Let's Go Idiots!
Sunset Shimmer's life was over. Oh sure, she was still breathing, but that was just a technicality. 'You know, if everyone assumes I'm evil is there really not a reason to use dark magic now? It would certainly help me survive.' 'Except that kinda of defeats the point of having given it up all these years, and make everyone's hatred of me justified.' 'So I'm just going to lay here and wait for something to eat me? That's stupid!' 'It's called dying with dignity, and it'll probably hurt way less than an angry mob.' Sunset reasoned with herself as she lay belly up, limbs splayed out, eyes closed, waiting for the end. She figured the others would never believe her, warlocks were notorious liars and Twilight would be able to detect the taint in her system if she put any effort into it, and there was no way Shimmer was getting out of this death forest on her own. She was physically and magically exhausted to the point where she probably couldn't have made it to the local grocery store. Sunset Shimmer was going to die, either at the hooves of an angry mob or eaten by a monster. And so she found a clearing, lay down, and waited for the inevitable.
This way at least when the others rescued Celestia they would be spared the guilt of having killed her in fear. She'd probably get a nice eulogy, and dying on a quest to save the princess would probably get her a snazzy memorial and her cutie mark on the five bit coin...or at least the bit coin...maybe the jangle if she was lucky. Celestia probably liked her enough to at least do that if she died on a quest to save her. The memorial was a given at least; Celestia was a big softie like that. So Sunset stayed there waiting. And waiting. And waiting. "Boy, for a forest full of monsters you'd think one would have found me by now."
"That's what you're doing out here?! Are you insane?!"
Snapping her eyes open, Sunset looked straight into the gems of Masquerade, the pegasus hovering directly over her. "Please don't kill me." Sunset really didn't want that weighing on the actor's conscience.
Masquerade looked thoroughly confused however. "So wait, you want to get eaten by a monster, but you don't want to get killed?" Flopping down on the grass next to the confused unicorn, the twinkle eyed pony rolled her eyes. "And here I thought I was kidding about the crazy. So you have, like, a really specific death wish or something?"
"What? No! I just, it's just..." Rolling away from the pegasus Sunset sighed. "Look, you wouldn't understand."
Mask smiled. "Try me. Go on, we're the only two ponies in the entire glen. If you've got a good reason, I promise not to laugh." Her smile turned into a smirk. "You do have a good reason right? Cause it would kind of suck if you got yourself killed for a stupid reason."
Sunset sighed. "You did hear what Steven said right?"
"That nonsense about you being a warlock? Phhh, molt was just making fun of you back for that metrosexual comment." Masquerade said, motioning with her hoof as if the brush it off. "I mean, it's not like you really are one right?" The silence that resulted was quite possibly the loudest in history. "Huh, I figured if any student of Celestia was going to be secretly evil, it'd be Twilight. Star and night theme. Dark colors. Dragon familiar. The brightly colored sun one is a great twist!"
"Oh bloody Tartarus my being a warlock is not some plot twist in some stupid play!" Sunset shouted, getting up to face her tormentor with a ferocious glare. "It was the worst mistake I ever made in my life and nothing I ever do is going to make up for it."
"Ah." Mask said, nodding sagely. "So you were one in the past. Let me guess." Suddenly she stood up, making dramatic poses to go along with her epic narration. "The evil warlock, Sunset Shimmer, having had her evil army of the undead defeated, begged Celestia to spare her! Celestia, being the ever kind Alicorn, does more and takes Sunset Shimmer under her wings in order to teach her how to use her incredible powers for heroic ends!"
Sunset just raised an eyebrow. "An undead army? Really? Something like that would get noticed. And if I was that far gone, there's no way Celestia would have taken me on as an apprentice." It was a nice dramatic idea, but her life wasn't that crazy.
Masquerade was apparently undeterred however, as she instantly launched into a new intro. "Sunset Shimmer, unknowingly apprenticed to an evil unicorn warlock, learns of his plans to take over the world. Taking this information to Celestia, the forces of good were able to defeat the evil warlock! As a reward for her heroics, Sunset Shimmer became one of Celestia's prized pupils!"
"Oh I wish it was something that good. My whole thing is stupid." Really, something that heroic would have been something for Sunset to have been proud of.
"Sunset Shimmer, very hungry one day, accidentally uses dark magic to make an evil sandwich, which she then ate." Seeing the unicorns incredulous stare at that one, she just shrugged. "Well it was the best stupid idea I could come up with. Plus, I'm hungry, so food is kinda what's on my mind."
Sunset couldn't help it. Letting out a few chuckles at first, before breaking out into laughter, and then finally laughing out of control while rolling around on her back. Finally after a few seconds she calmed down. "That...that...that's just I don't even...oh I feel a lot better now."
"I try." Mask said as she sat back down. "Now, do you feel like talking about it?"
Sunset, sighing, rolled back up to sit next to her companion. "I don't know, you'd probably think it's stupid. And it's a bit of a long story."
"Hey, I love stories. I'm an actor." Mask said. "Plus, you seem like a very smart pony to me. I highly doubt you're dumb, so I doubt I'd find what you did stupid." Seeing Sunset hesitating still, she nudged the unicorn. "Aww come on, we've got all night. No, seriously, we have ALL night. I'd like to get back to the quest to fix that sometime soon."
"Alright fine." Sunset sighed, wondering where exactly to begin. "So, how much do you know about me?"
"Your name is Sunset Shimmer. You curse a lot, your mane is red and yellow, you have the same colors for your sun cutie mark, you curse a lot, you are one of Celestia's students, you curse a lot, and you didn't sell your soul for a sandwich. I think that last bit is the most important."
Chuckling a bit at the attempt at levity, she began again. "Alright, so I might as well start from the beginning, or at least as much as I know. I was left in a basket on the front porch of an orphanage in Canterlot. And no, there was no note, locket, mysterious birthmark, or odd object with me." she added in an annoyed undertone, attempting to cut off any comparisons the actor might make between her life's story and any cliche ones that might cross her mind. Masquerade however had a very serious look on her face and just motioned for her to continue. "Right. Well, despite some of the horror stories you might hear, the orphanage wasn't bad. The staff was overworked and understaffed, but with Celestia in charge of the system it was definitely well funded. Food, doctor's visits, toys on Hearths Warming. The only things really missing were birthdays, cause that was too much work for only one foal, and of course parents. See, here is the thing they don't tell people. There are a couple golden ages where you're most likely to get adopted. Newborn, because you're just adorable and everypony loves babies. And ages four to six because you're old enough to understand rules, are basically pre-trained, and are still cute while skipping over the wailing baby and fussy toddler stages. As you get older, your chances drop. Once you hit your teens, you're practically guaranteed to be a lifer. Staying in the system until you're an adult and they have to kick you out."
"From the sound of how this is going, I'm guessing you were a lifer." Masquerade noted. Unlike most, she didn't sound sorry to hear it, or condescending, or cruel. She was just stating a fact.
"Sort of. Okay here's the thing, older orphans tend to be bitter. The ones that used to have parents they knew are extra nasty. The ones that lose their parents in their teens are the worst. The next part of my story starts when I got transferred to a shelter for the older kids. Fewer staff, more problem kids, not a nice picture. Nopony wants to be surrounded by dozens of moody teens. So naturally they can't do anything to curb the bullying when, say, a thirteen year old blank flank is transferred in."
"You were a blank flank at thirteen?" Masquerade couldn't help but blurt out in shock. And why not? The average pony got it around ages eight to ten, with some late bloomers not getting it till they were twelve or so.
"And at fourteen. And fifteen. Yeah, nopony there had ever heard of somepony going that long before either. They actually called in a doctor to make sure I didn't have some weird illness or disorder or something." Sunset snorted, looking grimly amused. "You know, at the time I actually kind of hoped I was sick, so I'd have an excuse and then all the other kids would feel bad for laughing at me. But the doctor couldn't find anything wrong with me, except that the needle in his mana gauge must have been broken, because it was detecting no changes in my mana levels even after he had me cast a battery of simple spells." She smirked. "Remember that, it'll be important later."
Masquerade nodded. "Right, Checkbox's Sword." Seeing Sunset's confused look, she explained. "When you're telling a story, you don't include the unimportant details. If there is a sword on the mantle in act one, somepony better be stabbed in act three. Basically, if it's not important to the story, you don't bring it up. Like you didn't mention the doctor's name, but you mentioned the mana gauge, because one was important to the story and the other wasn't. So, why wasn't the needle moving?"
"Right well, that leads into my cutie mark, and my becoming Celestia's first student in over a century." Sunset smirked a little as Masquerade leaned in closer to listen more intently. "I didn't think the needle was broken, because I wasn't feeling tired at all. So I started practicing magic more and more on my own, and found that I was good at it. Like, really good. And I wasn't getting all that tired, I had a huge mana reserve. So I started showing off to the other kids, and they liked it. Not enough to be my friend, but enough to stop picking on the "bank flank supreme". Then I decided after a couple days of showing off to hit the local parks, pass the hat and earn a few bits of my own. Kids loved what I could do, and my reserves meant I could put on shows for a long time before I got too tired, so I was actually making a decent chunk of change. First thing I bought was some more basic spell books. I still didn't know what my talent was, so I wanted to see what spells I could and couldn't do. Over the next couple of weeks I found that I could learn any spell just as well as the others. I was old enough to realize that this meant I was a magic talent. I'm not sure if you know how big a deal that is."
"It means you're a unicorn that's good at casting spells." Mask said, clearly not getting what Sunset was hinting at.
"That's...mostly right. It's a lot more impressive than that. It's...it's like if a pegasus had a special talent for weather...just weather. Every single type of weather comes easy to them and they are a master of it. Storms, clouds, winds, lightning, snow, sunny days, fog, you name it they can do it masterfully at the level of the more specialized pegasi in the Weather Patrol." Seeing Masquerade's jaw drop, Sunset nodded and continued "Most unicorns don't just know only a few spells, that's sometimes all they can learn. The less related to your special talent a spell is, the more difficult it is to learn, until you hit the point where it is impossible. It's why, despite the stereotype, most unicorns know actually jack all about magic because, since they can't really use the stuff that doesn't come naturally to them, they never bother learning how it actually bloody works. Magic talents like me and Twilight, we can learn any spell if we study long enough. Magic talents are rare, I think we're the only two in all of Canterlot. It's a big deal. So yeah, I figured that out as a kid and was ecstatic, but I didn't have my Cutie Mark yet. So I realized that there was more to my talent than that, some extra facet I hadn't figured out yet. I looked up some previous magic talents in history, just to see what their little quirks were. "Magic used to help others", "Magic to find glory", "Magic for the love of magic itself", "Magical power to rule", all sorts of stuff. None of them really fit me though. Then one day while I was resting after a big, extra elaborate performance, I realized something. I was recharging my mana while awake...which is something that shouldn't happen. A little bit of experimenting later, and I figured it out." Assuming a standing position, she showed off her mark, a two toned sun. "I regain my magical energy while under the sun. "Magic fueled by the sun." So I got my mark. Less than a week later a disguised Celestia saw my act, recognized what I was, and made me her student. Just in time for my sixteenth birthday when I became an adult. The palace has the best birthday cake ever."
Masquerade actually stamped her front hooves a bit in applause. "That was incredible! Best cutie mark story ever! But you skipped the part where you did...dark...oh my Celestia. As her student!?"
Sitting back down, Sunset heaved a sigh. "Yeah. You have to understand, it wasn't right away or anything. The first couple of years were good. Then...I started to get impatient. I wanted more power right then and there, and I felt Celestia was holding me back. See, when I got found by Celestia it was because I was special at magic. It was also why the kids in the orphanage stopped ganging up on me. I had tied up a lot of my self image in my magical prowess. And once I could actually see how far down the mountain I was, I desperately wanted to get to the top to be worth something." Seeing the actor giving her a probing look, Sunset blushed. "I...might have had a couple sessions with a therapist about it a few years ago. Anyway, so yeah, I was obsessed with power and felt that Celestia was holding me back. So I started cracking open forbidden tomes and experimenting with dark magic. The rush of power was, well, I can't even describe it. Even after all these years I still miss the rush on occasion. Anyway a few month later one of the guards catches me and brings me before Celestia. I was expecting her to yell at me, lecture me, tell me I was no longer her student, or even banish me from Equestria. Instead, she did something far far worse. She broke down crying and apologized."
"Wait what!?" a voice cried out fom the brush.
Sunset turned, startled. "Rainbow Dash? How long have you been listening?"
"Rainbow Dash, who's Rainbow Dash? I am a magical talking bush. Because magic. Beep beep." The silence that greeted that spoke volumes. "...since the beginning. Mask figured you'd be more comfortable talking one on one, so she told us to stay hidden."
"Us? How many of you are there?"
"Um, all'a us." Applejack admitted as the group walked out from behind the rather large bush and into the clearing. Applejack had the decency to look ashamed at spying, while Sweetie and Rainbow looked more concerned about Sunset. Twilight was impossible to read, she looked lost in thought.
Shooting a glare at Masquerade, Sunset wished for just a moment that she was still evil so she could actually do something. "Only two ponies here huh?"
"No, I said it was only us two in the clearing. The other's were behind a bush, I just didn't mention that part." Masquerade said, a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "Anyway, you might as well finish your story."
Sighing in defeat, Sunset sat down. "Might as well. Yeah, Celestia broke down into tears and apologized that she failed me so much that I turned to dark magic instead of her. She wanted to know what she had done that was so wrong that she hurt me that much. She, she was apologizing for hurting me. I was the one who betrayed her, and here she was saying it was all her fault because she didn't listen to me. I was expecting her to be self righteous but that, I was so unprepared for it that I broke instantly. I realized just how horrible what I was doing truly was, and to a pony that loved me so much she apologized when I betrayed her. I broke down crying and, well, we talked about a lot of things. So I wound up on probation for a bit, saw a therapist specializing in dark magic cases for a while, and well things went mostly back to normal. And that brings us up to now basically."
The group was silent, until finally Twilight spoke up. "When was this, and who knew?"
Sunset blinked. Out of all of them, she expected Celestia's ever faithful student to hate her. "Um, it actually happened a few months before you were brought in...not as my replacement if that's what you're thinking! Celestia made that very clear to me before she finalized things if that's what you're worried about. Um, not that many ponies know actually, Celestia said I had a right to privacy. Um, my therapist knew obviously, so did the guard, Tin Shield, that found me. Um, the royal physician Dr. Caduceus so he could check on me for any side effects, monitor my taint levels, and other such stuff. Oh and...Shining Armor for security reasons. Yeah, that's kind of the reason your brother never liked me."
"That's, I, how, gah!" Twilight shouted, stomping around the clearing. A unicorn stomping was always funny looking by other tribes standards. Their small, light hoves hardly disturbed any dirt as their long legs gracefully moved them around like they were dancing in small leaps, their tails sticking straight up in the air.
To another unicorn however, it was an impressive and slightly scary display of anger. "I'm sorry I betrayed Cel-Princess Celestia! Please don't hurt me." Sunset asked, dropping to her belly and covering her eyes with her tail tuft, a sign of total surrender for any unicorn.
"What no I-I'm not mad at you Sunset. Really, I promise." Twilight said, her voice calm and reassuring. Seeing her fellow "student of the sun" move her tail and glance at her, she cracked out her best smile. "You have nothing to worry about. My brother on the other hoof..."
"He was sworn to secrecy, he couldn't tell you. Don't get mad at him because of me, family shouldn't fight!"
"No, that's not why I'm mad." Twilight said, shaking her head. "I'm mad because he sort of broke his word." Seeing everypony's confused looks, she elaborated. "He was always telling me to stay away from you because you were a bad influence, a bad role model, dangerous to be around. I...misinterpreted a lot of what he meant, but he was crossing the line. Princess Celestia swore him to secrecy so that nopony would judge you for your past actions. He told me things to try and get me to dislike you because of what you did without breaking he word of his agreement. But in doing so, he trampled over the spirit of the order. That you get a second chance." Reaching out her own hoof, she offered Sunset a hoof up.
Taking it, Sunset stood unsteadily. "So...so none of you hate me for what I did?"
To her surprise, everypony else chimed in with a chorus of "No!" "Nuh uh!" "Course not sugarcube!" "Not at all!" "We cool!" and other assurances.
Masquerade walked over and draped a wing over Sunset's side. "Though I have to say, you were right, it was kind of a dumb reason." Seeing a few glares directed her way, she cracked a smile. "Ahh don't get too mad, that's just your crowning moment of stupidity, everypony has one."
"My what?" Sunset asked, baffled beyond all reason.
"Crowning moment of stupidity, that one thing you did that totally proves that, underneath everything, you're an idiot. Everypony has one because deep deep down I truly, honestly believe that everypony is an idiot. Take me for example!" Masquerade said as she flew up a bit, pointing at her gems. "When I got these I flipped out so much at everything once I woke up after surgery that I made a total idiot out of myself. I kept asking what everything was, and the nurses kept saying what the object was. I couldn't seem to annunciate that I wanted to know visual qualities. Like color, shininess, dark and light. The nurses thought I flipped my lid at first before my doctor finally came in and told them they were being idiots, I was born blind so I didn't know what things were visually. He then got me to sit down and go over some flash cards to get me up to speed on colors, light and dark, bright and dull, that sort of deal. I was so excited that it wasn't till later that I realized how badly I handled everything. Hence, I'm an idiot. If you need example B, I willingly walked into the Everfree at night." Seeing several of the others laugh at her antics, she smiled. "Okay, sharing time! Everypony's crowning moment of stupidity! Me and Sunset shared, it's only fair. We could all use a good laugh after all the drama."
The other ponies looked uncertain for a moment, before Sweetie Drops stepped forward. "Well one time I got my special somepony, a unicorn, a hoof file." Sunset and Twilight winced. They could see where this was going. "So yeah, didn't know your tribe doesn't file their hooves but their horn. And hoof files are a lot rougher than horn files so...yeah she had to wear an ice pack for a few days. It was the worst birthday present ever."
"Wait, a few days? How did she hurt her horn that badly?" Sunset asked. She was actually more surprised at the intertribal relationship than the same gender one. After all, the second was a lot more common, and had a lot less unspoken social pressures.
"Well see, the thing is...she was also an idiot. She didn't want to admit I got her a bad present, so she kept using it to file her whole horn. We both had a good laugh at how dumb it was afterward." Sweetie explained, chuckling as the other girls joined in.
"Last year's apple buckin' season." AJ supplied, making the locals have a huge laughing fit. Looking at the two unicorns from Canterlot, Applejack blushed deeply and said "It'd take a while to tell it all, but trust me, I was the biggest darn fool in all of Equestria fer a week."
"Nah, biggest idiot in Equestria has got to be me." Dash exclaimed. "And before you make the joke Mask, haha I am so competitive I have to win a stupidity contest. Now it uh, it involves my cutie mark. I was kind of a jerk getting it. I mean I was still awesome, but I kind of also messed up at the same time, so whenever I look at it I'm reminded of how cool and awesome I am, but it's also kind of a slice of humble pie you know?" Seeing the others look down a little, Rainbow put on a goofy face. "MMMM, pie." That got a few laughs. "Yo, egghead junior, you're up!"
"Um, what? Oh uh..." Twilight rambled, having apparently been lost in thought. "Probably the Book Fort Penington incident."
"Book fort?" Rainbow asked, clearly confused about the idea.
"Yes, it's like a block or pillow fort but made out of books. And before you ask I did name all of them. Anyway I had just finished Penington when I realized that one of the books was one I had never read before, so I decided to take it out and read it. From the bottom of a corner. While I was inside the book fort. You can guess what happened." Seeing everone's smiles, she grinned herself as she continued "So yeah it fell on me, I was fine but you should have heard me shout! "Augh! Knowledge, why have you betrayed me?"" Chuckling alongside her audiance, Twilight delivered the finishing blow. "The best part, the best part was...the book was on architecture."
Everypony wound up laughing for a good while after that. Sunset found herself flopped on her back, gasping for breath. "That, that...hoo. Thanks guys, I really needed that."
"Yes, that was a great idea you had Masquerade. How did you know?" Sweetie asked.
The pegasus smiled. "I'm an actor. I know how to keep my audience happy, and that the best way to balance out drama is with a few laughs. But you all do know what this means right?" Seeing everyone's confused looks, she cracked a grin. "It means Nightmare Moon is going to get her flank kicked by a bunch of idiots! Who's with me!?" Everypony got pumped up at that, shouting confirmations and joy.
Sunset felt better than she had in a long, long time. "Buck yeah she will! We've got a world to save! Let's go idiots!"
****************
They had tried to soldier on, really, but it had been a very long and exhausting night, both physically and emotionally. On top of that, none of them had slept yesterday in traditional anticipation of the dawn ( or due to downstairs party in the unicorns' case). As such not half an hour later they had all flopped down, asleep in a cuddle pile, instinctively huddling close together for warmth and safety.
As such none of them noticed the dark blue mist that slowly filled the forest trail where they slept...
Stats
Page generated in 0.069 seconds
Total duration
1,075 users online
1,952,620 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Wow, loved those crowning moments of idiocy, especially Twilight's.
And love that extra information about how the world works.
Cool explanation!
Ugh. Barring some kind of intervention (perhaps Elemental) that gives her 40 years to get her full mana supply back.
5400518 Yeo, it was Twilight asking "what" there in response to everyone's stares.
You know, when I first realized Masquerade represents Laughter at the Evil Sandwich comment, I thought it was rather forced and sudden. After a brief period of furious reflection however, I noticed Masquerade was always the one to make me chuckle. Well done in writing this chapter, mister Bunny Picture!
The phrase you're looking for is role model. Unless Shining Armor just has a very peculiar fondness for bread products.
5400695 Forced and sudden? What made you feel that way initially? I'm curious as a writer.
5401732 "They see me rolling, they hating, cause all them guard know I'm casting dirty!" lol anyway thanks, I'll fix that.
Inset complaint here
You're doing a sunset story, the one time in canon sunset touches dark magic she bawls her eyes out in -pain-(then is turned into a monster), but to sunset herself it's a horrible violation of who she is.
Whereas in canon twilight does use it without it problems on multiple occasions.
Also why is twilight more powerful than sunset? She's massively younger than the canon and is supposed to be less powerful than her with unicorn magic in canon(Albeit probably more breadth.).
Also with the age disparity how are they supposed to forge a truly meaningful friendship?
I have come to the decision to add this to my recommendation group.
5402243 1) I am using expanded cannon, which includes the comics. It is from the comics that I coppied the incident of a random guard discovering her and taking her before Celestia. Everything after that is different.
2) Twilight having a lot of raw power is a large part of her character. She has a lot of power, but she is scared of using it.
Also, from a design perspective, it's a counter to Sunset's recharge mechanic. Without some way to comparison favorably to Sunset, Twilight would seem vastly redundant. Since I didn't want to slap an extra ability onto Twilight, I just upped her raw power potential and watched her go World of Cardboard.
3) Friends can have massive age gaps. I have a good friend who is literally over a decade older than me. He's a cool guy. Friendship transcends age.
You know what, I really, really love this AU. It's so heartfelt and has some really nice world building mixed in, as well as some awesome dialogue. Masquerade has to be my favorite so far, well, besides Sunset Shimmer, but that's because she's my fav pony. {Tied with Cadance.} It seems we found the Element of Laughter.
I lol'd. Hard.
GIANT WALL OF TEXT CRITS YOU FOR 9999; YOU DIE.
5402348 First, I want to say that I am greatly enjoying this story. The characters are interesting and the deviations from canon are creating a greatly enjoyable experience.
I try not to let canon or my headcanon interfere with enjoying a story. Sadly, I have spotted one detail that caught my attention in a negative way.
Here is the math: if Sunset is only able to use 20% of her magic because of the taint, then she is naturally 5 times stronger than a normal unicorn without factoring in her recharging ability. The idea that Sunset is five times stronger than normal unicorns is entirely reasonable. If Twilight is twice as strong as her, that would only put Twilight at the strength of 10 unicorns.
Here is the problem I see with that. Canon Unicorn Twilight seems to posses way more than ten times the magical muscle than normal unicorns. Twilight is in show canon demonstrated to be about as powerful as something between several tons of directed TNT or several dozen tons of directed TNT, minimum. You said that Sunset can teleport "more than twice" a day if she has a three minute recharge period. Twilight rapid-fire teleports with increasing frequency with only seconds of recharge. Lifting the Ursa Minor demonstrated incredible magical strength. What's more, Twilight caught her breath within seconds of that exertion. Even if we assume that the Ursa is made of something weightless, like magic, Twilight still lifted the water tower. Judging by the sounds it made, that thing is made of metal. Metal is heavy. To give an idea of how heavy it would be, the Longshot from The Legend of Zelda has a mass of something like eighty-six kilograms (189 lbs) if it was made of steel. That water tower would have weighed in at several tons on its own. Now lift a full 1-gallon milk carton. It is heavy enough that it could serve as a crude set of weights if used repeatedly the way you would use actual dumbbells. The milk that ended up filling the tower would have put it in at many more tons.
You are implying that a mere ten unicorns have the strength to lift a bunch of SUV's and carry them a distance of what might have been several miles with their magic. That puts either normal unicorns as tremendously OP even with their lack of learning ability (telekinesis is known to all and is terrifying if used properly), or your math is wrong.
Or Twilight's real magical strength is drawn from an inexhaustible outside source, such as the Element of Magic. That would require a very deep connection between Twilight and the Element that would... actually make a fair amount of sense given that she can Purify Nightmare and reverse Discord's brainwashing and chaos on her own before turning him to stone and do it so subtly that his ability to sense magic didn't detect it.
Or she is the Element of Magic given flesh and the normal 'ten times stronger than normal unicorns' thing is her holding back on a spiritual level so that she does not warp reality by existing. Which would mean that even if she got over her 'World of Cardboard' issue and used the 'full' strength of ten unicorns, she would still be under the 'World of Cardboard' with her full goddess level magic. Which would make her a benevolent Eldritch Abomination that is actively trying to avoid exploding the brains of everypony around her. The times she demonstrates more than ten unicorns worth of strength were when she forgot herself. I am actually writing a story that has that as a plot detail.
Tl;dr. Having the strength of ten unicorns hardly seems like a good reason to go full 'World of Cardboard'. There needs to be more to it than that. She may have the power of a nuclear bomb with the capacity to level a city, and then do it again to another city. That is still within reason for Twilight. As another story said, "She could level a city if she sneezes the wrong way."
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/282/9/c/beep_by_mr_1-d4cc69q.png
5402243 When did EQG state that unicorn Twilight is weaker than Sunset? Age probably means very little in terms of power except at puberty and when the age difference is in decades or centuries.
Celestia stated that Twilight has more raw ability than any unicorn that has lived in Celestia's 1000+ year life. That would make Twilight stronger than Sunset. Twilight is probably less skilled because she is constantly holding back to prevent Canterlot/Ponyville from being destroyed. This prevents her from actually gaining the full level of experience she should have.
I wonder if Sunset Shimmer's magic would be compromised by the light of a red star (Since she's basically a magic pony Superman...)
5400465
One does have to take the consequences of their mistakes. Sunset's recovery may be a long road, but it's one that I would cheer for her all the way on.
Very nice chapter, here. Great to see you updating. Wonderful tale of Sunset's sorta-fall and climb back up. and Twilight stamping like that is quite adorable. :D I love their idiotic moments, too.
I think this may be my favorite chapter in the story. I just love every part of it.
But dang, I had no idea most of the characters were so young in your headcanon. Granted, it makes sense in hindsight that in a less technologically advanced setting where special talents typically manifest themselves at a young age, (thus requiring less formal education for the bulk of the population, with more apprenticeships and on-the-job training, I imagine) ponies would be considered to reach a point where they're entrusted with adult responsibilities in their early teens. Still, Rainbow Dash being thirteen threw me for a loop.
5407941 Indeed. Any journey worth taking isn't easy.
That is completely plausible.
Checkhov's Gun, Ponified. Seems legit.
Sunset Shimmer is a banker apparently.
-SYA, The Horse
Bwahahahahahhahahhahahahahahaha. Argh I can't breathe! Hahahahahahaha. Help mee... heee heeee heee h... *dead*
5505597 Ah no, not another corpse!
5506182 Did you decide to change Sweetie's sexual preference or did you accidentally type she instead of he and just go with it afterwards?
Opps, got mask and sweetie mixed up.
5528945 ...are you new to the fandom?
Well so far this story is fairly good. I am concerned now about your OC. I don't have a problem with OCs especially if they are well done, but your OC is starting to actually steal the spotlight now and taking over in some ways. I felt this chapter was a bit of a missed opportunity. It was nice hearing about Sunset's past and I loved that part. The crowning moments of stupidity were funny as well, but it the fact your genre savvy comedic relief OC which they just met was the one that had the heart to heart with Sunset kind of threw me off.
It really felt like Twilight should have been the one to have that with her. The two of them have been together for about five years. Both of them have mistakes they made in the past they really regret and kept to themselves. You have even said in your author's notes that Twilight is like Celestia and Sunset is like Luna, which further shows you want them to have a sisterly relationship. Twilight also could actually relate to Sunset for real instead of using "story knowledge" as a basis.
I am not going to use a certain word, because I still feel Mask can be saved from going there, but I will list certain aspects about them. Mask is a special pony in more than one sense. You have her born blind and given sight. She is genre savvy and the comedic relief. She is also the only one not affected by the dark magic that attacked everyone else. She is the first to call out Ponyville on their prejudice. She at least isn't as awesome as Rainbow Dash, but it feels this is only because you don't want them to be seen as too awesome to be realistic.
Mask is also the only OC element. Mask is the one that confronts and comforts Sunset, as I said before. Mask is also the one that gets the "true friend moment" by telling her own "Crowning moment of Stupidity" first and then prompts the others to follow suit. Mask is taken seriously while you do more often than not make jokes of both Sunset and Twilight. Mask is more or less untouchable because it "would be mean to make fun of the handicapped pony despite her not wanting special treatment". I could probably go on, but hopefully you see what I am talking about.
I don't have a problem with your OC being a main character since you are doing a different elements story and half of them are new. It is nice and interesting, but Mask is getting to be a little too much of everything and more or less perfect compared to the others. At least I'm fairly sure you won't end up having her ascend instead or something like that. She could be a really good character and fun if you back off with her a little bit and don't have her be the solver of all things emotional and the one to always lighten the mood.
OCs can be good, but in fanfics that star actual main characters from the universe they shouldn't be the one pulling focus the most often. You don't even have this tagged as an OC main character story. Your OC is more of a main character than Sweetie Drops, Rainbow, and AJ.
The thing is your OC is the only problem I see in the story apart from some spelling errors, but that isn't something that usually gets to me because I am far from perfect in that respect. One thing I thought you did really well was how you had Sunset and Twilight divide up the work. I liked the "I'm sorry" contest Sunset and Fluttershy had. It might have been too much if Fluttershy was going to be a huge character in the story, but she isn't so it worked well. I also liked how you did change up the trials they have faced so far on their journey into the forest. The way you have the Steve Magnet part resolved was a nice touch.
Another thing that is pretty good is Sunset's on going battle with herself. I like this because it isn't a problem instantly solved kind of thing. She delved into some serious stuff and without the Elements purging her of the taint it makes sense she would still be battling it. I was kind of hoping to see a stronger bond between Sunset and Twilight. It doesn't have to be shipping but I was hoping it would be there, but maybe that is something that gets worked out further in this universe. Unfortunately, if it still seems that Mask, your OC, will continue to take up more of the spotlight than the others and Twilight and Sunset still seem to be jokes than anything else. I am not sure if I will want to read too many stories in an otherwise very interesting universe, because it would be too much for me to enjoy.
I will at least finish this story though, because apart from what I mentioned about Mask I am enjoying the story and it still seems to have a lot of promise in my books.
5557201 Masquerade is...an odd character in that I didn't technically invent her, I just updated her. Masquerade is an old G1twinkleeyed pony. As such she was blind and did have her eyes replaced with gems, was a yellow Pegasus with a tri-colored mane, etc. this is just a G4 version of her.
Also, the reason she dodged the spell, as revealed in a couple of chapters, is that she has difficulty seeing illusions, since her sense of sight is artificial and desnt work quite like normal vision. As she notes, this is kind of a problem when she has to work with non practical effects.
5557201
Well that was a mouthful. But I agree with the part about Twilight being the one to have the one-on-one with Sunset.
This makes me sort of think of Japanese style of living and Makato (Sailor Jupiter's) living situation.
But, I want to talk about that whole clearing moment. One of my favorite scenes in the Lunaverse is the scene where Cheerilee passes her test by having the group discuss their cutie marks. It rally helped to solidified her spot and helped to bond the six together (And gav Trixie one her best cutie mark stories ever) The same feeling is here, where the six bond and become close due to their own personal experieences. IT helps us to really get into their hearts and makes us understand why they will become bearers.
On a side note, there are times when I look at Sunny and think "A more snarky and remorseful Trixie." Wich makes me wonder, did the Lunaverse have any insiration in the making of this world. Also, I am starting to really love sunset in this but that is a given/
5697226 Yes it did play a major roll. It was responsible for introducing me to the idea of alternate beater AUs. However, what I really owe this universe's creation to is the Cadanceverse, which made me realize that you could make other AU-6 worlds beyond the Lunaverse that had just as much potential, as other such series I saw tended to be one shots or what ifs that really didn't go anywhere.
Here's another batch of grammatical errors! Enjoy!
She figured the others would never believe her. Warlocks were notorious liars and Twilight would be able to detect the taint in her system if she put any effort into it; and, there was no way Shimmer was getting out of this death forest on her own.
She smirked. "Remember that; it'll be important later."
"Most unicorns don't just know only a few spells; it’s just all they can learn.
He told me things to try and get me to dislike you because of what you did without breaking his word of his agreement.
"And before you make the joke, Mask, haha I am so competitive I have to win a stupidity contest.
Somebody’s been spending time on TV Tropes!
Tainted mana reserves kind of remind me of Megaman Battle Network and the DarkChip system. They have identical consequences, effects and "cure" in case of overuse. But, great story so far, love how the new element bearers are introduced as, well, element bearers.
I do.
Probably not.
That is absurd.
Ponified Checkov's Gun. nice.
Solar fueled magic, so, if she had Pokemon, Sunset plus Groudon would be a terrible combo.
I see. Good to know there are therapists for dark magic cases.
Right. Also, relax, she's not a violent pony.
Of course not! The worst you've done is be a bit biting in your snark.
Oh yeah.
Interesting. Also, I think I spot our new Element of Laughter.
Oooh...
*chuckle* Fair enough.
Heh.
Heh.
EveryPONY's smiles, PenNington, I think and audiEnce. Also, the sheer irony.
Title Drop. *ding*
Oh boy.
You do realize how young that is, right?
I see.
Interesting.
I see.
So she'll be a lot more badass once she's gotten rid of that 80%.
Impressive. Most impressive.
5402243 Actually, there is a fairly simple explanation: In cannon, Twilight used dark magic a few times to get past Sombra's wards (did she ever use it later? or was it just a one-episode thing?), while Sunset was taken by dark magic that altered her body and personality.
So, Twilight was in control of herself and the magic, while in Sunset's case, the magic was in control and Sunset was reduced to vessel/victim. Thus the very different reactions.
I really got the feels for Sunset in this chapter.
Plot convince?