First Bat's Problems

by Samey90

I am the night!

Ponyville looks beautiful in the evening. Well, it's even more beautiful at night, but, unfortunately, shops are usually closed then. Apparently, the shop owners in Equestria didn't notice the growing number of ponies of my kind yet. That, or they don't consider us good clients.

I'm not a marketing specialist, but I guess it'll soon change. We're a large target, and even though we have strange wings and fangs, we also have money. And, as my cousin likes to say, pecunia non olet.

I walk down the almost-empty street. It be faster if I flew, but I don't want to attract anypony's attention. While I know that there's nothing wrong in what I'm going to do, I still feel a bit... ashamed, I think it's the right word. When I don't talk and when my wings are tucked by my sides, many ponies think I'm a pegasus. But if I suddenly took off, the fillies would probably start to run away to their parents, who'd start to chase me with torches and pitchforks...

No. I'm overreacting. It's been a thousand and four years after the Princesses defeated Discord and we're in Equestria, the heart of the civilization. A country of free ponies, where you can be whoever you want, where you can marry a griffon, eat hay on Fridays, where you can even conjure a pimped-out castle in the middle of the town. There are no longer torches and pitchforks here.

Okay, there's still some prejudice. Nasty looks, whispers, such stuff. It's kinda like with zebras – we look and behave different, so some ponies think we're up to no good. Luckily, the more they know us, the less whispers I hear. Hey, I even was at a party with Berry Punch recently! The same Berry Punch who thought that Zecora was going to foalnap her daughter.

Well, I'm not sure if she noticed that my fangs are showing when I talk, but she laughed loudly when I convinced her that I don't eat foals because they're too fat and I'm on a diet. Well, that whole blood drinking is actually a legend, but it's sometimes better when they do fear us. Also, it makes for great jokes.

Speaking of foals, I meet those three kids on my way. Well, "meet" is a bad word. The orange one has to brake hard to avoid colliding with me. The fact that there's a wagon with her two friends attached to her scooter doesn't make it easier.

"Hi girls," I say when they skid to a halt inches from me. "How's your crusading?"

"It seems that we're not as good at trainspotting as we thought..." says the orange one. I think her name is Scootaloo. She's eyeing my wings, interested.

"It's because there are too few trains in Ponyville," says the white one, Sweetie Belle. "If we could find a way to get more of them here..."

"Good idea!" Scootaloo exclaims. "I like trains..."

"Don't do that," I say, laughing. "I don't think ponies in those trains would be happy..."

"Hmm..." Apple Bloom scrunches her face. "How did you get your cutie mark?"

"It's a rather long story," I reply, "and I have to go to the shop before it closes..."

"Hmm, maybe we could buy something for you?" Apple Bloom asks. Before I could reply, they all exclaim "Cutie Mark Crusaders Delivery Service!"

"I'm sorry, but it's something I'd rather buy myself..." I say. Oh Celestia, I'm blushing. I hope they won't notice...

"Strange, that's exactly what Rarity said when I wanted to run an errand for her..." Sweetie Belle says. "She later brought some package and hid it in her bedroom..."

"Let's find out what is it!" Scootaloo exclaims. "Cutie Mark Crusaders Detectives!"

She flaps her wings and they leave me alone. I sigh with relief. Luckily, they didn't find out what I want to buy. It's kinda embarassing, I can hardly admit to myself that I really want that.

I'm a bat pony. My vision and hearing are better than any other pony's. I have fangs, I have leathery wings, my irises look weird, I sleep all days and fly at nights, foalnapping little fillies...

Well, scratch the last thing. I don't eat fillies, though I don't mind some meat in my diet (which consists mostly of fruit anyway). And speaking of scratching, I often meet a certain DJ when I wander around the town, enjoying the view. She also doesn't mind that I'm a bat pony. As she says, nocturnal creatures must stick together.

Nocturnal, yeah. As you can see, I have a reputation to maintain. But it's so hard when you're nocturnal and warm-blooded at the same time...

Oh, I can imagine what my mother will say. "A proper bat pony shouldn't look like dat. Vhen I vas at your age..." and so on. You know, mom is a traditionalist. She's a vegetarian and she actually can pronounce her w's correctly, but it's all about the impression. Bat ponies are not supposed to look cute! We're supposed to be scary and intimidating! Possibly bloodstained. Due to the mindset changes, blood may be artificial.

I, of course, don't care about all that. My mane is quite colourful for a bat pony, I don't speak vith... with an accent, I sometimes walk out during the day... I even started to faint when I see blood, though I quickly stopped. I work as a nurse (night shifts only), so it would be weird.

So, apart from fangs, I'm just like any other pony. I can do everything other ponies do. Then why I'm so ashamed of this? Total humiliation. Even though it's entirely functional. The nights here are cold, what can I do about that? That wouldn't be a problem if I was spending them flying, but I often have to sit still for hours when the patients are asleep and nothing happens. There's nothing wrong about that. But, on the other hoof, I am the night! I'll look stupid.

I stand in front of the door. I can still run away from there. But then I wouldn't be able to sleep for the whole day, thinking how I chickened out at the last moment. My bat pony pride would suffer even more than if I did what I want to do. Sighing, I push the door open.

The interior of the shop is warm and cozy. But for me it feels like a rat-infested dungeon of some ancient castle (my bat pony genes tell me that rats are actually quite tasty, but I definitely don't want to check that). I exhale, bracing myself for the worst.

"Good evening, madam," says the salespony. He smiles widely at me, so I smile back nervously. He's unfazed by my fangs. For a moment we just stand there, grinning like two idiots. Seriously, this is getting awkward.

"How can I help you?" he asks finally.

Upon hearing those five words I feel like the world collapses on my head. That's my moment of truth. I can't run away now... But if I reply to him, I'll lose a part of my identity. Other bat ponies will laugh at me. My mother will disown me...

"You're lucky, we were going to call it a day..." he says. I silence him with a frantic gesture. He probably sees my confusion. I take a step back. If he bursts into laughter, I'm gonna die of shame.

"Madam," he says. "There's nothing to be ashamed about. You're actually the third bat pony who came here this week..."

"What?" I look at him in disbelief. Really? Bat ponies... like me... here? Buying..."

"You're not the only one whose hooves get cold at night," he explains. "We just got a new delivery, so you can choose whatever you want..."

"Oh, I already know what I want..." I say, looking at the shelves. "Do you still have those cute socks with pink and violet stripes? I saw them on the display and I think they'll suit my mane..."

Comments

[Autumn Maize]

I don't think the lack of surprise at the ending harmed the story, but if the Mysterious Purchase was meant to be a surprise then the cover art spoils it. If it was meant to be a bit of a twist, you could probably get another image and embed the original cover art at the end instead.

[QPaysTaxes]

Heh.

[kudzuhaiku]

So you scare fillies, but not colts? That's sexist.

[Samey90]

4405311
I guess fillies taste better

[kudzuhaiku]

4405321

The chimera agrees. Filly fillets for everypony!

[benger]

I liked it. But I may be biased. Bat ponis are best ponis.

[hawthornbunny]

I feel so honoured! This is really sweet. I actually would love to see more of this. ^.^

[Evilhumour]

Congrats, you just got a watcher.

[theRedBrony]

Great little oneshot. Not a big reveal at the end, but who cares? Slice of life, baby.

[pvtread]

Not going to sugar coat this at all. THAT... WAS.. CUTE! faved, and liked.

[Prane]

It's a fun little read, thanks for sharing and have a like!

[Anonymous Pegasus]

I read this before it was in the feature box.

I'm hip!

Also, batponies are too adorable to be scary.

[Samey90]

4405885 4407055 4408016 4408045 4408143
Thanks
4408205
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/297/4/8/hipster_scootaloo_by_veggie55-d4du84w.png
Especially when they have socks...
4405336
Fantastic fried filly fillets

[Evilhumour]

4408577 welcome

[TheBronyWithaBlueBox]

Anything in socks is adorable. There is no contest, Even Sombra or Nightmare Moon

[NobleValor]

Cute story.

[Samey90]

4408785
Hmm, I've never seen Sombra in socks... *checks derpibooru, finds this:*
derpicdn.net/img/2013/3/3/261146/large.png

[TheBronyWithaBlueBox]

4409556 Oh God. I don't know if I should laugh or curl into a ball and cry

[TorontoFCBrony]

4409556 Oh good lord.

[The Rogue Wolf]

4409565 Y'know what? I'm gonna do both.

[Samey90]

4409627 4409597 4409565
Yeah, I think it's the best way...

[OMGbeta]

4409556 I looked at the picture and NOPED the fuck out of there.

[King X2]

4409556 Kinky.

[SpitFlame]

From that picture, you'd think it'd be a clopfic. Good thing it's not.

[Samey90]

4409908
Hmm, now I know why wanted to have so many slaves...

[Samey90]

4409953
Well, according to the description (of which I wasn't aware when I found this picture), she's a lewd partygirl...

But remember, it's only because the nights are cold...

[SPart]

we need more bat pony fanfictions

[Samey90]

4410730
Definitely

[Goffee]

Oh gawd I thought she was going to buy something else.

[PinkiePieFox]

the cuteness!!!!

[Weeping Angel]

WHY IS THIS NOT FEATURED ALREADY?!
This deserves to be featured so badly...

[The Ponytrician]

This is a very cute, enjoyable little story.
The paragraphs about her traditionalist mother and accent were very Pratchett-esque, and reminiscent of the Überwald League of Temperance (a.k.a. the Black Ribboners). Kudos! Have an up-vote!

A handful of minor grammar errors that I spotted:

but it's sometimes better when they fear of us.

The wording is a little awkward. Perhaps: "when they do fear us."?

Also, it makes great jokes.

should be: "Also, it makes for great jokes."

as good in trainspotting

Should be: "as good at trainspotting".

there are to few trains

should be: "there are too few trains".

but that's something

but it's something

Also...

"I like trains..."

[Fancy Fox]

4409556
*opens image*
Oh...oh my...umm... Closed please...
*clicks again*
Ohmygod it expanded.
Close.

[Samey90]

4411530
Baby steps... Though, on the other hand, she's a bat pony, I guess stallions queue to ask her out...
4411844
Thanks
4412473
It was featured yesterday, but only with mature content off. And it's still in the popular box.
4412830
Thanks It's fixed now.
Btw, I'm currently reading Monstrous Regiment, and generally, I'm a fan of Terry Pratchett.

Also:
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/235/b/6/our_special_talents_by_danielsplatter-d6jdmru.png

[Weeping Angel]

4414370
Yeah, I see it there all the time...
You're so good it has to be featured soon.

[GeneralLiberator]

How can you all possibly think of them as adorable?! Do you not understand the threat they pose?!
They are the terror in the night...
None can escape them...
Nothing is safe...
Not even...
YOUR VOLKSWAGON!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/629/438/59a.gif
GAZE UPON HER AND TREMBLE!

[Dan]

Really, I despise the idea that batponies drink blood.

It smacks of cruel Blood Libel.
th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2013/192/e/b/echo_the_bat_pony_8_by_zee66-d6d2d2g.png

[Aurora Dimmet]

4409556

I like how he's just all, "You know you like what you see."

[Samey90]

4418735
"I'm sexy and I know it"

4417611
It seems that it's her special talent... Though removing the hoof marks from the hood may be a problem.
Also, while watching the gif I was listening to that song:

The effect is quite funny...

[GeneralLiberator]

4418955 Ok, that fits in adorably too well.
Anything is better if you have the right background music.

[DicePony101]

That's Adorable!

[TheWriterYouNeverKnew]

Well, it seems bat ponies like socks... Good for them!

Good job, made me chuckle (not that it's a bad thing), needs a sequel though.

[Silver Nightshade]

4411530 I agree with you I was thinking of something else as well...we're bad ponies...

[Samey90]

4421551
I guess if it wasn't my story I'd think the same...

[Pyriel]

Oh! Now I understand the title! First World problem.

[Ether Echoes]

Not going to read this one, but the premise is that bat ponies are supposed to be scary. I can't think of any reason to think that they were scary before you brought the idea up, so I'm just going to say "Bat ponies, they're supposed to be scary, right?" and answer "No."

[Ron Jeremy Pony]

Okay, I'll be the first to admit that I liked the take on the Lunar Pegasi aka Bat Ponies aka Thestrals. Nice addition. I look to see more written, and possibly this mare (I'm assuming) and her world.

[LordBucket]

The image for this story ruins the joke. I suggest changing it to a bat pony without socks.

[Octavia Harmony]

4425291 I don't think so. I think the fact that it was there only made the end more surprising.

[Samey90]

4426235
4425291
I actually wanted to find another picture of this character, but there are exactly three of them, and one of them is a gif.