• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

ocalhoun


I am not contained between my hat and my boots.

T

Zecora hates her little hut.
The path is always silent, and the door is always shut.


Proofreading by RaylanKrios.
Cover art based on a work by Mister-Markers.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 75 )

. She was an outcaste at home, and she would be an outcaste

outcast

An outcaste, not fit to

outcast again

She was once, and will always be the outcaste.

outcast again

I do want to give Zecora a hug now.

4907111
Those were all deliberate.

In a caste society, an outcaste is one without a caste. They're non-people, worse off than slaves.

No Zecora! Why?! Why?
But, great job. I really want to give her a hug.....
Anddddd..... Now I'm depressed.

Do you have a list of every possible group that you add stories to? It took you ten minutes to add this to 37 groups. :ajbemused:

This should have been formatted as poetry. As prose it's full of errors, and if it was written as poetry, then you should have taken more care with the cadence and meter. The caste system you allude to is bewildering, as Botswana doesn't have one (presumably your reference for "Buckswana"), and Equestria certainly doesn't have one. "Thwarting those who rule" is an odd phrase, and implies that this caste system has followed her to an entirely different culture. All together, this isn't a good explanation for Zecora's presence in the Everfree. If she wanted to join another society, why didn't she actually join one, instead of making a hut in the wilderness? She shouldn't expect anyone to come to her house, and even if they did, she shouldn't expect them to understand the traditional symbols of her culture. She's an outsider, and one who is willfully avoiding any attempts it would take to find a place in Equestrian society.

Whatever. I'm sorry, this isn't the best critique, but this is just bad poetry. With that other "experimental" story, The Opposite of Love, and the one that got featured, One in a Million, well. You aren't a very good author. Looking at it again, it appears that you added One in a Million to over 120 groups in one day, which is probably why it got featured, not to mention the fact that it was unfinished during this period, possibly still on its first chapter. You did the same sort of thing to this story. These are dishonest tactics, and for stories that are mediocre at best.

4933450
I do, in fact. :twilightsmile:
Below every story, you'll see a little folder icon, which you can use to bring up a list of groups you can add the story to.
...and there are hundreds of groups in my list! :pinkiecrazy:
:facehoof: Also, I hit the group submission flood limit after only 3 stories.

4933413
Aw... if it helps, I've got other, happier, stories for you to read.

4933563

Refresh the page, I added my criticism.

4933450
:facehoof: Not intended as poetry... just intended to be in rhyme, like Zecora speaks.
And yeah, not the best, possibly. Just experimenting. It's fun. :twilightsmile:

:trixieshiftright:
And I don't see anything dishonest about submitting your stories to groups. That's what they're there for.
(And is calling me 'not very good' really called for? :trixieshiftleft: At any rate, this is all just practice. It isn't about being good, it's about getting better.)

4933580

Half of the groups aren't remotely related to the story, and a bunch of them have criteria that aren't best decided by the one who wrote the story. The "Good Grammar Directory?" Even if there weren't a bunch of errors in the story, it would still be conceited to presume that this belonged there. It's spam, bulk requests made in the hope that as many as possible stick, drawing attention to your story and using name recognition to cement it there.

I call you "not very good" because your writing is not very good. Characterization, plotting, proofreading, and the conceit that the concepts you've come up with for this, The Opposite of Love, and presumably others have any depth or philosophical value to them.

If it's just practice, and the current quality of your work doesn't matter, then why do you advertise it so highly? It's not wise to speak loudly of small things. If you do get better, you will end up regretting this sort of behavior.

4933632
Are you familiar with the good grammar directory?
They have their own moderators who approve stories that are placed in the submission folder.
If these stories are as bad as you say, they'll surely fail. :twilightsmile:

And I like to think some of my stories have depth. :fluttershysad:

Why advertize? When I advertize more, more people read. When more people read, more people comment. When more people comment, I get more feedback that helps me improve. :twilightsmile:

4933848
4933862
Easy, guys. We don't want a flame war.

1: Massive props for writing in rhyme (something that I cannot do to save my life)

2: I need a Zecora to hug now

3: (See #2)

4934368
Nice ^.^
I'm glad somebody's enjoying this one. :twilightsmile:

4934831 I don't think it's possible to read your stories and not enjoy them. (Especially "A Mother's Love Never Dies". The feeelllss)

:) I believe you did a good job, what got my attention was the while rhyming theme!

I must admit, rhyming is not something I can do for even one bit =D (don't ask how long that took, if that even rhymes)

Zecoria needs a hug ):

Lovely rhyming. It must have been hard. But good job!

4935988
4936973
Rhyming's actually not that hard for me. If I read too much rhyme, I'll do it automatically.
If I read it for too much time, I'll even think in rhyme! :twilightoops:

Wow. As it suggested, I now feel the need to hug Zecora. And the fact that you wrote this in rhyme... that makes this story even better. So have a like and a Fav1 And a Derpy: :derpytongue2:

The Sads... I am not affected.

I truly enjoy reading a good rhyme or two, though I believe my own skills are rather few.

I do want to hug Zecora now, but not before I make a vow.

Applejack and Pinkie I should smack, since Zecora's character they did attack.

Between AJ's prejudice and Pinkie Pie's song, they have truly done our favorite zebra wrong.

By drinking that bottle, her life it would have taken? Please, I beg you to correct me if I am mistaken.

___________________________________________
...Well, this comment went better than I expected. :twilightsheepish:

4939163
Yes, yes, the white bottle would have taken her life.
Don't hate on Dash or Pinkie, though. ^.^ This is set before Bridle Gossip, so they haven't met Zecora yet.

4938780
Eh, you win some, you lose some.
If you really want some sads, try my A Mother's Love Never Dies. :raritywink:

4939795
I figured this was set before "Bridle Gossip," but even so, the way you portrayed Zecora in this story does make me a little angry towards a couple of the other ponies for how they treated Zecora during that episode. With that said, I could never actually bring myself to hate on any of the characters. (With the possible exception of certain fan interpretations...)

See, this is why Apple Bloom is best pony.

Also, can I link to this next time someone complains about Zecora's rhyming dialogue being too difficult to write?

4941328
I hope you do give them a link! Rhyming is easier than they think. :twilightsmile:

4939795 Yeah... No. My Insanty has hardened me against petty things like pain, misery, empathy, fear, kindess, and love. I was still not affected by these (admittedly more powerful) Sads, sorry. It was a nice try, but I have put up a wall. Not many could break it.

4941351
Well, okay.
Sucks to be you, I guess.
Feeling things is fun! :pinkiehappy:

4941377 No. No, it really isn't.

fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/183/f/a/deathflame_hugs_zecora_by_shani_art-d55o6yj.png
Fewer images than I expected of a pony hugging Zecora. That needs to be rectified.

Next time Zecora appears in one of my stories, she's getting a hug.

4952797
:rainbowlaugh:
Good, good!
Yay, I've influenced something! :rainbowkiss:

Thank Celestia for Apple Bloom. This is a pretty realistic portrait of loneliness and isolation. Hugs for Zecora. I've been there.

4978967
I couldn't ask for better praise! :rainbowkiss:

2sad4me
and4sadTree :fluttercry:

The rhyming really compliments the tale. Lyrical telling won't let it go stale. Compounds the emotion, some might say. But who am I to judge? Eh, liked anyway. :heart:

4994618
Lovely comment! :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by MelodySketch deleted Sep 15th, 2014

This is beautiful, in it's own special way. It looks hard to write, some might say. I hope she doesn't take too big of a drink, from that bottle because all that will be left to do is blink, and then there will be nothing else to do, I hope she doesn't take a drink, do you?:fluttershysad::heart:
{By the way, LOVED IT!!!:pinkiehappy:}

Nice touch with the rhymes :raritywink:. Was this before Bridle Gossip?

5037896
Yes, before that. :twilightsmile: And thanks!

I love the touch with the rhymes, and the feels are here to say hi yet again.
Although I did ask it upon myself, I must go and add another comedy fic to the 'read it' shelf. :raritywink:

5154639
Well, you've exhausted my repertoire of sadfics, so that helps. :twilightsmile:

5154645 yep and I enjoyed every moment of reading them, believe it or not :raritywink:

Great story, but down voted because some of the rhymes were unrhythmetic and were hardly poetic at that point.

Also Zecora's in it. I guess that counts.

5207023
Pfft.
I wasn't trying to make it rhythmic.

5207051 Okay. Well, disjointed rhymes make it suck.

Also, Zecora's in it.

I will report back when I finish writing the next chapter of my new crossover story.

Just added the last touches to my first chapter (has yet to be published)

You may now get mad at me for disliking Zecora.

5207117
Done. :twilightsmile:

Look at the cover image.
This is how Zecora feels when you hate her.

5207314 Well, good.

Just so you know, I don't so much as hate Zecora as I just think she's a burden on the entire show and should never have existed in the first place.

When, oh, when will we get a proper Zecora episode? Well, at least the Zecora/Fluttershy Friends Forever comic was great.

Good story. I've always wondered about Zecora's exile from her zebra homeland, and her relationship with her friends beyond being a plot device.

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