This story is a sequel to Luna's Protégé
'Or through Midnight's Radiance, the Sun extracts obedience.'
Things are looking up for Sunset Shimmer.
She's been a proud student of Princess Luna for over twelve years, has the best friends a pony could ask for, a young dragon she cares for dearly, and ambitions on the cusp of completion.
And even better, it looks like everypony will be spending the Winter Solstice together! Assuming of course, that Celestia's return doesn't end up ruining everything...
Distant sequel to Luna's Protégé
Thanks to Cloureed again for the cover!
Set in the Trio-verse.
Chapters (6)
Nice one! I like how Sunset still trips up on being nice, and Applejack being the Mayor is cool.
I have a feeling I'll be enjoying this at least as much as the first.
And that's just after the first chapter, not to mention I'm now extremely curious about how the other's lives have changed...
There are a lot of things that'll change just from the fact that there wasn't a Sonic Rainboom, and I can't wait to read how it'll all play out.
Here's to the next chapter, and the many more that are sure to follow.
I am always for changed circumstances. It's part of what makes alternate universes fun...just, be wary of certain folk who might object strongly to the idea.
Anyway. Can't wait to see where to plan on going with this!
I'm surprised Applejack didn't make a joke like "What, you think I should dye my mane grey to appear older?"
That might be more Pinkie Pie's thing, though. The joking, not the dyeing.
I literally. Had to read over the part where it said applejack was mayor I was all like::
but yeah I am curious as to what they have been doing these past couple of years, sounds to me like twilight is a teacher, and question if the sonic rainbow didn't happen, why is pinkie still.... Pinkie
Welp, time to start speculating on who gets what.
Wo!
A person who has no desire to learn, grow, or improve is a terrible mayor.
Same magic, same soul on the base level, even if her experiences were different.
Earth pinkie is largely the same.
Anyways, Twilight is still being more of a plot Device than Twilight.
I can't believe it's already here! A sequel! Yay! Why is Applejack mayor? That's a terrible idea. I know she aint no element of honesty but still. Dang AJ, will fail so hard with the attitude she has.
5739503 I agree.
5739503 Just because someone is stubborn doesn't mean they are unwilling to learn, grow or improve. To be honest, I never got that feeling from AJ throughout the entire series (with the exception of being stubborn). Its all how you focus that stubbornness whether its good or bad. Why not give the author a chance to flesh out the change in the backgrounds of the mane 6 before casting judgement.
I do agree that AJ from the series in the canon would be a bad mayor, but this one has had an entirely different life experience.
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"I ain't learn nothing i was right all along!"
And that was the only friendship report she ever made.
Okay other have mentioned before already that they are wondering why Pinky is still Pinky.
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I disagree. Your past always influence what you will become. Sure many personality traits are genetically inherited but environment you grew up in always has a huge impact.
Back to my general inspection. The sonic rainboom never happened. Believe it or not this is going to have a huge impact on several character traits. Applejack is already handled and I say the writer handles it well. And indeed I can see her as a major if she grew up as a city folk. I do hope we get see talk Applejack fancy (like Rarity.)
Okay so what should the writer take in consideration.
1st Rainbow Dash, if she didn't pull off the sonic rainboom then it means she also lost that race. If I recall correctly her opponent was a big rough and cheated and forced Dash to crash into a cloud. So from this experience Dash could perhaps have developed a more tough pony personality. A pony that acts tough all the time rather then one that acts cool all the time. Kinda like how Babs Seed was in the show or Gilda. Her job would still become a weatherpony mananger. Or not it's actually up to the writer to decide how much such a personality shift would affect her social life.
2nd Fluttershy, well actually she would remain the same. She fell down to the ground and contacted with all the small critters, she would earned here cutiemark right away but slowly by constant contact with the woodland critters she would find her destiny and earn her cutiemark. So she remains the same. So she would still become an animal care taker.
3rd Rarity, oh boy just Imagen she stares at the rock and have no clue about the hidden gems that are inside. She knows because of her unicorn magic that the rock is connected to her destiny. She would not figure it out in time and the show costumes wouldn't become all that glittered. I think she would bring the rock home and decide to work on the rock farm of Pinky family. I can see her getting all miserable being there but then through fate (or) pinky something causes to rock to break and reveal to Rarity the beautiful gems inside. Thus she still learns that beauty is inside everything if you only look hard enough. So she still could become a dress designer. But because she went off to work in the rock farm she could instead decide to become a miner, obsessed in finding as many beautiful gems to world so that everyone can enjoy their splendour and beauty. This Rarity would be more interested in finding beauty rather then create beauty.
4th Pinky Pie, oh boy if there was one of the main six whom the sonic rainboom was more crucial point in life then any of the others, then it was hers. But I see already what road your taking with her and clever call I must say. Pinky still likes to bring joys to others, that's her genetic character trait. But without the sonic rainboom she would never have been introduced to the beautiful colours that would give her inspiration to make ponies smile through parties. So how will she bring joy to others, well it seems you remembered what was said in the episode "Maud Pie" that Pinky and Maud made rock candies when they were fillies. The crayon drawings showed us they were both smiling. Considering this is Maud Pie, making her smile greater achievement then pony becoming an Alicorn.
We already been told that Pinky works at the candy store (So I guess she works with BonBon?) and not the bakery. So I guess the writer guess to the road that Pinky brings joy to others through delicious candies rather then parties?
Anyway the above are my personal opinion and like said before, the writer can take a whole different perspective of how each character would chance from without a Sonic Rainboom and Luna as sole Ruler of Equestria.
What I'm a bit curious is about Sunset crush on Shinning Armor. For example where is Cadance? Did she even became an Alicorn in this universe. And if she did indeed became one then why isn't she mentioned then or why are she and Shinning not dating? Okay that Twilight is so oblivious I can buy. She's a bookworm after all.
Speaking about Twilight, remember Cadance had been foalsitting Twilight before she even took her entrance exam in the main cannon show.
But Sunset would have known if Shining would have seen other mares. So again I'm curious where is Candance? And what is she doing? Why do I bring this up? Well the writer has introduced us already to Shining but he has left Candance out so far, I do hope he will give a quick mentioning of her in the next chapter to squeal my curiosity.
Now for the chapter self, what I can say again it's very beautiful and I enjoyed every bit and can't wait for the next chapter. I'm currently as much excited to read the next chapter of this story as much as my impatience to see Season 5 of mlp. And that my bronies few writers can archive.
5739734 That particular quote, from "The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000"...
Is a product of circumstance and not indicative of her personality. That episode had her being right all along about Flim and Flam being con-men while everyone else fell for their scheme.
And While AJ didn't learn anything, she did teach Flim and Flam a lesson, that if something is worth doing, it's worth taking the time to do it well.
I wonder where Trixie went
What have you done with best pony? Where is Trixie?
5740554 you and me both
Yay! Now that I'm home I can address all these comments!
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'Meanwhile, back at the rockfarm...'
Actually, she'll be making her big appearance next chapter, worry not!
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You may be surprised with Rainbow Dash's current occupation...
As for Cadence. She's an important character to this AU, and I've hinted at her presence, though I haven't dropped her name, clearly. I wanted to drop her name at the end of LP, but felt it would distract from the tone of the ending.
Since Cadence isn't appearing on screen in Midnight's Radiance, I'll spare you the waiting for it's sequel by letting you know things:
One. She's a pegasus. Whether she'll become an Alicorn or not is 'I guess you'll have to wait and see!'.
Two. She was Spike's nanny, the mane three are well acquainted with her.
Three. A nanny working for the princess at her age? Yea, there's a reason for that too.
Four. Concerning her and Shining. They've never met in this AU, but they know of each other because of Twilight.
As for AJ's reaction to Sunset?
Mayor of town, unfamiliar pony barges in, claiming to be running an errand for the princess at 840ish in the morning, doesn't even introduce herself, basically asks for help straight up with no formality. I think AJ's reaction was fitting. But then again, what do I know? Absolutely nothing, that's what.
Oh fie, I just tried to defend my writing, and gave away spoilers! Horse-apples! I'm gonna get shot!
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Not genetic in this case.
Spiritual.
Remember textually everyone In the MLPverse has a light that shines within them that makes them special, that makes them rare. A soul, A fundamental essence.
Great
Good chapter.
Teacher for Ponyville's advanced class?
well the no rainboom thing seems to be a common setting for the lunaverse, since it is cannon that it was what signaled the mane six as the new bearers of the elements. since pinkie said to go visit at HER candy shop i guess Bon-bon is working as the corner maybe?
Interesting premise, combining Luna as the Princess who wasn't banished with a lack of Sonic Rainboom. I like the idea of ShiningXSunset, I hope we see more of that. I also like the idea of Mayor Applejack, I've seen it done well in other stories (for a great representation, check out Lord Mayor Applejack). I do feel sorry for Mary Mare, I wonder what's happened to her?
"Thrown" = "Throne"?
5748218 Fixed.
Thanks for catching that for me, and sorry for the bad grammar.
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Con-men? There was no con from Flim and Flam, they just became dishonnest when the Apple family start cheating (calling for Twilight and her friends). They were just as proud as the Apple with their business, It appear evil because it's "Bad progress". The only issue you could have against Flim and Flam is ethic, willing to drop the quality to win.
SHE'S HEERRREE~~!
Time to say hello to Celestia, Equestria!
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I was expecting to meet the rest of Twilights friends, guess I will have to wait a bit longer to find out what Rainbow Dash job is. Still curious about the rest of them.
Well what to say about this chapter.... well nothing much. It good, pacing was okay and it was mostly filler, some hints were given such as the Ursa thing and others but beyond that nothing really happens until the very end. I guess there was simple a certain tension missing which we had in your previous story. The build up is necessary but I have the feeling more could have happened here.
Perhaps Trixie could have made a more spectacular entrance, she's all flamboyant and over the top. Perhaps Sunset with her poor social skills accidental says a wrong thing and starts a fight. Or Twilight goofs up one her spells (Which she has done a lot in the main show.) and she and the rest needs to fix it.
But beyond that like I said it was a good chapter. I was just hoping to see some slap stick humor but I guess it isn't your style.
Cliffhanger!
Great
I don't think Luna is male in this story. You maybe want to change it.
5754415 Danke.
How did Trixie arrive at such a convenient time?
Magic!
"One good fight in the garden and you warm up to people. It's your way."
Basically what Trixie was doing in the show, as well; the difference being that here Trixie really is trying to amaze and astound her crowd as her first priority, whereas in the show Trixie was mostly just trying to amaze and astound them in order to build up her own ego. Nevertheless Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash were a bit uncouth in interrupting her show the way they did before she'd even done anything wrong.
Mind, I'm not a Trixie apologist either; she definitely was an arrogant ass.
Hmm, not wasting any time, I see. Not a problem at all.
So...I forget, do you have a name chosen out for this iteration of Nightmare Celestia? Solar Flare is a classic, but - though I realize I'm kinda' tooting my own horn - I'm rather fond of Corona. Just Corona. It's simple and to the point, and it means "crown," which is awesome.
Please don't use Daymare Sun, the term "daymare" makes me sad for a number of reasons.
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5754703 Solar Flare? Corona? Solar Corona? Corona Flare? Decisions decisions...
I really like the dynamic between Sunset and Trixie you have going in this chapter.
Okay, this is gonna be a long comment so I'm sorry and you're free to ignore anything I say. I wanna start off by saying I really enjoy reading this and I cannot wait to see what happens! I have so many questions about the Mane Six I'm gonna diiiie! Any particular reason you decided to have Twilight teach, and exactly what was her motivation to move there if not for the study of friendship? Why does Pinkie run a candy store if her canon job would (at least from my point of view) still make sense? Assuming Fluttershy runs the clinic why does she all of a sudden treat ponies as well as animals? AND I'M DYING TO KNOW ABOUT RAINBOW DASH
Anyways I'm sure you're gonna answer those questions in the story, haha, just felt like writing them down so I figured the comments section would work. At any rate, love the ideas and I cannot wait to see how things will unfold (if you couldn't already figure that one out, lol).
Okay, here come the critiques. Know I don't mean to come off as a know-it-all or butthole but there are a few things I'd really like to address from a writer's point of view. So if you're not looking for critiques feel free to just ignore all this. Okie dokie, let's begin!
If I were you I'd avoid using the word "appraise" so often. It's a lovely word but my head almost exploded from having to read it almost three times in succession the previous chapter, haha. Don't take this the wrong way but "appraise" as a word has a pretty specific definition, sometimes you use it in ways that don't make much sense to me, and I'm not trying to say you don't know what you're doing or you don't know what "appraise" means, but I think it's a bit unclear to us as an audience at times. Besides the nit picking on definitions it is also a decent idea from an artistic point of view. Writing is really made colourful by the use of synonyms and creative wording. For example, instead of "Sunset's eyes followed Applejack for several moments before appraising the town", you could say "Sunset's eyes follow Applejack for several moments before assessing the town". Another example would be, instead of "... Sunset's side, trying to appraise the sun"; "... Sunset's side, trying to examine the sun".
Another small nit pick I have is Sunset's first observation of AJ is that she speaks with a mix of an Apploosan and Manehatten accent. But the way you write her voice comes off as very canon AJ. Considering the description of her voice I'd made the conclusion that AJ must've been brought up (or mostly brought up) in Manehatten. Thus the way she speaks in general would be pretty altered considering her aunt and uncle were upperclass ponies and were conditioning her to act as they did. The way I would try to convey this would be: “So you're Trixie? Ah didn't get the chance to see your show last time you were in Ponyville. Anyways, Ah've been looking for you.”. My reasoning is that AJ would have been told to pronunciate her words fully, high English doesn't shorten words and sometimes may even frown upon contractions. But since AJ still has that country girl in her I expect her to use contractions and her birth accent would probably come out on softer sounds like "I".
At any rate it's totally a nit pick and I'm certain you have your reasons behind why AJ speaks as she does. My opinion is that her Manehatten side doesn't show very well as it is but yeah. Sorry if that came off weirdly, I figured on the off chance you weren't sure how to convey the Manehatten mix an example might help, but I didn't assume that was the case. I like being thorough <.<.
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You're not the first one to point that out. Guess I can't help it, but I'll try to take note of it.
I've appraised the first two chapters and replaced some uses of the word with other words.
Yep, I honestly don't know how to write a Manehatten accent, so your example was useful!
Answers are coming soon™.
I've come to really enjoy your series (even if it's only 2 stories right now) and just like every good story I tend to find I can't wait for more. :D
Keep writing my friend, and may you never lose the spark that got you started. :)
Now things get really interesting. I wonder if the fact that Sunset was jimmying around with the sun has anything to do with Fusion Blast escaping? It is kind of ridiculous that Luna keeps the timing of her on-stage performance a secret, but I do love the idea of her being needlessly secretive. Did Luna even have a prophecy warning her of the return of Stellar Gasses?
Oh, and it's good to see that since Twilight moved in to Ponyville full time before she saved the world, she has to actually earn her keep on a daily basis by teaching the kids, and not just faff about doing research projects while Spike runs the library.
Oh hey a thing happened.
Characters still feel really flat. Trixie needs more snark, Sunset needs more sarcasm, Twilight needs more crazy.
The correct response is.
"I HAVE, THE SUN, ON MY, ASS!"
Again terrible mayor.
Her primary job is to tell people things are fine when they aren't so people will go back to their lives so that things will become fine.
I swear, if I live through this series, it will be a miracle. But just picture the tombstone: 'Here lies FlameSwordedLink. He died from laughter and too much adorablness.'
Ok i just noticed important about twilight's character that's changed that i feel dumb for not noticing and want to give props where it's due.
Twilight who learns the magic of friendship at a younger age Idolizes Clover the Clever, Not Starswirl the Bearded.
From this moment on, I will read Pinkie's lines in Mentally Advanced Pinkie's voice, yes.
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Okay first off? How dare you. Second, you're wrong, not just about this, but on a fundamental level of your being. Third, I have written extensively about why you're wrong in this particular instance.
For starters, "cheating"? They gave their express permission for Applejack's friends to participate. There was no cheating there. They even proceeded to win the competition, so it's not like they were bitter about losing when they tried to take more than what winning legally entitled them to. But even before that, they were trying to con AJ by selling something for way more than it was worth. They were, flat out, dishonest. Oh, sure, the product worked as advertised, but they grossly misrepresented what it was actually worth, financially, and Applejack didn't fall for it. They were also trying to lever the Apples into accepting through a combination of sneaky tactics, including turning public opinion against them.
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And who are you entering a conversation that you've never posted in before and arn't even evolved in
Ohh so they know that the sixth elment is magic in this one, hm interesting choice, anyway I can't wait to see how they fare against shadow flare (by the way love the nursery rhymes they are awesome
) so we got 4 possible elements of harmony, I wonder who the other 2 will be
An audience with the Sun herself? I hope you pick your words carefully, Sunset. Or else...
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Question: Why did Luna not jut ask Twilight to come to Canterlot or a place closer to Canterlot? How did Shadow blitz know where sunset was when she sent by Shadow flare?
I kind of don't like that Trixie is this stupid. It was cute as a kid, but not remembering your teacher has a crazy sister is not really good.
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There are places closer to Canterlot than Ponyville? Luna didn't want her students in Canterlot when she fought her sister, so sending Sunset away makes sense?
Or would you rather the story not have anything to do with Ponyville?
Shadow Blitz knew where Sunset was because of Shadow Flare. All Shadow Flare had to say was Ponyville, and Blitz could wing the rest. The library was where she ended up because she happens to be familiar with Twilight Sparkle for ... reasons.
In hindsight, that was a poor choice on my part. I'm so sorry about that.
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Depending on how huge Canterlot is she could of had Sunset At the base of the mountain and fought sunset at the top Or she could have take Celestia out of the city.(and not risk civilians.) The real reason this bothers me is because you started this story in Canterlot had them go to Ponyville only to return to Canterlot. It seems like a giant waste of time having the go to ponyville especially since they left gaining nothing they couldn't have have had come to them.
Oh and I forgot to add this In my original questions, but why is rainbow listening to her? I mean This is like the whole canterlot thing It seems like she's just going in a circle. Rainbow dash fought Celestia with the other shadow bolts, only to then do an errand for her, to now once again fight Celestia (and die). Unless Rainbow is hypnotized, being blackmailed (via hostage) or evil it makes no sense why she would go instead of continuing to fight.
5774178 Shadow Flare: "You want to be banished with your princess? Then deliver my message."
Great
