At the behest of Twilight, Spike began writing Joseph's dictations about changelings on the parchment.
"Their magic, disguises, or whatever you want to call them, don't work on mirrors," Joseph began. "They rely on you to be looking at them with your own eyes. When they feed, they leave a rash or mark on the back or neck."
"But you said that Cherilee couldn't see the changeling that you claimed to be Sweetie Belle through the mirror," Twilight pointed out.
"That's what I don't understand either. It shouldn't work, but it is. I could see it, but Cherilee couldn't. Unless they've done something that affects how you see them through a mirror."
Twilight blinked a few times and then her expression lit up. "You mentioned that Chrysalis cast a spell on you that Nightmare Moon is trying to break."
"What's your point?" Joseph questioned.
“I don’t know what Chrysalis did or what Nightmare’s doing, but maybe Nightmare has worked out a way or done something to you that inhibits that part of the spell. So, assuming their disguises are either illusory or perceptive magic—”
“—Or shapeshifting,” Joseph Interrupted. Twilight shot him an odd look at this.
“Why would they have shape shifting too?”
“Well that’s it, I don’t know. Because we don’t have anything that could be construed as magic on Earth to the degree of, well, all of this, changelings in Earth lore used shapeshifting, but that only works with direct eye contact as I stated. That's why mirrors give them away. I could be wrong to assume that their shape shifting ability translates to illusory magic. Best we’d best keep both options open,” Joseph said, imploring Twilight to do the same.
“You getting all this, Spike?” Twilight asked.
“Shape shifting… Illusion magic… Mark on back or neck...” he idly stated. “Got it!”
“What’s next? We need to gather as much intelligence as quickly as possible and send a report to the princess!” the mare demanded, becoming increasingly frantic.
“How do you guys kill them?” Joseph asked. “If there’s more than one way, we need to consider them all.”
Twilight's expression became one of abstract horror. "What!?" she exclaimed. "I only wanted to know how to defeat them, not kill them!"
“Twilight, this is the kind of thing you’ll need to torch, that way you know they won't get back up."
"There's got to be another way!" she pleaded. "I couldn't even think of killing something!"
"Two things. One, changelings are a dime a dozen. The Queens can spawn new ones as often as she wants, provided she's got enough... food... to sustain however many she's got. Two, instead of killing the changelings, go for the Queen. If you torch her, then all the drones she's spawned will die too. They’re intrinsically connected to her."
"Is there anything else you're leaving out?" Twilight deadpanned.
"Yes and no. Regarding the fire thing, that's the only way to kill them. They can take a beating like nothing you've ever seen, but ultimately they'll get right back up. They also have lots of agility and are stronger than you; but only marginally."
"Spike?" she asked, turning to look down at the drake and his dictations.
"Agility... Strength..." he repeated. He looked up at Joseph. "What do you mean by 'marginally'?"
Joe rubbed his chin contemplatively as he struggled to think of a definitive answer. "Well, Twilight could overpower one smaller than her I think, but not equal or bigger. Same rings true for Celestia, although you can hold your own against it. You'll still lose, though."
"There's no constant?" Twilight asked.
"I haven’t exactly been in a fight with one to find out,” he said dryly.
The feather of the quill darted all around the air as Spike wrote. He then cleared his throat to read back what he had written for accuracy's sake.
"Illusion magic and/or shapeshifting to create various disguises. Changeling forms falter when viewed in a mirror. Enhanced agility and strength, values indeterminable.”
Joseph took the parchment to read the dictation. “Oh, forgot something,” he noticed. He then took the quill to add some more detail. “Invulnerability… Kill it with fire, or silver knife if shapeshifter...” he wrote with a mutter, Twilight craning her head over the top of the scroll to read what was being written. “There you go,” he said, giving the scroll to Twilight. “Anything else you need to add?”
The mare’s eyes scanned the addition. “I don’t want to kill anything!” she declared with a scowl. “What would Princess Celestia think of me if she received a scroll like this!?”
“That you were doing as much research research as you could to counter a possible threat,” Joseph said.
Twilight opened her mouth to object, but closed it. ’Damn it, he’s right.’ “Fine. But only because I don’t want to disappoint the Princess,” she admitted.
"See what I meant?" Spike joked to Joseph.
"See what?" Twilight wondered.
Joseph grinned. "When I was having breakfast with Spike the other day before you came down, he was telling me how obsessed you are with your studies."
She simply shoved the scroll and quill at Spike. "Dear Princess Celestia," the mare seethed towards the dragon. Spike looked down to the scroll with justified fear of Twilight as he began to take down this dictation.
"At approximately eleven-thirty this morning, Joseph alerted me to a sighting of changelings in Ponyville. Nightmare Moon told him that Chrysalis is also involved somehow, and that she cast some variation of a memory spell on him. Included with this letter is what Joseph knows of his world’s lore on changelings. Please assess and advise."
Twilight stood behind Spike to read the dictation as it was being written. Her eyes widened when she comprehended the first word Joseph wrote, having momentarily forgotten it to object about the 'kill it with fire'. "Invulnerability!?" she exclaimed. "That means they're impossible to defeat!"
"Twilight, don't keep saying 'defeat'. You know perfectly well that books are sound sources of information, and if the ones I read on Earth said to kill it with fire, there must be a good reason."
"And what reason is that?"
"Arguably because it was tried and true."
Twilight took a deep breath to calm down. "Send the letter, Spike."
He rolled it up and incinerated it with a puff of fire, the ashes exiting through one of the opened windows.
"Oohhh," Joseph exclaimed with awe. "Teach me how to do that? While I'm here we might as well finish teaching me magic."
Twilight conceded with a sigh and a pinch of her brow, walking over to a sofa that sat adjacent to the base of the stairs. She relaxed on it and spoke. "That spell is reasonably simple. It's a matter of giving a small amount of magic from one to the other. In Spike's case, Celestia gave him some of her magic, and took some of his dragonfire when he hatched. That's how they can send letters back and forth."
That moment saw Spike belch up a cloud of soot which coalesced into a scroll. "The side effect of the spell is because it's dragon fire, that happens." Twilight unfurled the scroll to read it as she finished her sentence. "If I gave you some of my magic through your horn, then the scroll would appear at the tip of my horn like what happens with Celestia."
Her eyes scanned the writing on the page as she frowned. "Celestia left Canterlot this morning to go to Saddle Arabia for a diplomatic meeting and won't be back until this evening."
"A city, country, or however you want to look at it, is at stake and she wants to finish her meetings?" Joseph asked rhetorically. "Seems a bit negligent on her behalf. And why doesn't Celestia just send messages straight to you instead of using Spike?"
"I'm just her student. Celestia told me to send her reports to her every now and then, and hatching a dragon egg was my entrance exam to get into her school. Anyway, want me to teach you the spell?" Twilight asked, changing the topic.
"Hold on, if you need me to give you my magic, wouldn't that be like Nightmare Moon giving you dark magic? That could have the potential to make you as malevolent."
"Hmmm... You might be right," she admitted, "so let’s not chance it. I can still give you mine, though; that much is safe. Now lean forward."
Joseph did as he was instructed and Twilight lit her horn. He felt a warm, tingly sensation waft over his head as Twilight gave Joseph a dose of her magic.
"Now try sending something by thinking about it."
Joe used some parchment Spike gave him, writing down 'Testing', underlining it a few times. He then rolled it up and bound it with a small piece of ribbon.
Within his mind's eye, he imagined walking down an endless street, the piece of Twilight's magic being a lone house with a mailbox. He opened the imaginary mail box and put the scroll in, when in reality it immediately burst into purple smoke and flew out the nearest window.
Not a moment later, it came flying back in the same window, the smoke coalescing back into a scroll as Twilight grabbed it with her magic before it could hit the floor.
"How did you find that?" she asked, opening the scroll to see how intact it and the message would be after this first time sending.
"If it's anything like delivering actual mail, then Celestia must have a veritable post office inside her head."
The image of her mentor with a post office inside her head made Twilight giggle, but she quickly composed herself and turned her attention back to the matter at hand.
"Well”, Twilight began, ”unless I can find Time Turner to get the book about changelings off of him or he returns it, and since the history book with what little it has on changelings won't be much help to us after the fact, how about we all go and get some lunch?"
The trio began to make their way towards the hustle and bustle in the middle of Ponyville. The various market stalls and shops made up the main street, selling anything from curios to clothes, and even a store that specialized in strictly sofas and quills.
'I don't know why he'd want to limit his clientele when the vast majority of other shops sell a wider range of things,' Joseph thought with bewilderment.
Along the street were a few quaint, brunch-style cafes to choose from.
Twilight took Joseph to one that had faux, flat-top mushrooms for tables, and piles of hay atop which other ponies sat. 'Dried grass as seats? I'm gonna be scratching and picking hay from my ass for a while,' he thought with disdain.
He proceeded to sit upon one of the piles of hay, grumbling and shifting to try and get comfortable.
“Something the matter?” Twilight asked upon hearing Joseph’s grumble.
“Doesn’t sitting on dried grass get uncomfortable?” he said with an air of annoyance.
“Why would it? Curl your tail underneath you and sit on that,” she replied as she did so herself. “The hay is there for a bit of cushioning against the ground.”
Joseph looked back at the length of hair protruding from his spine. Fortunately for him, he managed to swish it, indicating that faculty was intact and at the same time clearing pieces of straw that stuck to him.
’Twilight’s right; sitting on my tail is substantially more comfortable.’ It was in that brief moment the weight of his sentence caught up with him. ’There’s something I never thought I’d say...’
A presence to his left made itself known. “Excuse me, Miss, are you ready to order?”
“Uhh…” He looked to Twilight. “Where’s the menu?”
“Oh, sorry. Haute, could you bring my friend here a menu? She’s new to town.”
“But of course,” he replied, going over to what looked like a magazine rack, returning with a menu. "I shall see to some other customers while you make a choice."
"Thank you," Joseph replied, turning his attention to the menu.
For a cafe's standard, it's fairly straight forward. Sandwiches–toasted or not, a few deep-fried items, and some slices and cakes that were on display inside. On the flip side was a drinks menu. Milkshakes, tea, coffee, juices, and so on.
"Daffodil and Daisy sandwich?" he said quizzically.
"My favourite!" Twilight replied. "Are you going to get one too?" She looked at Joseph, hoping he would make the same choice as her.
He shrugged indifferently. "Eh, why not. Already had hay fries, so flowers can't be much different."
"Don't you like flowers?" Spike asked.
"Humans aren't really geared towards eating flowers. Some can be downright poisonous. I'm sure there's things humans can eat that ponies can't and vice versa."
"Really? You've got to tell me as much as you can!" Twilight gasped with realisation. "You and I could co-author a book about humans! This is going to be so much fun!"
Haute Cuisine trotted back over the table and asked; "Are you ready to order?"
"Two Daffodil and Daisy sandwiches please!"
"And some gems too, please!" Spike added.
'Gems?'
"To drink?" he pressed.
Joseph flipped the menu and quickly scanned the drinks selection. "Chocolate milkshake, please."
Haute looked between Spike and Twilight.
"We'll be fine," she said.
"I'll be back with everything when it's ready," he declared, taking the menu and putting it back as he entered the cafe to ring everything up.
A few tables off to Joseph's left, he heard a crash—the sound of glass shattering, followed by a shrill, crying wail.
"Button!" a voice chastised. "I told you not to play that at the table!"
He looked over, seeing a dark brown colt wiping his eyes, and a tan and cream coloured mare with a scarily angry look on her face. On their table was what looked like a Gameboy or a Nintendo. On the ground next to them, a broken, glass milkshake cup on the ground with its contents rapidly spreading out.
A few minutes later, Haute returned with a tray balanced on his back. “Here you go”, he said, setting the contents on the table. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to clean up that colt’s drink.”
“One moment,” Joseph said, magicking his bit bag out of his dimensional pocket and taking a few bits out. He gave them to Haute. “Don’t say anything, but give him another. In the metal cups if you’ve got them,” he said with a small grin.
Haute caught it, smiling in return and giving him a wink. “My lips are sealed.”
Joseph magicked the big bag back into his pocket. Turning to Twilight, he saw her perplexed look.
“What?” he asked.
“I’m… not sure what to say, honestly. No offense, but you didn’t strike me as somepony that would do that.”
“Watch it,” he cautioned.
“What I mean is, you’ve been rather, how do I say, crass, since I’ve known you.”
“Have you ever dropped an ice cream and cried about it when you were little?”
“Well yes but—”
“Is that hole you’ve dug deep enough for you to crawl into yet?” he replied irately. “I was just trying to be nice but you’ve gone and soured the moment.”
“Sorry…” Twilight replied, her ears flattening against her head. She picked up and took a bite of her sandwich, half-heartedly chewing on it and looking away from Joseph.
All the while, Spike watched everything unfold with indifference, happily crunching away on his gems.
“Is that rock candy or something?” Joseph asked through a mouthful of his sandwich.
Spike shook head head and swallowed his mouthful before responding. “Nah, they’re proper gems.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” he replied, eyes widening with mild shock. “You’re literally eating precious stones!”
“Yup,” he nonchalantly replied.
“Geezus… Your poop would probably be considered a valuable trading commodity on Earth,” Joseph added with a giggle.
“Why’s that?” Twilight genuinely inquired.
Joseph caught sight of Haute Cuisine come out of the cafe with the milkshake, this time in the metal cup. He smiled, watching Button’s face light up as Haute whispered something to the mother-and-son duo. The little colt happily drank his new, cold drink, as his mother watched on. Yet, for some reason, she seemed rather angry still.
“Thanks, mom!” he beamed, proceeding to slurp furiously at the drink.
’I don’t know what the waiter said, but he seems to think his mum got him a new one.’ It was then Joseph saw her close her eyes and take a slow, deep inhale, like she was sampling something?
’Ok, that’s weird...’ He turned back to Twilight, shrugging it off and returning to Spike’s question. “Well, literally no living being on Earth should have any sort of capability to digest things like rock or gems, least they lacerate your insides. By the way, who’re those two?” he asked, pointing over to Button and his mum.
“That’s Milano Mash, she works at Ponyville Day Care centre. Why?”
“Just curious is all.” He picked up his glass to take a drink of the milkshake as Milano and Button walked behind him to leave the cafe's outdoor seating area.
It wasn't until Milano passed by that he saw a black haze followed by a brown one, lazily reflected against the glass and its contents. He did a double take, eyes wide and frantic, trying to catch another reflection. Alas, he couldn't; they were too far away.
Joseph thumped his chest to try and clear the lump of thickened milk from his throat.
"Woah there, you alright?" Spike asked, bits of multicoloured rock coating his teeth.
"Y-yeah," he replied. "Just thought I saw something is all."
Twilight's look became one of concern. She leaned in closer to talk to Joseph, Spike doing the same, although more for eavesdropping purposes. "Was it another changeling?"
"I don't know. Button and Milano walked behind me, and I saw their reflection in the glass."
"...Okay?" Twilight said, slightly confused.
"What colour are they?"
"Brown and a heavy cream?"
"Not brown and black?" he replied.
The mare's eyes widened as she stopped chewing the remainder of her mouthful. "What?!" she said with a hushed bark. "She works at the daycare centre! If she really is a ch... If she really is one, then there's no telling what Chrysalis is doing with the little colts and fillies!"
Twilight began to visibly panic. "This is bad, very very bad!"
"Hakuna your tatas, Twilight, I don't know if she is or isn't; could have simply been a trick of the light or any other number of factors."
This seemed to calm her slightly, although not by much, and her faculties only just processed what Joseph said. "What was that first thing you said?"
"Hakuna Matata?" he lied. "It's something from when I was a kid. It means no worries.”
She hung her head and rubbed the back of her neck with both hooves to try and relieve some of the building stress. "I just wanted to get outside for some fresh air and a meal..."
The rest of the day passed without incident. Each finished their meal, Twilight picked up some groceries from the market, some new volumes for a few book series, as well as several large rolls of parchment, alongside a few rollers that the paper gets rolled around, and a bigger bottle of ink used to refill the bottles.
When they got back to the library, Twilight unpacked everything and offered to teach Joseph some more magical theory, emphasizing that practicing it in anything less than a controlled environment could result in disastrous results.
Joseph tried getting her to teach him how to teleport, but Twilight argued that a miscalculated teleport is likely to end up embedded in, or sticking out of whatever object you teleported into. She added with finality that it only works if you know where you've already been, or you're consciously aware of your immediate surroundings.
That dashed Joseph's hopes and dreams of having the one ability he'd always wanted, but sensibly decided that Twilight was right.
It wasn't until after Princess Luna had already risen the moon, with Celestia setting the sun, that the latter sent Twilight a letter.
The moment the scroll appeared, Twilight tore into it and hastily scanned the written words. "The Princess said that she's arrived back at the castle, and wants to see us urgently." She read on, aloud this time. "’The letter will incinerate itself shortly after you receive it, after which you have thirty seconds take hold of Joseph to both be teleported here, post haste.' Uh oh, this sounds really important," Twilight said, mild anxiety setting in.
"I hope she's not crabby after having to deal with diplomacy all day," Joseph replied uneasily. It was then the letter decided to set itself alight, disappearing with a 'fwoosh'.
Twilight rushed to Joseph and hooked her right foreleg around his left. "Don't let go," she commanded.
"Don't worry sweetie, I would never let go of you," he replied sardonically, a grin plastered across his face, Twilight giving him a downright poisonous stare in return.
In that instant, they disappeared with flash of golden magic, leaving Spike alone in the library.
"Ice cream and comics here I come," he gleefully said to nobody in particular before gallivanting off upstairs.
Joseph and Twilight popped into existence in Celestia’s throne room. It was barren, save for a single guard, standing motionless to the left of the throne.
“I— ”The moment Joseph got his footing on the floor, he was overcome with dizziness.
“Oh holy shit, was that teleporting?” Not having experienced it before, being instantaneously moved from one place to another didn’t go over too well for him. It was like crossing several time zones all at once while flying in a plane. The dizziness caught up with him, and he was hit with a wave of nausea.
“Can someone get me a bucket, I think I’m go—” Before Joseph could finish his sentence, he dry-wretched, hacking up a storm.
Even though nothing came up, Celestia saw he needed a moment to right himself. “Guard, would you see that Eclipse has a moment to recover from the spell while I speak with Twilight, please?”
“Of course, Your Highness,” he replied, turning in Joseph’s direction, making a beeline to him. “If you’ll follow me, I can take you to get some water while the Princess has a private word with her student.”
“Uh, yeah, lead the way.” Joseph wiped a little bit of spittle from the corner of his mouth that escaped from dry heaving, and followed the guard to the massive double doors that stood at the entrance of the throne room.
The guard parted the tall doors just enough to let Joseph out first before he followed suit. Once closed, Celestia turned to Twilight.
“Twilight,” she began, her voice firm, “did you tell him what, or rather who, Nightmare Moon is?”
Twilight’s heart rate picked up at the question. “N-no, not yet,” she stammered. “I-I don’t know how I would break it to him.”
“Very well. It is your decision if you do or don’t. I don’t know if it would matter to him since he can talk to Nightmare whenever he wants, but I do thank you for telling me when you had a moment.”
Twilight grinned sheepishly. “Sorry for not telling you earlier. When I found out that Nightmare Moon was the God of Nightmares, I ran to find Joseph; to make sure he, or rather Nightmare, wasn’t up to anything.”
“Now, on to this Chrysalis business. What do you know of the situation?”
“Everything I know, Joseph told me. Could we please wait until he gets back so we’re all on the same page, and not repeating everything?”
“Of course, Twilight,” Celestia said, smiling warmly, putting Twilight’s worry at ease.
It was a few minutes later that Joseph returned, looking much better, and not like his lunch was going to say hello.
“I do apologise for the sudden teleportation” Celestia greeted. “That must have been your first time.”
“I never want to teleport ever again,” he stated resolutely. “Twilight, forget I ever asked you to teach me that. Now, I assume this has all got to do with the changelings?” The guard that accompanied Joe to the kitchen went back over to his post, unflinching.
“I’ve never had any problems with any changelings in centuries,” the solar diarch said. “Why is it they’ve suddenly decided to go after you?” she queried.
“I don’t know that they’re after me specifically,” he said pointedly, “just that when I mentioned them to Twilight and Cheerilee, they were flipping more shit than an episode of Mythbusters.”
“...Pardon me?” Celestia asked with a cock of her head.
Joseph sighed, pinching his brow and muttering; “I need to try and stop making Earth reference jokes. Anyway, I only saw one; Sweetie Belle. When I was at the schoolhouse, Nightmare told me Chrysalis did something to my head, and Nightmare Moon is trying to destroy the enchantment.”
“May I try something?” Celestia asked. “It’s a simple diagnostic spell. If something’s amiss, then I should be able to pick it up with this spell. All it involves is using my magic to ‘scan’ you, but I should only need to use it on your head.”
“It’s not going to make me throw up?” Joseph asked, recalling the side effect of the teleportation.
Celestia just chuckled. “Not at all.”
“Sure, I guess,” he replied uneasily.
“Step forward if you please.”
Joseph trotted up to the base of Celestia’s throne, leaving Twilight behind. Celestia's horn lit up, her eyes closed, and his vision glossed over with a yellowish hue as the glow encompassed his whole head.
"Try not to move," she said as the spell began its work. It wasn't until Celestia began scanning for abnormalities within his brain that Joseph felt a searing jolt of pain assault his head.
Joseph let out a shriek of intense pain, reeling back and falling down the stairs. "Ow, ow ow ow fucking ow!" he bellowed. "What the hell was that!? It felt like someone jabbing a hot poker through me!"
His gaze turned to the guard as Twilight ran to his aid as he rubbed his temple. "And you're not rushing over to help me up, why?"
"My duties lay with the Princess!" the guard declared.
"Well not helping someone up after they've fallen down the stairs is being an asshole!" Joseph spat.
"I agree," Celestia added, turning to look at the guard. "I think I might have skipped the 'be courteous' part of his training. I shall fix that as soon as I can."
The guard gulped, a bead of sweat rolling down his brow.
"Ugh, what happened anyway?"
"It appears to me that Chrysalis has completely erased events from your memory. Essentially, she used her magic to invade your brain and extract the memory itself, and my magic was like a cart’s wheel hitting a hole in the road."
"Nightmare Moon is already responsible for making me forget the names of my parents," Joseph began, his voice getting louder as he finished by shouting; "now this!?"
The guard took a step forward as a warning to lower the arguably threatening tone, but Celestia placed a wing over his back, giving him a stern glare that told him to stay put. "You were saying?"
"I am literally losing my mind!" Celestia was unmoved by his loud tone. "I've got two... things, trying to wipe memories from my head." Joseph took several steps forward to better look the diarch in the eyes.
The guard wanted to intervene, and quite understandably so, but Celestia had nothing to fear from Joseph.
He looked her dead in the eyes and said; "How long until I am no longer myself, but a darkened version that Nightmare wants to use as her tool?" He took one more tenacious step. "I came here through a magical accident after dying. How many times has something like this happened?" he half asked, half demanded.
Celestia blinked and swallowed.
'Aahhhh,' he thought, a victorious smile forming on his face, ’so this has happened before...’
"I-I don't know," she admitted. "You're the first that's been brought to my attention." Celestia cleared her throat and steeled herself against Joseph's accusatory glance.
Twilight stood in her place, listening to everything.
"Then you must know what happens, right?"
"I am unsure of what happens, thus I do not know how to reverse, or stop the process. Do you know what else Nightmare has done?"
"See, the thing that you need to ask yourself is, when something begins to erase your memory," Joseph began, "is how am I supposed to remember what she's erasing unless I know what it is that has been erased? It defeats the purpose!" He stared at the alabaster mare before him, awaiting an answer, yet none came.
"Yes, I... understand how that would be a problem. But moving on, how have you been finding it in Ponyville?"
Joseph backed down a bit, easing tension in the room. "Bit of an out-of-the-blue question, but other than being kidnapped and my head being messed with by three people now; fine. Why?"
Celestia's gaze turned to Twilight. "I apologise, but Joseph will need to come back to Canterlot until further notice so my sister and I can keep a closer eye on him."
“All this getting moved around is getting on my nerves. Since it seems I’m the one everyone is after, why not I just skip town entirely, hmm?” he said contemptuously.
“Your complaint is justifiable, but I couldn’t ask you to do that. It puts you at risk, and that I can’t let happen.”
“And if I stick around with changelings hounding me, it puts everyone at risk!” he retorted. “The best bet is to run as far away as possible. If all they want is me, then they’ll get out of your hair.”
Celestia let out a disgruntled sigh. “That is suicidal,” she said calmly. “I cannot, and will not let you do that!”
"You have two options," Joseph began, interrupting any further objections. "One: You put up necessary countermeasures for the changelings. That means mirrors, and lots of them. Screen anyone you suspect, or have reason to. I would suggest testing everyone with a hot poker, but that's not exactly realistic," he said, disguising a mirthful smile.
"Two: I am going back to my house, to do whatever it is I want. Either of those two options leaves you shit-out-of-luck with no potential to lord over me, which you shouldn't be doing; period." He took pause to let the words sink in, Celestia abstaining from any further objections. "I'm going to leave now. Don't worry about showing me the door; I already know the way out."
He turned to leave, leaving a bemused Celestia and Twilight in his wake.
"Joseph, wait!" Twilight called, Joseph halfway out the door. He stopped mid-step, turning to look at Twilight. "Will you be alright? You don't need me or one of my friends to keep you company at all?" she asked worriedly.
"Thanks, but no thanks. I don't know if they'd get replaced on their way over or not, so I'm just going to take the risk being by myself for now." Despite being angry, annoyed, and depressed at everything that's been happening lately, especially with his head, Joseph gave Twilight a half-hearted, yet sincere smile before exiting the castle, stepping into the cool, crisp, night air.
He took a deep inhale of the invigorating aroma and gathered his thoughts. He left the main castle grounds and began walking down the main promenade with all the shops, looking for a store that sold lamps.
It wasn't long until he spied a pole jutting out from a terraced shop, from which hung a sign with an ordinary-looking, hand-held glass lamp.
’Looks like this is the right place.’ He noticed an orange glow coming from behind the display case in the store's front window, indicating someone was here. He used his magic to open the door, striking a bell hanging from the door's frame.
"Hello and welcome to Little Lamplight's Lamps!" the unicorn shopkeeper greeted. "Looking for a lamp are we?" he asked in jest.
Sensing the sarcasm, Joseph replied; "No, I'm looking for sofas and quills. Got any?"
The unicorn gave a wide smile. "Sorry ma'am, but what we do have is a wide variety of lamps, big and small, wicks to match each size, and all the fuel you could ask for!"
'Perfect.' "What's your smallest, and biggest?"
The shopkeeper looked around the store with a hum of thought, pulling over a rather small, and one extremely large lamp. "The small one holds a few ounces of fuel, good for as many hours. The big one holds a couple litres. That's for large rooms, and lasts upwards of two days. The fuel comes in short, round glass containers which are housed within the base."
'Too small and too big. Although...' "Do you have something that has about ten to twelve ounces, or roughly three-hundred millilitres?"
“Sure do. Those will last you through the night."
“Great, then I'll take two of the ‘standard’ lanterns, and half a dozen glass fuel containers, and enough fuel for each. And whatever it is you use to light them."
The unicorn put everything together, including a short enough spool of wick rope that could be cut to length for each lamp.
It wasn't until after he put everything in a couple of bags that Joseph realised his bag, and a few of his belongings were still at Twilight's. 'Heh, I can just write her and let her know when I get back to my place.'
"I said that'll be eighty-five bits," the shopkeeper said.
"Oh, uh..." Joseph mustn't have realised he zoned out for a moment. He pulled out his bit bag, counting the coins. "...Eighty?" Joseph said uneasily. It wasn't until he finished counting that he realised he was a few coins short.
With a curious expression, the unicorn picked up a jeweler's eyeglass from behind the counter, one of the coins, and started examining it up close. "Where did you get these? They're freshly minted. Not often you come by them in this quantity. Usually the princesses will give minted coins to banks to distribute."
A few seconds later after he finished that sentence, the unicorn's eyes widened at Joseph. "Did you get these from the princesses?" he asked with all due seriousness.
"Yeah, why?"
"Oh, no reason. I wasn't aware that you had ties with them is all. Anyway, I can excuse a few bits because of the fresh mint of these coins." He floated over the two big, brown bags. "Have a good night!"
"You too!" Joseph replied before heading back out the door, each bag in his magical grasp.
It was just like carrying bags of groceries, yet Joseph still didn't fully understand how using corporeal magic physically tires him, outside of Twilight's explanation from earlier.
The nightlife of Canterlot had begun to crop up, with a lot of the day shops having been closed by now. A few streets over on either side of him, he heard the low 'untz' of loud music playing. Just like on Earth, mares and stallions dressed in their nightly going-out clothes began popping up on the streets. For creatures that more or less were naked throughout their day, he never thought that wearing the same style of clothes would make the view any more revealing for him, yet quite a lot of the clothing was drawing his attention.
'Typical,' Joseph mused with slight annoyance. Shrugging it off and doing his best to ignore the outfits, he found the way back to the house Luna gifted him with with little to no difficulty, only needing to stop a few times to make sure he was still on the right street.
Once inside, he sensibly decided to lock his door to try and safeguard against whatever might come poking around his head. Again.
Being tired from the day's events, he decided an early sleep was in order. Trotting up the stairs to the bedroom, lit by nothing else other than ambient light coming in through the windows, he discovered the bedsheets were in the exact same position from his first night here. He let out a small giggle at this before flopping onto the mattress, pulling the covers up to his chin before drifting off to sleep.