• Member Since 28th May, 2014
  • offline last seen Apr 12th, 2018

Shocks


time to get off this furry boat

E

Morning Breeze. A mare in the esteemed royal guard. Certainly not a rarity, but still it's an accomplishment nonetheless. She has served the night guard to the best of her ability, and though never personally standing guard around her princess, she takes great pride in her duty. So when she learns that she is to be reassigned to make way for the return of the Lunar guard, naturally, she is a bit upset. Especially considering the Lunar guard is made up of thestrals, bat ponies of ancient times that disappeared after the fall of Nightmare Moon. Her irritation at being replaced by, thestrals, of all creatures, has her frustrated. But a chance encounter in the halls of Canterlot castle may reveal more than what she perceives.


Update: Edited by Jphyper! Thanks!


Featured in Popular stories tab on 9/18/14! Thanks for all the faves guys!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 111 )

im going to get more pepole to view this

The power of Likes and Faves compels you! :flutterrage:

^^^My brain telling me what to do to this story.

The short description says "origonal".
That's quite an original spelling. :trollestia:

It also say "memebers".
There's a meme in there somewhere.

very nicely done

Hmmm, not a bad OC one shot.:moustache:

Well, I liked the story... but there are a few spelling/grammatical errors. Mostly missing apostrophes. I can point them out, if you'd like.

From the story description:

Her frustration at being replaced by, thestrals, of all creatures, has her frustrated.

Yes, one would think so.

This is one great story. It's definitely getting an upvote from me!

That being said, though, I have to say that despite how much I enjoyed it, the fact remains that your spelling and gramar are terrible. The last time I upvoted a story with such poor grammar, I became its proofreader. Still am, actually. And I'm way behind... Okay, I'm getting off topic. As I'm still getting over an illness, I'm in no condition to proofread this myself like I did that other story. Therefore, I'll give you some pointers on some particulars that bugged me.

When you say "ya", as in "yes", it's actually spelled "yeah". An ellipsis (string of several periods) always contains exactly three dots-- no more, no less. Then there's punctuation around the dialogue...

You know what? You should read the FiMFiction official writing guide (Click here). It'll explain everything.

You would hope that Luna would allow those of the former night guards into her ranks. If they were that dedicated to the night, they should be welcome.

5022996 5024262>>5023662 Thanks :twilightsmile:

5027259 I am frustrated with myself.


5027814 I'll take a second look:applejackconfused:

5027880

Agreed. Her "re-assignment" should've been revealed to be Morning Star being transferred to Lunas thestrals guard. Or something like that.

5028221 It would indeed make sense, but the author decided that not be the case. So we should roll with it.

Besides if that happened and the former night guard were allowed to stay, the plot of this short story would have been pointless.

5028329

Why -- She could run into Luna at some point and ASK. Astral could introduce her to Luna after her statement. Her Lt could bring it up when she goes to him/her. There are all kinds of ways that could play out.

Heck, even if it were the case of "well to be in my guard you would need to become a thestral" it would give Morning Breeze a major choice to make.

5028368 Well, maybe it's like, if she joined them then everypony else who was a former Night Guard would join them, and then Luna has more guards than Celestia, Celestia throws a hissy fit, summons the sun to set the castle on fire, eats a shitload of cake, gets unconTROLLable diarrhea or something, and everything goes tits up.

Well, maybe not THAT far, but something along those lines...

5028386

Do you really REALLY think the majority of the night guard (who probably comprise at most 1/5th the amount of thestrals coming in) would want to enter that situation?

As it was the night guard was MUCH smaller than the day guard.

5028438 Do you really REALLY think that two so-called powerful Alicorns who are heralded as goddesses really need guards at all?

Celestia, somepony's gonna stab you tonight!

No worries. All the fanfiction says that I'm pretty much indestructible and shit.

XD

5028438 Le gasp! Comment war!! Actually, you have a valid point, and it honestly didn't occur to Me. Though, I did feel hat Celestia would have supplement the night guard with the lunar because Luna had a better connection with thestrals than regular ponies. Also, this is happening around the time where Luna has barely come back, so no starry mane yet, and thus doesn't actually take part in the decision.

5028490

Actually, you know what would be the most likely and interesting way this one could continue...

Astral Gazer goes to Luna or his superior officer and expresses heartfelt concerns about the night guard being supplanted by them and if it is right that they are being summarily transferred with no option to join the thestrals in guarding the night.

That could be followed by Luna seriously thinking about the whole thing -- and eventually granting Morning Breeze a place in her lunar guard.

5028517 It's so crazy it just might work. :ajsmug:

Please please please second chapter
FOR THE SHIPPING SHALLN COMMENCE

5028001 Well, it's a new day, I'm feeling better, and I thought, "What the heck?" and despite what I said earlier, I went ahead and proofread it anyway. If you'd like, I can send you the corrected version via a personal message. You may have to reapply some of the formatting, though.

This is good but deserves more closure.

5028764 I think it is a great idea.

They could even use enchanted armor for the non-thestrals to look like them to keep the theme of the night guard. Like Celestia's guard is mostly white.

5030084 That's sounds good :pinkiehappy:

Dan

I :heart: batponies/threstals! Shame on the dickless bigots who spread blood libels about them!

5030725 Eh, I can personally go either way whether they suck blood, as long as they aren't portrayed as horrifying monsters. THAT makes me sick.

bat pones ain't called thestrals...

5022703 I didn't know pepole could read! The more you know (I guess?).

Good concept, but it feels like it could have been fleshed out more.

Eh, I came for the cover art...and as soon as I get it, I'll leave. Got a link Shockwave?

It's about a pegasus mare and a thestral stallion, but the cover art is a thestral mare?

When are the bat ponies going to get their own episode? :ajsleepy:

Although I typically cringe at stories that attempt to express the emotional significance of discrimination through ponies, this piece avoids all the usual pitfalls that cause such a reaction for me.

The dialogue is tightly sealed to the premise, remaining genuine like any normal conversation involving racial prejudice. Characters share the same trait.

If anything, genuineness is the key to what makes this story stand out for me. Fantastic presentation!

Shocks #38 · Sep 21st, 2014 · · 1 ·

Sequel? Up vote for yes and down vote for.. You get it :ajsmug:

5032727 Thanks!
5031948 I can't seem to find it:applejackconfused: Maybe deviantart?
5032351 Magic :trollestia:

MAKE A SEQUEL !! :flutterrage:

There now that it's out of the way, yeah I like it. It is interesting but now I think it would be nice to know where she was reasigned exactly and which tension can come out of this. After all the old night guard must quite numerous and they have to readapt to day time and everything that comes with it. We need to know ! Oh yeah and we need to ship the shit out of Astral and Morning Breeze (it's the internet after all). :pinkiehappy:

Even if I think that to fuse the two guards would have been a better idea but then the story would have been about something else. :derpytongue2:

5033526 Eh, I'll be back... I got to find that thing first.

5034887

Launching reverse image lookup protocol! - Found it! :pinkiehappy:

Commission - Penumbra

Nice story hope to see more soon

eh...

just another imma be proved wrong about my prejudice story...

I was expecting you'd mix it up given the high rating with something good but apparently not. people like reading samey crap I guess.

5036361
To be fair, Morning Breeze wasn't really prejudiced at all, aside from being a little freaked out by thestral appearances. She was just all kinds of angry and frustrated because they just sorta showed up shortly after Luna did, and took over the night guard duties by forming the Lunar Guard.

If any real complaint should be made, it's that the story and the resolution between the characters feels rather rushed. I personally would like to see a little more meat on this burgeoning relationship between these two.

Interesting but feels like it falls short a bit. I really wanted to see Morning Breezes situation resolved and reinstated in the night guard. It's not like it would be hard to pull off, it's unlikely the whole night guard has been swapped out especially when it would be getting rid of ponies with valuable experience.

Either way though, I enjoyed what's there. :twilightsmile:

Oh no, someone who's a flaiming racist realizes she's a racist and is all upset about it. Yeah, that doesn't really work like that. If you're a racist, you might be upset that people realize you are one, but you're not going to be upset about being one. After all, racists always justify their beliefs.

"Oh no, I've been a bigot! Whatever shall I doooooooo?" is not the refrain of the racist.

"Oh no, I've been caught out in my perfectly reasonable stance and people think I'm a bigot now! Whatever will I do? Oh, right, I'll give a fake apology and talk about how I've learned an important lesson," said just about every modern western public figure caught acting with bigotry. :trollestia:

5036945

the conflict is weak and hence the resolution is weak.

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