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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay, I've given the story a chance, a second chance, a third chance..
I'm out.
Okay, what the fuck, dood! It's shit like this that makes me WISH I can just pop in and dispense Prinny Justice... or give Twilight a dick so that she can resist the shitstorm her brother is brewing, dood... Then probably cap him with a bat.
This story is making me feel worse and worse and sincerely hoping that Twilight just GTFO of this in one piece, dood. Man... fuck Twilight's fucked up family, dood.
Oh, of course! That's what her father meant. God, I feel stupid now.
Also, woah. Heavy stuff going down. Nice to get some insights into things!
Even though that proves me wrong again. Or at least half-wrong. All things considered, it's apparently not so much a vampony thing but a nightwing pony thing. For that matter: Have we seen a female nightwing pony yet in the story? Maybe they don't exist. Maybe this little lobotomy device was created to secure enough willing, submissive, horny breeders. And perhaps even a sort of vector effect, seeing as how the ones with fangs appear to be contagious...
5470559
Sorry it isn't your cup of tea, but I hope it wasn't all bad. (Not that things are what they seem yet.)
5470738
It's interesting how many ponies derive the idea that having a dick has something to do with it despite that being entirely unspoken...
5470887
Female nightwing ponies were addressed in the second trip to the Crystal Kingdom Library.
Also, for the record: it is users deleting their own comments. I'm not the one doing it. Apparently it doesn't tell you who deleted it.
I feel like I have to say that after seeing another author get trolled and harassed by multiple authors for deleting comments.
This is getting really dark, I hope that either one of two things happens, Twilight falls to the order and becomes a enjoyable mare, or her and Celestia save the day
itchy neck, huh. Bet she was bitten again. I'm not sure I believe the lobotomy thing. I'm expecting a lot of manipulation in this story. But Shining made no mention of needing to do something like that to Applejack. I could be wrong, but it could be a trust exercise sort of thing. And stallions seem able to have major personality changes without it, or Night Light could have said that it'd happened to him as well as Velvet and he was fine
5471217
it's actually pretty good in my opinion. Its just dark, which I'd imagine is going to be a lot of people's issues. I have read some docs that were considered dark and that's all there was, no real storyline to it. Thanks for making this more balanced.
5471236
It seems to be heavily implied that stallions are in complete control in this order, due to all mares seemingly falling into the submissive role. It's understandable that having a penis means she'd be able to resist better.
The question, if she were to have one, is would she be able to resist falling into the stallion's role of being in control.
5471434
I didn't see it as a lobotomy, more as a deactivation of that specific lobe. It sounds to me like they need to break applejack, as tonight's parents have just tried to do, in order to get her to be more open to it. Face it, applejack is stubborn and too strong to be an easy target.
5471236 Actually... that's a 'me' thing, dood. Like the whole 'dood' comment tick. I think Twilight with a dick could solve every problem.
5472055
I'm not sure I disagree with you! If you check derpi 732323 it may also be in agreement...
5471237
Indeed. So that one's out the window, at least the part about them not existing. I'm usually better at predicting things, so that's definitely a testament to your writing skills!
So they had to serve Nightmare Moon for less than a day, huh? Well, going by this story, that's plenty enough time to be infected with some kind of corruption. But Nightmare Moon was female. Or at least the host body was. Why would Luna's corrupted evil side want to turn Equestria into some dark, misogynist, fetishistic dystopia? I mean, that's partly what Nightmare Moon wanted according to Word of God, except for the 'mare-cunt' thing, so—why? Did Luna have a serious submission fetish she couldn't realise and which affected her crazy alter ego? On the other hand, if Nightmare Moon truly was insane, it could actually make sense to her damaged mind.
And there's more than one stone... Well, now we have some hints about the marble earrings, too. Marble likely means already bitten, but not yet 'un-fixed'. As for the name of the order... I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that equines undergo estrus in spring.
5472151
Interesting ideas. Just take care not to assume that all clues lead back to the plot. Some are red herrings, and others are head earrings. Er, or something like that.
I think the fixed thing is a red herring, or at just a POV thing for the Spring Order. I was thinking the Discord breaking canon might have something to do with it, but the ponies of Equestria are pretty warped if they have to be tied to the canons of children's cartoon to be against things like parental incest and body mutilation.
I suppose a magical shutdown like idknamehere suggested as a lobotomy of some sort without scars in pretty unlikely.
Also, I bet Twi's willingness to go back over what happened in the Crystal Empire is based on being bitten again.
5472183
Oh, by now I'm pretty sure I'm off with most of what I ramble about. I just enjoy rambling too much to stop^^ And there's always the possibility that I'm right for a change, on top of giving a great venue to bounce ideas around!
oh, one thing I did just realize with the missing pages. They weren't torn out by Twilight, I had thought she might have torn them out in disgust or something.
I'd been wondering throughout the story if we were supposed to be reading a journal after it was written, or be reading over Twilight's shoulder as she writes basically. Looks like it's the former
OK I have not commented on this specific detail before being as it mostly opinion....but am I the only one seeing twilight snap and killing everything dealing with this "spring dawn"
No really I just see her at every moment just going and killing everything using some form of dark magic due to the screwed up and vile situation of things.
I mean it is like losing yourself it seems and your free will and place in society (acept for the stallions)
You are pretty much just a sex toy for the stallions and will be used against your original will by this odd form of coruption....the dark magic in comparison dose not sound that bad.
I mean if sombra could possibly hold off against both princesses a alicorn converting may be like a wmd in comparison.
I do not care if it is like a bonus chapter but I really want to see her give into dark magic and let it consume her....and then for her to kill everyone involved in a interesting way.
Some ideas of deaths
1. twilight's parrents told by twilight how effed up they are and pretty much enchants the device she looked into amplified by dark magic causing it to leave them both in a vegatative state.
2. luna magic duel ending with luna being absorbed and broken in the darkness twilight would then posses.
3.rarity & possibly her sister?(even though it is a kid) busts through the door into her work shop and using her new telekinesis to throw rarity all over breaking her legs before burning down the store with her inside
4.fluttershy&bigmac twilight uses mind control on her own animals to tear her and big mac limb from limb graphically
5. shining armor I am not even going to say what the idea is just for you to make if effed up as possible.
Everyone else dies with different degrees of mercy and remorse.
But that's just a fun bonus chapter to wrote if you had the time...
Twilight uses black magic now.
5474621
Two things.
First, spoiler more of that comment, please. Anything that describes important events from the story or what is going on with the characters needs to be spoilered. If you're not sure, it's always safe to spoiler the entire comment (but you have to use a separate tag for each paragraph or it won't work).
Second, the lack of a gore tag implies that extreme violence isn't the direction this fic is headed. This is a psychosexual thriller, and I haven't written sixty thousand words as a mere setup for revenge-porn.
On a separate note, I'm a little disturbed by several readers' desire to murder ponies, given that: with the possible exception of the abduction of Twilight Sparkle in the barn and (less so) Twilight's recent drugging by her parents, nothing in the story so far has conclusively demonstrated any sort of criminal behavior. Even the criminal behavior that has been shown (apart from violation of social boundaries) is so far limited to false imprisonment and one brief assault.
My goal in this isn't to elicit hate for the characters. It is to make the reader question what is actually going on and why Twilight sees things in the specific way that she does at the different times in which she records her thoughts.
5475402
Keep reading! If my prose works as it should, you'll burn through several theories and then go back to some of them.
Also, to be safe I would suggest spoilering your theory.
5475155
Are you suggesting our faithful narrator might be imperfect in her observations and conclusions?
I realize dramatic irony can be frustrating, but the neat thing about how I've set up this story (neat to me, at least, maybe not to any of you) is that eventually, you're competing with the narrator on which theories make the most sense. Twilight might become less naive as time goes on, but does this mean her perceptions remain faithful? Only time will tell.
5475944
If Luna's dream voyages are common and relatively pseudorandom, then Luna should know a pathognomonic dream when she sees one.
5476200
Perhaps. Some clues may indeed be burgundy distractionfish.
5476807
Aww. I thought that one was touching and sweet. Er, relatively speaking.
I don't think that Twilight has much of a chance unless she begins to understand what she's up against. I fear there is only so far logic alone can take her. (Not that the alternative is always better, mind you.)
5476825
What? I totally didn't say that I mean the letters were too small for it to count, right...???
5476855
What's funny is that I think Twilight has a good chance to understand some of it.
She has an incredible will to please. She likes boundaries and checklists and knowing where her restrictions are; so even when she does decide to break them, it's always a huge deal. And back when Sombra showed her her worst nightmare, it was basically Princess Celestia telling her she wasn't a 'good girl' anymore. On top of that, Twilight is horrible under pressure.
Heck, she's beginning to understand the appeal of bondage. Which, as noted above, she's probably very vulnerable to. Let's think about it—when was the last time you saw her teleport out of any bindings..?
img1.derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/28/59913__safe_twilight+sparkle_applejack_screencap_edit_bondage_rope_unsexy+bondage_wonder+mare.png
5476978
Heh, agreed on most counts there. This is a topic that will be touched on again (gasp).
5455034
I am no master of equestrian law but I am pretty sure they broke a bit more than expecTed
kidnapping.(atleast until the victim is converted partially.Conspiracy (the potential overthrow of a ruler,corrupting the police force, shadowy group working to achieve a new order)Sexual harassment (still against equestrian law even though the law enforcers are corrupt)Rape (atleast possibly in the fate of applejack )Physical harm (not only in the case of big mac but from what is gathered from twilight's parrents the device causes specified possibly involantary brain damage)
Admiting considering the situation of things there really is no one that can truly enforce the laws under the current management)
5477838
Yes and no. Is a revolution really a conspiracy? Is it kidnapping if you institutionalize somepony until they can recover their wits? Is it rape if everypony can guarantee you won't view it that way after it happens...?
(Spoilered for shitstorm protection.)
Change is always... bumpy.
But don't worry! I'm just the author...
5477966 I understand that and Inot all honesty I see where you are going with point of view...no matter how scewd.
I just wonder what can really be done at this point...I mean 2/3ds of all major characters that were once freinds with twilight are turned or turning.
very few optons are left open and fewer allies to help twilight even get there...that is if she knew what they were in the first place.
in all honesty I know my previous twilight goes mad with power thing was a bit violent, but in the lack of hope either she will give in or fight back with all she's got
I just want to say if you decide on writing a side story I can totally see twilight and possibly even Celestia turning to request aid from even some of the most dangerous villans or allies on equestria they all have reasons to help in one way or another
sombra (offer his empire back if he helps either directly or teaching twilight),chrysalis (grudge towards cadance and shineing armor might drive her to ruin their plan like they ruined hers)
the only problem with this is they would all have some kind of alterior motives in why they are helping in the end however.
5478097
You have a lot of interesting ideas! Fortunately so do I. Trust the author.
5480766
The more certain my readers' expectations, the more confused they'll end up being.
By the way, just to be sure everyone realizes this: I am not influenced by reader comments. The story is already prepared, and I'm not trying to troll ponies by changing elements to mess with you.
I'm up to Attire, and I think I understand enough to refer to the phenomenon as the BDSM Conspiracy.
5481322
5481326
Scratch that. This is the Red Pill Conspiracy.
This shit looks like my tumblr. Not to disparage the people I follow, but if they were in charge of a powerful political sect that was starting to enforce their fetishes through government, I would become a terrorist.
5417203
You have problems.
5481378
Why thank you!
...though it doesn't really matter one way or the other due to the previous comment I referenced in that one (which is completely awkward and true).
5482155
Perhaps. But spoiler your vampires, etc.
5482168
Rainbow Dash's cloud house is tethered to the ground. She's been a Ponyville resident for quite some time. Also, Twilight has passive cloud-walking magic because she's an alicorn.
5477256
You know, the more I think about it the more I have to say I love the little scene at the beginning of chapter 42 (The Dinner). The one where Flash Sentry more or less marehandles Twilight Sparkle and she loves it even though she can't explain why. By the way, one of the innocent-sexiest scenes I've ever read.
Anyhow, I've watched a little of Rainbow Rocks again and stumbled across this little scene:
Yeah. After that, I can totally see how, after a little nudge, Flash would have no problems leading Princess Twilight Sparkle around on a leash. With her beaming a big, goofy smile all the way.
Which brings me to another topic: Copper earrings. I wonder if the material is a signifier for a specific individual already having undergone the 'ritual'... or whether that marks somepony who already has a master. Picked out for them or not. I mean, who wears copper? Fluttershy (MacIntosh), Cheerilee (probably MacIntosh), Twilight Velvet (Night Light). Then there's Pinkie Pie (unknown, if any) and Rarity (unknown). Twilight herself and since recently Applejack both wear marble... but didn't Rarity tell Twilight copper might be more fitting? Twilight recalls her as saying "more appropriate for [her] personality", but what does she mean by that? Rarity and Fluttershy know about Twilight's attraction to Flash Sentry. Heck, most of Equestria and her political allies probably know. So maybe they already have a master ready for her when Twilight is finally ready.
And judging from how quickly she succumbed to the brain-bore, it won't take that long for her to be.
The one thing shooting holes in that theory is Cadance's own earrings, which are gold. Why gold? Why only Cadance, and why did Rarity say she expects to get a pair for herself eventually? It could be something as simple as signifying her master is royalty (meaning Rarity expects to end up mare-cunt to a king/prince/etc), but... I'm not yet sure.
5470738 No make it so that Twilight has a dick so that she can fuck the living shit out of her would be mind fuckers.
Also I can see Twilight's introduction to Celestia being similar to how Sombra arrived, covered in black magic and smoke, and saving Celestia from the mind control device.
Indoctrination sucks.
Too bad she can't go on a killing spree.
5482701 perhaps gold is a chief mare in a harem sort of thing, or marriage that is recognized by the Order
5482701
5483262
For the record, the accessory kinds so far are below. This hasn't been reviewed in the journal yet, but it probably will be in the near future, given how our heroine tends to make checklists of everything under Sun.
Princess Twilight Sparkle: Marble (Rarity implied Copper might match her better than Gold)
Rarity: Stainless Steel (Rarity suggested she wanted Gold for herself, and put Gold accents in her dress)
Fluttershy: Copper
Pinkie Pie: Copper
Princess Cadance: Gold
Cheerilee: Copper
Applejack: Marble
Twilight Velvet: Copper
Also, in the two most-recently-posted chapters there have been multiple allusions to Marble and one reference to Stainless Steel. There have been other references, but those were the most obvious ones you're likely to remember if you've been caught up for a while.
5483669
Yeah, I made a mistake there. Rarity's indeed wearing steel. However, she did suggest copper for Twilight:
Each of the dresses also features a small amount of gold or copper, which makes them look expensive (Spike is the exception). Only Rarity and I have the gold accents. She mentioned to me that copper might be more appropriate for my personality (whatever that means), but the gold matches my tiara, so she went with that.
I may be making more mistakes than usual with this story (more than I'd like to, certainly) but that's a direct quote^^ Where did I miss something?
Also, there's Cheerilee with copper.
5483262
Hm. Marriage..? Yes, that sounds possible. Rarity's always been 'on the lookout', so to speak.
5483878
Nope, you're right! Rarity did say that "copper might be more appropriate for [Twilight's] personality".
I've updated the comment below, and also expanded Rarity's information slightly.
I'm going to guess Gold earring = royalty and Rarity is simply pointing out Twilight's non-royal typical behavior. Interesting she's hope for Gold since she's seemingly very into Spike.
Copper- Has a master even if they don't know it yet
Marble- unmastered, waiting for conversion
Steel- could be a lot of things converted and unmastered, or possibly some sort of marker that she's doing something on someone's orders so she doesn't have time for the normal Order stuff, or even that she has a master but he doesn't know it yet Hard to judge since it is unique, so far
Will we see another chapter this weekend, by any chance