• Member Since 31st Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 17 minutes ago

Alcatraz


Come with me, and you'll be, in a world of pony procreation...

T
Source

Click this to read about the hiatus.


We’ve all had nightmares, but do any of us actually know where they come from?

What if, one day, you woke up as the embodiment of nightmares themselves?

In an alley one night, Joseph gets fatally injured after saving a woman from her terrifying nightmares.

He wakes up somehow, but he quickly finds out that he isn’t in his own body. Instead, he wakes up in the body of one of Equestria's most infamous villains.

Joseph must adapt to a world completely alien to him, as well as adjusting to his new body while trying to figure out what, or who he is.


Featured 13/08 & 14/08/14
Update Feature: 4/10/15, 01/06/16, 17/8/16, 4/12/16, 30/1/17

'Sex' tag added for strong cases of innuendo.
'Dark' tag because this fic deals with morose themes.

Edited and proofread by:
Requiem17
Blue Blaze {COMET}
The Abyss
thesaviour711
Twisted Code
Waffle God
Arcane Spirit
Samaru163
Updated as people help. Includes one-time favours and single chapters.

A/N: Tags will be updated as necessary. Constructive criticism and ego stroking are both welcome. Set both in a world where MLP doesn't exist, and after the events of first two episodes of season one. A show-accurate period of events is not likely.

Chapters (23)
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Comments ( 1155 )

This sounds familiar. (never mind. Read the author's note)

Dragonfire

I love it!:heart::derpytongue2:

attempted rape attempt

does that mean it didn't even make it to the attempt stage?

4837677

It was about 12:30am when I wrote the description. I tend to do things like that from time to time haha

4837385

I just hope nobody chews me up about the correlation haha

4837765 yeah, I'll write stuff early and then later I'll look at it and go "was I high?"

4837936

There's been one or two of my stories I've written while I was high. Literally. I was stoned :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

>Constructive criticism and ego stroking are both welcome
>and ego stroking are
>ego stroking

Ohhh, yeah, you stroke that ego for me baby.

Interesting....:moustache:

This sounds familiar. (never mind. Read the author's note)

In the spirit of un-originality, I too might rewrite this fic. Lets make it a verse-thing.

Cliche beggining. Lets see for further chapters.

Hm, I like this one, nice storytelling, good plot, I care not about the originality, it only needs more chapters!

The author's note is sufficient, so you earned a new reader, dear author!
Besides, the character of Nightmare Moon is always used in such villainous ways, I think this is the best way to use her!
Also, Celestia's reactions promises us a good storyline, so I'm waiting for the continuation.

Keep writing!

-Zeph

4838499

Thank you! :heart::heart:

I wish I had more commenters like you :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

I do love a good Nightmare Moon transformation story, but I noticed a few errors:

He wondered why his head didn't his hard stone - I believe you meant hit

Touching the left hind leg with his front left hoof confirmed it had sensation he focused on trying to move it. - This should be two separate sentences.

Joe heard the faint pitter patter of tiny fet coming from behind - This should be obvious.

There are a few places where you change from past to present tense. I recommend using one or the other but not both, as it is a bit jarring.

I had a little confusion at the line "Who are all of you?" He asked. - I assume this is Joseph speaking, but he's only seen Spike at this point, correct?

There are a few other minor typos, and it wouldn't hurt to go through it again or have someone edit before posting. It's not enough to take away from a good story, and I'll be following this one.

I like this version way better than the other already :pinkiehappy:

Didn't something just come out with this exact premise? :unsuresweetie:

Edit: Meh.

A life for a life I see, Jesus, that was BRUTAL! And the rest is just silly, I like it.

I like this a lot better than the other. However, it's still awkward, feels a bit rushed, and the idea was intensely clichéd even before the other one came out.

Looks like somebody is trying their hand at the 'guy saves someone's life but is killed and becomes Nightmare Moon' premise. I didn't read past the "he was average" part because Why are they always average!! Make them interesting, flesh them out a bit! You don't have to say he's average, let the reader figure that out. Show, don't tell.

EDIT: I read the Author's Note. You really didn't have to ask permission to use this premise, Admiral Q Ponyform didn't invent it.

man i love this story line there's a few things here and there but nothing major so keep up the good work:twilightsmile::heart:

Wow. A third story of someone waking up in Nightmare Moon's body. Let's see where this leads!:pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy:

4837385
4838301
You two just said the same exact thing.:pinkiecrazy:

I'm gunna favorite this one too for the time being. now though, since i've favorited both of them, I gotta keep track of which one's which when ever there's an update so i don't confuse the two lol!

We need another chapter :pinkiehappy:

Well, it's certainly an improvement on his story. This still has a few problems, such as spelling mistakes. However, my only major problem with it at the moment is Twilight's and Celestia's dialogue when speaking to one another. It seemed too cold and calculating, fairly out of character.

Regardless, it's a respectable start.

4839272

Maybe not, but it's common courtesy to do so. People cop a lot of flak when they re-use popularised ideas without crediting(what could be deemed) the original. It's mostly to save face in the long run so people don't chew you out over the issue.


4838524

He wondered why his head didn't his hard stone - I believe you meant hit

Fixed.

Touching the left hind leg with his front left hoof confirmed it had sensation he focused on trying to move it. - This should be two separate sentences.

I both disagree and fail to understand how. However, I did add 'as' to between 'sensation' and 'he' to make the sentence flow more smoothly.

Joe heard the faint pitter patter of tiny fet coming from behind

- This should be obvious.

Thank you Captain Obvious :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

There are a few places where you change from past to present tense. I recommend using one or the other but not both, as it is a bit jarring.

I do have a massive problem with my tenses. I figured focusing on a past-tense story would help to shake me of any further mistakes.

I had a little confusion at the line "Who are all of you?" He asked. - I assume this is Joseph speaking, but he's only seen Spike at this point, correct?

You assume correct.

There are a few other minor typos, and it wouldn't hurt to go through it again or have someone edit before posting. It's not enough to take away from a good story, and I'll be following this one.

Your criticisms have been appreciated!


4839743 Working on it.

This is one of the few times when I almost posted something without reading the authors note.... and made a stupid mistake.
I am following both of the stories and I hope so see how they both pan out. Hope that you continue to collaborate with Admiral Q Ponyform since I have thought of writing a few stories but can't get enough plot together to make a full story, just a few chapters. Can't wait to see the next installment.

4840962

This isn't a collaboration by any means. His story had a lot of potential, so I asked if I could use his chapter as the basis for mine. I seriously NEVER expected it to get this popular :rainbowderp::rainbowderp:

And you bring up a very valid and good point. I WISH PEOPLE WOULD READ THE AUTHORS NOTES BEFORE POSTING ASININE COMMENTS.

Sooooooooooo....you are gonna have more, soon, right? :D

4841173 But of course. I'm already 2000 words into the next chapter.

Like the original this one feels really rushed taking no time to develop the main character and also getting rid of the ponies' confusion that this NMM isn't the original in the first chapter without some conflict seems like a giant wasted opportunity. The reveal that this isn't the real NMM should be a big deal that isn't covered over in just the later half of the first chapter.

Also another nitpick is I don't like when people use caps lock to signify shouting try just using exclamation marks and descriptions. I know it's fanfiction and can be silly but in my honest opinion I can't take anything written in caps lock seriously I just imagine the person saying it to be an angry 12 year old or obnoxious youtube troll but that could just be me.

Other than my little gripes I'm following this like the original because I love the premise and has great potential. I haven't seen another story that had someone become NMM.

I'm going to bitch at you for being unoriginal!!!
BLARGH BLAB RAWR BROB RACK!!
ok done..... :pinkiecrazy:

I actually sincerly am really likeing this story, I wonder what Luna will say when she sees him

4841194 While your concerns aren't entirely unwarranted, the mention of the caps is usually used to convey screaming etc; regardless of whether or not it's a youtube troll. Yes, the pacing is a bit rushed but It's nothing I can't live with.

4841027 Actually could you do a forward instead of a authors notes. That way folks would know why there are similarities beforehand without you getting as annoyed.

4841286

They should read everything before making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. Most people would rather bitch and whine about it rather than read to begin with, because that much takes effort and they'd rather make themselves look stupid doing so.

That's just my opinion of those people, strictly speaking :pinkiecrazy:

This story is a reimagining of Admiral Q Ponyform's story, Death to Nightmare. I consulted with the original author before writing this, and he gave me permission to use the first chapter of his story as the basis for writing this.

Thanks for letting us know! I admit when I started reading it I was about to freak out about plagiarism. Though I will say that your writing style Is a little bit more fleshed out than the original author. (don't tell him I said that):twilightsheepish:

4841359

I've been ripped off twice before on one story, my previous one.

4841359 4841517 Both this story and Death to Nightmare are based off an anthro fic called 'Who I've Become' - Nightmare Moon by spetsnaz pinkie pie.

Just so you know if you really care about ripoffs it was created months before this and Death to Nightmare. I have both stories on my read later list anyway.

4841745

Saying our stories are 'based off' the one you mentioned suggests that one had influence in ours. Not true, at least for me. I had no idea that one even existed, so I've no need to credit it.

4841745

hmmmm..... that's one I haven't come across yet! any good?:twilightsmile:
I do love getting back to the originals!

So, Celestia gets confused and decides to ask Twilight what she thinks about the matter. Twilight says to trust him for the time being.

Knowing this, and knowing Luna is back home and safe (meaning NMM being there shouldn't be possible), the first thing she does is pretty much decide to ignore Twilight and lock him away against his will? What? :rainbowhuh:

Aside from that, it hasn't been too bad so far. What worries me are the tags. Dark especially. Right now, I can't think of why that would be warranted (since they seem to believe him and he has no reason to do anything stupid that should mean they don't try to kill him or anything tragic like that), which makes me worried that this might be going the direction of "Main character turns into Villain and slowly becomes evil like the villain and there's nothing they can do to stop it" in which case, I'll probably drop it (I freaking despise plots like that, since they seem utterly pointless to read about. Why waste time reading about something when you know what's going to happen?).

Still, I'm hoping nothing like that happens, so I'll keep a track of where this story (and the other one) goes. Good luck with the fic. :twilightsmile:

4839272

EDIT: I read the Author's Note. You really didn't have to ask permission to use this premise, Admiral Q Ponyform didn't invent it.

While that's normally true, there's a difference between using a similar premise, and using what's pretty much the exact same thing. In this case, he was right to ask for permission, as otherwise this story would deserve any criticism it got for that.

4841858 well she didnt blow NMM up or launch her into the sun. She just put her in a prison cell. a nicely appointed cell with a comfy bed at that. thats more trust than i would show.

4841907
NMM/Joseph is not in a cell, persey.

4841858

Knowing this, and knowing Luna is back home and safe (meaning NMM being there shouldn't be possible), the first thing she does is pretty much decide to ignore Twilight and lock him away against his will? What?

I have no idea what you're on about.

What worries me are the tags. Dark especially. Right now, I can't think of why that would be warranted

Well considering there's a rape attempt and Joseph gets stabbed... yeah...

4841929 locked in a room that he cannot escape without Celestia's consent/being made aware. That's a cell. it may have all the trappings of a bedroom, but its a cell.

Seems eerily similar to this fic...

I am about to call shenanigans on either you or the other guy...

EDIT: I saw the A/N, so Nevermind...

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

4840310 His fic definitely wasn't the original, that's my point. But it's good that you're being courteous.

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