• Member Since 21st Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Snakeskin Ducttape


Ooooh! Butunz!

Sequels2

E

By some cosmic happenstance, a young woman is transported to Equestria, and finds herself in a precarious situation. She's taking it in stride so far. Maybe because finding herself in an alien world and in an alien body is not the worst thing that's ever happened to her.

Some wounds, especially those of the soul, can take a long time to mend. What healing arts can the ponies of Equestria offer a scarred young woman? What can she offer them in return?

Timeline-wise takes place starts off in the later parts of season 4 but before the season finale. It also mentions events from the EG-movies and the comics, but neither of which are required watching/reading in order to understand this story.

Trigger-warnings:
- Human-turned-into-pony-
- Who's kind of okay with being a pony-
- And becomes friends with the Mane 6.
- Being a pony is pretty awesome.
- Has both slice of life and adventure.
- Equestria Girls happened.
- And Celestia is not a jerk.

Cover art by the extraordinarily skilled viwsrasputr.
The piece in particular has been uploaded here: https://derpibooru.org/1478347
Really cool art by Cyanjames2819. Also found here.
Leave a comment if you so desire. Simple praise also appreciated.

Chapters (23)
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Comments ( 3155 )

5172438 Well, blame Ezn and his guide for the delays, I just finished reading it and realized how utterly inept I am at this. Still, this was pretty fun and I plan on doing more of it. But like I said in my blog post, this is just a warmup for the real story I've got floating around in my head :raritywink:

5173105

Oh jeez that guide. Your writing is great. Don't worry about it.

5174281 Aw, thank you :twilightsmile:

But really, it was kind of useful to get concise instructions on some writing rules of the English language. It's a second language to me and I haven't had a reason to speak or write anything substantial in it for years before now. Or writing in any language, really.

It helped me clean up the first chapter and in wide strokes I'm now almost finished with concepts of two separate story-arcs. Which in practice just means that I'm pulling shit out of my ass, then writing a story about it. As opposed sitting down in front of my computer and seeing if I can figure something out as I press buttons. :trollestia:

Aside a few "me"s that I think you meant "my", this is really done well. Not bad for your first time and it has a good length to it already, that's a plus in my book. I like the personality of the character already, but I was slightly confused on the part of the inner monologue before she greeted herself to the patient and the symbols you used along during that part, it will help if you italic the character's words whenever she's thinking or quietly talking to herself at the right parts. I'll be keeping my eye on this story and hope that you'll have more out soon as it is rare for me to find good stories now these days.

5177615 Thank you, It's nice for a neophyte like myself to get some encouragement. :twilightsmile:

I was afraid that the part where she's mapping out her patient's thought process would be a bit confusing. Part of the joke is that if a flow chart goes in a straight line without room for deviations then it's simple to the point of comedy.

I also considered using italics when she's thinking to herself. The problem with that is that it's a story mostly told from her point of view and most of the text's body is her thinking to herself. I'm finding that I use a lot of italics in the upcoming part as her emphasizing words, which could lead to some utter confusion. If this simply will not do then I'd appreciate some more advice.

Also, did anyone get the mosquito joke?

5177710 A zebra's stripes supposedly confuses gnats and mosquitoes. They ignore zebras because they apparently can't really tell what they are, thanks to the stripes.

This is good, aside from the little mistakes here and there. Take your time when writing and when you're done, go over it to do a check on it for any mistakes or add-ons you want to add, this is going along good.

5178959 That was concise :eeyup:

Still, thank you.

5179336 I believe I shall at least partially take your advice. I'm finding that the bulk writing happen easily enough, but that it needs a lot of finer adjustments after the fact.

5178326 Like I said in the latest post. More is planned but will have to wait for a while.

5175975

Your writing isn't really that great, I'm sad to say.

Besides the occasional conventions errors (and kudos on the fairly impressive lack of spelling mistakes), the way you wrote this chapter is just... weird. You have a big problem with telling instead of showing. Almost the whole thing is written in either the style of summary exposition, or in a really weird stream-of-consciousness. Sometimes it seems like both, actually. Please, please, separate your narration from the character's thoughts. You miss proper descriptions of tons of sensory detail, particularly when you use onomatopoeia in lieu of actual English. The "pleasantry procedures" are a bizarre and pointless addition, including a lot of distracting and superfluous punctuation, and the MC's comments on her own narration... Well, if it suffices to say, I am discomfited simply scanning over it. There's so much summarization, it feels like I'm reading your notes on what this chapter should be, instead of an actual chapter. The MC's pony body retaining the disabilities of her human one strikes me as strange to justify, but it's not a big deal.

One of the bigger problems that I see is that your characters don't talk like people do. That is, when they speak for paragraphs at a time, it's kind of ridiculous.

Also, the Diamond Dogs don't live near the Everfree Forest.

5181378 Aw. That's a shame.

Well, there was apparently a lot to criticize. Not a good sign. How much would you say is inescapably poor craftsmanship and how much would you say is personal preference?

Could you link to some pieces of fiction that I could take a look at that does not suffer from these shortcomings? Preferably those that highlight their absence. In fact. An even better idea would be sharing some fics that actually shares these shortcomings. Difficulty in seeing your own inadequacies and all that.

The MC's pony body being disabled is planned to be plot point, one that will not have been played out after being rescued from wolves. Her profession also becomes relevant later.

That my characters (and I feel that my original characters have been very succinct when it comes to dialog) talk for paragraphs at a time and this isn't how people talk confuses me. People talk uninterrupted for hours at a time around me on a daily basis. Then again, I'm in school and listen to lectures all the time. Though I've never really noticed that people talk less or use shorter anecdotes outside of school.

Is it specified in the canon that diamond dogs don't live near the Everfree? The ones that appear in the show apparently does not but I've never seen anything saying that others don't. Or that they don't move around. But that couldn't really have been much of an issue could it?

Now, are there any redeeming qualities about the story or style? Because at this rate my way of writing seems to be pretty worthless according to you and I should change every single thing about it. Which, from one point of view, is just another way of giving up.

I really like Gabrielle, and the way you handle inter-pony interactions. I hope she wakes up enough to be in some soon.

I had a great laugh from this chapter, good job

Eeee Gabrielle is so stoic I want to read more of her interactions with the ponies. This is great!

5263664 If there were no chuckles it would have been a failure :derpytongue2:

5262793 She will. Don't worry about that. :ajsmug:

5264789 I was actually going for composed but stoic is close enough :twilightsmile:

Pony-interactions with gabe is something I've only touched lightly on. The next chapter will most likely feature quite a bit of it, and it has to be done right. So the next chapter might take some time depending on how well it goes.

Also, If anyone's curious, the hex for Gabrielle's design in General Zoi's pony creator are as follows:
112S000100282C93FFC49D00D0100BB96UN1837004000002F1E8493A442BFE27107F3FCC004CB2 for the body and,
000099257035199159184299128314166141000002259051 for the a pose (turn of rotation constraints).

5266007 well then congratulations, you made me laugh my head off

5266346 I liked her inner monologue of insanity before she woke up, as well as the part where she was cursing the doctor for being "loud". As well as her time on the train

5269288

I've always seen stoic as not showing any emotions while composed to me is to not loose control of your emotions. I was hoping that it would be apparent, but Gabe is supposed to be pretty jovial beneath her snarkiness, without being overly excited like the ponies, especially Pinkie Pie.

5266396

Ah, the second time she woke up they were already supposed to have arrived at a hospital in Canterlot. I added a little line to clarify that. Thanks for the heads-up :twilightblush:

5269559

Though the Stoics did try to live free from passion, they were not without passion. It's more of the idea that if you accept the world as it is, then you just won't experience negative emotions at all, not that you are bad for experiencing them or that they should be repressed. They argued that if you were not trying to make things happen a certain way, then whatever happens couldn't be blamed on you, thus making you morally untouchable and able to do no wrong. <_< But these days stoic refers not just to someone who embraces the philosophy, but one who exhibits its traits, that is to say, someone whose jimmies simply may not be rustled. I could see someone thinking stoicism is bad for being about doing bad things and not getting in trouble for it, or an excuse to be lazy and let your life fall apart, but I don't think it means someone who hides their emotions.

Someone who doesn't show emotion is uh... rigid? Obdurate? Impassive? Yeah, impassive.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/3/16/576660__safe_solo_animated_upvotes+galore_reaction+image_maud+pie_spoiler-colon-s04e18_maud+pie+%28episode%29_blinking_artist-colon-countschlick.gif

5270534

I actually didn't know that.

But I'm sure you've noticed that today, when talking about characters in fiction at least, stoic often means "varying degrees of emotionless badass". Escapist-character for teenage boys in some action-franchise or other who stone-facedly mows down hundreds of slavering mutants/terrorists and never has any sort of emotion about any of it is often called stoic when discussing the character. Online at least.

Anyway, I wasn't going for that type of stoic. Let's have her interact with some ponies some more and see if she lives up to her traits :twilightsmile:

5270965

Ironically a stone faced badass flawlessly mowing down hundreds of slavering monsters/terrorists would be a very composed character. Sort of like watching a bloody ballet.

I'm surprised you say this is your first work. It seems to be more well written than many of the other's I've read on this site and the chapter lengths are pleasently long as well.

5274827

Ah, approval. Much appreciated, my good *insert designation here* :)

Well, I'm not going to say that I read much, that implies quite a bit. But I do spend a lot of time consuming fiction and I like analyzing stories. Maybe osmosis made me hit the creative ground running, or at least I hope so. Still, I'm only up to 20k words, so it's best not to make too many presumptions about my abilities just yet :P

Also, while this is indeed my first story written in the traditional sense, It's not quite my first attempt at creating something.

ooh this is looking to be pretty good, hope the next chapter shows up soon

5297377

The story is planned out in broad strokes and some 2000 words are written. I'm strongly considering rewriting the prologue but I'm not sure If I should do that before or after publishing the next chapter.

Okay, initial thoughts:

- I find your protagonist rather charming, even if her aloof demeanor became difficult to suspend my belief about near the end. (And yes, I know the idea was that she just wasn't ready to process what she was experiencing.)

- The "pleasantry procedures" were a brilliant touch

- Lots of grammatical errors

- The parts of the chapter with the MC were the best while the parts with the main six were dry and unappealingly standard

- I'm a bit disappointed about the explanation for how this human ended up in Equestria, just because these stories are more fun when the human doesn't immediately have the main six on their side to help them through the experience- thus diffusing tension.

- What's with the spoiler tags? What are they talking about?

5350659

- I like it that you like the protagonist. And I intentionally picked a character that I thought would be a challenge to write. So while there's room for improvement, overall I consider it a success that people like her.

- I'm also relieved that you appreciate the "pleasantry procedure"-bit. I'm still a novice when it comes to most things computer-y and I'm terrible at code (and completely oblivious when it comes to machine-code). That part could easily have been boring, confusing or both. Especially to people who know that stuff.

- I hope the grammatical errors lessened as the story progressed, I'm still getting into the swing of things with this strange language called English.

- *hangs head* I know, I think I need to both swat up on my familiarity with the show and get some inspiration for jokes concerning the mane 6. Maybe I should make time for a marathon during the holidays. I hope there was something funny about it.

- That's too bad. I thought it was fairly clever. I admit that I was a bit unsure on exactly how grueling the protagonist's experiences should be. But overcoming obstacles in the Everfree forest while severely handicapped would, in my mind, definitely put an adventure-tag on the story, and the story is not really an adventure. Yet :raritywink:

- The spoilers concerns the events of the comic. Issue 17-20, read them. They're amazing.

Anyway, thanks for the feedbag. Gimme some more if you have any.

Boy Twilight, you sure are hanging onto that guilt like a gryphon with a giant marshmallow shaped like a mouse. It's funny because Gabrielle doesn't realize it because she thinks you're just acting normal in the land of happy sugar horses. It's doubly funny because even after you talked to her face-to-face you didn't bring it up. You're going to have to apologize eventually, and I can imagine she'll get a good laugh out of that.

"I'm sorry! It was experimental magic! I should never have done it! How can you ever forgive me!"
"Why are you still apologizing?"
"Your life is ruined, and it's all my fault!"
"Look, Nurse Redheart is helping me work through it."
"How can you be so calm about this? You're perfectly O.K. with what happened to you?"
"I really don't mind being a pony."
"...I wasn't talking about that."
"Is it that you made me younger? Because I can't complain."
"..."
"Twilight, are you-"
"Your leg!! Your legs, and your eye! How can you be O.K. with this?! I screwed up so bad I only teleported half your body parts!"

5353543

The whole missing body-parts things is planned to be addressed in the next chapter, I'm just having trouble coming up with the funny bits :ajsleepy:

5431527

Been busy, first finals and then holiday-stuff. I finally have a few days off and I'm aiming to get a chapter done now.

Nice story so far, I like it. :twilightsmile:

5502346

Thanks :twilightsmile:

I've actually already read your Protocol D. Though my nature as a lurker has prevented me from commenting on it. But have a well-deserved like! :raritywink:

Awesome! And it's a length that doesn't make me sad that it's too short!

Celestia has some grammar problems going on. It's "my sister and I", not "me and my sister," and then she immediately follows that with a subject-verb agreement error. All of the grammar mistakes I noticed after that were also in Celestia's speech, oddly enough. There's "a world which have", and then "and possibly arrange" should be "and possibly arranging". It's such a nice change from Luna being the one who's speech is mangled!

5542857

I always appreciate encouragement :twilightsmile:

5543074

Ditto.

5543357

Right. Thank for the heads up. I found a few faults and fixed them recently but there are probably more in there. Please tell me if you find them.

Let this be a lesson about proofreading while running on fumes.

5350659 Movies.
Ever heard of EG-Movie?
Short for Egghead Growing?
No?
Good, because its short for Equestria Girls.
And in it Twilight *spoiler* and *spoiler* and so she saves an anthro-version of (Equestria without magic.)
I used () like in a mathematical term, you have to read that as one.

So, does Gabe move to Ponyville and learn magic there or does she stay in Canterlot? Please tell me what you think. I haven't decided yet.

Canterlot seems a lot more boring than Ponyville unless you want to write about the nobles, so I'd say Ponyville.

A quick question though, if her body has regressed to that of a child, will her mind start regressing too since the brains of children are just plain wired differently than adults? Nothing like becoming less intelligent or needy(lots of kids have more common sense than some adults and are fairly independent), just less mature, a tad bit naive or just more child-like in her approach to things.

5728762

Canterlot seems a lot more boring than Ponyville unless you want to write about the nobles, so I'd say Ponyville.

I was thinking a lot about this myself. But I realized that I don't really have to choose. Some time in one place, some time in the other :twilightsmile:

A quick question though, if her body has regressed to that of a child, will her mind start regressing too since the brains of children are just plain wired differently than adults? Nothing like becoming less intelligent or needy(lots of kids have more common sense than some adults and are fairly independent), just less mature, a tad bit naive or just more child-like in her approach to things.

Well, that's the question. The good thing is that since this a fantastical scenario, there's no wrong answer. I figure that since Gabe hasn't really regressed to the body of a child, as such (she's a twenty-six year old woman in the body of a twenty-six year old unicorn), her level of maturity might remain largely unchanged. But I haven't decided yet.

One interesting scenario is that she retains the disciplined mind of a young adult and the potent learning capabilities of a prepubescent child which makes her a real wizard at magic (a phrase that makes a lot more sense than I feel it should :rainbowhuh:). But like I said, we'll see where the story goes and I'd love to hear suggestions. I do see her struggling against regressing to a more child-like state because of the treatment she'll receive from ponies around her. And as I'm writing this I see potential drama in Celestia struggling in not seeing Gabe as her child when she takes Gabe under her wing, something she could never really do with Twilight as Twilight was no orphan that was taken from everything she knows. What to you think, would Celestia encourage Gabe to indulge i her status as a foal every now and then? Or has the Celestia-wants-to-be-a-mother-really-bad-but-can't/won't thing been done too often?

5729143
Generally, as long as an adult isn't a hard-ass they tend to want kids to enjoy their childhood while it lasts. Why grow up and take on adult responsibilities before your time? She might want her to be around "kids" her own age though. Mental maturity aside, her age technically hasn't been changed so some might want to make friends her own age.

Schooling might not be completely useless since all she really has an advantage in is math, some sciences(who knows if some universal laws are different here) and writing if the language is the same.

5730071 But to Gabe, it's not before her time :derpytongue2:

And yeah, she's gonna interact with ponies of all age groups, I think. And she definitely needs schooling. I see interesting scenes when ponies in her own age group still run around and play like the children they are, while Gabe, firstly, is not interested in stuff like hide-and-seek and skipping ropes, and secondly, Is physically incapable of joining in on most activities. For now :pinkiegasp:

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