Friday Night

This story is a sequel to Hay Fever

Friday night is finally here for Discord and Fluttershy. He's taking her on a picnic on a hill with the perfect view of the Sunrise of the summer sun celebration. Angel wants to get back at Discord for ruining his plans for Fluttershy. Will this devious little so called Angel ruin Discord's date?

Note: Rated "T" so I don't give the younger one any ideas!

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alarajrogers

alarajrogers #1 · Jul 27th, 2015 · 1 · 2 ·

While this is cute, it hits one of my pet peeves really hard. Also, you keep misspelling Angel as Angle.

The pet peeve is this: Equestria does not demonstrate the kind of distinction between "friend" and "special someone" (somepony in their case) that is common here on Earth. Discord is delighted to be friends with Fluttershy; he has never shown any evidence of being unhappy with it, because friend on Equestria does not mean "not lover", it means just what it sounds like -- someone who cares about you and likes being with you. Here, we have the whole "just a friend" construct, but judging from the fact that Twilight called Flash Sentry a friend even though we know she's attracted to him in EQG 2, and judging from how arch Lyra and Bon-Bon were about calling each other friends in the Slice of Life episode... friend doesn't mean "someone who I will never have romantic feelings for". It in itself represents one of the highest states of emotional aspiration, the thing the whole society runs on.

So it doesn't make sense that Discord would feel hurt by Fluttershy calling him a friend, because it doesn't mean what it means on Earth. Discord is happy that Fluttershy considers him a friend, and if he has a crush on her, it probably still gives him the warm fuzzies when she calls him friend, because it means she cares, and more importantly, unlike on Earth, it doesn't mean she isn't attracted to him. (It doesn't mean she is, either, it just says nothing about it.) When you have Discord upset that Fluttershy called him a friend, when her friendship was the reason he reformed, it slams my suspension of disbelief down to the ground and kicks it a few times for good measure, because that's not Equestrian culture (and as weird as he is, Discord will assume things based on Equestrian culture rather than ours. He's not an Earth human; he's much closer to being a pony than he is to being an Earth human.)

So I think this would be a better story if you took that reference out, or if you changed it to a more complex emotion where he feels happiness and warm fuzzies that she's calling him a friend, and wistfulness because he wonders/hopes if it might turn into more.

Sapphire One

Sapphire One #2 · Jul 27th, 2015 · · ·

6252137 Sorry, but my editor got slightly delayed so I made the decision of posting it anyways. I always update it after it's been on the site for a little bit. Also , I need to figure out how to add it, but you probably needed to read "Hay Fever" if you haven't already. And I'll take your advise into consideration. And you, by the way, hit my biggest pet peeve: One of these long explanation on grammar. No offence, but I don't think anybody's grammar is perfect but I'm just starting out in jr. High. My grammar will always be just a bit off. I thought I went through and fixed all the Angle to Angels but I guess I missed some. I will get the misspelling and stuff in check.

alarajrogers

alarajrogers #3 · Jul 27th, 2015 · · ·

6252674
I didn't give you a long explanation on grammar; I mentioned spelling. Once. Didn't mention grammar at all. And the main reason I pointed it out was that it was egregious; half the times he was mentioned he was spelled wrong, and he's a main character. I don't point out grammar or spelling mistakes unless they happen so often they damage the story.

I did read Hay Fever, by the way. It was cute, though you mentioning that this is literally the first time Discord has ever been sick threw me off; the ending of "Three's A Crowd" had him getting genuinely sick, not faking any more, and being cared for by Fluttershy.

Sapphire One

Sapphire One #4 · Jul 27th, 2015 · · ·

6252685 I usually don't base my short stories off the show. I thought I added an alternate universe tag. And Sorry, I think I must have been thing of another thing. And this is Fan Fiction. You have your own world to make stories in. I have like my own whelm. Sure I watch the show, but I like putting an extra twist in things. I made it so that being sick would be like a first time experience.

Conred