• Member Since 1st Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen August 20th

LegionPothIX


Discomfort is the feeling of horizons expanding against a closed mind.

E

It has been a little over a year since things began changing for Fluttershy, and much has happened in that time. It's feeding time in her cottage and Angel Bunny wears a reminiscent stare. Fluttershy is sure to wonder what could be on his mind, but could she ever really understand? He has his doubts.

That is because Angel Bunny is not a pony. None could deny his perspective may seem a bit strange to the ponies. However, just how strange is the question... since Angel is not a bunny either.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

Huh, I am enjoying this, but now I have the distinct desire to go look at pictures of that one island filled with cute fluffy bunnies. The one island that once was the workplace of chemical weapons.

Tenshi wa Usagi would mean "The angel is a rabbit" (more or less, it lacks the copula, so it's kind of more like "The Angel: A Rabbit"). I think you want Usagi no Tenshi (which can mean either Angel of Rabbits or Angel the Rabbit but in context it's obvious).

BTW, the character "ha", when used as the particle that indicates the subject, is pronounced "wa" in modern Japanese, even though it is "ha" when it appears anywhere else.

5115488 I had played around with this back and forth, but my Japanese is somewhat limited. In editing it felt like a statement of possession when I put in the の, so I just flipped a coin. I'm glad to have gotten a second opinion though, so I've made the change. As for the Romanji of は as ha instead of wa, yeah, that was a simple oversight on my part.

I had to read it twice, but this is a very good story. Chock-full of grammatical errors, though, and I don't mean the deliberate ones.

5148370 I'll return this story for a fresh coat of punctuation sometime after midterms week to ensure I didn't miss any ancillary punctuation.
I assume that's what you meant since no words were used incorrectly. That's usually what people mean when they say grammar, though that's not what "grammar" is (exclusively). The term "grammar" is frequently used incorrectly itself, and you provided no context for the usage of the term.

I did want to point out that the use of a comma to create a pause, and imply emphasis, is a part of phonology (which itself is a subset of grammar). I mention this because it's usually what readers pick up on (the extra punctuation for emphasis control). Emphasis being, by definition, a liberty of the author. So, you're going to need to be more explicit when you say: "grammatical errors".
That is, if you mean to convey anything meaningful with your feedback.

Personally I always get confused when people say I've made an error, somewhere, that by definition is not an error. Especially when they say I've done this intentionally. It is always my hope that, as an author, any additions to my story I've made--that are not wrong--were made intentionally.

Comment posted by Bad Horse deleted Jun 14th, 2015
Comment posted by LegionPothIX deleted Jun 14th, 2015
Comment posted by Bad Horse deleted Jun 14th, 2015
Comment posted by Bad Horse deleted Jun 14th, 2015
Comment posted by LegionPothIX deleted Jun 14th, 2015

This is a very interesting story I have read here. Its refreshing and I really like it :pinkiehappy:

I feel like it's a poem of time.
Each little paragraph written emphasizing a new life or a new perspective. New changes, new looks on life.

Neat!
I'm a little confused so i'll give it another read through later to see what I didn't understand at first but otherwise this was a nice story.
Thanks!

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