• Member Since 18th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Minds Eye


Are you not entertained?

Sequels1



T

A week ago, love was in bloom. Cadance, the Princess of Love and Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guard defeated and banished an invading army with the power of their love alone.

So why can't their sister start a conversation with her marefriend? They're already dating, for pony's sake! Maybe they just don't know each other well enough yet...

Cover art and proofreading done by the incomparable Noble Thought. Thank you for the help, my friend. Check out their blogs on writing. You'll learn something.

One hundred percent approved by Twilight's Library.

Accepted into the Royal Guard.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 73 )

You are quite welcome to have the help, Minds Eye. It was a pleasure to read and proofread for you. The cover art as well was a fun piece to create. I hope it gets a lot of attention. I think it's a very touching story. You know my reasons for thinking so, as well. :twilightblush:

This looks good. I'll read it later. :twilightsmile: Right now, I'm procrastinating in my due reading, writing and editing. :twilightsheepish::scootangel:

now we need a sequel where twi finally comes out to her family! i love this story!

4478022
Thanks. I've been playing with that sequel idea for a couple of days. It will come. Not sure when exactly, but it will come.

4478102 good thing i followed you, then.

*Finishes reading this*
...You will write a sequel to this...

...Or I'll sic Lyra on you!

4478462
Meh, all I need is a bouqeut of flowers. Which, now that I think about it, I don't usually have lying around...

I'll, uh, get to work on that sequel.:twilightsheepish:

4478484
Wise... * start sharpening knife* VERY wise...

PPS

If this doesn't have a Pokemon joke in it, I will be mildly disappointed with you.
fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/130/3/f/rapidash_twilight_by_10mariobrosmaster-d3g1duf.png

That was... I have no words. partly because it's 3 in the morning, and partly because that was simply amazing. This is a short story done right. This is a SoL snapshot done right. This is... everything done perfectly right. It could use a bit more exposition so we know a little more about their current status (i.e. how long they've been together) but what you're missing from the background isn't really all that important in the long run and can easily be inferred if the reader were dedicated enough.

I... I got nothin'.

That sequel that's been rumored in the comments? You best make that happen. You best make that happen fast.

This is the makings of a universe that I would love to explore. Hats off to you for writing a perfect story. :twilightsmile:

4479564
It was considered, but it kind of ruined the moment with the "I chose you" lines.:rainbowlaugh:


4479638
Thank you. I have an idea on how they got together, but I felt it disrupted the flow of what I had here. Couldn't quite make it fit right. It'll come up, though.

4480030

"Perfect?" Wow. Thanks!

Dear God this makes me feel old! I won't Lie I came in here half expecting a mlpfim/Pokemon crossover because of the name.:twilightblush: ("I choose you" was the name of the first ever Pokemon episode.) What I got however was a very nicely done fluff story instead, nice work.:twilightsmile:

P.S.
Nice bit of trolling :trollestia: I lOVED IT!!!:pinkiehappy:

4480231
Pikachu was a jerk that first episode, wasn't he?:rainbowlaugh:

4480279 LOL Oh man was he EVER! :3 Someone needs to do a one shot angle bunny meets early pikachu fic!:pinkiehappy:

This was beautiful, and a little sad.:fluttercry:

I liked Rainbow's story, how much she looked up to her dad, and how Twilight tried to act/be "normal" despite knowing she wasn't.
The difference in their backgrounds is really nice.

And no offense to Pokemon, but a joke would have ruined the story to some degree.:twilightsheepish:

4480279 He was also really chubby in those early episodes.

4481272 all hail the chubby pikachu for he is the budda, look upon his chubby belly and know I speak the truth!!!! :rainbowlaugh:

4481175
Thank you. What have I wrought with the pokemon?:facehoof:

It always amazed me how strong a mere one-shot can be. You've done an incredible job, particularly in conveying emotion.

4483022
Judge me by my size, do you, hmm?:derpytongue2:

Thanks for the comment.

Have a like, a fav, and this ribbon:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png

You did an excellent job contrasting Rainbow and Twilight's personalities: Rainbow's brashness against Twi's more thoughtful nature.

The most powerful bit was when Rainbow's gut reaction turned Twi away. I could really feel how much Rainbow needed Twi in that moment. It also served to highlight the peculiar nature of their relationship. I am actually scared for Twi at the end: the conversation with her parents needs to be done, but if Rainbow gets out of hand, one wrong move could easily become a smoldering family feud. All that strong, passionate, wonderful loyalty backing you up is in the end its own price. I do not often see that take on TwiDash. Well done.

4737538
Thank you for the shot of confidence. A sequel is well under way.

4737602
I'll be looking forward to it.

Why did it take me this long to stumble upon this gem?

This was incredibly well written, and you captured Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash incredibly well and how their dynamic works in a romantic relationship. It was a short, well executed SoL story. For me, the most powerful parts of this were, as SirTruffles said, when Twilight turned away and when Rainbow enveloped Twilight in that pegasi embrace. The loyalty and drive to be by Twilight's side and to be with Twilight was excellently conveyed.

Fantastic work, I'm off to read your other stories now.

4775567
Thank you, and I'm afraid you started with the best. :rainbowlaugh:

Not bad. I liked this story very much, and the commentary on choice was actually quite insightful and very enjoyable to read.

4781598
Thank you. I wondered if I would catch some flak for including a theme about choice in a same-sex romance. It's a relief to know I was good enough not to.

Much enjoyment was had from this. Nice to have a fillyfooler story with a little conflict. The equality of love equestria gets a little old at times

4782187 I was pleasantly surprised. I was expecting bad extrapolation in the comments, or even in the story (the usual line going with an emphasis on 'it's not a choice' being that X character was clearly gay, and once they realized it, they never had any reason to do anything that would put them outside that category. Conflating 'predetermined sexuality' with 'sexuality fits into a neat box, you just have to realize which box it is'). Seriously, that is a rare achievement, to discuss fixedness of sexuality and not make that error.

I feel like I'm damning by faint praise here, but it really is that unusual an event. :twilightsmile:

Damn good story. Thank you.

4784540
I'm only surprised it came up this long after I first published this. I'll take faint praise.

4784412
Thank you. There may not be a canon reason to think Equestria cares one way or another, but individuals might.

4784657
You're welcome.

Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful! :rainbowkiss::heart::twilightsmile:
Wonderful short story. Now, On To The Sequel!:rainbowdetermined2::moustache:
4737538
Totally agree.:pinkiehappy:

I just wanted to say that I loved this story not only for the fluff, but for the way this reminds me of my husband and I. Thank you for writing this story. :heart:

~Raxel~:twilightsmile:

4786153
You're welcome. I'm glad to hear you connected with it.

Nice, I do like seeing one shots like this from time to time. Good work

Will we have a story on how they became marefriends?

4786801
Thanks!

4787048
I have no idea. Calls for a sequel were expected, but the prequel requests caught me off guard. I'll keep it in mind.

4789379
I can hardly wait.:pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss::yay::twilightsmile::heart:
Well when you think about it, the calls for a prequel is well expected, since you didn't really delve enough into how they became marefriends in the first place. They just are, already.

:ajbemused: "Minds Eye! Y'all got some 'splaining to do."

Oh yeah, almost forgot to Comment this: "Sunspot! You're gonna be Dog Food when I get you!":flutterrage::pinkiecrazy::rainbowdetermined2::twilightangry2:
Seriouosly, I hope he realized he just slapped the protege of the Sun Princess/goddess (whose name is on the school he goes to), And the Captain of the Royal Guards' little sister.

4789379

Thank you for writing it

Great story. It's sequel time!

Amazing,
Now to the sequel!

Yes I know, I've already read both, but I forgot to comment on this one so, yeah. I have a comment on the Sequel.

4789379
You'll keep it in a 'Minds Eye'
Get it?

You wrote Rainbow and Twilight to a tee here. Their personalities, mannerisms, everything was exactly how I would imagine it to be when I'm writing them. I also have to agree with both SirTruffles and Timaeus on the scene with Rainbow causing Twi to turn away. It was simple, yet a very powerful and very well written scene.

Excellent job! Guess I should read the sequel now huh? :twilightsmile:

DJRD

4792227
:ajsmug:

4792538

Guess I should read the sequel now huh?

Oh, what fun is there in making sense? :rainbowlaugh:

I appreciate the comment.

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