When Wings Get Horny
"Come on Twilight, you can't tell me that's the best you can do!" Rainbow Dash accused.
"I'm sorry, Rainbow," Twilight panted, sweat pouring down her face. "It's just we've been at it for so long."
She rolled her eyes in annoyance, and ceased her hover, setting all four hooves on the cloud her friend was on. "You said you wanted me to teach you how to fly… well, this is how I teach. Now get back out there and fly it again!"
With a groan, Twilight nervously shuffled to the edge of the cloud, flapped her wings tentatively, and leapt back into the air. Dash watched her fly, scrutinizing everything she could while taking a certain satisfaction in the fact that this was something she was able to teach Twilight, and not the other way around.
For the past half hour, Rainbow Dash had been pushing Twilight Sparkle to fly through an obstacle course constructed out of spare clouds at her top speed. So far, the purple mare had barely been able to do it under two minutes, which was pitiful. Even though the course was a tad impromptu, it closely resembled the ones from the flight academy of her youth. Dash had seen mere foals fly it in under thirty seconds.
Twilight swerved awkwardly to avoid one cloud pillar, and accidentally bumped into another. Luckily it was just a cloud and she was able to recover with a mere shake of her head.
The soft sounds of a propeller whirling about drew Dash's focus away from her student, though she still watched Twilight from the corner of her eye.
"Hey Tank," Rainbow Dash said to her loyal tortoise pet. The reptile sluggishly blinked at her in response, and then turned his attention to Twilight as she struggled her way through a cloud hoop. Dash sighed.
"Yeah, she hasn't really gotten any better lately," she admitted.
Tank shuffled his head from side to side, as if to say, "Well, do you think it's the fault of her teacher?"
"What are you trying to say Tank?" Dash angrily asked her pet.
Tank hovered away slightly in retreat, likely saying, "It's not like you're doing a very good job."
"Excuse me?" Rainbow Dash grunted, moving closer to the reptile. "You saying I'm a bad teacher?"
Tank meaninglessly kicked the air, clearly meaning to say, "Well, yeah. You haven't taught her anything. You just keep sending her on the obstacle course."
About to furiously retort, Rainbow Dash paused. Tank was oddly right in a way. All Dash had done for Twilight up until this point was say "flap your wings" and "fly the course again!"
As her friend rounded the final turn and came in for a landing, Tank floated off. Twilight's wings suddenly begin flapping out of sync, causing her to tumbled forward. Dash had to jump out of the way as Twilight fell face first into the cloud, screaming.
"You all right?" Dash asked. An annoyed and red-faced Twilight pulled her head out of the cloud, coughing up bits of the white fluffiness as she did so.
"Thanks for catching me," Twilight groaned, sitting up on the cloud.
"Sorry," Dash winced; realizing she probably should have made an effort to do that. "I guess we should work on your landings next."
"We need to work on everything," Twilight said heatedly. "Just face it Dash, I'll never be good a flyer as you."
"In your defense, nopony is as good a flyer as I am," Rainbow said, cracking a smile at her wit. Twilight didn't look nearly as amused. She sat down on the cloud next to her friend. "Hey Twilight, don't beat yourself up about this," she said, taking a more serious tone. "I've been flying since I was a foal, but you just got your wings a few weeks ago. It'll take time is all."
"I've given it nothing but time," Twilight muttered. "You've been training me for weeks now and I barely have the basics down!" She kicked at the cloud, sending some of it flying into the sky to float away. "I guess I figured I'd be able to pick up on flying as quickly as I did with magic."
"Well, maybe I haven't done the best job of teaching you," Dash relented in the hopes of making Twilight feel better. The purple alicorn said nothing. "Come on," Dash said, hopping up. "Let's see if we can fix your problems at the source."
"Okay," Twilight said half-heartedly, standing up.
"Okay," Dash repeated, a little more enthusiasm. She took a ready stance, as if she was about to take off. "The key to a good liftoff is getting a lot of momentum early on."
"I know," Twilight said, looking downward.
"Come on, get in your take off position!" Dash yelled. Begrudgingly Twilight complied. The two began flying, Rainbow hovering with ease, while Twilight faced the problem of her wings flapping out of sync. She tumbled to the cloud before too long.
"You okay?" Dash said with some alarm. Twilight blew the purple hair from her face. She was blushing furiously.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She said, probably embarrassed that she had failed a simple take off that time.
"I think I know your problem," Rainbow said. Twilight got up on all fours again.
"Really?" She asked. "What is it?"
"You're not bending your wings properly," Dash explained. "See, when I fly, I keep both wings parallel to the ground." She demonstrated what she meant, folding her wings until they were horizontal. "You've been keeping them vertical this whole time, which impedes your aerodynamics."
"Oh," Twilight said, examining her unfurled wings. "I think I get it."
"Try holding them the right way," Dash suggested. Twilight bent her wings in a manner similar to Dash, but couldn't seem to get it. The feathery limbs halted about halfway, and went no further. "Stuck?" Dash asked when she noticed.
Twilight grinned meekly. "Yeah, it kinda hurts to move them like this."
"The muscles are just stiff from lack of use." Dash explained. She outstretched her foreleg to give Twilight some assistance. However, the second her hoof touched, Twilight leaped backwards.
"Gah!" She exclaimed, her wing going ridged.
"What's wrong?" Dash asked with concern.
"You… your hoof's freezing!" Twilight said. Dash winced at the discomfort she'd just caused her friend. Spending so much time in high altitudes had that affect. The cyan pegasus exhaled a warm breath onto her hooves, and rubbed them together.
She reached out again, more cautiously. This time when Dash touched Twilight's wing, it shuddered slightly.
"Everything all right?" Dash asked, just in case. Twilight nodded.
"Yeah, that's… uh… better," The purple alicorn said. "Your hooves I mean. They aren't as cold."
"O-kay," Rainbow Dash said slowly. She moved a little closer, shifting behind Twilight and gently aligning her wing into the right position. Her hooves lingered on her friend's wing for what was perhaps a little too long.
Ignoring that, Dash moved over to the other wing. It was already sprung out, and the clump of lavender feathers resisted Dash's attempts to push them into the correct position. "Twilight, can you at least try to move them?" Dash asked. The wing twitched with her hooves still wrapped around it.
"Sorry Rainbow," Twilight said. "It just… doesn't want to move anymore."
"What?" Dash asked with concern. "Are they okay?"
Twilight gave them a quick glance. "Yeah. They don't hurt really. I think they're just a little sore from all the training."
"That must be it," Dash agreed. "Why don't we just call it a day, then?" Twilight nodded. Dash hopped off the cloud, allowing her wings to catch her in mid-air. She began flying off, but noticed her friend was still perched on the cloud.
"Uh, Twilight," Dash said. "Are you okay to fly home?"
She gave a meek grin. "N-no. I don't think my wings are going to be able to do that." Her feathered limbs twitched a little to emphasize the point.
"Oh well, here, let me just carry you down," Dash offered, hovering closer.
"Actually Dash, I can-" Twilight's protest were cut off as Rainbow wrapped her forelegs around the unicorn's midsection in a quasi-hug. Dash lifted her friend off the cloud and began a slow descent to the ground. Twilight's wing shuddered a bit, swatting Dash's nose accidentally. The purple mare simultaneously squirmed, likely feeling awkward about the whole situation.
Gingerly, Dash made sure all four of Twilight's hooves were touching the ground before she released the alicorn. The purple mare's face was fairly red when she turned around.
"Thanks Dash," Twilight reluctantly said. "But you know I could've just teleported down, right?"
Rainbow Dash felt blood beneath her cheeks heat up at the realization of all the unnecessary touching that just went down.
"Oh… right. Sorry about that Twilight," Dash said. "I guess I wasn't thinking."
Twilight's wings twitched again, and the purple mare blushed even hard as a result. Dash suddenly got a feeling that Twilight's wing stiffness wasn't because of the flying. "Don't worry about it," Twilight said, seemingly in a hurry to leave. "I'd better get back to the library."
"Yeah, sure. See ya around," Dash mumbled, lost in a very confusing thought. Twilight turned and ran quickly, keeping her head down.
Dash watched her friend, worry causing her to crease her brow.
Twilight wasn't having a… a wingboner… was she?
---
Twilight galloped to Golden Oaks Library, her face hot and her wings stiff.
What the heck is wrong with me? She thought, mind racing. Her wings were still sticking out. She had tried multiple times to close them, but had no success. The mystery of what was making her feathered limbs stuck was driving her mad.
Twilight finally saw the tree shaped library in the distance. Twilight was relieved. Hopefully, the answer she was looking for could be found in one of her new books about pegasi anatomy. Also hopefully: a way to prevent this from ever happening again.
Twilight didn't really understand it, but having her wings protruding from her body against her will was very… embarrassing.
A lavender aura opened the front door to the tree, and Twilight walked inside. Well, tried to anyway. Halfway through the doorway, she found that her extended wings were far too big to fit through the narrow opening. Twilight tried a few more times in an attempt to force them in, before getting irritated and teleporting all of two feet to enter her own home. She kicked her door shut, and ran to the comfort of her books.
Her magical aura enveloped several texts that she had stacked up in the corner. These were the pegasi anatomy books that she had only started to read.
Levitating them over to her desk, Twilight sat down and attempted to make herself comfortable. The task was easier said than done; her flared wings made her usual chair discomforting at best. She shifted around a few times, grunting in annoyance.
Finally, Twilight gave up and moved her books to the floor. Lying down next to them, the purple mare slid the first book in front of her and flipped it open. She spent the following hour pouring over the information contained in their pages. They were loaded with extensive detail about things that were completely useless to her right now.
She worked her way through the pile diligently, but found nothing relating to her flared wings, which had yet to return to normal. Irritated, Twilight slammed another book shut and tossed it to the side. Turning her head, she saw only one was left.
"The Biological Properties of Sexually Mature Pegasi," Twilight read aloud. Part of her wanted to skip over this one, as she figured it would be about as helpful as the last ones. She knew, however, that part of her wouldn't be able to accept defeat until every page had been turned. Her magic opened the cover. "Oh great," She muttered to herself. "Pictures included."
Her eyes began skimming as Twilight flew through the pages. She took great pains to avoid as many of the more… unsettling images as she did so. Eventually, a certain passage caught her eye.
"Wings play a many roles in body language of pegasi," Twilight read softly to herself. "One such role is the display of arousal. When a pegasus experiences any sort of physical arousal, hormones in their body trigger a chain reaction that causes a rush of blood into several key arteries of the wing. This causes a prolonged extension of the wings that can last up to hours on end. Due to a similarity with other types of physical arousal, pegasi have taken to using the slang term wingboners to describe this reaction."
The pages rushed closed and the purple mare tossed the book into the pile. If she had to guess, Twilight would say her cheeks were very red right now.
"T-that certainly sounds like my situation," she muttered to herself, with a glance at her flared wings. "But I don't get it. My wings were perfectly fine until…" She trailed off, shaky with realization. …until Rainbow Dash touched me.
Twilight stood up, feeling a sudden urge to pace. The knowledge that she might have just gotten a wingboner because her friend had touched her was a little unsettling.
"Okay Twilight, just calm down," she told herself as hyperventilation began to set in.
"It's really not that bad," she reasoned. "Anything could've caused you to get a… a wingboner. Just because Rainbow was there doesn't mean she caused it."
"Of course it was Rainbow who caused it! What else could it have been, the air pressure?" Twilight argued as her pacing quickened.
"But it couldn't have been her. Nothing like this has ever happened when Rainbow's been around me before!" Twilight fired right back.
"Oh, face the facts, Twilight! Dash touched you, and you got a wingboner! Quit pretending!"
"Uh… Twilight?" Spike's voice interrupted. The purple alicorn froze in the midst of her pacing, pupils shrinking in shock.
"Spike!" She screamed, turning to face him. The young dragon was looking at her with an intrigued expression. Twilight stumbled, attempted to cover her flared wings with her hooves, gave up, and assumed a nonchalant lean against her desk. "Uh… When did you get here?"
"I just got back from the quill store," he replied, holding up a box filled with said writing utensils, expression unchanged. "And before you ask… Yes, I heard everything."
Twilight cringed, embarrassment flooding her. She said nothing, and merely drooped to the floor.
"You… uh… want to talk about it?" Spike gently asked, setting the box of quills off to the side.
Twilight bit her lip, unsure. Did she want to talk about it? Embarrassing as it was, Spike already knew. It's not like the situation could get any worse. Finally, she reluctantly nodded.
Her number one assistant took a seat next to her and said, "All righty then, just take it from the top."
Twilight began spilling forth everything that had happened to her regarding the wingboner. Spike listened intently as she talked about how flight training went horribly wrong. When her story wrapped up, Spike looked ready to speak.
"Well, what do you think it means?" Spike asked her.
"It means that my wings have been–"
"No, Twilight," Spike interrupted. "I know what a wingboner is. I meant, what do you think it means that you got one because Dash touched you?"
She curled her lip in thought. "Uhm… I have no idea, Spike. I don't want it to mean anything. But it's a sign of arousal; clearly it means something. And I just… Urgh! Getting a wingboner because of one of my best friends is… confusing." The alicorn buried her face in her hooves.
"You want to know what I think?" Spike asked. Twilight nodded, curious. "I think you were exhausted from a day of flying. Your body is new to having wings, you certainly didn't have the energy to control them, and being all worked up and sweaty probably didn't help anything. I honestly think it was a fluke."
Twilight raised her head a little, comforted by those words. "Yeah… you're probably right, Spike."
"Probably," he agreed. "Plus, you'll know for sure it was a one time thing when you see Rainbow again. As long as you don't get another wingboner like this one, you're good."
Twilight was standing now, confidence restored. "That makes sense. Thanks for your help, Spike."
He shrugged. "Don't mention it. Hey, you up for some tea?"
"Sounds good," Twilight said. Her assistant hopped up, and made his way to the kitchen to get the beverage ready.
He's right. Twilight told herself with a glance at her still protruded wings. After all, it's not like I could be attracted to Rainbow… right?
I mean… it's not like I've hated being able to be around her lately. I've had a great time. She fun, and energetic, and admittedly kind of cute. Okay, very cute... Beautiful. But that doesn't mean I like her as more than a friend… right?
…Right?...
…Oh buck.
---
Rainbow Dash swooped down, landing on the soft grass near Twilight's library. The cyan pegasus paused before tapping on the oak door in front of her. Should she really be dropping by like this? Twilight had been pretty worked up the last time the cyan pegasus had seen her, and if her suspicions were right...
I'm just checking up on my friend. Dash assured herself. Her hoof knocked loudly on the door before the cyan pegasus could change her mind.
"Who's there?" Twilight's voice called out.
"It's me, Twilight." Dash said. A clamor could be heard from the inside the tree. It sounded like somepony had just dropped a glass.
"Twilight!" An irritated dragon's voice could be heard shouting. Spike said something else, but it wasn't nearly as loud as last time. A few more muffled exchanges occurred within the walls of the library. Curious, Dash strained to make them out.
"You have to talk to her," the voice of Spike said.
"Can't you just answer the door?" Twilight asked.
"No," Spike said, a little huffy. "I've got to clean up the mess you just made."
"Hey, quit pushing me!"
The voices became louder as the two drew nearer to the door. Rainbow could even hear the skid noises of Twilight's hooves being shoved across the floor.
Is she trying to avoid me? Dash thought. It certainly seemed that way. The lock on the library's door clicked and the door was opened just wide enough to allow one of Twilight's violet eyes to see out.
"Hi Rainbow," Twilight said. "What are you doing here?"
"Just wanted to make sure you were okay," Dash said.
"I'm fine," Twilight mumbled hurriedly. She was about to close the door.
"Oh good. So your wings finally came down?" Twilight paused.
"Uhh… no."
Rainbow Dash felt her eyes bulge. "What? But it's been hours! How are they still too sore to move?"
The door creaked open a tad more, allowing Dash to see Twilight biting her lip. Her wings were in fact still flared. If it was possible, they appeared to be even more protruded than when Dash had last seen them.
"Rainbow… maybe you should come in here. I've got something I need to tell you." The door inched open wide enough for the pegasus to walk through.
Inside, Twilight shifted uncomfortably, her wings twitching slightly. Based on the look of Twilight's face, whatever she had to say was embarrassing. Dash waited for her to talk, but she was getting impatient. Twilight began chewing the insides of he cheek.
"Well?" Dash asked.
"I… I…" Twilight stuttered over her words. The pegasus tilted her head. "I have a wingboner!"
Silence.
Rainbow Dash's pupils dilated slowly, her suspicions confirmed. Twilight's eyes darted from side to side. Her wings twitched slightly.
"Okay," Dash said slowly. "Did… uh…"
"I got it when you touched me earlier." Twilight said. Dash was shocked into another silence.
She stayed quiet for a good five minutes, only able to stare at Twilight, whose cheeks were burning red with embarrassment.
"So… uh… what does that mean?"
Nervously, Twilight began speaking, "Well… I thought it didn't mean anything. When it happened I was all stressed out and tired, and Spike said it was probably just a one time thing, but…"
"But what?!" Dash asked. Panic from the gravity of the situation was setting in. The cyan pegasus had no experience with something like this.
"It was getting better," Twilight admitted. "But just now, when you showed up, they uh… popped out again."
"…what?" Dash squeaked out.
"MY WINGBONER IS BACK BECAUSE OF YOU!" Twilight suddenly screamed with a mix of her own panic and frustration.
A young purple dragon who had been nonchalantly walking out of the next room suddenly froze in place.
"I… uh… I'll be in the kitchen if you need me, Twilight." Spike whimpered before slinking away.
Neither Dash nor Twilight were focusing on Spike however. Twilight's face was blaring red, her expression blazoning her embarrassment. Thoughts were rushing around in Rainbow's head as she tried to form words.
My best friend just got a wingboner because of me!
"Um… uh…"
How the buck does she expect me to react to something like this?
"Twilight… uh… I… well…"
Come on, say something! ANYTHING!
"I'm flattered," was the first thing that came to mind. Twilight's head popped up, and her wings twitched slightly.
"Y-you're what?" She asked.
"I'm flattered. A little bit." Dash admitted, a rosy pink creeping onto her face. She was. As painful as it was for Dash to admit. No stallion, or mare, had ever told her she was beautiful. Stallions had always seen her as one of the guys, never really as a pony they would feel that way about. Mares that Rainbow had been attracted to never ended up swinging in her direction.
"You aren't mad or anything?" Twilight delicately probed.
"What? Of course I'm not mad," Dash said adamantly. "How could I be mad at my friend for something she can't control?"
Twilight shot a glance at her wings.
"So… you got a wingboner because of me," Dash stated. "Does that mean… you know…."
Twilight cheeks burned. "I… I guess it means I'm attracted to you, Rainbow."
"You guess?" Dash asked hesitantly.
"Well, I've never… been attracted to anypony before." Twilight admitted uncomfortably. "When I lived in Canterlot, I only ever focused on my books. When I moved here, I really only started hanging out with the girls. I've never really been good at telling these kinds of feelings because of that. I guess my wings can tell better than I can." She gestured to the flared limbs.
"How did this even happen?" Dash wondered aloud.
Twilight chewed her lip. "Well… I mean… we've gotten to spend a lot of time together over these past couple of weeks with the flying and all. I'm not going to lie, the parts were I wasn't crashing into stuff were… really enjoyable."
Dash grinned meekly. "Yeah, it has been nice."
"And well… you're beautiful Rainbow." Twilight blurted out. The rosy pink on Dash's face burned to a fiery red.
"Uhh… gee, thanks," Dash said.
"That… uh… means I'm attracted to you… right?" Twilight hesitantly asked.
Dash rolled her eyes, but grinned at the adorkable obliviousness of Twilight Sparkle. "Yes."
"Then… are you attracted to me?" The purple mare asked innocently.
Dash paused. She hadn't expected Twilight to ask that. She'd expected… well… the cyan pegasus wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen.
Rainbow Dash thought about it. She thought about all the time the two had been spending together recently. Their private lessons had been the highlights of Dash's day for a while now, even surpassing her mid-afternoon naps. Her magenta eyes looked at Twilight. The cyan pegasus felt her heart accelerate as she realized the purple mare in front of her was actually very striking.
"Yeah," Dash whispered. Then louder, "Yeah, I am attracted to you, Twilight."
The purple alicorn's face exploded into a smile. "Really?" She squeaked. "You are?"
Without allowing Dash to answer, Twilight leaped over and wrapped in a hug. Rainbow had the wind knocked out of her in surprise. She would've hugged Twilight back, but her flared wings made it too awkward to try.
Blushing furiously, Twilight released Dash from the hug. "Heh… sorry. Just thought I'd try that. I guess I should have asked first before doing that."
"No," Dash replied. "You don't have to."
Twilight leaned her head against Dash softly. "So… does this mean we're dating now?"
"Dating?" Dash asked. "Come on Twilight, I haven't even asked you out yet."
"Sorry," Twilight winced. "I'm new to this."
"Yeah, me too." Dash admitted. As suave as the cyan pegasus wanted to appear to her friend (well, friend wasn't really the right word anymore), she was as nervous as the princess, if not more so. "S-so do you? Want to go out, that is?"
Twilight smiled. "Of course."
"Awesome," Dash whispered.
They were both quiet for a moment, Twilight's muzzle buried slightly in Rainbow's mane.
"Hey, Rainbow… can I try one more thing?" Twilight asked.
"You know you don't have to ask," Dash told her.
Without another word, Twilight brought her muzzle out of Dash's hair and pressed their lips together. Passionately.
Neither of them had much experience in kissing, but Rainbow Dash didn't care. To her it was perfect. It lasted for maybe a few seconds longer, but to them those seconds melted away. Eventually Twilight pulled her lips away from Dash's, her face flushed.
"Uhmm, Dash?" Twilight said.
"Hmm?" Rainbow inquired, in a sparkly daze.
Twilight giggled. "You've got a wingboner."
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This is fucking adorable. Great job.
Cute and concise, a perfect romance one-shot!
Very nice.
Did notice a couple spots with a grammar error or where the phrasing felt a tad awkward, but nothing major and didn't pull me out of the story.
Honestly, expected the last sentence to be, "So.. how do I get it to go away?"
This was adorable. Cute, adorable, and so sweet.
And I laughed at so many parts, too!
You actually worded the confession of attraction between Twilight and Rainbow very well, in my opinion. It wasn't too rushed, but you still concluded it rather quickly.
Congratulations on your first TwiDash fic! You did awesomely.~
This was a little rough around the edges, but at the same time it was awkward, enjoyable, and a silly-fun premise that had me smiling enough to give it a like!
Only thing is the get-together scene at the end. Compared to the rest of the fic, it felt rushed and kinda forced. I think a more drawn-out ending would have done a better job here, as despite the fact that this was supposed to feel awkward, it felt a little too awkward to read (i.e. the pacing was a little off).
Good job for your first TwiDash fic!
So. Wingboner = wings locked in place?
Wingboners, leading cause of death amongst Pegasi. The Wonderbolts must be neutered.
Dat ending tho.
I quite enjoyed myself while reading this.
It was quirky in a fun sort of way, and was written really well. And I feel like you nailed Twi's confusion with why she had a wingboner in the first place.
If I ever had any doubt as to what colour Twilight is the matter is now settled.
She is a "Purple mare".
You sorta overuse that one, you are actually allowed to call her by name a few times.
But other than that and the few things mentioned by others you did an absolutely terrific job.
Cute. Nailed the character personalities too
This has been done before. That being said, the chapter title gave me a chuckle and the writing was decent as well.
Wow, this was a really cute and adorable fic, love it.
For your first TwiDash, is awesome.
I really want this to keep going.
4427160 We do not advertise on other's stories, thank you
The ending felt a tad rushed, but it was also a one shot soooo thumbs up and a
That was so cute. I love TwiDash
Grammar point.
"Statement." She said
should be
Statement," she said.
I'm not certain, but I think "erection" or "extension" works better here, as "jettison" is normally used to refer to tossing something overboard.
Also, I think you mean "sexually mature" rather than "sexually active", unless you are implying certain backstory for Twilight.
Very cute well done sir/madam
TwiDash as 2nd best Twilight ship
~Tobben
AND THEN THEY ALL FUCKED BECAUSE THAT IS HOW FANFICTION WORKS
4429463
I'd think you were being an ass if that weren't so true...
This story is simply adorable!
Needs a little editing, but otherwise a nice little story.
I liked it, it was adorable and yesh it need a bit of touching up, but nothing too bad.
My interpretation of Twilight's personality suggests she wouldn't use the term "wingboner", at least not more than she needed to to get the point across. The fact that she had to look up what it was here, suggests she might not even know the term, unless for some reason it is the technical term.
4427273
With effort, I'd guess that gliding is possible.
You did pretty well, them getting together from a wingboner, very entertaining.
Fantastic! Really enjoyed the adorkableness of Twilight. Looking forward to reading more of your work in the future!
You just earned yourself a favorite, and if I'm honest, I love it. Dash and Twilight. I don't know why any stallion wouldn't actually admit that she's beautiful, I think she is. She is adorable! javascript:smilie('
');
Definitely one of the funniest stories I've read in a while. And it was a very subtle humor in comparison to what I was expecting, which is a big bonus. Side story, one day at school, one of my friends guessed a correct answer. His reaction? He stood up, pumped his fist, and yelled "Boner!", and sat back down. He then stood back up, pumped his fist again, and yelled "I mean bonus!", and sat back down again.
Everything was perfect.
And the last line were both my favourite parts
A truly enjoyable story! Many huzzahs!!!!!!
I am shocked no one has corrected this obvious error. In the first sentence, no less.
Your*
A story about Twilight getting her first serious wingboner, induced by Rainbow Dash, no less?
"Get's" in the description.
The errors pointed out here: 4430928 4430947
Featured box, I am ashamed.
This was nice i guess... but i just don't like Dash being portrayed as gay that's all... It's just my opinion that it's too Stereotypical. Eh don't bother yourself with it... it's a good fic though. I just think the kiss part was... rushed a bit? Dunno... Maybe it fits Twilight's curiosity about stuff.
D'aaawww
I LOVE IT!
4431016 It wasn't THAT bad. Just a few minor errors. And the pacing seemed a bit off, but nobody even knows what that means.
Quite enjoyable. Hope to see more from you.
But wings aren't horny. They're feathery
-bathroomstahl
Oh my god, this story was so adorable
4431135
With a quick glance, I spotted seven problems in those sentences you quoted alone. That's a sure sign of sub-par prose. Poor writing will be poor writing, but it always pains me to see it make it into the spotlight when far more deserving stories are left by the wayside.
4431270 Okay...saying something is a "sure sign of sub-par prose" is rather...narrow-minded, don't you think? We don't come to this site for lectures from our English professors on how our "grammatical structure needs work" or our "sense of pacing and dramatic exposition requires more thought." We're here to read and write stories about Technicolor ponies. If it happens we improve our writing while we're here, great. But to make a blanket statement that a sentence with mistakes that are still seen in "professional writing," which the vast majority of this site is not, is indicative that the author is a bad writer isn't constructive criticism. It's someone deriving satisfaction from "proving" their "intellectual superiority" by insulting someone else's honest mistakes. More to the point, saying "poor writing will always be poor writing" is just shameful. Poor writing can get better and better, when provided positive feedback, and becomes good writing. Are there excellent stories that deserve the feature box and don't ever see it? Yes, you're absolutely right, and it is a shame they don't get the recognition they deserve. That is not an excuse to spit on works that, while less refined, still have great potential. An excellent author you may be, and I do enjoy your stories, but disparaging another's work in such a way is rather unbecoming.
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Not really. There are two important things to consider. Firstly, I was not writing a review. I was lamenting the continued failure of the featured box system for spotlighting poor work while more deserving stories aren't. Remember, there are only so many places in the box. For every bad story in there, one good story is not. Secondly, this is published, "finished" work, not a workshop draft. By publishing a piece of work, you are declaring that it is your final draft, that the work is complete. The onus is on the author to take care of the "poor writing can get better and better, when provided positive feedback, and becomes good writing" process behind closed doors, before releasing the work. Any and all mistakes beyond the rare typos that slip through the cracks, especially ones born of a fundamental lack of understanding of the English language, can and will reflect poorly on your writing ability. Writing, even if it's just "fan" material, is an art form. It's incredibly difficult to do well and takes years of practice.
Unfortunately, if you think that what we learned in English class does not apply to creative writing, then you are sorely mistaken. Obviously creative writing is not nearly as stringent as academic writing, but they share many of the same rules and truisms. Writing is writing, like it or not. Attitudes like this are one of the reasons why fanfiction is looked down upon in "real" writers' circles. Just because it's fanfiction does not excuse it from the same scrutiny that non-fanfiction work is subject to. Regardless of place, subject, or medium, a comma splice will be a comma splice, burly detective syndrome will be burly detective syndrome, improper dialogue punctuation will be improper dialogue punctuation, and excessive bookisms will be excessive bookisms.
Look, we're all awful at writing when we start out. I made most of the same errors that others pointed out in previous comments. But I didn't publish my work with said errors. I workshopped it around, learned what I was doing wrong and how to fix it, rewrote it, then thought about publication.
Practically everyone and every story has potential. Precious few of us realize that potential. Will I be able to? Honestly, I don't know, but I'll sure try.
That's pretty darn adorable. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was a good read, nevertheless. I noticed this, mainly:
That should be "Your".
Besides that, good humor, adorableness, the characters seemed right (Spike's knowledge about wingboners seemed a bit off, though believable when you think about it a certain way...), and yeah. Good read!
4431580 I never said that what we learn in English isn't important, in any sort of writing. If not for my English teacher in high school, I wouldn't have gotten into the college I was aiming for. What I am saying is that the point of the site is for us to share the equally strange and wonderful plots populated predominantly by pastel ponies.
Does it mean that we are excused from those standards of good writing you mentioned? No. Does it make me want to slam my head into a hard surface with the quality of some of the stories I see? Yes. But, again, not everyone has the same grasp of those standards. Not everyone who writes on this site has received the same practice and education in the field of writing. Even if the grammar and structure of a story isn't the best, that doesn't bar it from being enjoyable.
What I was trying to make a point about, though, was the lament of the quality of stories in the feature box. As I already said, you made valid points. But to make the said lament in the comments of a story, as opposed to, say, a blog post, is a slap to the face for the author of that story.
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Not just that, there's LUS EVERYWHERE here:
AND THAT'S JUST THE FIRST PAGE!!!
4431580
Hmm...I gotta fall somewhere between these two opinions. On the one hand, there are many fics here that are, in my opinion, publication quality, and it is a detriment to the community as a whole when those of far less quality end up as the "featured" representative of the whole. Certainly, an author should do their best to ensure that the work they have written is worthy of general consumption, and that absolutely does require using "what we learned in English class". At the same time, it would be hypocritical of me to assert that a work should be "complete" before publication here. Quite the contrary, I've seen several stories on this site that have undergone substantial rewrite (or rewrites) after being published on this site, and are quite the better for it. But, as an amateur creative environment, though we might all be here to read "stories about Technicolor ponies", we are also here to provide support and assistance to those creating it. For less-developed writers, this includes pointing out where they can improve their skills. I know I always seek that kind of feedback, and appreciate when I get it. And, as a new author, it can be difficult to find the massive team of editors and prereaders that those more "professional" works usually have attached.
No, this is not up to "featured" quality, although it isn't the travesty that that Hellboy knockoff or the "TCB Ponies Invade Earth" stories that we've seen rotate through the featured box recently were. But that isn't the author's fault, and he/she doesn't need to be punished for it.
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I respectfully disagree. As I said above, I invite and encourage comments and especially criticism of my stories, since a large reason for doing this, at least for me, is to get better at it. If these concerns are buried in a blog post, how would the author ever know?
And besides, are you saying that the comments on a story should be all rainbows and sunshine, never pointing out any negatives? That's preposterous. If you're going to publish a work, whether traditionally or online, you should expect people to say things about it. Just like a product for sale will have comments reflecting individual views of its quality, so will stories on here. There are some very well-written stories on this site, stories deserving of praise. Most, as you point out, are not such "professional grade" works. This story would fall into that latter group. I feel that in such situations it is important to be honest, otherwise, how would any of us know what or how to improve? I do not criticize to tear down; I do it to build up. I want people to become better writers, improve their skills, and write more great stuff that I actually want to read.
I am sorry if that offends you.
I found it cute how Twilight just went straight from mutual attraction to affection. I like Twidash fics, but curiously the best ones are those where Twilight doesn't spend too much time panicking and just does some weird, Twiligty thing out of nowhere.
I think I am now a believer in TwiDash...
4431882 Considering the story we're posting on, don't you mean rainbows and sparkles?
I apologize if that's what you thought I meant. I have no problem with negative remarks - posting anything on the internet means running the risk of negative opinion. I meant to express that using someone else's story as a soapbox to stand on (like I'm doing) is fairly rude.
You didn't offend me in the slightest, I just wanted to clarify what I was saying.