Joseph was stuck working late at the office. Again. His boss seems to have it in for him; always giving Joseph menial tasks to do while he let the rest of his colleagues scarper off home to their families for the evening. Eight-thirty at night and he's still stuck in this god-forsaken building putting up with this trivial paperwork.
Joseph was a twenty-something year-old that a lot of people would consider average. He had this part time job but very few friends, and he didn't talk to the ones he had too much. His parents were unfortunately deceased. They died during a holiday they had taken Joseph on several years ago. Outside of work, he was pretty content with his life.
It got to that point in the evening where he couldn't bear the hunger pains eating away at his mind and belly. Three quarters done with the tedious paperwork, he elected to take the unfinished papers home and complete them in the morning over a cup of coffee before work, since he started later than normal on a Friday.
An audible growl came from his stomach that would have made an anorexic person jealous. Luckily a quaint little Turkish kebab joint was just around the corner from the office, of which he'd often visit for lunch during the day. It seemed a bit late for a meal, but because Joe was busy doing paperwork...
“Guess I need to go out then...” he said as he heaved a sigh, packing all the unfinished paperwork into a manila folder and in turn put that into his satchel. He put the finished papers in the 'OUT' tray on his desk so if his boss decides to check, he'd find them easily enough. Shouldering the satchel, Joe turned off the desklamp and headed out the door and made his way to the ground floor via the elevator.
He pulled out his coat from his bag and put it on underneath the bag to protect himself against the cold, and began to briskly walk—to keep his warmth—around the corner to get his meal. He got his food to-go, so he could relax at home and have a beer while he watched TV, which is, the best way to relax after a long day of work.
A couple blocks away from home, he passed an alleyway when an ear-piercing scream rang out from the opposite end Joseph stood at. Stopping just shy of the corner, he peeked around the corner and saw two shadowy figures abruptly moving around. The only weapon he had available was the kebab in the bag in his hand , he carefully but quickly made his way down the alley to the two struggling forms.
He called out: "HEY!" and the form on top shot its head towards Joe as he brought the kebab down over the would-be attackers head. The attackers improper stance caused him to stumble off of his victim, and that's when Joseph caught a glimpse of the latter; a woman dressed in business attire. Her clothes were bunched up and scruffy, suggesting the attacker was trying to have his way with her. Without a second thought, Joe picked her up by her arm and tossed her behind himself. Good intentions all the same, he got her away from the assailant but in a rather uncouth manner.
"Run!" Joseph screamed, watching the woman struggle to her feet as she began running in the opposite direction from her attacker. Joe turned to look at the offender, ready to swing his food-turned-weapon again if necessary, but never got the chance. The attacker's right arm swung in a curve at Joe, and he felt a searing pain roar out from his abdomen. The attacker withdrew his weapon, and, holding the knife in the reverse grip, the attempted rapist-turned-murderer buried the weapon in the side of his neck.
The pain coursed through Joseph; there were no words to describe the pain. In a faux attempt to stop the pain, he brought his left arm up to pull out the knife just as the murderer shoved past Joe, legging it out of the alleyway and into the night, never to be seen again.
Joseph dropped to his knees as the knife fell on the ground with a clatter, his meal landing amongst a pile of garbage. He collapsed onto some rubbish bags as a myriad of prismatic colours began to flood his vision. He let out a last, guttural groan of pain as his vision faded to black. The last thing he laid eyes on was the full moon against the black veil of the night sky as it pulsed a brilliant white light.
Joseph felt like a freight train travelling at the speed of light carrying a quarry's worth of stone hit him. The aftermath of the resulting crash had him feeling as though he was laying buried under those same stones, the cold permeating his skin and muscles. He felt himself still lying on the stone-cold ground, but without the pain in his abdomen or neck—without any pain for that matter at all. Aside from the sensation of being hit by a train after a night of drinking, he felt just fine. He cracked his eyes open, but he didn't find himself laying down in an alleyway. His hazy vision caught sight of what looked like mediaeval stonework and vaulted archway windows running in rows along an all but broken wall.
Batting his eyelids, he tried clearing his vision to better take in the surroundings. As his sight cleared, he glanced around and saw piles of stone and rubble, plants, leaves, and plenty of moss-covered stone. Through one of the archway windows he glanced up and saw the moon. 'Where the hell am I?' he wondered. 'Why does this place look like someone took a wrecking ball to it?'
Joseph tried lifting his head, but pain shot through it, forcing him to quickly drop his head with a pitiful moan, clenching his eyes shut. He wondered why his head didn't hit hard stone, and, upon looking down, saw a deep navy-blue cloud-like substance shielding his head from the ground. 'What in the... is this a pillow?' He brought his hand up to grab it, but it wasn't a hand that he saw. Studying the appendage to make sure he wasn't dreaming, he had a hard time coming to terms with what he was looking at. A large, thick, keratinous substance replaced his hand in the shape of a half-oval with fleshy skin recessed into it. 'Is this a hoof!?!?'
A million thoughts raced through his mind; mostly why he had a hoof instead of a hand. He looked down and saw another lengthy black appendage. Panicking, he struggled in place trying to effectually push his new appendages away from him, but to no avail. His mind still racing, wishing to get away, something in his mind triggered a reflex causing previously unknown appendages to burst forth from under him, flapping as they carried him several feet from where he once was.
Thoughts still racing, his panic got the better of him as he let out an extremely loud effeminate scream that echoed through the confines of the dilapidated structure as he fell from his brief flight.
"WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?" he screamed. As soon as the feminine voice crossed his lips, he clamped a hoof over his mouth. His voice was regal, far too feminine to be what was once his own. He tried to stand up, pushing up from the ground with his front hooves as he sat on his haunches. Looking down to gauge their position and how to move them, he noticed two small teats sitting either side of a fleshy crevice. He rolled his eyes with incredulity, scoffing. 'Because I totally just died and turned into a black girl horse... His gaze turned to the purple and white marking on his rear ...with ink stains on my ass...
"What is going on here!?" he screamed again. He saw the sun beginning to rise over the horizon, shining in through one of the glassless windows, breaking Joseph from his stupor. One of his new wings shot out in front to shield his eyes from the sun. Did I just do that? Or was it reflex?' he questioned. He searched his mind for an answer, finding something that wasn't there before. Like fingers or toes, the movements of which became second nature, he found himself being able to willingly articulate, move, and fold the feathery appendages.
'So... I'm a... a...' He thought himself insane for letting the mere thought of the word cross his mind 'A pegasus...' Pushing those absurd thoughts aside for now, as well as his new 'equipment', he focused on trying to stand up. The splayed legs presented a problem. The muscle groups needed to control these new legs are totally alien. He would need to actually put in the thought processes to move them. Touching the left hind leg with his front left hoof confirmed it had sensation as he focused on trying to move it.
He worked the leg and managed to command the muscles to contract, bringing the leg up to his side. He repeated the same with the right leg, and now he found himself sitting on his haunches with legs curled up against his side, almost as if his human self would be squatting. He slowly pushed up with his rear legs, shakily standing up. 'Calm down, you can do this...'
Did you ever stand up so fast you got a headrush? Joseph's newfound stature and height had him standing in a manner he never thought he would experience before. The sudden drop of blood pressure and lack of coordination from standing up too fast made his vision swim. Taking a few deep, calming breaths, the refreshing air cleared his head. Calm enough, he surveyed his surroundings.
'Definitely an ancient, mediaeval stone-type castle.' The room had columns every so often, nestled between the wall spaces in between the windows. At the end of the room, was a raised circular platform with an almost vine-covered throne of some description. Joseph gingerly walked up to it from his position. He studied the throne. The seat was flush with the platform itself, and what could be called the armrests had equine-esque busts at the end of the 'arm' rests. The odd thing about them was that the busts sported horns. 'If there are unicorns here too I'm going to totally lose it...'
Joe heard the faint pitter patter of tiny feet coming from behind, and he turned his head around to see a large, purple-and-green lizard poke its head out the door at the opposite end of the room.
"Who are you?" he asked.
Right at that moment, the creature turned around and bolted in the opposite from Joseph, screaming; "Nightmare Moon's back! Twilight, she's back!"
Several seconds later, he heard the distinct clopping of half a dozen sets of hooves, followed by six technicolour equines entering the room. They all stared at each other incredulously; the epitome of lucridity blatantly staring them all the face.
"Who... Are you?" Joseph asked.
A voice came from the group. Joe discerned it to be from the orange creature. "Uh, Twilight, didn't we just, you know..."
The purple creatures eye was twitching as it stared at the form of Joseph, idly nodding. "Nightmare Moon..." she stated. "How did you survive the Elements of Harmony?"
Joseph began to lose his composure. "HOW DID I WHAT!?" he roared, causing the group to flinch and back down. "I was on my way home, going to eat my dinner. I heard a scream from a woman about to get raped, so I got the girl out of harms way, then I get stabbed. NOW I WAKE UP IN THE BODY OF A BLACK HORSE WITH INK STAINS ON ITS ASS!!!"
The pink one of the group chuckled. "Hehe, Queen Meanie said ass!"
Everyone in the group shot her a disapproving glare.
The purple one continued, stepping forward heroically. "I will not let you cause eternal night again, regardless of how you saved yourself!" she commanded.
Joe rolled his eyes. "Oh tschk, do you really think I'm some kind of bad guy?"
"Well you did kinda sorta try to overthrow Celestia and plunge all of Equestria into a state of eternal darkness," replied the pink one again, although rather nonchalantly this time.
Joe hadn't fully realised it yet, but his voice was still that of the evil villainess', still completely feminine and regal. It seemed to have slipped his mind for the time being. "Oh you are rich, this whole thing is totally rich. When I wake up..." The words caught in his throat as he realized his faux-pas.
"But... I died... How can I be here?" The look on his face turned to one of horror as he looked back to the six ponies, plus the over-sized lizard. The seven of them began to doubt the situation judging by the looks on their faces. "What is going on here?" Joseph asked, growing panic in his voice.
"Spike," the purple one named Twilight, as Joe realized after connecting the dots, called out, "Take a message!"
"Now?" he asked with disbelief.
Twilight sat down, and the other five followed suit. "Stay right there, Nightmare Moon, we're going to sort this out." She cleared her throat and continued. "Dear Princess Celestia. Something strange has happened at your old castle. Check the whereabouts of your sister, Luna, and come back to the castle urgently. Nightmare Moon has somehow returned. Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle." Spike pulled out a parchment and quill from seemingly nowhere, writing down the dictation from Twilight. Done, he rolled up the parchment, blowing it away on a breath of fire.
Joseph began taunting the seven of the group. "Lersen here Nertmare Meerrn, dis is seeeereuss!" He couldn't help but laugh and giggle-snort at himself. Or herself. Whatever the case might be. Oddly enough, the pink one followed suit. "What, are you going to start a musical number as well?"
"Oh oh oh, could I!?" she beamed.
No!!! Chorused the rest of the group.
Joseph sat back down on his, or her, haunches, rubbing his forehead with a hoof. "This has been a crazy few hours..." The alien appendage bumped something on his head, and he ran the hoof up it, and guffawed. "Wings and a horn!? Am I some kind of horse freak?"
"No silly, you're an alicorn!" commented the pink one. Again.
The lizard known as spike burped up a scroll. "Did that lizard just..." Joseph began, pointing a hoof at the creature.
"He's a dragon," deadpanned Twilight. "He sends messages via dragonfire." Twilight unfurled the scroll and read it aloud. "My Dearest Twilight. Luna is exhausted after the events that transpired. Given the mention of your note, I shall be with you momentarily. Sincerely, Princess Celestia."
"If Princess Luna is in Canterlot, then who is... that!?" spoke the white one with the purple mane.
"I already told you; I'm not who you think I am." Joseph paused to contemplate that sentence, tapping a hoof to his chin. "That sounds rather sinister. Allow me to rephrase. *AHEM* I am not whom you call 'Nightmare Moon'. I am, WAS, by all accounts, a human named Joseph Merrick. How I came to be in this body, I... do not know."
Moments after Joseph finished his sentence, the air in the room heated slightly and a brilliant white pulse flashed out from the middle of the room. Shielding his eyes with a wing, Joseph looked to where a brilliant white alabaster horse stood.
'Wings and a horn as well as myself.' The elegant white mare glowered at the reincarnation of her sister's evil doppelganger. Her horn glowed with a brilliant yellow light, and in an instant Joseph found himself with bright yellow bars surrounding him. Celestia had trapped him within a cage wrought with bars of light.
Wings spread, Celestia walked over to Joseph. "How is it you survived The Elements of Harmony?" she commanded in a soft voice.
"The Elements of Harmony? That sounds like a cheesy quest reward in a video game."
The Princess gave him a confused look, raising an eyebrow. She turned her head to look back at Twilight as the rest. "My Student, what have you got to say about this?"
"By way of answer, and in my interpretation, Nightmare Moon says she's from another world entirely. I would be inclined to believe her for the time being. Benefit of the doubt and all."
Celestia turned her head back towards Joseph, and he cut her off just as she was about to speak. "I don't care if you don't believe me, since all I have is my word and my word alone. All I ask of you and your posse over there is to give me the benefit of the doubt as little miss purple-smart said."
Celestia's demeanour relaxed. "That much is fair. Although I will have to keep you out of sight of the rest of my subjects and populace until such time as we can figure this all out. Twilight, I bid you farewell. I shall send for you at a later time."
Celestia's horn glowed again, dropping the cage spell and teleporting Joseph and herself away to Canterlot, into a special room Celestia had purposefully built for purposes of this kind.
The room itself had few furnishings. Bed, desk, and a few food items on a table next to a jug full of water.
"This room is enchanted," Celestia began. "You cannot get out of it without my knowledge, say-so, and intervention."
Joseph only nodded, wide-eyed, apprehension apparent. Celestia teleported out of the room, leaving Joe alone. Eyeing up the bed, he decided that some rest would be good for him right about now. Trotting over to the bed, he clumsily got into it, not bothering to pull the covers over him as he just lay his new head on the plush down pillows as sleep slowly, but surely, crept up on him.
This sounds familiar. (never mind. Read the author's note)
I love it!
does that mean it didn't even make it to the attempt stage?
4837677
It was about 12:30am when I wrote the description. I tend to do things like that from time to time haha
4837385
I just hope nobody chews me up about the correlation haha
4837765 yeah, I'll write stuff early and then later I'll look at it and go "was I high?"
4837936
There's been one or two of my stories I've written while I was high. Literally. I was stoned
>Constructive criticism and ego stroking are both welcome
>and ego stroking are
>ego stroking
Ohhh, yeah, you stroke that ego for me baby.
Interesting....
This sounds familiar. (never mind. Read the author's note)
4838301
Your comment is the exact same as this here first comment.
In the spirit of un-originality, I too might rewrite this fic. Lets make it a verse-thing.
Cliche beggining. Lets see for further chapters.
Hm, I like this one, nice storytelling, good plot, I care not about the originality, it only needs more chapters!
The author's note is sufficient, so you earned a new reader, dear author!
Besides, the character of Nightmare Moon is always used in such villainous ways, I think this is the best way to use her!
Also, Celestia's reactions promises us a good storyline, so I'm waiting for the continuation.
Keep writing!
-Zeph
4838499
Thank you!
I wish I had more commenters like you
I do love a good Nightmare Moon transformation story, but I noticed a few errors:
He wondered why his head didn't his hard stone - I believe you meant hit
Touching the left hind leg with his front left hoof confirmed it had sensation he focused on trying to move it. - This should be two separate sentences.
Joe heard the faint pitter patter of tiny fet coming from behind - This should be obvious.
There are a few places where you change from past to present tense. I recommend using one or the other but not both, as it is a bit jarring.
I had a little confusion at the line "Who are all of you?" He asked. - I assume this is Joseph speaking, but he's only seen Spike at this point, correct?
There are a few other minor typos, and it wouldn't hurt to go through it again or have someone edit before posting. It's not enough to take away from a good story, and I'll be following this one.
I like this version way better than the other already
Didn't something just come out with this exact premise?
Edit: Meh.
A life for a life I see, Jesus, that was BRUTAL! And the rest is just silly, I like it.
I like this a lot better than the other. However, it's still awkward, feels a bit rushed, and the idea was intensely clichéd even before the other one came out.
Looks like somebody is trying their hand at the 'guy saves someone's life but is killed and becomes Nightmare Moon' premise. I didn't read past the "he was average" part because Why are they always average!! Make them interesting, flesh them out a bit! You don't have to say he's average, let the reader figure that out. Show, don't tell.
EDIT: I read the Author's Note. You really didn't have to ask permission to use this premise, Admiral Q Ponyform didn't invent it.
man i love this story line there's a few things here and there but nothing major so keep up the good work
Wow. A third story of someone waking up in Nightmare Moon's body. Let's see where this leads!
4837385
4838301
You two just said the same exact thing.
I'm gunna favorite this one too for the time being. now though, since i've favorited both of them, I gotta keep track of which one's which when ever there's an update so i don't confuse the two lol!
I... what just happened?
We need another chapter
Well, it's certainly an improvement on his story. This still has a few problems, such as spelling mistakes. However, my only major problem with it at the moment is Twilight's and Celestia's dialogue when speaking to one another. It seemed too cold and calculating, fairly out of character.
Regardless, it's a respectable start.
4839272
Maybe not, but it's common courtesy to do so. People cop a lot of flak when they re-use popularised ideas without crediting(what could be deemed) the original. It's mostly to save face in the long run so people don't chew you out over the issue.
4838524
Fixed.
I both disagree and fail to understand how. However, I did add 'as' to between 'sensation' and 'he' to make the sentence flow more smoothly.
Thank you Captain Obvious
I do have a massive problem with my tenses. I figured focusing on a past-tense story would help to shake me of any further mistakes.
You assume correct.
Your criticisms have been appreciated!
4839743 Working on it.
This is one of the few times when I almost posted something without reading the authors note.... and made a stupid mistake.
I am following both of the stories and I hope so see how they both pan out. Hope that you continue to collaborate with Admiral Q Ponyform since I have thought of writing a few stories but can't get enough plot together to make a full story, just a few chapters. Can't wait to see the next installment.
4840962
This isn't a collaboration by any means. His story had a lot of potential, so I asked if I could use his chapter as the basis for mine. I seriously NEVER expected it to get this popular
And you bring up a very valid and good point. I WISH PEOPLE WOULD READ THE AUTHORS NOTES BEFORE POSTING ASININE COMMENTS.
Sooooooooooo....you are gonna have more, soon, right? :D
4841173 But of course. I'm already 2000 words into the next chapter.
Like the original this one feels really rushed taking no time to develop the main character and also getting rid of the ponies' confusion that this NMM isn't the original in the first chapter without some conflict seems like a giant wasted opportunity. The reveal that this isn't the real NMM should be a big deal that isn't covered over in just the later half of the first chapter.
Also another nitpick is I don't like when people use caps lock to signify shouting try just using exclamation marks and descriptions. I know it's fanfiction and can be silly but in my honest opinion I can't take anything written in caps lock seriously I just imagine the person saying it to be an angry 12 year old or obnoxious youtube troll but that could just be me.
Other than my little gripes I'm following this like the original because I love the premise and has great potential. I haven't seen another story that had someone become NMM.
4841178 YAY
I'm going to bitch at you for being unoriginal!!!
BLARGH BLAB RAWR BROB RACK!!
ok done.....
I actually sincerly am really likeing this story, I wonder what Luna will say when she sees him
4841194 While your concerns aren't entirely unwarranted, the mention of the caps is usually used to convey screaming etc; regardless of whether or not it's a youtube troll. Yes, the pacing is a bit rushed but It's nothing I can't live with.
4841027 Actually could you do a forward instead of a authors notes. That way folks would know why there are similarities beforehand without you getting as annoyed.
4841286
They should read everything before making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. Most people would rather bitch and whine about it rather than read to begin with, because that much takes effort and they'd rather make themselves look stupid doing so.
That's just my opinion of those people, strictly speaking
Thanks for letting us know! I admit when I started reading it I was about to freak out about plagiarism. Though I will say that your writing style Is a little bit more fleshed out than the original author. (don't tell him I said that)
4841359
I've been ripped off twice before on one story, my previous one.
4841359 4841517 Both this story and Death to Nightmare are based off an anthro fic called 'Who I've Become' - Nightmare Moon by spetsnaz pinkie pie.
Just so you know if you really care about ripoffs it was created months before this and Death to Nightmare. I have both stories on my read later list anyway.
4841745
Saying our stories are 'based off' the one you mentioned suggests that one had influence in ours. Not true, at least for me. I had no idea that one even existed, so I've no need to credit it.
4841745
hmmmm..... that's one I haven't come across yet! any good?
I do love getting back to the originals!
So, Celestia gets confused and decides to ask Twilight what she thinks about the matter. Twilight says to trust him for the time being.
Knowing this, and knowing Luna is back home and safe (meaning NMM being there shouldn't be possible), the first thing she does is pretty much decide to ignore Twilight and lock him away against his will? What?
Aside from that, it hasn't been too bad so far. What worries me are the tags. Dark especially. Right now, I can't think of why that would be warranted (since they seem to believe him and he has no reason to do anything stupid that should mean they don't try to kill him or anything tragic like that), which makes me worried that this might be going the direction of "Main character turns into Villain and slowly becomes evil like the villain and there's nothing they can do to stop it" in which case, I'll probably drop it (I freaking despise plots like that, since they seem utterly pointless to read about. Why waste time reading about something when you know what's going to happen?).
Still, I'm hoping nothing like that happens, so I'll keep a track of where this story (and the other one) goes. Good luck with the fic.
4839272
While that's normally true, there's a difference between using a similar premise, and using what's pretty much the exact same thing. In this case, he was right to ask for permission, as otherwise this story would deserve any criticism it got for that.
4841858 well she didnt blow NMM up or launch her into the sun. She just put her in a prison cell. a nicely appointed cell with a comfy bed at that. thats more trust than i would show.
4841907
NMM/Joseph is not in a cell, persey.
4841858
I have no idea what you're on about.
Well considering there's a rape attempt and Joseph gets stabbed... yeah...
4841929 locked in a room that he cannot escape without Celestia's consent/being made aware. That's a cell. it may have all the trappings of a bedroom, but its a cell.
Seems eerily similar to this fic...
I am about to call shenanigans on either you or the other guy...
EDIT: I saw the A/N, so Nevermind...
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
4840310 His fic definitely wasn't the original, that's my point. But it's good that you're being courteous.