with a ribbon for a day was the earth pony equivalent to unicorns exchanging horn rings. "And don't worry about your panic attack dear. I'm sure it must be awfully stressful making sure everything is just perfect for the princess. She's quite lucky to have a worker as dedicated as you."
Twilight beamed at this. "Actually, I'm one of Princess Celestia's personal students in the art of magic. As such, I have an even higher obligation to do my best to ensure everything goes as perfectly as planned."
"Oh my, one of Princess Celestia's personal students?" Sweetie noted, amazed that somepony so special had come to her little shop for so minor a job as checking up on food preparations. Then again Celestia herself was going to be visiting this year, so that might have warranted a higher caliber of inspector now that she thought about it. "That sounds very impressive dear. You must have done something quite amazing to get the princess's attention like that." Sweetie Drops had expected an interesting story then, of how Twilight came to study under Celestia. What she had not expected was her reaction.
Twilight got up, put on her bags and telekineticly placed Spike on her back, and started heading out the door. "Thank you for the tea, it was good, but I have to get going. I have a lot of things to inspect today." And with that she was gone.
Sweetie meanwhile just sat there, confused. "Was...was it something I said?"
****************
Sunset wanted nothing more at this point than to figure out a time travel spell so she could go back in time and switch the first two locations on her and Twilight's lists. The family was so friendly they could have probably broken Twilight out of her shell. And as a bonus Sunset wouldn't be walking to the opposite end of town on a completely bloated stomach. Normally she would have teleported back to her starting point in the middle of town to cut her walk in half, but teleporting still made her a bit queasy. Considering just how much she had eaten, that would clearly have been a terrible idea. Just as she began to think that nothing could be worth this walk ahead of her came sweet soothing music. Creeping up quietly, not wanting to disturb the performer she had come to inspect, Sunset was treated to an amazing sight.
A butter yellow pegasus, her long pink mane and tail being a color match for the trio of butterflies that was her cutie mark, was conducting a chorus of birds in singing a truly beautiful version of...the Equestrian National Anthem? "Oh, for when Celestia arrives on stage. I didn't realize the anthem could sound this good, she's got real talent." Walking up smiling she introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Sunset Shimmer and" was as far as she got before the startled birds flew off and the seemingly equally startled pegasus dove into the bushes. Sunset immediately assumed he worst, which naturally meant it was her fault. "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to startle you and now your birds flew off and I'm interrupting your practice and I'm sorry! I am such a bad pony!" she confessed, tears in her eyes.
The yellow pegasus aso came out then, tears in her own eyes. "No, I'm sorry. I overreacted, and I know where my birds live so it's not a big deal and I made you feel bad. You're not a bad pony, I am for making you feel that way! I'm sorry!"
"No, I am a bad pony, and now I'm making you feel bad! I'm sorry!" Sunset apologized.
"I'm sorry I'm making you feel bad too!" the pegasus echoed in her own sorrowful way.
"I'm sorry!"
"I'm sorry!"
"I'm sorry!"
"I'm sorry!"
This went on for quite some time.
****************
"Um, Twilight are you okay?" Spike asked nervously. Having been a newborn baby at the time Spike didn't remember what had happened at the time, but he did know that Twilight never liked to even think about her entrance exam.
"I'm fine Spike, I just need to get back to work. What's next on the list?" Twilight asked as she trotted quickly through town, wanting to get this job just over and done with.
"Okay, if you say so." He quickly checked the list. "Alright next is music with a group called the Pony Tones. They're....um....there's no address listed Twilight so I have no idea where they are."
"What?!" Twilight shouted, causing those around her to stare for a few seconds before moving on quickly. "What do you mean there's no address? How am I supposed to find the Pony Tones are then? Just hope somepony conveniently walks up and tells me where they are?"
"Did you say the Pony Tones? I know where they are!" a child's voice called out.
Blinking a bit, Twilight turned and looked right at the beaming face of a little white unicorn filly with a two tones pink and purple mane and tail. "Seriously?" she asked in a deadpan manner. She had been sarcastic after all.
"Yeah!" the filly replied with a slight squeak."One of them's my sister! I was bringing them lunch! They're in the park, we can go together." the filly announced, and Twilight noticed that the kid had a little red wagon loaded up with a picnic basket for her to pull along.
Consigning herself to fate Twilight nods and followed behind the eager young filly, wondering what else could go wrong today. After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, she felt a need to speak. "Soooo, my names Twilight Sparkle, and this is Spike. What's your name?"
"My name is Sweetie Belle." the filly replied, causing the older mare to stop and blink at the coincidence. Was everypony she met today going to start off their name with Sweetie? "My big sister Rarity is working really hard with the others, so I decided to being them some lunch as a surprise. I made it myself!" she announced, pride shining through her happy smile.
"That's great, I'm sure Rarity will love it." It was so nice to see sibling love in action. Twilight remembered doing things like this for her BBBFF back when she was little. Before she had time to think about it further, they had arrived at the park and at the gazebo in front of them a trio of ponies where practicing. A white unicorn mare with a purple mane, probably Rarity, noticed them and motioned for her two compatriots, both earth ponies, to take a break. One was a blue on blue stalion who was a bit lanky, and the other was a...larger tan mare with her yellow streaked red hair done up in an elaborate bun. Both of them seemed glad for the break and quickly sat down, talking between themselves as Rarity walked over.
"Hello there Sweetie Belle. Let me guess, you made us lunch?" she asked, Twilight noting a slightly strained tone in the other mares voice.
"I sure did sis. I made sandwiches, and apple sauce, and juice!" Sweetie Belle replied, pushing the cart forward a bit with her nose.
"That's nice dear." Rarity said with notable strain in her voice. "So, um, who's your friend?"
Twilight resisted the urge to facehoof. Of course her little sister showing up with a total stranger would be cause for concern. "Hi there. My name's Twilight Sparkle, and this is my assistant Spike. We're here to check up on the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. I trust everything's going great?"
Rarity immediately brightened up. "Oh of course! We're practicing right now and everything, at least as best we can without our bass singer here." Noticing Twilight's mounting nerves, she decided to quickly cut it off. "Not that it's actually a problem darling; Big Mac's busy helping his family farm with the catering, and he's quite talented enough as is. A little last minute practice is something he's good enough to be able to miss, no problem." Seeing Twilight calm down, she continued "The Pony Tones isn't any of our main jobs, but we all put enough time into it that it's not a problem. Now then, I assume you have other areas to check?"
"Right, everything looks good here. So what's next on the list Spike?....Spike?" Twilight looked over her shoulder to find Spike spacing out. "Spike!"
"What? Oh right, next up on the list is...ah, decorations at town hall!" he quickly read of the list.
"Ah decorations." Rarity said wistfully. "I would have loved to try my hooves at it, but the Pony Tones pays better, and unlike Big Mac I'm not good enough to skip out on practice to do another job. Sweetie Belle, why don't you show our friend Twilight the way to town hall? She's new in town and it's the least we could do to help her out."
"Okay sis! Come on, it's this way!" she shouted before running off with the sort of speed only an excited child could have.
"Hey, wait up! Um, glad to meet you and that everything's going okay. Bye!" Twilight hurried through, running off after the filly as fast as she could.
Once they were out of sight, Rarity dropped her smile and let out the breath she'd been holding. Opening the basket in resignation, she just shook her head. "Even the juice; how does one even burn juice?" Most ponies would throw such thoroughly burned food out but, well, it was made with her sister's love. With a resigned sigh, she bit into her sandwich with a loud crunch. It said something that she was getting used to this to the point were it wasn't even a struggle to eat it anymore. Also that she had enough experience to tell what burnt item was what.
*****************
'I finally figured it out. Ponyville isn't real, I died and went to Tartarus.' "Okay, so it's been an emotionally scaring bad day so far, but it can't get any worse right?"
As proof that Murphy was hard at work even in universes he had never been born in, that was the exact moment that a high speed Pegasus crashed into Sunset, knocking her into a mud puddle. Murphy is kind of a jerk like that.
Sunset opened her eyes to a facefull of blue flank, a cloud with a tri-colored bolt adorning it. The owner of said mark quickly got up and turned around, revealing a pegasus mare with a shortly cropped rainbow mane. Helping Sunset to her hooves, the Pegasus looked a bit nervous. "Sorry about that. I was doing some stunts practice and I kind of lost control there at the end. Name's Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria!"
"Right. Sure you wait, Rainbow Dash?" Quickly levitating out her scroll, Sunset smiled. "Oh good, you're the local weather captain. That's great! I'm Sunset Shimmer, and I was sent to check up on the preper-aaaa-tiooooo why is the sky overcast? The sky is supposed to be clear and sunny! What is your team doing?"
"Taking the day off." Rainbow replied as if it was the most simple thing ever.
Sunset's eye twitched a bit. "What?"
"You know, a day off? Not having to work, enjoying their holiday, unwinding a bit? You do take time off right? Case youuuu're looking a liiiiiitle high strung." Rainbow noted nonchalantly. "Anyway yeah, I volunteered to clear the sky all by myself. So they could spend some time with family and friends, you know? Since I can do the job all by myself."
Sunset had had enough. "Yeah, maybe if you worked all day instead of crashing while doing looptyloops or whatever! There's no way this will be ready in time now!"
Rainbow just rolled her eyes at all the dramatics. "Puh-leeze, where you not listening earlier. Fastest flyer in Equestria. I don't need to work all day. I could probably clear the sky's in ten seconds flat."
"Nopony is that fast!"
"I am!" Rainbow responded, indignant at the challenge.
"Then prove it! There is no way" Sunset paused in her talking as a Rainbow seemed to transform into her namesake, a blur that went from cloud to cloud faster than the eye could track until they had all vanished. "in ten...just...the sky...clouds...how?"
"Yesh, I'm just awesome like that. Plus, I saved one to make up for knocking you into the mud earlier!" Dash exclaimed, and proceeded to hop on a cloud she had repositioned, destroying it and giving Sunset an instant shower, leaving her looking somewhat like a wet dog. "Hahahahaha! You look...ahem right." she said, reigning in her laughter at Sunset's glare. "One spin dry comming up!"
"Spin whaaaaaaaaaa!" Sunset's question was cut off as Rainbow proceeded to make a one mare tornado around her, drying her off and giving her a massive case of frizzy mane. So far today she had been annoyed by Twilight, given a sudden job by Celestia, walked for a ridiculous distance, got emotionally scared, stuffed full of apples, walked an even more rediculous distance, got into an "I'm sorry!" contest, walked even farther, got tackled into the mud by a pegasus, had her view of reality shattered by a multicolor streak, got soaked with a torrent of rain water, and spun in a personal tornado. Having taken all this in, she did the only logical course of action, said "Nope. I am done." and fainted.
Rainbow landed with some concern, especially when prodding her a couple of times resulted in no response. "Oh no! My awesomeness was too much for her to take! I need to get her to the hospital; hopefully they know how to treat awesome overdose!"
****************
Twilight was rather glad that Sunset had decided to divide their work the way that it was. If Twilight, the more athletic one, was feling winded trying to keep up with Sweetie Belle she had no idea how badly Shimmer would be doing. Not that either of them would need to keep up. The town hall was easily the tallest building in Ponyville, and smack dab in the center of town to boot. Nopony would ever need directions to get there, even if they were from so far out of town they didn't even speak Equestrian. Twilight could not figure out why Sweetie had been given such an utterly pointless job by her older sister.
"We're here, we're here! I did it!" Sweetie cheered as she bounced around, squeaking slightly on the word 'I'. "Now I need to go back and see if Rarity needs any more help. Bye!" she called as she ran back the way she came, fueled by the seemingly limitless energy kids seem to possess when doing things they want to do.
"Alright Spike, who's in charge of the decorations? And please don't tell me their name begins with Sweetie something, or I'll suspect a conspiracy." With Twilight, it was hard to tell if that was sarcasm, or an actual precautionary statement.
As such Spike breathed a genuine sigh of relief as he double checked the list. "Nope, it's somepony named Masquerade who's in charge. So, ready to go in?"
"Yep. Let's go." Twilight stepped into the hall and looked around. Brass suns in the shape of Princess Clestia's cutie mark adorned each pillar along the wall, yellow and white ribbons trailing below them like the suns rays. Banners were strung between them as well, alternating yellow and white. Twilight noticed the subte effect of each sun being slightly lower than the last, making her eyes be drawn smoothly towards the center stage. A common but effective technique for naturally drawing attention to a specific area, in this case the main stage. Above said stage was an even larger brass sun being adjusted by a pegasus, who hovered back and seemed to be judging her work.
The pegasus was an orangish yellow, and her mane was three bands of colors stacked like layers on a cake. The top most layer was a sort of moss green, followed by a darker emerald band, leaving a teal layer for the bottom. From this distance though, Twilight couldn't make out any more details. "Hello? Are you Masquerade? My name is Twilight Sparkle and this is my assistant Spike. We're here from Canterlot to check up on the preparations before Princess Celestia arrives."
"Right right, be with you in a moment. Just trying to figure out if this thing is better centered so it doesn't attract extra attention, or slightly off center so everypony's eyes are drawn to the area. It's so hard to judge, I've never had to set up for anything like this before. Usually Rarity handles the fancier events like these, but she's busy at the moment." Masquerade explained as she hovered there, hoof to chin as she studied the scene. She had a bit of an accent Twilight just couldn't place, but it sounded very smooth. "Hmmm, I just can't seem to decide. What's your opinion on the matter?"
"Um," Twilight had not been expected to be put on the spot like this "well I know only the basic theory about guiding sight lines, and that was really only related to my studies in illusions, so I don't know how helpful that would be for something real." She started walking closer to the main stage to get a loser look to hopefully make a more informed decision.
"Oh please, illusions are no less fake than real life. Both are full of ways to influence people. Take the banners. You know they're guiding sight lines because you studied it. To anypony else they're pretty but hey, let's focus on the stage." Masquerade explained, floating down for a landing. "In the end it's all about knowing how to not only manipulate ponies, but make them want to be manipulated."
That brought Twilight to an abrupt stop. "Um, that sounds rather sinister."
Masquerade snorted. "Please. I'm talking about theater here. The tricks to get ponies to not question the lack of a fourth wall, why prisoners don't just walk around the free standing door, or why you only have six extras on stage if two whole armies are clashing. The ways to get the audiance pulled into the show and not want to get pulled out. Nopony questions why they tend to look at the right area at the right time during a play. It's all subtle cues, and I'm trying to figure out what would work best for the show." She turned around and faced Twilight then. "So, what's your opinion? Center or off center?"
It was then that Twilight noticed two things about Masquerade. Number one, her cutie mark was a trio of teal domino masks with handles. And two, her eyes, instead of iris and pupils, had round cut green gems in their place. She was dealing with a twinkle eyed pony. "Um, I see...I mean in my opinion it looks, I mean" Twilight babbled nervously, looking everywhere but at Masquerade.
The pegasus sighed, closed her eyes, and massaged her brow in a mix of frustration and resignation. "You don't have to watch your words, I'm not going to get offended if you use words like 'look', 'see', 'eyes', or the like naturally. I can participate in a normal conversation just fine thank you."
Twilight blushed fiercely. "I am so sorry. It's just that I've never dealt with, well, you know..."
"A twinkle eyed pony? Yeah we're not exactly that common. I'm actually surprised that there are two of us in a town the size of Ponyville. Ditzy Doo, local mailmare she's quite nice, she's the other one. The way I hear it she had wandering eyes, literally couldn't tell where she was flying most of the time. Now she's got a pair of topazes and is flying just fine." Masquerade explained casually, looking at Twilight with an amused smile. "To get your obvious questions out of the way, I see just fine, I was born blind so getting them was a no brainier once I was old enough, they are emeralds, and it didn't hurt but it itched like crazy for several months after it was done. Anything else?"
"Um, no I'll just be leaving before I embarrass myself any further." Twilight said, and then promptly turned and walked into a pillar in her haste. This wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't knocked the brass sun off its moorings and released it down onto her head.
Spike looked down at the unconscious Twilight, then up at Masquerade. "Sooooo, I don't suppose you know where the local hstpital is do you?"
****************
And so it came to pass that both of Celestia's prized pupils left Ponyville General at about the same time, Spike giving Twilight a break and walking beside them instead of riding her.
Sunset walked slightly funny, a side effect of the thermometer the nurses had used while trying to figure out what had caused her fainting spell. Once they had determined it was sheer stress, they're given her a mild relaxant and let her sleep it off. And a rather good tranquilizer once she was awake to help deal with her stress. "Well everything's looking good on my half. Except for all the personal humiliation, but for some reason I don't seem to mind right now." She stopped walking and looked up, a goofy grin on her face. "Look, a birdie! Hi birdie!"
Twilight sighed as she pulled Sunset along in the direction of the library, her own head lightly bandaged. Luckily the brass sun had been hollow, or else it might have done some real damage. However considering her headache she was pretty sure she'd have loved a dose of whatever Sunset was on right now. "Come on, let's just get to the library where we can lay down for a bit, collect ourselves, and just relax and let our medication run its course." They had arrived at the library, and she opened the door looking forward to some nice quiet
"SURPRISE!" a veritable army of ponies bellowed as streamers and confetti flew everywhere, startling Twilight and leaving the befuddled Sunset blinking in confusion.
It was then that the pink pony from this morning poped up in front of them. "Where you surprised? I bet you were. I remember when I ran into you guys this morning and I was all 'Pinkie Pie', oh that's my name by the way I'm Pinkie Pie, 'Pinkie Pie, you know everypony in town. You don't know these ponies. Therefore they must be new in town. Throw them a surprise welcome party.' and so I did while inviting everypony in town that I could and well I couldn't get everypony in town which is okay I guess cause I don't think the library is large enough to hold everypony in town but it is large enough to hold everypony that did show up which is good cause if I was too small then everypony would be cramped and then the party wouldn't be as fun so I guess it's lucky that the library was the right size huh?" the mare, apparently named Pinkie Pie, rambled without even pausing for breath, or having a strained tone indicating she was struggling to keep the rapid fire dialog going.
Twilight just stood there stunned, the rapid talking, ambient noise, and music not doing her headache any favors. Sunset meanwhile was in a daze and just looking around. Spotting some cupcakes on a table, she decided she was hungry and walked over, starting to eat them. She had just finished her first one and was about to start a second when she started to get a slight burning sensation in her throat and started coughing a little. Pinkie then popped up. "Do you like it? It's my own special cupcake recipe. You can really taste the hot sauce." She then held up the bottle she had used in making these cupcakes, it's label reading Ghost Manticore Vengence Pepper Sauce, Mild.
Steam literally erupted from Sunset's ears as her system burned quickly through the tranquilizer; the hot sauce possibly quite literally burning it. Now fully conscious, Sunset said the first and, at the moment, only thing on her mind. "Oh bloody Tartarus, I am on fire!"
4058495 A tome is a book, usually one scholarly in nature and pertaining to an advanced or specialized subject.
This chapter was quite enjoyable to read. However, it could use a major editing run. I noticed several errors in Pinkie's speech at the end alone.
So neither Fluttershy or Rarity are Element Bearers? Since you said sixth, I'm assuming that's Sunset, Twilight, AJ, RD, Pinkie Pie, and Masquerade? Assuming you're keeping canon characters with canon elements, I'm guessing Masquerade as Generosity and Sunset as Kindness, especially given season 4's theme of contrasting the good and bad sides of the Elements fits Sunset's internal war between being kind and cruel.
4080779 Ummm, did you check the character tags?
OH GOD NO!
Huh, this is a surprising little twist...
Honestly, if this is the first thing that RD jumped to, I can only assume that it's legitimately happened in the past.
Probably with Scootaloo.
An OC?
Ohh...she's one of those ponies...from G1...
...those ponies kinda' creep me out...
Please be a changeling in disguise...
4081382 I can neither confirm nor deny that Scootaloo lost consciousness after watching the sheer awesome of Rainbow Dash multiple times.
Also, sorry if it creeps you out. They were one of the ideas from G1 I really liked, and I felt the updated origin would make it less creepy.
4081473 Yep, it's a magical medical procedure for correcting serious eye problems. You don't go modifying your eyeballs with high powered magic for minor things like not wanting to wear glasses after all.
"But the pony tones pay better."
Rarity, what happened to your Genorosity towards Ponyville?
4081575 I, wait, what? You kind of lost me there.
4081629 New Backstory happened my friend. AU Backstory happened.
4081381
Wait...you're not using Pinkie Pie?
4081864 Yeah, I'm not using second-best pony. But I'm not using best pony either, because both of them are way too obvious on what to give them.
4081905
Oh. Pity.
They will have roles, though, right?
Needs proofreading and editing
4081932 Sure if somepony wants. This is one of those shared writer universes, and once the first story is done I'm going to be posting a Series Bible in the forums and opening it up for more writers to participate. Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity are secondary characters in ths AU, s that's that.
Who cloned Flash Sentry and why are said clones singing for Fluttershy?
Yeah, the color thing for Sunset's dueling internal monologues is definitely weird...
img441.imageshack.us/img441/863/aledv.gif
... BUT not enough to make me stop reading,
Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
It seems old Mister Paint Thinner isn't the only one who has problems with plurals vs. possessives.
However, a few errors won't enough to run me away from the AU.
In regards to Element Bingo, I don't think AJ, Dash, or Twilight are going to get the same ones as in the show. I'll reserve my guess on most of them, but from Dash's few lines, it sounds much more like generosity. Twilight... is a bit tougher to peg right now, but I could just be wrong and it's the novel thought of Twilight being in a group of Elements not as magic that's throwing me off. Sweetie strikes me as kindness, I'm not sure how to say it other than that was just my impression from her scene.
For now, I think that's enough embarrassing myself by voicing my wild theories. Maybe next chapter I'll say more, I do love a good guessing game.
A few errors here and there in regards to spelling and punctuation. But still a totally awesome chapter. Loved the "I'm sorry" banter going on between Flutters and Sunset [all it needed was for them to kiss and make up ].
Given that it's been established that this Twilight suffers from a self-imposed 'World of Cardboard' syndrome - she's super powerful so she needs to artificially limit herself to keep from hurting someone - is it weird of me to want to see her have a 'World of Cardboard' speech when going up against Discord.
Discord: Really? You think you can hurt me?
*flicks Spike away, smacking him into a building*
Discord: Come back when you've gained a few centuries.
*Discord is hit under the chin by a purple energy fist, flipping him backwards*
Discord: What?
Yes, he's just a baby dragon. But still he fights, because he cares about me. He risks death or worse for the ones he cares for, knowing he'll likely fail. That's called courage, not that you'll understand that.
Discord: I suppose you'll tell me you have courage, too?
*Blast of purple magic impacts his antler, bouncing between the prongs and making him wince*
No. I have a different problem. Like Sunset, Luna, and Celestia, I live in a world made of cardboard. There's so much magic inside me, I have to keep myself in check all the time to keep from breaking something...or someone. But you can take it, can't you?
*Twilight develops the purple aura from her entrance exam*
What we have here is a rare opportunity for me to cut loose.
Discord: You really think you can take me? Discord?
*Magic strikes Discord's arm hard, snapping it*
Discord: OW! That hurt! ...that...hurt?
*Twilight goes Rapidash*
Let's get one thing straight, Discord.
*Twilight begins laying on the beatdown*
YOU! DO! NOT! HURT! MY! FREINDS!
Discord: ...Mommy...
Elsewhere...
Popcorn, Lulu?
Luna: Please. Did you teach her to fight like that?
No, I was actually going to ask her for lessons. Impressive, isn't she?
Luna: Verily.
4088801 okay that is just plain hilarious . whiteeyes please tell me you are considering this!:
4089052
Of course, I'm picturing this reaction from elsewhere on the sidelines.
Good Sunset: Wow. I didn't realize she had so much power.
Evil Sunset: I always knew she'd be competition.
Good Sunset: ...is it wrong that I find-
Evil Sunset: That is so bucking hot!
Good Sunset: ...I guess I'll have to ask Luna about whether it's right or wrong. But at least we're in agreement.
Evil Sunset: That's a first.
4088801 *slow clapping*
4089052 I am now...sort of. Maybe not Discord, and not Nightmare Moon, but I do have some other ideas.
4089079 Is that shipping? My AU has a shipper! Woohoo! Break out the zinfandel and port wine cheese! We are celebrating up in here!
4089137
It's far from the first Sunset/Twilight shipping I've seen, and in this case, it would have some validity.
From Sunset's perspective:
Good Sunset is desperate for a real friend and companion, and is terrified of turning into her evil self again, and would find a kindred spirit in Twilight in that regard. Both of them being Celestia's students - and likely living together in the Ponyville library - would just bring them closer together.
Evil Sunset craves power, so to her a mare as powerful as Twilight is either the ultimate rival or the perfect ally. For that personality type, power is also an aphrodisiac, so Evil Sunset would find attraction in Twilight's raw power. Celestia's canon statement about Twilight also indicates she possesses more raw power than Sunset.
From Twilight's perspective, Sunset's the only one other than the Princesses she feels safe with and can relate to, the one she goes to with any problem related to her power, her studies, or growing up as she looks up to her.
And I'm glad you enjoyed my little speech scene. ...is it weird that I'm now picturing Twilight wielding Kindness from that?
4089195 Not at all. I haven't revealed the elements yet, so if that's your guess it's just as valid at this point.
4088801 And then Discord blinks and Twilight is a potted plant. Sorry, sorry. It's just something that irks me a bit. On another forum someone posted an AU where Babylon Five and Deep Space Nine switch places and Sheridan tells Q to "Get the hell out of the galaxy!" And I wrote Q's response as "Oh, please." Memetic badassery can only get you so far.
Anyway.. nice chapter, but it really does need some editing. Sorry. As for Masquerade, I like her.
4093095
That's assuming by that point Discord still has eyelids and isn't a potted plant himself. Twilight's done that, after all.
Hmm...given Twilight won't talk about what happened during her test, it's possible her parents never got changed back.
4093112 And that's assuming Twilight can affect Discord at that level, or Discord actually needs a physical movement for his powers.
4093120
The implication in the first comment of mine indicated Discord's shock that Twilight could hurt him, implying that she can effect him at that level.
4093146 In your passage, yes. But for me, I do not see her able to hurt him like that. Ever. While he could, can and has altered her biology and magical abilities.
4093158
The fact that Discord can get sick - whatever the nature of the sickness - implies that he is not beyond the power of the pony's world to affect him, meaning he is not beyond the pony's power to affect him. And just because we've never seen something doesn't mean it's impossible.
When was Twilight ever given -and taken - an opportunity to attempt to injure him like that?
4093112 *points to chapter 2's 3rd interlude*
Not bad! I was looking for a pony-Sunset story and lo and behold! Keep it up!
This gives me hilarious mental images, albeit probably not the ones you intended.
4107881
Yeah, ponies don't usually pope up in stories too often. It's interesting to see.
This story would be much better with an editor looking over it; there are a couple dozen minor errors in each chapter that continually draw the reader out of the story. If you can't find a willing editor, just going over your own writing after you've given yourself time to forget what you meant to write (usually a week or so) is enough for most errors. Just, please, your concept is interesting but there's so many typos.
Regarding your style, what you're going for with Sunset is interesting, but the colored text is just a bit gimmicky and tacky. Besides, self-criticism may be normal, but when someone begins to view the voices as distinct from their own they are in need of serious professional help. My advice would be to try and write Sunset's internal dialogue without visually differentiating the different trains of thought. Challenge yourself. Try to make them distinct with just the tone of voice.
I am also of the opinion that your writing so far is a bit exposition-heavy. That's harder to fix, but try to keep in mind in future chapters that people generally don't tell their entire life story (or someone else's) without prompting and/or good reason. (Unless they're a gossip. Sweetie Drops seems like a gossip.)
I hope this unrequested criticism isn't too harsh and has been of some use to you. I'll be reading, so keep on keeping on.
4124403 I now have a prereader. I know I have problems, I'm dyslexic, but I have managed to I a good job. It is literally extremely hard for me to read my own mistakes, so a pre-reader is a huge help.
4124419
Sorry about that, it's much more understandable in that light. I hope nothing I said is discouraging, I really did enjoy everything you've written so far. I just hoped to be a bit helpful for a story with a lot of potential like this one.
4124444 I'm not offended. I'm flattered that I'm a good enough writer that you can't tell. It's a testament to my learned skills and autocorrect.
I found this story by accident, viewing the favorites of one of my favorite authors on the site, and I am really glad I did.
I really love how you are writing Sunset and Twilight, their insecurities being the forefront of their current motivations. Twilight being more of a perfectionist and Sunset worry about her morality seems a bit like a parallel to Celestia (feels that she cannot afford to make a mistake) and Luna (is the darkness really gone?), although that an assumption on my part that the Story will end with Luna purged and regretful (although I imagine that Sunset would sympathize much more with her).
Looking forward to the next chapter
4184258 Hey, glad you noticed the parallels. And yes, the one with the Sun mark is Luna's parallel, and the one with the stars is Celestia's counterpart. Yes, that was on purpose.
????
4107881
And thus, Pinkie was inducted into the Holy See, and ruled from Rome over all Christians.
Until she was kicked out for drinking all the holy water, since she thought the container was actually a punch bowl.
Suddenly.
Also, this sentence was hilarious and great
The story's decent and your humor works but the amount of spelling errors can get distracting.
Especially ones like this:
Princess Celestia's
4107881
4108333
Hey, at least she didn't poop up.
Yeah, Murphy is kind of a jerk to everyone. Especially on Tuesdays.
and have some tea whith some of my biscuits
Puh-leeze, where you not listening earlier
Where you surprised
Welcome to "We have Issues Theater!", staring Twilight and Sunset!
1. With.
2. Were.
3. Were.
4. Starring.
The comments, they amuse me.
And we are off!! This was a fun three chapter read and with plenty to talk about.
I love the use of Twilight and Sunset being our manes in this world. If mainly because it brings an interesting dynamic to the group. That of two sisters and their interactions. Sunset, being an older and more competent sister, havign to deal with her younger sister. Granted, they are not blood, but their interctions and the way they act aroun d one another make it seem like it. Sunset is perfect here, acting like she wants so badly for others to care about her and to be a good pony. I love how it splits her mind and give her some snark. Twilight, of course, is adorkable and cute.
I also love the group you selected. Bon Bon is usually made into the straight mare to the sillinest of her mare Lyra or the ponies around her. So having her as a mane is something unique as it gives her something more than the 'chick' to be. And as for Masqurade, well, this is the irst time I have seen someone use G1 as a character rather than a relic of the past. Makes me think if Wind Whistler or Fizzy exists.
The introductions are hilarious and the scenarios made me corpse a litte.
5673862 Thank you for the compliments, and yes Fizzy exists. Sunset and Twilight are like siblings.
I just found out Silver Quill made a similar joke/reaction in his review on 'Pinkie Apple Pie'...how did I miss that for long?