• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
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ocalhoun


I am not contained between my hat and my boots.


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[Interactive] [Comment Driven]

Daring Do sets out to search for a fabled treasure: the Diamond Eye. Before she even arrives, though, disaster strikes. Was it an accident, or is someone else after the mythical gem, or maybe the gem isn't unprotected after all? The only way she can find out is to press onward, but for that, she needs your help.

That's right. Your help. Post comments about what you think Daring Do should do. For each chapter, a comment will be chosen from all the ones given, and Daring Do will do that... for better or for worse. Choose wisely.

For this fic, I'm making an exception to my 'completed fics only' rule, for obvious reasons. This one will be published on a chapter-by-chapter basis, because what happens in a chapter won't be decided until I get the comments from the previous chapter.

Cover image by Ravenous Drake

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 52 )

Ready to tell me what Daring will do next? :rainbowdetermined2:

(Of course, I like general feedback and writing advice, too! :twilightsmile:)

Well the practice thing would be to assess the situation. Check for injuries. Take an inventory of current supplies. Determine location. If possible make contact with the rest of the squad. But that is about as fun as it sounds.

You said they were close. If I may be as bold to recommend that they landed near the temple. Long walks through the desert are about as fun to read about as inventorying supplies. To bolster the excitement of the story and to explain what knocked Sunbeam out of the air, perhaps there could be a large dig site and camp near by. The camp could belong to Ahuizotl (if I am spelling that right). This will give the story an Indiana Jones/ Tomb Raider/ Uncharted feel to it. Having knocked Daring from the sky they have dispatched lackeys from the camp to search for wreckage and bodes.

Daring's talent is Navigation, right? Then maybe she should try using her compass along with Pineapple's map to find out just where they are.
Also, she should prepare to be betrayed at some point, just in case.

Just wanna say that I love the idea of this, and that the story is great so far.

I'm thinking that she should try to get a higher vantage point before it's dark. Though it wouldn't be nice to her strained wing muscles and it could be dangerous if there's still an anti-air presence around, getting a better look over the dunes could help them navigate and find the temple if they really are close to it. It could also help them find the downed chariot, if it hasn't already been raided by whatever brought it down in the first place. And on that subject, they need to think about defense.

Without the majority of their supplies, setting up a shelter of any kind will be difficult in the middle of a sandy desert. It would be helpful if they could even get their hooves on just one supply box that got lost during the attack. They'll need to find shelter, whether it be in the temple itself or just a tent made out of that raggedy old coat; it gets cold in the desert at night, and whatever brought down their ride might still be around.

Since the chariot was shot down... I say have Daring and her uncle search for what shot down their chariot. It should be some sort of strange small pyramid with a prism on top of it, to keep things interesting and stick to the fact that the shots were energy-based (going by the coloration mentioned in the chapter). Now, this "defense prism", as I'll call it, isn't too far off from where the pair landed, so there won't be an ungodly long and uneventful trek through the desert.

Once they find this emplacement, they decide to use it as a temporary shelter because there's an opening in the base of the defense prism that leads inside said structure. They rest there for a while, then ala Scooby Doo, Uncle Pineapple unwittingly finds a secret passage after leaning against a wall. This passage turns out to be a trap-laden passage underneath the sands of Saddle Arabia that leads directly to the Temple of the Sun God.

Why not throw in the giant rolling boulder near the end of the passage as a reference to Indiana Jones? A good few folks might like that.


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Well I got my idea across. The story so far is interesting, and I like that you have a factor of reader interaction with it, where they help decide what happens next, so long as it makes a good bit of sense, and fits in with what happened prior. The pun in the title involving Daring's name was pure genius. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Plan of action: Check for injuries. Take an inventory of current supplies. Attempt to locate either the downed chariot and if possible locate the missing Pegasuses of their team as well in a timely fashion. Something shot them down and no doubt it would have sent scouts in order to confirm the body count; Who knows how much of a head start these scouts have had thanks to being knocked out on landing?

When you're out in the field, the only ponies you can depend on are your crew and yourself. Good explorers don't leave their teams to uncertain ends!

Wow... I'm blown away by how in-depth and thought out all the comments are.
This is going to be good! :rainbowkiss:

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Having knocked Daring from the sky they have dispatched lackeys from the camp to search for wreckage and bodes.

Ooh... I hadn't thought of that possibility.
This is why interactive fics are fun! ^.^

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She's always prepared. (Or, she thinks she is.)

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Just wanna say that I love the idea of this, and that the story is great so far.

Thanks :twilightsmile:

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The story so far is interesting, and I like that you have a factor of reader interaction with it, where they help decide what happens next, so long as it makes a good bit of sense, and fits in with what happened prior.

Oh yes. This is working even better than I'd hoped so far! :twilightsheepish:
I expected a lot of the suggestions to be silly or absurd, but they've all been really good quality. It's going to be hard to choose.
(And I think I'll probably incorporate ideas from several of them, actually.)

The pun in the title involving Daring's name was pure genius.

:twilightsmile: glad somebody appreciates it!

I can't wait to see what happens next!

Me neither. :rainbowlaugh:
It's a wonderful feeling, as an author, not knowing what comes next in the story.

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Ah, good point. She does kind of have a duty to make sure the others are okay.

After making sure Pineapple was unhurt, Daring made a quick search for supplies that yields only a rope, some basic food supplies, a water canteen with enough water for two - three days max, a knife, and the map. Everything else has been buried in the dunes. A scan of her surroundings forced her to hurry up in her search and rescue. A massive sandstorm grew closer each second she stood there. She cursed herself for forgetting to bring her goggles. If she had them, she may have been able to ride out the storm in the wreckage of the chariot. That is if she were alone. But Pineapple, Speed Breeze, and Sunbeam were with her and weren't used to surviving in a harsh environment. Thankfully, Speed Breeze and Sunbeam crashed only a short distance from them. Both were alive, but Sunbeam had a broken wing. A thought crossed Daring's mind. The attack had happened on their planned route. Their attackers knew where they would be. She only told three other ponies about this treasure hunt and they stood right in front of her. Who would be willing to betray her? It couldn't be Pineapple, surely her flesh and blood would never do anything to harm her. Her thoughts were interrupted when Pineapple shook her and pointed to the approaching sandstorm. There was no haven in close proximity for them to hide in. She looked at the wreckage around her. Even if she tried, she couldn't make a shelter strong enough to withstand the storm with what they had.

And that's about what I have so far. I would also like to add that the temple should be closer than they think. This is a desert after all, and the shifting sands bury plenty of things over time. I love these kind of stories. You sir, are a genius. I will thoroughly enjoy this.

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Well, I'm mostly only asking what Daring Do should do... not the world around her, but still... thanks. I'll just consider it an idea for what to do next with the story.

and,

You sir, are a genius.

The second time I've been called genius in this comment section.
:ajsmug:
I think it might start going to my head. :twilightoops:

I will thoroughly enjoy this.

:twilightblush:

I bet it's those darn technological terrors. They shoot anything out of the sky, inflated or not. Meanwhile, I wouldn't put it past Daring to try to construct a crude deflector from whatever salvage she has on hoof.

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those darn technological terrors.

:rainbowhuh:

3346844 Ever play the game Bloons? There is the Temple of the sun gods on one side and Technological terrors on the other when upgrading super monkeys

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Why, yes I have... and now that you mention it, yeah I remember those. :rainbowlaugh:

I like the technological terrors, myself. If you have a bunch of them all lined up near the start, you can fire them all off in quick succession to instantly take out even a swarm of ZOMG blimps. ^.^

I've spent way too much time on that game. :unsuresweetie:

New chapter's up! :twilightsmile:

Shelter should still be top priority, they don't have to go far inside, just enough to hide and weather the night. The danger inside may be much farther in. Should also contemplate food, it doesn't sound like either have any

Shelter is best. Stay at the entrance, but try to conceal it with palm leaves.

Oh man, I might have to leave this one alone... For now anyway.

I seem to be caught in a mental rut for some reason. All I can think of is Congo, not that I am happy to admit that.

I am sure I will have something productive for you in a few hours... hopefully. Right now I need some sesame cake.

I like this story. I like this story a whole lot! :pinkiehappy:

Now then, onto the plan of action!

Shelter is important, but so is food, fire and weaponry. The Hyena's already know where you are and it's better to be ready for them then to not be. Also, a fire would allow the other two Pegasuses from your team to have a slim chance of finding you in the night (Unlikely, but hope springs eternal). With your rope and the nearby resources it shouldn't be hard to create at least two makeshift spears and a fire (With fire pit) at the entrance off the temple. A quick look for food would also not go amiss.

Since you're going to be camping in front of the temple tonight, you might as well take advantage of Pineapple's knowledge to see if he can work out what 'purified by the light' means (You did carry him all the way here at great expense on your part now it's time for him to get to work!)

Based on the cryptic warning, Daring should wait out the night. Shelter is always a top priority but the hyena's make it impossible to create any form of fire or shelter without revealing her location. She should make a fire and shelter in front of the entrance and place traps around it. There's more than enough trees for her to make an ensnarement trap or two. She doesn't want to kill them since she needs to find out who sent them in the first place. Also, a search for any form of food is important.

That warning sounds to me like there might be one or more dangerous, nocturnal creatures known to live in the tomb. Hyenas outside, possibly danger and traps inside. They could take shelter just inside the temple, but that could mean getting sandwiched between the hyenas and whatever danger lurks inside (assuming it's mobile). Stuck between a rock and a hard place, for sure.

As far as survival concerns go, an ancient temple isn't likely to have food; even if you counted mummies and rats, that's still not pony food. Stuffing your pockets with grass isn't exactly cool, but it might be a good idea. They could squirt out the suntan lotion in that bottle, though, and use it to carry at least a little bit of water.

I can't think of a third option, so I'd say fill up on any vegetation and water around and brave the temple, perhaps setting a few traps at the entrance to deter the hyenas from following them (if they themselves are brave enough, that is). I'd suggest upgrading their arsenal first, though. A good knife can be used to make a wide variety of weapons and tools. A couple of spears would be a good start, if the trees around have suitable material for it. Perhaps even tipped with stone points, if they can find sharp rocks to tie on. But they should be quick, for those hyenas are likely getting closer by the minute.

i suggest climbing the outside of the temple, if possible. With a high enough vantage point, you might get a visual on the missing party members. Plus, you are safe from ground attacks, and have an eye out for the ones who attacked the carriage.

Risk it.
Ancient magic usually turns out to be nothing but ridiculous superstition.

Ooh... Daring should take heed to the warning and wait out the night. They could use time to rest after the events that transpired throughout the day, especially since Miss Do's wings seized up on her not too long ago. If they are to make a fire, it needs to be concealed in a way that allows them to be near it, but not have to completely cover the flames.

As for food, gum really won't cut it. There's bound to be various plants that bear fruit in this oasis, so they should search for berries or something along that vein to eat. It may not be much, but it's better than gum.

Go back and lure in one of those sand-sharks, catch it with the rope, then drag it back to the temple and toss it in to see if it gets attacked by whatever is supposed in there at night, while listening from far enough away to not be seen by the entrance. If the sand shark doesn't get attacked, and the hyenas find the temple entrance, they'll hear the shark thing, and maybe think that was the guardian thing, and decide daring is dead, and leave.

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Don't worry, it happens. :rainbowlaugh:

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In fiction? :rainbowhuh: not so much :fluttershysad:

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But sand sharks aren't as helpless on dry land as regular sharks... you've given Daring a bit of a tall order there!

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Thanks, everybody. ^.^ Lots of good suggestions this time. :twilightsmile:
I expect to have the next chapter ready by later today. :raritywink:

Based on the amount of hyenas and the current condition of Daring, she should head further into the temple. Best case scenario, she finds a place to hide while the hyenas run past her and straight to the source of the growls.

Well the team is in a tough spot isn't it?

Really, at this point there are only two major options. Either you can take advantage of the narrow entrance way to fend the Hyena's off (Not recommend since they are armed and our dashing heroine isn't) or they could retreat further into the temple and hope that there is enough room around the traps and whatever else is guarding the temple so that when you do run into them you can get out of the way and let the 'Rock' and the 'Hard Place' kill each other.

And this is why you don't ignore the voice in your head telling you to get sharp point things Daring. :ajsmug:

Into the temple we go.

3440482 I gotta say, that's actually a really good idea using the traps inside the temple against both threats.

The hyenas are looking through foliage at night into a dark cave so they might not be able to tell that it's Daring they're looking at. Try to make them believe that you are one of what ever is making that noise. If this works it should scare them off a small distance (maybe one of them dropping a weapon that you can use), but there is no chance that they will go too far as to let you escape. After this you'll have no choice but to go further inside and make sure you meet these night dangers on your own terms before they meet you on theirs.

hyena are scavengers, not hunters. if they followed that far, something might be herding them to you. Hiding won't do much with their sense of smell, so if you can, take up a defensible position inside the temple, while hoping the traps aren't pony only.

Oh, man, that's some bad trouble right there. Not much in the way of defensive equipment. Most likely outnumbered by the hyenas, but maybe not by whatever lurks in the temple. I'd make a run for it, deeper into the temple, if it weren't for one issue: light. It sounds very dark down there, and they don't have any light sources I'm aware of (though I may have just missed something). Can they build a torch and light it in a few seconds?

Daring is rather agile, I believe, but Pineapple doesn't seem to be. Running could get him left behind, held at the mercy of the hyenas. Which makes me suddenly wonder if they're really hostile. Has anypony tried to talk to them? Of course, they may not speak the same language, anyway. I guess they could use the various bits and pieces they brought with them to throw together some sort of weird costume and spring out of the temple in an attempt to scare off the hyenas, but I dunno if that would come anywhere close to working. I'd probably just run for it into the temple and hope not to be eaten by a grue before I could find or get a light source. The growling sound may just be some ancient rope in a mechanism that fell off a pulley and is scraping against a corner or something. Never can tell with these old places.

I'd say fight the Hyenas and Daring Do should do a Fuddle Dance as doing this can potentially confuse the Hyenas into attacking each other :rainbowlaugh:

Take a dump right at the entrance to the temple so the hyenas will slip and fall when they enter, then Daring can kick them in the heads and take their weapons while they're squirming around in a big pile. And since the entrance probably isn't that big, the first few incapacitated hyenas will block the rest from entering easily. Then they can drag one of the hyenas down into the temple and toss him below as food for the monster. Or for a more likely option, they could spread around any other potential tripping hazards instead, I suppose, like maybe smash the snow globe there to scatter around shards of glass for the hyenas to step on. Something to trip them, anyway.

I would say they should string the rope between them right at the entrance, but that would probably only trip the first hyena, then they'd be on the wrong side of him and end up stuck right in the middle of the pack. But maybe they could make it work, especially since there might not be enough time for that first suggestion. :unsuresweetie:

They must go deeper in! They have a better chance with a single creature than an army! Someone else mentioned lighting issues, I have a simple solution to that: Daring's uncle is a unicorn! Surely he has a light spell, and some spells that could slow down the hyenas! Though he is old, so I think he would have to choose light or slowing down the enemies. The hyenas should be hesitant to go more than a few feet into the entrance, but they should still pursue. The hallway would most likely be narrow, so only a few could enter at once. Maybe they would lose some kf their speed advantage when they are in stone? Perhaps the temple is a maze, and the adventurers would choose one pathway while the hyenas would split up and cover all of them.

Comment posted by DawnRose deleted Feb 3rd, 2014

I have one question...Are you still writing it???:duck:

~DawnRose~

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... :unsuresweetie:
I keep getting distracted by other things. I might come back to it.

So their inventory now contains:
A pocketknife, small first aid kit, binoculars, and Daring's hat. (On Daring)
Then, a compass, an old wide brim hat, glasses, a snow globe, a few pieces of gum, and a bottle of flavored water. (With Pineapple)
The more I look at it, the more it looks like an adventure game inventory. There's still plenty that can be done with these things though.

How much do you want the comments to influence the story? For instance, should we only stick to what Daring does for just a few minutes and let you take it from there, or should we get into the details of what happens as a result of our instructions for Daring as well?

In case you ever come back to this story, I'll bring up a possibility that wasn't really considered. Since there are so many people saying to head farther into the temple, I felt it would be kind of a waste just to say the same thing. After all, we don't really know what the hyenas want (I'm guessing they're something like "the diamond dogs of the desert"). I'm not naive enough to say that they've tracked Daring and Pineapple for most of a day and into the night just so they could make friends (unless they've taken Pinkie as their queen... I guess?) They must have a pretty good reason for coming after our intrepid heroes, they seem to be putting in a lot of effort.

Anyways, just like in an adventure game, getting caught by some hostiles (not monsters, since it was mentioned they're a tribe) isn't always an automatic game over.

For some reason reading this makes me parody the South Park song "What would Brian Boitano do?" in my head.

What would Daring do if she were here right now?
She'd make a plan and she'd follow through,
that's what Daring Do would do.

I think Daring should try to reason with the hiyenas, maybe they are trying to tell them something important.

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Somebody read this story!? :rainbowderp:

7369240 I like to read stories from the same author in order from oldest to newest. I usually do this when I find a story I really like and want to see more from its author.

Daring should use her wings to F***ING FLY OVER THE OBSTACLES!!!

Please continue, I don't like incomplete stories.

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